CHAPTER 7
October 23, 2013
Danny pulled up at his house. It was just on dark and he looked at their cozy three bedroom house with two huge yellow daisy bushes in the front yard that always reminded him of summer time. For a moment before he turned the engine off, he forgot what had just happened. For a moment it felt like he was coming home from work on any other ordinary day and wondered why the front light wasn't on for him.
He looked at the front porch waiting for Amanda to come running out of the front door to greet him. She would be jumping about, grabbing hold of his hand as she led him inside, and telling him all the exciting things she had done at school.
Emily would be in the bouncer on the floor of the lounge room playing with the colorful little toys that hung from it. He would walk in and she would begin bouncing happily kicking her legs as soon as she saw him. Then Victoria, she would poke her head around the corner of the kitchen door - she would smile at him and he would forget all of his troubles, because he was home.
Danny blinked back tears, as he walked up the dark driveway and wondered what to expect. Forensic investigators had been to the house earlier in the day while he had been at the hospital. They had been there to collect evidence and samples, and he wondered exactly what they had taken.
As he reached the front door he fumbled with the keys to let himself in. Inside was silent, dark, empty, just the way he would describe how he was feeling right now. He hadn't been sure if he would be able to face going back in the house, but it was time to get a grip of the fact that Victoria wasn't coming home. Besides he was only going in and out.
The police had called him earlier while he was at the hospital waiting for news on Emily. They had told him Victoria was being charged and would be held in custody until her hearing. They feared for her safety and of those around her. As he ended the phone call with the police he knew then, Victoria wasn't coming home and neither was Emily.
He walked around the house, besides being ghostly quiet, it felt so normal. Everything was just the way they had left it that morning.
In the lounge room, a coloring in book and pencils lay sprawled out on the kitchen table exactly where Amanda had left them. Emily's bouncer sat empty the little toys untouched seemed to beg him to be played with. A discarded rug and pillows were bunched up on the lounge where he and Amanda had been snuggled up watching television the night before. All of these things were a stark reminder to him of what was missing in the house. His family.
He felt as though he might burst into tears if he stood there for too much longer and decided he should get on with what he had come for. To get clothes.
Walking up the hallway towards the master bedroom he closed his eyes and turned his head as he passed Emily's room and ducked into his own. He looked around at the unmade bed he and Victoria had been sleeping in together that morning. The glass of untouched water beside his bed and felt a lump grow in his throat. Turning, he saw a picture sitting on the dressing table next to Victoria's hair brush and favorite perfume.
Picking the picture up he looked at it sadly. It was of all of them just after Emily was born, they were all so carefree and happy that day as they smiled for the camera. Danny wished he could hit the rewind button and go back to that perfect day. They had gone into the shopping center, just a few days after Victoria and Emily had been sent home from hospital.
It wasn't like it had started out as a perfect day; there was nothing special happening they were just going in for some groceries. There had been a stand offering professional studio quality photographs in the Shopping Centre. Victoria and Amanda had seen it and dragged him over begging him. He smiled sadly - how could he have said no to them. How could he have let any of this happen to them?
Sitting the picture gently on the bed he kneeled down, his knees sinking into the thick carpet as he pulled out a red suitcase from under his side of the bed. Dragging it towards the wardrobe he began removing his clothes from their hangers one by one, folding them over carefully to make sure they didn't get creased.
He had bought Amanda, Victoria and himself a suitcase last Christmas. They were supposed to be going on vacation when Emily was a bit older. Danny looked at the suitcases angrily - they should have been getting packed for a holiday, not for this!
No longer caring he started shoving in hanger after hanger until he was done and little remained on his side of the wardrobe, it looked bare, unnaturally empty.
He began to zip up the case, then stopped remembering the photo he had put on the bed, he placed that on top of his clothes and zipped it all the way around.
Putting it at the front of the bedroom door he did the same again with Victoria's clothes. He tried not to look at her things, or to picture her in them as he quickly stuffed them into the suitcase not caring if they creased and dragged the zip up hiding them away from sight. As an afterthought he opened the zipper on the suitcase just enough to slip in her hair brush from the dressing table.
Leaving the two suitcases standing awkwardly together in the hallway, he moved on to Amanda's room. He looked sadly at her princess bed with the netting all around it. She had been so excited the day Victoria and Demi had brought it home for her.
The bed was to celebrate them getting custody of Amanda. First they had told her she could come and live with them forever, then they had told her the rest of her surprise was in her bedroom. She had dashed into her room and had squealed in delight at her very own princess bed.
Danny had been so happy for Amanda that day. She had been through so much with her birth mother. They hadn't even had a house to live in. To watch her eyes wide with the excitement of having her very own princess bed had been one of the happiest times he had shared with his eldest daughter.
Danny ran his fingers through his hair, as he thought about Amanda. She would be crying for Victoria and wouldn't understand why they couldn't all just go home. What was worse, he didn't know how to explain to her why he couldn't face going back there and why spending the night in the house without Victoria or Emily there would be so painful. Not just yet anyway. Demi's was the best place for Amanda. Even if she didn't understand why.
After he had packed all of their clothes and dragged them towards the door he made one last stop, into the bathroom for some toiletries. as Danny began to gather some things he found his grandfather's razor and felt the sting of tears in his eyes again. Danny looked in the big mirror at himself, black sharp stubble had sprouted out over his face. Victoria hated the stubble, she always complained it was sharp and made him look like a gangster - he hadn't shaved that morning.
Holding the razor in his hand, he hardly recognized himself. It wasn't just that he looked unkempt, he looked drawn and sad, his hair had lost its usual shine and his eyes looked sunken into their sockets as if somehow the light had gone out of them. He saw in front of him a stranger with betrayal written all over his face. Throwing the razor across the room he put his hand up over his reflection smearing it from his sight as he began to cry.
"Why, god damn it, why!"
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