By Frenzy I Ruin: Chapter 25

I’d barely slept and hadn’t had time to get dressed yet when Nevio showed up at the apartment the following morning. I was too exhausted to care that I was only in panties and a tank, the clothes I’d changed into in the middle of the night after Battista had spit up on me. Battista had fallen back asleep around six thirty, three hours after waking me with his spit up. Unfortunately, my body refused to do the same and catch up on sleep.

I was on my second coffee but felt no closer to being ready for the day. A direct caffeine infusion was probably my only chance to survive the day at this point. Carlotta had already left for a doctor’s appointment. Because of her heart, she had them regularly.

After making sure Nevio was in front of the door, I opened it for him but stayed hidden behind the door, not wanting to be caught on camera in my half-dressed state.

Nevio scanned me from head to toe when he entered the apartment. I was too tired to feel embarrassed. Nevio looked as if he hadn’t had much sleep that night either, though I suspected for very different reasons. Annoyance filled me when I imagined how he’d probably enjoyed himself with Massimo and Alessio.

Nevio raised a paper bag with the name of one of my favorite donut shops on it. “I got breakfast.”

The donut shop wasn’t on the way from the mansion to the apartment. I wondered if that meant Nevio had slept somewhere else or if he’d gone out of his way to get me breakfast. I didn’t ask. Maybe it was for the best if I didn’t know. I didn’t have enough energy for a possible argument.

I nodded and trudged back into the kitchen, where I’d left my coffee. I sank down at the kitchen table, cradled my coffee cup, and tried not to let my anger suck what little energy I still had from my body.

“Rough night?” Nevio asked as he set the bag down on the table in front of me.

I glared. “What about you?”

Nevio opened the paper bag and showed me the selection of six donuts he’d brought, then sank down across from me. “I had to let off some steam.”

I slammed my coffee cup down on the tabletop. “So that’s how it’s going to be? I’ll watch your son so you don’t have to, and I’ll stay single for the rest of my life so you won’t feel the need to kill anyone, and you keep living your best life sleeping around with girls and killing people for fun.”

Nevio stared at the spilled coffee, then up at my face. “I haven’t slept with a girl since I visited you in New York. I tried after our night at the party, but like I said, you are stuck in my head, and I have a feeling it’ll be impossible to get you out.”

Surprise shot through me, but I didn’t allow my initial response to show. I was still suspicious, and Nevio needed to know that. “You haven’t been with any girls for three months?”

“It’s only me and my hand.”

I stared at his hand and of course flushed thinking about how he was touching himself. Was he thinking of me when he did? He’d mentioned it once, but it was still hard to believe. After years of yearning, he was suddenly into me.

I got up, trying not to let my tired mind run rampant. I needed to stay calm and in control. Grabbing a dish towel, I wiped up the coffee stain to buy some time.

When I sat back down, I felt calmer. “Why? What do you want from me? A relationship obviously not.”

Nevio tilted his head, letting his gaze wander over my face. I couldn’t imagine that I was an enticing sight right now. “Fuck if I knew. Maybe even a relationship. But I’m not relationship material.”

I shook my head. “So you think stalking me for months and threatening everyone who looks at me is a good way to win me over?”

“Do I need to win you over?”

I glared. “Maybe I had a crush on you, but what happened between us was a major eye-opener. Not to mention that you having a kid and not wanting to own up to it is another sign that you’re just not ready to commit to anything.”

“My brain’s a train wreck, Rory. Sometimes I feel like you might be the only one who can stop me from going off the rails. Sometimes I’m sure it’s inevitable, and I’ll just overrun you in the process.”

My throat clogged up. He thought I had this power over him? I didn’t want to let his words lure me in. I sighed. “Maybe you took too many drugs at the parties, and now your brain’s not functioning properly.”

“Trust me, my brain wasn’t an orderly place long before I had my first glass of alcohol or smoked marijuana.”

“I don’t want to be your stopgap, the one you run to when you’re desperate. I want to be in a real relationship, with commitment and honest emotions, with someone who’s reliable and responsible.”

Nevio shook his head. “Those are not attributes anyone in their right mind would associate with me.”

I glared down at my coffee. “But it’s what I want.”

“Then you really chose the wrong guy, Rory. You’ve known me all my life.”

“Yeah.” He had a valid point. I’d fallen in love with the Nevio I knew, but was he someone I could really see myself dating the way he acted now? “It’s called growing up,” I said eventually.

“What do you want, Rory?”

That was a loaded question. I got up and refilled my cup to gather my thoughts.

“I want you to take care of Battista like a father and stop playing games with me. I want you to be serious about us. I want you to spend time with me without trying to get into my pants constantly and without the crazy stalking.”

I heard the scratching of Nevio’s chair as he got up and moved toward me. He grabbed the counter on either side of my hips. “I’m serious about you. But I still want to get in your pants, and I sure as fuck won’t stop the stalking if it means keeping other guys away from you.” His smile was twisted. “I’m still me, still a Made Man and a bloodthirsty killer, Rory, and that won’t change. Falling for someone like that comes with a price, and you should know that.”

He brought our faces closer. “And stop pretending it’s only me who wants to get in your pants. What’s so wrong about enjoying each other while we get serious?”

Nevio’s hand stroked over my shoulder and collarbone, then lower until his fingers slipped under the hem of my tank, shoving it down in the process. My skin heated when my breast popped out, and his fingers cupped my nipple. A heavy feeling settled in my core, warm and wet. Nevio kept tugging my nipple, and I just looked at him as my breath became faster. He leaned down, his lips sliding over mine as his hand trailed over my belly. My pussy clenched as he got closer, eager for a touch I’d dreamed about countless times.

Battista’s cry burst through my bubble. I tensed and quickly set down my cup, then pushed Nevio’s chest. He stepped back with a look of frustration on his face.

I was relieved for this dose of reality and rushed over to my bedroom where Battista’s crying only grew in volume.

“Fuck,” I gritted out. I grabbed the counter tightly. Aurora had fled as if the devil were after her. She wanted emotions. I wanted her to realize that I could not give her the emotions she desired. Or maybe I hoped to hide this fact from her because I fucking couldn’t imagine losing her right now. She was trying to pull away, and I wasn’t letting her. An asshole move. And exactly my style.

I drew in a deep breath and pushed away from the counter, trying to eliminate the lingering tension in my body.

Aurora returned to the kitchen with Battista. I still couldn’t process that he was mine. I barely had control over my own life, so I definitely wasn’t equipped to take care of a helpless kid.

Aurora walked over to me, but she pointedly avoided my eyes. From the firm set of her mouth, I could tell she was annoyed, and I doubted it was at Battista.

“Here, how about you hold him for a bit?” she asked, holding the kid out to me.

Battista didn’t look convinced, and neither was I.

“Nevio,” she said in exasperation when I made no move to take him from her. “I agreed to help you, but that means you have to do something too.” I finally took him and held him in my arms. Of course, he started crying. What a fucking surprise. I immediately held him out to Aurora, but she shook her head. “Talk to him. Try to show him that you aren’t a danger, that you care about him.”

How was I supposed to do that, when neither was true? I was a danger to everyone and I didn’t know the kid. I hadn’t magically developed any fatherly emotions only because he shared blood with me.

Aurora let out a sigh and took him from me. She frowned at me. She didn’t look angry, only disappointed. I would have preferred her anger. “If this is you trying, then we really have a problem, and you need to talk to your parents sooner than later. And I really think you should only come over when Carlotta is here in the future.”

Ouch. I nodded slowly. “I told you so.”

“I think the problem is that you’re telling yourself that you can’t do it, when you simply don’t want to.”

I could see and feel Aurora pull back from me, but it was like we were connected by an invisible rope, and the more she tried to pull away, the more I wanted to drag her back to me. “Fuck, I’m trying, Rory. This isn’t easy for me either. I haven’t slept with anyone in months. I’m here with you and Battista when I should probably grab some sleep. Give me some time.”

She sighed. “Okay. Then let’s all have breakfast together.”

I nodded and sank back down at the table. Aurora put Battista in his high chair before preparing his morning meal. Battista eyed the colorful donuts with interest. I pushed them over to them. His eyes widened, and he snatched up the pink one closest to him and squeezed it tightly until the filling shot out. He slammed his palm down on the white cream with a giggle and brought it to his mouth. His eyes grew even wider when he tasted the sugary filling, and he began to lick it off his hands eagerly.

Aurora raised her eyebrows. “I suppose keeping sugar off his meal plan is a fail.”

Aurora’s phone beeped. My eyes immediately checked who had messaged her. Of course, Aurora noticed and sent me a glare. It was from her mother.

Aurora scanned the message with a frown. “Mom asks me to come over for dinner tonight. Apparently, a big Falcone-Scuderi feast is planned. Kiara went all out.”

She and I both glanced at Battista. “Carlotta can watch him, right?”

Aurora nodded, but her hesitation was plain on her face. “I have to ask her. I can’t just expect her to babysit whenever something comes up.” She bit her lip. “Tonight would be a good chance to tell your family.”

“No,” I said immediately. “I’m not going to tell them before I have figured it out myself. This isn’t just any news. It’s a huge mindfuck of news.”

When I returned to the mansion afterward, I felt erratic, as if last night’s raid hadn’t happened. Maybe I could convince Massimo and Alessio to go on another hunt with me tonight.

Mom sat on the couch, reading a magazine when I entered the common area. I headed over to her and plopped down. She put away her magazine. That was Mom. She always made time for us, no matter how annoying we were. Her blue eyes scanned my face, and her brows crinkled in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Sure,” I lied casually. “Not enough sleep, that’s all.”

Mom never asked about the details of my nightly hunts. The only time she’d been witness to my depravity had been on my twelfth birthday when she’d walked in on me torturing a guy who Dad had given me as a present. She knew what I was. She tried to pretend I wasn’t.

“I love you no matter what. You know that, don’t you?”

I gave a terse nod. Mom made a habit out of loving monsters. “It’s because I’m your child. You have no choice.”

Mom’s frown deepened. “That’s nonsense. I love you for who you are, for the man I know you’ll become.”

“Mom, you should lower your expectations if you don’t want to be disappointed.” I could tell she was going to argue with me, so I changed the topic. “Did you think Dad would be a good father? Or did you worry he’d mess up because of what he is?”

“I worried, but I shouldn’t have. He’s a good father.”

I nodded. He was. Maybe not in the conventional sense. My twelfth birthday present would probably be frowned upon by most people.

Mom watched me closely, worry clear on her face. She often worried about me.

“I can tell something is up.”

I considered telling her for a second, but instead, I patted her hand and rose to my feet.

Savio sauntered toward me. “My favorite psychopath.” He clapped my shoulder. “And the reason I’m happy being a girl dad.”

“I’m sure you’ll change your mind once they start dating.”

“They won’t. I’ll shoot whoever goes near them. I hear you’re trying to get Fabiano to do the same to you?” Mirth and curiosity danced in his brown eyes.

“Aurora and I are friends.”

“So were Gemma and I.”

“I don’t have a bull in my pants,” I said with a smirk.

“Only a tally list on your back.”

“And it’s growing.”

Savio rolled his eyes. “Your dad wants to talk to you in his office.”

I grinned. “Am I in trouble?”

“Were you ever not?” He clapped my shoulder, then sauntered off again.

Dad and I had been avoiding each other as well as possible. He was probably worried he’d strangle me if we spent too much time together. And me? Maybe I avoided him because seeing his disappointment reminded me that I was crossing lines that even I shouldn’t cross.

That he wanted to talk to me could only mean I had messed up again. What if Battista’s mother had informed my family about his existence?

I knew Rory wouldn’t have done it. She was pissed, disappointed, and desperate to hate me, but she was also loyal to a fault. I trusted her.

Dad was pummeling his boxing sack when I stepped into his office. Fabiano and Nino were there too. The wary look on Fabiano’s face told me he didn’t know what had happened between his daughter and me.

“Fabiano checked the security footage of the apartment complex and saw you visiting last night and again this morning.”

I shrugged. “I would have understood a meeting if I’d stayed the night, but as you said, I left last night and came back this morning.”

Dad sent me a warning look. “This isn’t funny.”

“What were you doing at Aurora’s place?” Fabiano asked tightly.

“We had pizza together, Aurora, and me. That’s what friends do.”

Fabiano narrowed his eyes. “That’s what normal people do. That’s not something you usually do. Where were Alessio and Massimo?”

“We eat pizza all the time. I wasn’t made aware that psychopaths are banned from enjoying pepperoni and cheese on a carb base.”

Fabiano pushed to his feet. I could tell he wanted to hit me.

“And Alessio, Massimo, and I don’t spend every second of the day together. We went on a raid last night, so we had enough .”

“This is all bullshit,” Fabiano muttered. “When I called Aurora this morning, she confirmed the pizza-friends story.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Then I don’t see the problem.”

“Because Aurora wouldn’t tell on you. I know you followed her to New York and to the race circuit. I don’t know what you want from her. What I know is that Aurora is a good girl with a big heart, and you should stay away from her. Destroy someone else’s life, not my daughter’s.”

Neither Dad nor Nino came to my defense, and honestly they had no reason to do so.

“Why do I have to be the villain in this? Maybe I’m the good guy for once. Maybe I try to protect Aurora to prevent a repeat performance of what happened to Greta.”

Regret passed Dad’s expression. I got it. I too blamed myself for the night of Greta’s attack. She should have been protected. If either Dad or I had been present, this wouldn’t have happened.

“I’m responsible for her protection, and rest assured that when I think you’re a danger, I won’t hesitate to protect her from you no matter the cost.”

“Nevio only wants to be a good friend for Aurora. She’s like family for him,” Dad said firmly, his eyes on me.

Fabiano released a long breath and nodded slowly. With a last warning look, he left. Dad shook his head, the harsh lines around his mouth telling me this conversation was far from over.

“Because of you, I have to lie to Fabiano,” Dad finally gritted out.

“I never asked you to. You’re not doing it for me. You’re doing it to keep peace between Fabiano and our family.”

“He would kill you if he knew the truth,” Nino said. Dad seemed to struggle with his rage.

“He would try and not succeed.”

Dad shoved to his feet. “There was a death fight between our families once, dammit. I swore to never let it come this far again. Don’t you have any lines you wouldn’t cross?”

“I wouldn’t attack him. I’d only defend myself.”

Dad stalked toward me. “You need to learn control. You’re going to put everything to ruins if you don’t. Is that what you want?”

I didn’t say anything. Ruins were more fun to play in, but I didn’t want to hurt our family.

“I’m like you, Dad. I don’t know why you’re surprised.”

“When I was your age, I had been to war for our territory.”

“You make it sound as if that’s a bad thing. You could unleash your inner demons for years. I would have loved to be in your stead. Kill or die. Every day a battle of wills.”

“It wasn’t for fun.”

“But I bet you enjoyed many aspects of it.”

“I did, but I also knew when it was enough, when I had to restrain myself for the sake of my family. Would you have managed to take care of Adamo and Savio like I did?”

I couldn’t even take care of Battista, and I wasn’t in a war to become Capo.

“You would have lost yourself to the frenzy of killing and forgotten all else,” Dad growled. I feared he wasn’t wrong.

“I’m restless,” I said simply because it was true. “A war like that would have finally sated my blood lust.”

“Or it would have made you addicted,” Nino said.

“It’s not in our nature to sit around like a domesticated house cat and wait to be fed. We need to hunt.”

“You’re going on raids with Alessio and Massimo all the time, and you have jobs for the Camorra. You don’t have to restrain yourself very often,” Nino said.

Dad glowered. “If you’re so desperate for war, go to Italy and help the Camorra there.”

That piqued my interest. I knew the Camorra was attacked from all sides in Italy. The police and the other Italian mob families and clans from other countries like Albania or Serbia.

“Your father didn’t mean it,” Nino said. “And your mother would never forgive him if he sent you there.”

Dad grasped my shoulder, his expression hard, but his eyes were imploring, almost gentle. “Just get a fucking grip, Nevio. For the sake of our family, and if that’s not enough, for Aurora’s sake.”