CHAPTER 11
Rattling of keys and clanking of heavy gates roused Victoria's attention, as she turned from the small heavily barred ventilation window she had been looking through just above her bed. It hadn't taken her long to learn that if she sat in just the right position she could see the sky.
In the dark gloomy recesses between waiting for court appearances to begin, time seemed to stand still in the dank jail cell, which had become her new home. It was a never ending void of desperation, a feeling of being in a bottomless void, without hope of finding a way out, the haziness of the place engulfed her.
But those gates clanking held one small slither of hope, a small morsel that she clung onto for dear life, because beyond those clanking gates, away from her cell that only promised isolation and desperation, was the possibility that someone from outside was about to realize there had been some terrible mistake, some miscarriage of justice. Those clanking gates whispered freedom and an end to this surreal nightmare that had somehow become her reality.
Who was coming to see her? She hadn't seen anyone other than Crawley and McGuinty since she was locked up almost two weeks ago, so it was more than likely one of them, come to check up on her. It couldn't be Danny and Demi they had abandoned her....
"Thorne, visitor," came the gruff voice of Crawley, who seemed to materialize from the shadows. He was demanding she get to her feet, stand in a far corner hands in front for him to see, and wait as he opened the wrought iron heavily reinforced door that stood between her and the outside world.
Crawley paused momentarily, as though going through a private checklist in his mind, then seeing that everything was as it should be, he swung open the door and allowed the visitor to enter.
Shadowed behind him, dressed in a gray business suit, briefcase in one hand, with her red hair pulled tightly back from her face, to reveal what once may have been myriads of freckles, stood a lady.
As the woman ducked around Crawley and entered the cell she smiled almost apologetically at Victoria. The gates clicked loudly behind her as she gravitated towards a small off white table with one chair near the door, which was one of the few sparse furnishings, besides Victoria's bed the room had to offer.
Regarding Victoria seriously the woman offered her hand, "I am your appointed Legal Aid Lawyer, Stacy Dylan, pleased to meet you Victoria."
"You too Miss Dylan, I just wish we were meeting under better circumstances."
Stacy didn't smile as she sat down on the chair and watched Victoria sit on the end of her bed, once settled she regarded Victoria for a few moments longer, as though she were trying to read her like you might a book.
"Call me Stacy...I read your file...If you thought being in here sucks, get ready for a worse day tomorrow, not only is it the first day of court proceedings, but you take the stand - you can bet your ass they are set to crucify you."
"Thanks for sugar coating it for me."
"I'm not here to make things warm and fuzzy for you, I'm here to get you out of here and back with your daughter where you belong, but let me warn you, not even I can help you if you aren't helping yourself."
"And exactly how do you suppose I can do that?" shrugged Victoria, flopping back onto her bed, looking towards the ceiling for a quick glimpse of the sky.
"For a starters you need to take this time we have here seriously, sit up properly," she said pointing at Victoria.
"I expect you to be honest and up front with me at all times, I don't appreciate being made to look like a fool in the courtroom because you can't tell the truth...and believe me," she said pausing long enough to give Victoria a glare, "it's going to come out whether you like it or not."
Victoria nodded and sat up obediently as Stacy continued.
"You have two options, firstly you can plead guilty and use your prior post-natal depression diagnosis to suggest that you weren't in control of your actions at the time," pausing Stacy flipped a few pages over in her folder, "but to make that work we would need a good psychiatrist..."
Looking across at Victoria again she continued, "Or we can try to create reasonable doubt that you didn't harm your baby - that's all we need for you to go free, reasonable doubt."
"So my options are that I can say I harmed my baby, but it's ok because I'm crazy, or I can suggest that Danny did it?"
"That would appear to be our only options, wouldn't it," said Stacy dryly.
Folding her arms over her chest Victoria looked away, "Isn't that just taking the easy way out by making it seem like I'm crazy - besides what sort of person would I be if I tried to blame Danny just to get myself off the hook?"
"No, creating reasonable doubt isn't about pointing the finger at someone else, it's just making the court aware that something else may have happened. We need to make them question what happened that morning and what happened the night before when you weren't home..."said Stacey shaking her head in protest.
"I'm not crazy, I didn't purposely shake her either, not like that...but what if I did do it, what if I was panicking so much that morning that I did cause all of this?"
"No, I read your file, and the statements....I have done the research on Shaken Baby Syndrome and I am positive Emily was convulsing, not choking when you tried to help her that morning...but the trouble is I'm not sure how to prove it."
Victoria looked at her blankly and shrugged
"What about your friend, Demi?"
"She is my best friend, but I don't expect her to go against her twin brother, I know she won't sit there with a smile on her face while I point the finger at Danny?"
"Your parents?"
"I don't have any," she said bluntly turning her head away, signaling that was out of bounds.
"Victoria, you are making this really difficult, for both of us, if you aren't sure you did it, you can't expect me to believe you didn't do it. How can I stand up there tomorrow and defend you if you won't even take your own side?"
Victoria shrugged and fought back tears, when she did reply her voice cracked with emotion. "I haven't seen my 3 month old baby in over a fortnight, nothing, not even a single word about her, not to mention being abandoned by Danny."
I tell you what Stacey, you get me some visitation time with Emily at the hospital and I will go along with whatever you say, but only if I get to see Emily." said Victoria extending her arm to shake hands.
Stacy took Victoria's outstretched hand and gripped it tightly as they shook on it, "Deal."
They sat for a while in awkward silence, then from the corner of the room something scurried across the floor in front of them.
Stacey's face screwed up slightly as she whispered, "a stinking roach," without taking her eyes off the fowl critter her hand fumbled around before finding its target, a magazine she had seen sitting on a nearby makeshift shelf, grasping it she rolled it up and raised it, ready to swat the filthy creature.
Stop," Victoria's voice rang out.
Stunned Stacy froze and she watched Victoria gently corral the critter off of the concrete floor and into her cupped hands, then she stood up on her bed and released it through the barred ventilation window to the outside world.
"Everything deserves the right to live, no matter how unworthy they may seem, what gives us the right to come along and take it away."
Stacy placed the magazine carefully back where she had found it, stood up and signaled to Crawley that she was finished, then turning back to Victoria she smiled. "You know I think you are right Victoria, see you tomorrow."