By Frenzy I Ruin: Chapter 42

My mouth parted in surprise upon seeing Dad’s face when I entered the kitchen. He sat at the kitchen table and was sipping his coffee with a swollen lower lip. A bruise bloomed on his temple and his stiff movements suggested he had more injuries.

Mom’s annoyed expression told me she wasn’t impressed.

“Do you need me to check your injuries?” I asked, ready to hand Battista over to Mom.

“I’m fine,” Dad said.

“Sure.” I grabbed a pot of coffee for me and sank down beside Mom. “Let me guess, you met Nevio. Is he alright?”

Dad shook his head with a scowl. “Glad you’re concerned about his health.”

“I’m concerned about yours too, but I can see you’re not seriously injured.”

Dad’s mood lifted obviously. “So you think I kicked his ass?”

I doubted Dad could beat Nevio in a fight, but I kept my thoughts to myself.

Mom huffed and set down her cup with force. “Alessio and Massimo had to separate them.”

“You don’t need to punish Nevio on my behalf, Dad. I can handle him, okay?”

I took a few pancakes from the stack in the middle and put one on Battista’s plate with some fresh berries and yogurt.

“Can I kick his ass too?” Davide asked from the doorway where I hadn’t noticed him before. He had begun styling his blond hair with gel, which always made him late for everything.

“He’ll wipe the floor with you,” I muttered.

“She’s right. You still need to improve your fighting skills if you want to be a match for Nevio,” Dad said.

Mom sighed. “Can we not talk about violence at the breakfast table?”

Dad and Fabiano exchanged a look. They’d probably go to the gym for fight training later. Dad probably should have taken the day off, considering his injuries, but it would have been futile to tell him that.

I didn’t have to work today, so I wanted to enjoy the warm weather at the pool. After breakfast, I changed into a bikini, then covered myself with a pink beach dress before I dressed Battista in his cute shark swim trunks and headed out.

Battista’s hand in mine, I went over to the pool—he loved our almost daily swims—but I froze when I saw Nevio, Alessio, and Massimo in the water. I let out a small sigh. If I turned on my heel now and returned inside like I wanted to do to avoid Nevio, Battista would throw a fit. He was currently discovering his emotions and had tantrums over the smallest things, like a banana cut the wrong way or picking the wrong color for his spoon. Canceling our swim would equal a screaming rage.

Squaring my shoulders, I kept on walking to the pool. I wouldn’t allow Nevio’s return to mess up my life. It had taken considerable effort to build up a routine and figure out my life when he left me with his child.

His back was to me, presenting the twisted Joker smile that still gave me the creeps. His tally list hadn’t grown, which surprised me. From what I’d read in the news about the mob wars in Italy and what I’d overheard Dad and the Falcones discuss, the death toll had been great. I didn’t believe for one second that Nevio hadn’t been responsible for quite a few of those kills himself. Maybe he’d waited to be back home so Nino could ink him. Eventually, the space on his back would run out, though.

Massimo nudged his chin in my direction and said something to Nevio, who turned halfway.

His expression was hard to read, almost anxious. It wasn’t a look you saw often on his face. Alessio clapped Nevio’s shoulder, and they both left. I almost called for them to return. Had I looked like I wanted alone time with Nevio?

It was too late. They were already on their way to the mansion. I gave Nevio a tight smile and focused on putting water wings on Battista. I stayed in my beach dress for the time being, not wanting to expose myself in front of Nevio. He’d seen it all. Hell, he’d been inside me with his fingers, tongue, cock, and even knife. Still, he felt like a stranger after our time apart. I had changed, and from the little glimpses of him that I’d gotten, he had too. I wasn’t sure yet if it was for the better.

I set Battista down, and he stormed toward the shallow part of the pool to play with his toys. Nevio headed over to me. “I can go into the pool with Battista if you want to sunbathe for a bit.”

My attention was on the tattoo on his chest, and he allowed me to get a good look as he waited in front of me silently. It took me a while to figure out what I was seeing, and even then, I still had trouble believing it. The northern lights. Aurora borealis.

My heart picked up its pace, and my throat became tight, unwanted reactions I wanted to suppress.

Nevio followed my gaze, then tilted his head up to regard me with intensity. “You know what that is?”

“A beautiful phenomenon?” I didn’t want to consider why he’d tattooed said phenomenon I was named after on his chest.

“I couldn’t have said it better,” he said in a low voice that raised goose bumps all over my body.

“Did you visit them while you spend time abroad?” My voice was strangely scratchy. Nevio wasn’t the type to get tattoos of pretty travel destinations.

He shook his head, his intense gaze still on me. “No. And if I ever do, the woman who inspired this tattoo will be with me.”

“Maybe I’ll meet her one day,” I said.

He smiled strangely and moved even closer. My eyes darted to Battista, who sat on his bum and played calmly. Why couldn’t he cause trouble when I needed him to?

“You know this tattoo represents you,” he said. He was close enough that I could have touched the vibrant swirls of the northern lights on his chest. The tattoo on his chest was even more beautiful this close-up. I’d never seen a more beautiful color scheme for the lights before. Then my eyes caught on something on his wrist, a red B tattoo. I swallowed hard.

He turned his arm, showing me the tattoo. “Once I know Battista better, I want to add details representing him.”

I swallowed. “It’s not as easy as getting a tattoo. You ran because you were scared of the responsibility. Now you have to prove yourself.”

“I wasn’t scared of the responsibilities, Rory. I was fucking scared of myself, or what I was capable of.”

I searched his face. Everything about him was honest. “Then running away didn’t really make sense, did it? You can’t run away from yourself, and looking at the headlines in Italy, you kept going there where you left off here.”

“I knew I couldn’t run from myself. That wasn’t the point.”

“What was it then?” I had trouble keeping my voice down and even. I didn’t want Battista to pick up on the tension between his father and me.

“The point was that I left the people behind that I wanted to protect from myself. I didn’t care about the collateral damage I left behind in Campania.”

“So killing more people without any responsibilities in Campania made you change?” I asked doubtfully. It seemed he’d fed his demons, not starved them.

He shook his head slowly and tugged down his swim trunks a few inches. I tensed. “I just wanted to show you something.”

I remained wary until two angry red, round scars beside his hip bone and over his pubic bone came into view.

“Almost dying changed me. I was hit by two bullets about a month ago. They got me good, and I almost bled out before I reached the hospital.”

“How come your father didn’t tell anyone?” Or did they just keep it from me?

“He doesn’t know. Nobody does. Alvize was too scared of Dad’s reaction, so he was happy to keep it a secret when I asked him. When I lay there in my own blood, I realized that I’d missed so many opportunities, not to kill and torture, but to spend time with you and Battista, to show you what you mean to me, and I realized I needed to go home to you and my family.”

I licked my lips nervously. His words hit me right in the feels, but I didn’t want to dissolve into an emotional puddle.

Nevio pointed at the lights tattoo then at the B. “I didn’t get these tattoos to impress you and make you forgive me. I got them because they were my only way to take you and Battista with me safely. To remind me of why I was trying to get my demons under control.”

Battista waited beside the pool, watching us expectantly. I was glad for his presence, for the distraction it offered, because part of me wanted to sink into Nevio’s strong arms for his words.

Nevio leaned closer. “If I could have tattooed you onto my heart, I would have done it. I would have cut open my own rib cage so the tattooist could reach it,” he murmured, then pulled back and moved over to Battista, leaving me there to catch my breath.

“Do you need my help with the water wings, buddy?” Nevio asked as he squatted beside Battista, who sent me a questioning look. He’d removed his water wings as he often did. I gave him a smile then nodded, and he handed Nevio his water wings in reply. I turned my back on them, trying to calm my racing heart.

I didn’t have any tattoos of Nevio or Battista on my skin, but I carried them with me anyway.

“I’ll catch you, don’t worry,” Nevio said, followed by a loud splash and Battista’s high-pitched laughter.

I glanced over my shoulder. I never allowed Battista to jump into the pool. All the men in the Falcone and Scuderi household always joked I was hovering too much like a mother hen. My first instinct was to say something to Nevio, to make my standpoint on water safety clear, but Battista was his son, and if he really wanted to step up and be a real dad, I needed to give him room to do so.

I sank down on the sun lounger and watched them play wildly in the water. They seemed to enjoy the same boisterous activities.

Nevio’s words kept replaying in my head. I’d sworn I wouldn’t forgive him. But thinking about how he’d almost died, my throat felt tight. I didn’t want to live without him. That didn’t mean I would forgive him easily, but I would give him a chance to prove himself one last time.

Patience wasn’t my strong suit, and it would never be. I burned up with desire for Aurora, wanted nothing more than to bury myself in her again, but she wanted to see if I was really willing to commit, and jumping her like a randy teenager even if I felt like one, wouldn’t get the right message across. I’d just have to live with my blue balls for a while longer.

I allowed her a few days to come to terms with my return and used the time to resume my position in the Camorra, and prove to Dad that I was up for whatever task he had in mind for me. I spent time with Battista every day, first under Aurora’s watchful eyes—she obviously didn’t trust me with him yet, but today I got the chance to be with him on my own for the first time. Aurora had to work in our hospital, where she’d started her training as a nurse. I was glad she had chosen to stay within our world and not start college for a nursing degree.

“Are you sure you’ll be fine?” she’d asked around a half dozen times before she’d finally left me with Battista.

I was nervous. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have experience being around small children. I’d watched my nieces Luna and Caterina, and my brother Giulio as toddlers all the time, but I’d never babysat them. I suppose Mom and Dad, and Savio and Gemma had never considered me a valid option. Not that I had ever wanted to be a babysitter. And now I sat on the floor beside my almost eighteen-months-old son and played with toy fire trucks and tractors.

I staged a crash between two tractors with plenty of sound effects, causing Battista to giggle before he became serious as he rolled the fire trucks toward the crash scene.

“Have you ever ridden in a fire truck?” I asked.

Battista looked up from the toy cars curiously. I wasn’t sure if he understood what I meant. He was probably still too young to get it. “Do you want to ride in a fire truck?” I asked instead.

He nodded enthusiastically. That was enough for me, even if I still wasn’t sure he got what I meant.

I pulled out my phone and called the fire department. At first, they thought I was a prank caller. I had to repeat my name several times before I was told I could come over. I stood and held out my hand. “Come on, let’s go ride a fire truck.”

Battista looked up from his toys then he stumbled to his feet, one truck under his arm.

I grabbed my car keys on the way out, then paused because I almost forgot the child seat. After I’d taken the child seat from Mom’s car and put it in mine, Battista and I could finally head out.

We were on the road for fifteen minutes when Battista signaled that he was hungry and thirsty. Of course, I hadn’t packed anything. I hadn’t even thought of packing his diaper bag. Grimacing, I headed toward Whole Foods because that was what Aurora would have wanted, so I bought Battista some watermelon, fruit pouches, a bottle of water, and a cheese sandwich.

Ten minutes later, Battista was satisfied, and his clothes ruined with watermelon juice, blackberry stains, and bread crumbs. Half of the water had soaked my shirt too. “All right. I suppose we need to go clothes shopping.”

I sent Aurora a photo of Battista and asked where I could buy clothes for him.

She called immediately. “Is that blood?”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s watermelon and blackberry.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding embarrassed.

“I know I’ve been a horrible father so far but do you really think I’d get Battista covered in blood the first time I watch him alone?”

She cleared her throat. “There are spare clothes in his diaper bag. And why aren’t you home?”

The worry in her voice was unmistakable. “I forgot the bag, and we’re heading to the fire department to watch and ride the fire trucks.”

Silence on the other end. I could imagine the concern on Aurora’s face. I supposed that wasn’t something she would have done with Battista. “Well, then you’ll have to buy clothes I suppose, also a sun cap, sun screen, diapers, rash cream…” She trailed off. “The sirens might be too loud for Battista so they can’t turn them on.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“His ears are sensitive.”

“All right, Rory. I’ll make sure Battista will be in one piece when you come home tonight. Don’t worry.”

“Nevio, do you really think that’s a good idea. You could go to a playground with him. There’s one—”

“It’ll be fine,” I said, then hung up. Rory needed to see that I didn’t do things like her but that I could still do them well.

After a quick visit to two more shops to buy everything Rory had said plus ear protectors, Battista and I finally arrived in front of the fire department.

“We’re here, buddy,” I said, turning around in my seat, only to find Battista fast asleep. A glance at the clock in my dashboard showed it was his nap time.

I put my head against the backrest with a chuckle. My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was Mom. Before she could say anything, I said, “Has Aurora set you up to this? Battista is fine.”

Mom let out a laugh. “Okay. But if you need anything, call me.”

“I’ll be fine!” I muttered. Fuck. Next Dad would probably show up here to help.

“Have fun,” Mom said with a hint of amusement.

I grabbed a fruit pouch and emptied it then ate the second half of Battista’s sandwich. I’d forgotten to grab food for myself.

“Wow,” from the back seat made me turn around. Battista stared out of the window at the fire department with huge eyes. Two fire trucks were parked in the huge entry.

I got out and grabbed Battista. One of the fire fighters was an illegitimate son of a Camorrista. He was the one who showed Battista and me the fire truck. I took a few photos of Battista behind the steering wheel, then sent them to Aurora, before we headed out with the truck with blaring sirens. Battista sat on my lap and clapped excitedly.

Thanks to the ear protectors, Battista could listen to the sirens safely and had the time of his young life. And I had to admit, I had fun too. I’d thought spending time with a young kid would be boring as fuck but there were lots of fun things to do, and seeing him so excited was a bonus. I sent Aurora a video of Battista screaming in delight as we drove around with the sirens.

She sent back a thumbs-up smiley, which was a fucking let down. Maybe she still disapproved of me doing this, but I wasn’t going to do boring ass shit all of a sudden. This was my kid and if he was anything like me, he’d soon want to do crazy stuff like riding fire trucks on a whim.

When we returned home in the later afternoon after a quick stop at Shake Shack to grab a burger and some fries, Battista looked ready to fall asleep. And I felt tired too.

“Don’t tell your mom about the fries,” I told Battista with a wink when I picked him up. Though, considering he smelled as if he’d fallen into a bucket full of fries, it would be difficult to keep it a secret. I didn’t dare giving him a bath without help.

Mom sat in the common room at the sewing machine. She’d taken up sewing a couple of years back after Gemma had shown her how to do it, and now she sewed most of her dresses herself, and sometimes did custom pieces for the women in our family.

She held up a onesie with small fire trucks all over it.

Battista rushed over to her with a big grin and she hugged him tightly. “I smell fries.”

I shook my head. “Can you help me bathe him before Aurora returns?”

“She won’t be mad that you gave him fast food.”

“At the moment she likes to be mad at me,” I said.

Mom didn’t say anything but her expression told me she was on Aurora’s side in this. But she helped me give Battista a quick bathe before I settled on my bed with Battista to read him a book.

I wanted to show Aurora that I was ready to take responsibility, and I felt like I had done that today even if she didn’t approve of my methods. Fuck, I hoped Aurora would see it too.