By Frenzy I Ruin: Chapter 23

Anger surged through me. No way in hell was I allowing anyone to touch Aurora. Maybe I wasn’t relationship material. Hell, most days I wasn’t even bare-human-interactions material, but I couldn’t give Rory free. She felt like mine in some strange way I couldn’t explain. Maybe she had always felt a little like mine, but in the past, I’d never had to worry that she’d pull away. She had been a constant in my life, her adoration of me a familiar presence. Until I’d fucked up that night.

For her, that night ended her obsession with me and started mine with her. I wanted to return to how it had been. The kid let out a small cry, destroying the moment. I pulled back so Aurora could roll over to him. She lightly rubbed Battista’s back and made a low shushing noise, which seemed to work as his eyes remained closed. I rose to my feet. It was strange seeing Aurora console Battista. Not because I’d never seen her console someone. She had a huge heart, so naturally, she was the consoler in our huge group of friends and family. This was strange because she was consoling my kid—fuck, kid—as if it were her own. Caring and loving as she was born.

My instincts were of a very different nature.

I wouldn’t have known what to do with the kid if it started bawling. I still couldn’t wrap my head around his being here and mine.

What was I supposed to do with a kid?

I didn’t want that kind of responsibility, and no matter who you asked, they would tell you that I wasn’t a person who should be handed this sort of responsibility either. Aurora knew it too, which was probably another reason she’d quickly agreed to take care of him. She was probably worried I’d lock him in a basement if he cried too loudly.

I tore my eyes from Rory and my son, hating how confused the sight left me, how it reminded me of my deficits. Deficits I usually used to my advantage, but in a situation like this, they were just that: deficits.

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to refocus. I glanced at Rory’s butt to get me in another mindset. She was in high-rise jean shorts, which allowed me to see the dip below her ass globes and thighs the way she was stretched out.

Rory cleared her throat, and I gave her a dirty smile.

“Battista will sleep between us tonight so he can’t fall out,” she said pointedly.

I rounded the bed and stretched out on the other side. I hadn’t expected there to be any action tonight.

She wanted me to redeem myself at the very least. But the road to redemption was closed to me.

Maybe that would change if Rory and I started getting it on, or maybe not. Maybe that kind of emotional bond would always elude me. Rory didn’t want to risk it, and a part of me was glad because it protected her from me. But the other part, which was unfortunately growing by day, wanted her no matter the price.

“Can you turn off the lights?”

“Aren’t you worried about being in the dark with me?” I was only half joking.

“Does it make a difference?” She sounded tired.

In the dark, the monster was always closer to the surface, harder to control and cage in. But Rory was right, that monster didn’t call out for her.

I hoped it never would.

I didn’t sleep at all that night. Not just because the kid woke three times screaming desperately until Aurora fed him a bottle and rocked him in her arms.

She and I didn’t speak as she took care of him. She, because she was exhausted and pissed at me, and I because I was in awe of her and still trying to figure out how to handle the next few weeks. Hell, the next few days even.

Aurora and I would need a good excuse for why we didn’t stay for the race, why we’d return to Las Vegas and have her move into the apartment early. People expected that kind of erratic behavior from me but not Rory, though she’d been unpredictable ever since our night together.

I got several messages from Massimo and Alessio that night, and especially the latter made it clear what he thought of me being out somewhere with Aurora.

It was before sunrise when I finally got up and dressed. Lying in this moth-eaten bed and staring at the ceiling splattered with fly shit, my pulse seemed to thump in my ears and my heart to hammer a hole into my rib cage.

I felt restless, erratic, like a junkie who needed a fix. If it weren’t for Rory and the kid, I would have gone in search for someone to kill, but this seemed like the worst possible moment to do so.

Aurora needed me; they both needed me here. I pulled a chair up next to the bed, sank down in it, and propped my feet up on the mattress. The curtains didn’t block out the lamp in front of our room, so I could see Rory’s face as she slept.

Tonight, she didn’t have any naughty dreams but her sleep was fitful nonetheless. Battista stirred around five in the morning, and Rory’s eyes opened slowly, then went wide when she saw me watching them.

She frowned and slowly sat up. Her hair was a tousled mess and her eyes were a bit puffy. She was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and that thought made me want to get up and run like a fucking coward.

I didn’t like the turn my thoughts often took when I looked at Rory, especially in recent weeks, and I felt the last twenty-four hours had worsened the situation.

“How long have you been watching me? It’s really unsettling,” she said in a sleep-roughened voice as she stroked Battista’s head. I doubted he would fall back asleep.

“For two hours perhaps. I couldn’t fall back asleep.”

Aurora lifted Battista into her arm. “Can you heat his morning oatmeal in the microwave?”

I got up and picked up one of the food jars labeled as breakfast meal, then popped it in the microwave.

Aurora got up. “Can you feed him so I can grab a quick shower?”

She raised her eyebrows expectantly. I really didn’t want to be alone with the kid, much less feed him, but I sank down on the chair and let Aurora put him on my lap. Battista tried to cling to Aurora, obviously as opposed to us being alone as I was. She eventually managed to put him down. “You got this.”

Battista and I both watched as Aurora disappeared in the bathroom.

With a sigh, I picked up the spoon and dipped it in the food. Battista allowed me to feed him, even if his eyes kept moving to the bathroom door, waiting for Aurora’s return.

“You and me both, buddy,” I muttered.

The next day, after convincing my parents of my early move, I called Carlotta to tell her I would move in to our apartment today and not in two weeks as had been my original plan. She had been suspicious right away, wanting to know why and if Nevio had done something. I lied that I just couldn’t bear his obnoxious presence at the race circus anymore and asked her if she could move in early too. Diego had forbidden her from moving into the apartment by herself, even just for a few weeks.

When Nevio and I arrived in Las Vegas in the early afternoon, I warned him again, “You need to spend the day with him until the coast is clear. I’ll give you a call when you can bring him to my place tonight.”

Nevio stared at the boy who was shaking a rattle with huge eyes and sucking quickly at his new dummy. I doubted he’d ever had a rattle before considering how mesmerized he seemed by the thing.

“What am I supposed to do with him?”

“I don’t know. Take him to a park and go on a walk with him in his stroller. I prepared his milk portions for you and put enough bottled baby food into the nursing bag to last for a week.”

“I can’t take care of him for more than a few hours, Rory, trust me.”

I gritted my teeth. “You’ve said that before, and I’ll try to get rid of everyone except for Lotta as soon as possible, but until then, your son is your responsibility. My parents are suspicious anyway. They probably think I’m about to have a mental breakdown soon.”

If things kept progressing like this, maybe I would.

He nodded slowly but I could tell he didn’t like it. He could deal with it. I hopped out of the car and walked toward the security gate of my family’s mansion. It opened when I arrived in front of it, and Nevio pulled away when Dad appeared before me.

“What’s that about?” Dad asked as he watched Nevio race away.

I gave a shrug. “I think he wants to return to the race. Or maybe he’s in the mood to kill someone. With Nevio, you never know.”

Dad narrowed his eyes at me. “What’s going on, Aurora?”

I sighed, buying time to come up with a reply. “When I helped in addiction care, I felt reminded of Nevio. He’s not addicted to drugs, but to the thrill of the kill, and I thought I could help him with it. But he’s untreatable, and I’m just sick of his antics. I want to help people who really want and need my help.”

Dad nodded, but his suspicion remained. “I could have told you that before. Nevio’s disposition is permanent and will probably make him a feared Capo one day. If he manages to control himself on occasion, maybe even a respected one. But you need to take care of yourself, not him. Your mom and I are worried. Changing plans on short notice isn’t your style, Aurora.”

“I feel like my life is up in the air. So far, every step ahead was clear, but now that I finished school, uncertainty has entered the picture. It’s difficult for me because I want to know what lies ahead, but I don’t.” It wasn’t even a lie. Nothing seemed decided yet. I wasn’t sure what I’d do in the future, but at the same time, my options were limited as the daughter of a high-ranking mobster.

Dad nodded, then he cocked an eyebrow. “We could arrange a marriage, then one thing would be certain.”

I could tell he wasn’t serious. “You would have a harder time giving my hand away in marriage than me.”

He chuckled. “True, and I don’t know any man who would be worthy of you.”

I smiled. “I suppose he would have to be a high-ranking Camorrista.”

Dad shook his head. “He would have to be a good man willing to treat you like a queen, and a Camorrista.”

“Which means I’ll never marry,” I muttered. While Nevio fit the latter to a T as future Capo, he definitely wasn’t a good man, not even by my dad’s standards, and he was worlds away from treating me like a queen.

Dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me toward our house. Mom was already waiting for us in the doorway. “Your mom wants to talk to you about your move again.”

After an initial attempt to have me stay with them for a few more weeks, I got them to agree to me moving into my place today. Mostly because I pretended that Carlotta would be heartbroken if I bailed on her now.

I only had to pack my clothes and care products since the apartment was already equipped with everything else we might need. Dad entered the security code into the elevator so it started moving to the floor where Carlotta’s and my apartment was. There was only one more apartment on the floor, but it was empty. I had a feeling that wasn’t a coincidence because the apartments on all the other floors were occupied. Normalcy was difficult if your father was Enforcer for the Camorra.

Diego and Carlotta were already in the apartment when we arrived. I hugged Carlotta, excited to share the place with her, but at the same time anxiety over having to take care of Battista dimmed my excitement. Carlotta didn’t even know yet, and I could only imagine how she’d react. She regarded me closely, her eyes narrowing. “Everything okay?” she whispered.

“Later,” I mouthed back. I didn’t want Dad to think my worry was related to living on my own. He’d jump on that wagon without hesitation and insist I live at home instead.

Dad and Diego walked through every room of the apartment—two bedrooms, a shared bathroom and a living room with open kitchen—to check it for any security concerns yet again. Every inch of the entire complex had already been checked by them in the weeks before. The security guards were probably already sick of Dad’s criticism and suggestions for improvement.

Mom went into my room with me. She helped me put on sheets and hang up a few photos from our family and Carlotta and me. Once everything was in place, except for my clothes, which I wanted to sort into my closet later, Mom let out a sigh. “Wow, this really hits me harder than I’d thought.” Tears glistened in her eyes.

I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m only a ten-minute car ride away, and you still have Davide.”

Mom nodded, but I could tell that she wasn’t really consoled. I felt a bit sad too, but I simply wanted to have my own place with Carlotta. I wanted to be responsible for cooking, for housework… and now a child.

Dad came in. He wrapped an arm around Mom, and she leaned into him. “She’s safe, Leona.”

“I doubt Mom’s crying because of safety concerns,” I said with a laugh.

Mom laughed too, but it sounded a bit choked. Dad frowned at her, and she swatted his arm lightly. “I’m fine. Go give her the lecture, you surely have in mind.”

“The building is closely guarded, Aurora. Don’t give the security codes to anyone.”

It was why Nevio would smuggle Battista into the apartment and then the poor kid would probably have to stay inside for a while until he and I came up with a plan how to get him in and out without anyone noticing, or until we found an explanation for a kid visiting me, or better yet, until Nevio told his parents and they’d figure out a final solution for the boy. He needed a forever home, a forever family, and that could only be the Falcones.

“I know, Dad. I know where every single emergency button is in this building. I know the names and faces of every security guard on the premises…”

I trailed off at the look on Dad’s face. “I’m going to be okay.”

Fifteen minutes later, Carlotta and I had finally managed to usher her brother and my parents out of the apartment. The moment the door closed, Carlotta sighed, grinned, and rushed over to the sofa, where she flung herself down with widely spread arms. “Freedom!”

I grinned. “Not quite but better than nothing.” I quickly messaged Nevio that the coast was clear. As the Capo’s son, no guards would stop him from entering the premises. I just wondered how he’d get Battista into the apartment.

I sank down beside Carlotta, trying to come up with the gentlest way to break the news of our new house guest to her. “Will you have Massimo over now that your brother isn’t breathing down your neck anymore?” I asked instead.

Carlotta pursed her lips. “We’re just friends.”

I gave her a doubtful look.

She shrugged. “Why would he come over by himself? Maybe the trio comes over for movie night or so, but do you even want Nevio around? I thought you were trying to put some distance between you and him.”

That was working splendidly, now that I had agreed to take care of his son. Why was I such a sucker for people who needed help?

My phone beeped with a message from Nevio, in which he informed me that he was already in the elevator. I jumped up from the sofa.

Carlotta still lay spread-eagle on the sofa, her brown curls flung about her, and she made a face that expressed her concern for my sanity. “What’s wrong?”

I bit my lip when a knock sounded. “This is Nevio.”

“Nevio?” She sat up and swung her legs down. I gave her an apologetic smile then hurried to the door. Nevio must have waited with Battista right around the corner to be here this quickly after everyone left.

I opened the door, and my eyes widened in surprise. Nevio waited in front of it, no surprise there, but instead of Battista, he carried a huge cardboard box. Had he left the boy in the car and decided to carry his stuff up first?