I would like to dedicate this chapter to Anniemena for all of her support, thank you :)
September 23, 2013
Danny burst in through the red glass sliding doors of the Emergency room, holding Emily out front of him as though she were a hot potato. He felt sick, bile was rising up into his throat, it was burning - his whole chest was on fire. As he ran frantically towards the counter he could hear yelling, "Please god help us." Alarmed he realised it was him, the strange disjointed voice echoing through the room was coming from him.
The nurse behind the Emergency room Perspex glass was standing up, craning to get a look at who was yelling. Danny reached her at the front desk, followed closely by Victoria holding onto Amanda's hand. He held up their blue motionless baby for the nurse to see.
"Choking, she is choking please, help, help our baby..." said Danny as he frantically tried to deny himself air until he had finished his plea to the nurse.
The nurses eyes widened as she put up her hand, her palms showing, fingers spread wide in a halting motion. "Wait there I'm coming around."
Seconds later the door near the front counter buzzed and the nurse appeared ushering them into a long corridor that lay beyond the front of the hospital. She led them into another room with hospital beds. As they entered the room, she grabbed the arm of a passing nurse, "Get Dr. Jones, quickly."
The other nurse nodded and scurried away.
There were 3 beds in the room the closest one had a curtain drawn all the way around. In the last bed was an older man laying down with a mask over his face, his eyes were closed and he made no effort to open them when they entered the room. He continued breathing in deeply as puffs of white smoke whizzed out of the mask.
The nurse took them to the empty stall and motioned for them to lay Emily on the bed.
The nurse inspected the baby for a moment and quickly began fiddling with machines and cords. She ran over to a short long a cupboard that doubled as a desk and book shelf in the room, pushing aside a chair on wheels, then crawling on her hands and knees she rummaged around until she found a clear plastic bag. It contained a tiny breathing mask. The nurse unwrapped it as she ran back to the bed and placed it over Emily's face.
The mask was just like the older man in the next bed had over his face. Even though it was much smaller it still looked too large and covered Emily's face almost entirely. Once it was in place she hooked up the connecting cord of the mask to a nearby tap looking type of thing that was attached to the wall and twisted the dial. It hissed gently but unlike the man in the next bed but no white smoke puffed out.
The nurse didn't look or speak to Danny, Victoria and Amanda as they stood huddled in one corner trying to keep out of the way. She continued to hook up more machines. The nurse from earlier arrived in the room, with a young looking doctor two steps behind her, he was dressed in scrubs and a theatre mask around his neck. Not seeming to notice Danny, Victoria and Amanda in the corner, he glared at the nurse.
The nurse replied in two strange words, "Cerebral Convulsions." The doctor nodded as he looked at Emily and touched her head gently where it was bulging, and opened her tiny eyelids. Finally he looked over at Danny Victoria and Amanda and pointing at the nurse he had come in with he said, "This is Nurse Rose, go with her..."
Danny stood there unable to move, for the first time since he had discovered Emily in her cot that morning everything seemed to stop still. Before with all of the panic everything had been happening so fast it was as though they had been on a roller coaster. He hadn't even taken a moment up until now to think about exactly what had just happened.
"Is she...will she be ok," he stammered looking at the doctor, who had turned his back to dismiss them. He then turned to Nurse Rose, who was rolling her arm in a circular motion beckoning them to follow her.
The nurse smiled gently, "Please, come this way, we can talk over here," she said now ushering them out of the room.
Danny, Amanda and Victoria all looked at each other before hesitantly starting to follow.
Nurse Rose led them to another room, the opposite side of the corridor to where Emily was being treated by the doctor. Inside the room was a desk and a chair on wheels and three plastic seats scattered around, she motioned for them to sit down.
Victoria sat down and Amanda climbed onto her knee, Danny took the seat closest to the chair and desk, where Nurse Rose sat.
The nurse pulled a note pad and pen out of the desk drawers and said quietly, "we need some personal details...
"What about Emily?"
"The doctor and nurses are doing everything they can Mr. Jacobs, as soon as they know anything you will be the first to know, now please, what is Emily's full name?"
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Victoria cradled Amanda in her arms rocking her gently, she was scared - they all were. Victoria listened as Nurse Rose asked question after question...address, Emily's date of birth, Medicare details.
Danny took charge and she was grateful. She wouldn't have been able to remember any of the details being asked. It felt as though she was an outsider. Like she was a stranger caught up in someone else's personal dilemma.
Why were they here, why weren't they in there with Emily helping somehow. What was wrong with Emily and what did cerebral convulsions mean anyway?
"Victoria," she looked up startled, Danny and Nurse Rose were both looking at her.
"I was just asking what type of resuscitation you were using when you found Emily this morning.
"I, um, she was choking, so I tried to find what was in her mouth....
"So how did you do that?"
"I put my finger in her mouth...it all happened so fast, I'm not really sure what happened.
"Victoria, Daniel," said Nurse Rose looking at them both with her eyebrows slightly raised, "I need to ask you a very serious question, did anyone shake Emily any time recently, maybe accidentally or to stop her crying?"
"No, said Victoria looking at Danny, waiting for his response.
"Me, no, but... he faltered for a moment looking towards Victoria and Amanda.
"But what?" asked Nurse Rose, touching Danny's knee to get him to look at her.
"Well...no, it's nothing."
"Mr. Jacobs, your baby is very sick, anything, any type of information that you might have, even if it seems silly, might help us to understand what happened to your baby. Please if you know of anything you must tell us now...it could save her life!" she urged.
Danny began to fidget with his hands, then run his fingers through his hair. He looked up again at Victoria and Amanda huddled together, he opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. Finally in a quiet almost whisper he said, "She was shaking her, when she couldn't breathe.....
"Who, Victoria?"
Victoria's mind whirled, she felt as though she had been punched in the stomach, "Me? Danny what are you talking about I was helping her, not hurting her, I was saving her life..."
Danny wasn't looking at her, his face was cradled in his arms hidden from her. Why wouldn't he look at her. Why would he say something like that - she didn't hurt Emily...did she?
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The moment Danny said it he regretted it, he had just panicked. The nurse left the room a few seconds later saying brightly that she was going to hand in the personal information forms so Emily could be admitted and while she was out she would see how the little one was doing.
Dear god what had he just done, he kept his head hidden. He couldn't bear to look at Victoria, to see the hurt or the anger in her eyes over what he had just said. She was sobbing softly.
He wanted to hold her, tell her he was sorry, but he couldn't, he just couldn't face her, he couldn't explain to her why he had just said she hurt Emily. So he kept his head buried in his arms so she couldn't see his tears, or his guilt.
A few moments later the nurse come back into the room, she wasn't alone. She brought in two police officers. They briskly pulled Amanda away from where she was sitting and took Victoria by the shoulder and began to cuff her.
Danny looked up startled as Amanda rushed to him and clung on terrified screaming in a high pitched voice, "Leave my Mummy Vic alone."
Danny watched in disbelief - Victoria winced in pain as the two police officers tightly cuffed her. She was looking at him her nostrils slightly flared, eyes showing the whites and the black spaghetti strap of her nighty falling off of her shoulder as it was wrenched back behind her.
"Danny please tell them, I didn't hurt her, please I wouldn't, Danny please..." begged Victoria. Then looking at the police officers she cried out, "I didn't do this, please, I need to stay here, my baby - Emily is just over there please I need to be with her...." she continued to beg fruitlessly as she was dragged away.
All Danny could do was stare, watch in horror at what was happening, this was all his fault!
The nurse put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry Mr Jacobs...but you did the right thing. Now we know what happened we can help your daughter. Why don't you come and sit in the waiting room," she said ushering them out of the room and into the corridor, "I will have someone bring you a cup of coffee and maybe some breakfast for the young lady. It will be much more comfortable there and I will try to get an update on Emily for you too."
"Emily, what about Emily, why...what is going on?"
"Emily has a condition called Shaken Baby Syndrome. Your baby was blue because she has swelling on her brain. There is a great deal of pressure built up there and the doctors are trying to relieve that pressure."
"How sick....is she...will she die?"
"This is a very serious condition, your baby is very sick Mr Jacobs, but I really don't know any more than that. Please come and rest, get comfortable, it may be a while until we have more information....I'm sorry...."
Danny followed Nurse Rose numbly, holding tightly onto Amanda who was sobbing, still asking for her Mummy Vic.
He should have been fixing this, he should have stopped them from taking Vic, why hadn't he yelled at the nurse for calling the cops. There were a million things he could have done, maybe just as many things he should have done, but he didn't have the energy to fight any more. Instead Danny just followed the nurse outside deflated. Numbly he sat down with Amanda cradled in his arms on a small 2-seater couch in the Emergency waiting room.
After he watched the nurse leave back through the emergency room door where they had taken Emily, he knew he needed help, so he pulled out his telephone and began to dial...
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