"Serene?" Max asked when I didn't let out any emotions he was expecting.
"I'll call you later," I muttered before hanging up.
I took a deep breath and looked at Alec with wide eyes.
Can you help me? I asked with my eyes.
The concern on his face grew as he turned in his seat to completely face me.
"What is it, Serene?" He asked taking my hands into his.
What happened? Even I don't know what happened or what's going to happen... The man I was finally starting to forget. The man who left my mother and I in scars was waiting inside. Waiting to meet me. To tell me, god knows what.
The only thing I know, I am not ready to see him yet. But do I have any other choice?
No.
"Can you come with me?" I asked in a whisperâ looking at Alec expectantly.
I could see him taken aback. He looked around before nodding his head.
"Of course." He stated as if it was obvious, "What's the matter though? What did Max say? What about the car?" He was as confused as a person looking at a swirl.
I closed my eyes before holding onto his hands as tight as possible, "I-It's my dad."
He went silent. I opened my eyes to find him staring at me in a questioning way.
"Why?" He asked.
He was the only person whom I told about him. What he did. So, I know he can understand me.
"I don't know." I shook my head looking into his ever so light eyes. So light, that they even looked a little grey right now, "I want you with me." I told him.
His eyes softened. I pursed my lips and watched him as he came closer to me. I looked at him confused as I felt his breath on my face. I was about to pull a little away from him when I felt his hands finding their way behind the back of my neckâkeeping me in place.
I couldn't help but close my eyes as I felt the warmth of his skin even without the contact before his lips pressed down lightly against my forehead.
I opened my eyes and stared at the window behind him as I felt the tenderness in his touch.
Is it bad that even during all this going on, I felt butterflies in my stomach the moment his lips touched my forehead?
He pulled away and holding me by my shoulders he gave me a reassuring squeeze, "Let's go."
I bit my lip lightly before looking down and nodding my head...I have to face my dad, I cannot delay it even if I want.
â¢â¢â¢
I could feel my hands shaking slightly as I opened the door to the house.
I still can't believe he still keeps the spare keys to the house. Shouldn't he have gotten rid of it as he got rid of me and my mom?
I couldn't help but chuckle lightly... Is the key more precious to him than us now? Does even the key have more value?
"Come on," I heard Alec say from behind me.
Yes. I had Alec with me. I didn't have to worry much. He will protect and support me if it goes extreme, right?
I gulped nervously before taking a step inside. The second I stepped inside I took in a sharp intake of breath.
I could see his shoes neatly laying there in a corner. The habit he has always had. The habit to keep things in place.
I removed my shoes before stepping into the main room. I could feel Alec following me just behind.
I looked around to search for him and surely, I found him standing there. Standing near the bare wall where the paintings were hung. The only thing the wall had now were the marks of the 'once full of paintings wall'.
"You removed the paintings." I heard him say lightly.
I felt my breath hitching. How long has it been since I last heard his voice? The same raspiness in his voice which always made him sound more mature than anyone.
I watched as he slowly turned around to look at me. The neatly cut hair. The same big eyes. He looked the same, if not happier.
I took a step away as I felt Alec's hand on my back, stopping me from running away. I looked up at him and shook my head.
I cannot do this. I begged him through my eyes. I cannot face him. I cannot look at him. Let me run away.
Alec shook his head letting me know that he wasn't letting me go anywhere.
But I cannot do this.
Alec nodded his head, letting me know that I got this.
Have I? Have I got this? Just looking at him makes me feel sick.
He looks...so happy and well off.
How could he, after doing this to us? How can he be better off leaving us like this?
"W-what are you doing here?" I tried to sound strong but my voice only came out meek.
He took a step towards me before I held my hand out making him stop in his tracks.
"What are you doing here?" I repeated a little more boldly this time.
He gave me the fatherly look he always gave me. The fatherly look he had mastered to fake, so much that I couldn't even tell that it was fake until he left us.
"Don't look at me like that." I shook my head, my heart swelling up. I could feel my throat clenching too.
I need to control myself or I might break into tears in front of him. And that was the last thing I wanted.
"I missed you." He whispered before taking a step forward again.
I took a step back, "You are lying." I said among the tears in my eyes.
"I really did." The softness in his voice was begging me to believe him.
"No." I shook my head taking another step back. I felt Alec's hand behind my back which I smacked away. I don't want anyone touching me right now.
"I have missed you every single day, Seni." He said calling me by the name only he used to.
I tried to breathe as I heard that name after so long. That name. I used to love it so much.
As I saw him taking another step towards me I couldn't help but have an outburst, "STOP IT. STOP LYING!" I screamed.
"But I am not." He tried to say in between.
"SHUT UP." I screamed before throwing my hands in the air and looking around frantically, "Shut u-up." I felt myself breaking, "You wouldn't have left me in the first place if you loved me so much." I looked at him in betrayal.
My dad looked at me a little shocked before looking at Alec, "Can you give us a moment?" He asked.
I looked at Alec and saw him shaking his head at my dad, "I cannot do that, sir. She needs me."
Right. I have Alec with me. I will be alright.
I cleared my throat before looking at my dad againâ composing myself.
"Do you hate me so much?" He asked tired and hurt.
The hurtful look he was giving me was piercing through me. But I was as much hurt as he was right now.
"You left me. You left us."
You broke our happy family. You didn't even care about anyone.
"I felt suffocated!" He looked at me desperately, "Is it bad to crave happiness?"
I bit the insides of my cheek before shaking my head, "It's not." He looked at me hopefully, "Just disappearing one day with nothing but leaving a note is. That's the worst thing you could have done, dad."
"I know." He tried to sound understanding.
"You don't!" I yelled, "You don't know anything! How much we fell apart because of you...you have no idea." I laughed in between tears.
He looked at me hurt and concerned before trying to reach for me.
I stopped and wiped my sleeves across my eyes. It was pin-drop silence as I finally asked him what I wanted to for all this time.
"Are you happy?"
He looked briefly at me before looking at his feet and nodding his head lightly.
Well, there's nothing to talk about anymore, is there? He is happy and probably doesn't feel suffocated anymore. He didn't even hesitate to answer that.
Then, why did he come here? To remind me time and again that maybe it wasn't him but me, who was a horrible person?
"Dad, please leave." I looked at him pleadingly.
I cannot get myself to feel happy for you when we are suffering. I cannot get myself to HATE you even after what you did. Your fatherly gaze still makes me want to run into your arms and forget about my worries. And that is worrying me.
"Seni," he started but I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"Don't call me that."
"Please, don't do this to your dad. I really love you and missed you." He muttered.
It was difficult. It was becoming so difficult.
"D-dad, please." I looked at him vulnerably, "I cannot forgive you yet. I am still where you left me. It's not easy for me... Heck, I don't believe in holding onto people anymore. All because of you. So at least give me some time to heal." By the end of it, I knew I was going to cry so I faced away from him.
I looked at Alec and found him looking at me with worrisome eyes.
Are you okay? I could almost hear him asking.
I shook my head lightly. I wasn't. I wasn't okay at all. I was suddenly made to come face to face with my dad. The only person making me doubt every relationship I ever had or have. Of course, I wasn't okay.
But I will.
"I'll go." I heard him say in a soft voice. Almost as if he was defeated, "I'm sorry."
"Will you put the paintings back?" I heard him ask before he put his shoes on.
"I won't." I crossed my arms and kept my face away from him.
"I hope you will consider it." I looked at him and found him sadly smiling at me, "Seni, I am gonna wait until you are ready to see me, okay?"
I gulped before nodding my head. I'll wait for that day too. When I'll be as happy as you, for you.
I watched him as he left and closed the door behind him, but not before looking at me with that longing look.
As soon as he was gone, I slid down on my knees and stared at the floor...I felt Alec's hands around me as he sat down on the floor with me.
I looked up at him and looked into his comforting eyes.
"Everything will be alright." He whispered still holding onto me.
I tilted my head a little sideways... Will it? I don't know how long will it take for me to forgive my dad. Will it be alright?
He came a little closer before hugging me tightly, "I am here."
I know.
"You can cry now." He whispered into my ears before rubbing my back lightly while still hugging me on the floor.
I wish I could hug him back but I didn't. I was too tired to move. I was too tired to even cry right now.
As he continued to hug me I felt his arms tighten around me, suddenly.
"Who sent him to you?" He said through gritted teeth.
I was silent.
"Serene, I asked who sent him to you?" He asked pulling a little away so that he could look at me properly.
I stared at him before staring at the kitchen counter behind him blankly, "Max and Henry."
I could feel the look of confusion on his face before he hugged me again and tried to console me.
"I really cannot watch you like this." He muttered into my ear.
___