"We miss you on your side of the bed. Still got your things here and they stare at me like souvenirs."
~ Giveon , Heartbreak Anniversary
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The following morning, Sophie was up bright and early, a tray with Cillian's breakfast in her hands. She brought some meat, but with it, she brought pancakes in hopes it would trigger some good memories.
She immediately felt his heated stare on her the second she opened the door as she padded into the room. "Good morning." She greeted, softly, closing the door behind her. "I have your breakfast."
Keeping in mind he was able to reach out somewhat, she carefully placed the tray on his lap and quickly backed away, out of his reach.
His nose wrinkled. At the pancakes, she assumed.
"They're-"
"Human food." He grumbled, distastefully.
"Yes," she sighed, taking a seat on the chair next to his bedside. "But you like them."
His haunting eyes snapped up to glare at her. "How would you know what I like when I made you believe the lie that I loved you?"
The comment was like a knife to the heart, but she didn't let it show on the outside. She paused for a moment and decided on the words, "I know a lot of what you like."
"How do you know I wasn't lying?" He challenged her again, the food remained untouched on his lap.
"Well," she sighed, anxiously twisting her wedding ring around her finger- a nervous habit. "I suppose it's because you never told me these things. I just... I just observed them."
He eyed her, cautiously. She took that as a silent way of him telling her to explain herself.
In a small voice, she further explained, "You never told me your favorite color, but from what I've seen, it's green... you wear it a lot- this dark earthy green color." She whispered, briefly glancing at him before looking away. It hurt to much to look at him knowing that wasn't the Cillian she knew anymore. "You like waking up early, but I don't, so you're kind enough to lay in bed with me until I'm ready to wake up. You like baths. You liked my family, despite them being humans. You like chocolate. You like when I trace patterns on your chest with my fingertips before we go to sleep at night. You say you struggle to sleep if I don't do it."
He remained quiet, seemingly just listening to her ramble. Truth is, he hadn't been sleeping well. He felt like something was missing. Could that be it? Did the bags under his eyes give that away to her?
At his silence, she continued. "I know a lot more about you than you know. You're kind- more than kind. You're the kind of person who would give the shirt off his back for a stranger. You-" she cleared her throat, hoping to keep her voice from cracking. "You loved me like no one else ever has... you made me feel so loved and safe." Finally, her eyes met his. "Even if you think it wasn't real, it was real to me."
Though it was hardly noticeable, she caught his eyes softening ever so slightly. It was brief, but it was there.
"Whatever you want, I'm here to help. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I can help you sort out your memories... to figure out what ones are real and what are lies." She smiled the best smile she could manage at him. "I'll be back a little later." She told him and left.
She waited until she was on the other side of the door to shed her tears.
Keeping her word, she returned later in the day with his lunch. When she entered the room, she was delighted to see his breakfast plate empty, meat and the pancakes. This time around, she didn't say a word. She just placed his lunch on a tray in his lap and sat down in her usual spot. He actually ate in front of her this time, but silently. She thought maybe he would be the one to start a conversation. After several minutes went by, she began to lose hope.
Several more minutes later, his food was gone, as was her hope for him to speak first. She rose from her seat and reached for the tray on his lap.
A firm hand wrapped around her wrist stopped her. She froze with bated breath, knowing he could effortlessly shatter all the bones in her wrist if he wanted to.
A heavy sigh had her eyes darting up to meet his. He wasn't glaring at her like he usually was. His eyes actually softened, as did the hold on her wrist.
"I marked you the day I found you..." he mumbled, releasing the hold he had on her. "Real or not real?" He asked, his gaze not meeting hers.
She straightened and sat back in her seat. With a gentle smile, she brushed her hair to the side to reveal the mark and quietly replied, "Real."
His brows furrowed, his eyes blank, processing. "Why?"
"You, umm... you had just been transferred to the military base here, is what I was told. You broke free and must have picked up on my scent. You found me at my work." She answered, reciting as much as she could remember. "You looked like you were trying to... to restrain yourself, I guess. Looking back on it, I know it was because you didn't want to hurt me. But since you were suppressed and not around other lycanthrope for so long, you just gave in to your instincts... I don't blame you for it, you couldn't control it." She whispered, her eyes welled with tears. "Plus, it lead to one of the best things that ever happened to me."
Briefly, his eyes remained blank. With a shiver down his spine, his face twisted into a snarl. "I should have never escaped that night. If I didn't meet you, it would have saved me a world of pain." He hissed.
She flinched at his tone, mentally reminding herself this is the lies the humans fed him, this is what his brain was now programmed to believe. "Maybe so," she rasped, her eyes not once leaving his. "But also maybe not. You deserve to be free. Not a slave to the military."
"Yeah?" He snickered, holding up his shackled hands. "Then what's this?"
"Temporary." She instantly replied. "You may be free from them physically right now, but your mind is not."
His jaw ticked as he ground his teeth, and his eyes squeezed shut as he fought the internal battle in his mind. After a moment, he shook his head to shake the thoughts away. "That was mean... I'm sorry." He grit out, as if it took everything in him to push the lies away.
She swallowed hard, her heart secretly leaping for joy at his apology. "It's okay," she responded immediately. "I know you don't mean it."
He was breathing a tad heavier now- in slight panic, in the internal battle he was having... he adjusted himself in the bed, not even wincing from the pain it gave him with his injuries. He was trained and broken to show no pain. After a beat, he ever so quietly confirmed, "you will help me?"
She smiled through her tears. "Always. Whatever you need."
That night she went back to her room and laid on Cillian's usual side of the bed. It didn't matter where they were, he always got the side of the bed closest to the door. It wasn't something he asked of her. It was a silent understanding. When they first shared a bed, she noticed he instinctively loomed by that side of the bed. She thought he just liked the left side of the bed. When they stayed at the hotel for their "honeymoon," the door was on the opposite side of the bed. That night, he took the right side of the bed, closest to the door. Same with now at his parent's guest house.
But now his side of the bed was empty. It was cold. It was so so lonely.
She had him back now. He was safe. He was alive. She should be happy, right? She felt guilty that she still felt this way. Yes, Cillian was back, but he wasn't her Cillian. The life they once had was over. She had to mourn that life, she had to mourn that relationship with him, for even if he healed from this and overcame the severe fear conditioning, things would never be the same again. No, they would have to build something completely new. While she was up for the challenge, her heart broke.
She reached across the bed to Cillian's night stand and grabbed his phone. She tapped the screen and the phone lit up, his lock screen making her smile despite her aching heart. Ever since he learned how to change the picture on his lock screen, he changed it nearly daily.
Right now, it was a picture of her laughing at him, in the middle of doing her makeup. In this house, she felt too far away from the mirror while she did her makeup, so she's been crawling on top of the counter, her feet in the sink. Cillian found this hilarious and incredibly endearing. Of course he took a picture to capture the moment.
She opened his camera roll to scroll through more pictures, nearly all of them were of her. She was extremely camera shy, so most of the pictures were candid. He would sneak them when she wasn't looking so she remained blissfully unaware of her husband snapping the pictures.
At the same time, many of the pictures were of her with her hands reaching towards the camera in hopes of pushing it away, but always with a smile on her face. When she realized he wouldn't quit, she attempted to compromise and tell her to get in the picture with her. This worked, but only sometimes.
Her phone dinged, alerting her that someone sent her a text. She rolled over and tapped on the notification.
'You awake? Guards said Cillian is asking,' the text from Sully read.
She was immediately out the door, rushing to her husband. A little too eagerly, she barged through the cell door, panting from running to get here.
At Cillian's blank stare, her cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat. "Sorry, I, umm... did you need something?" She questioned, embarrassed how winded she was.
He looked away, irritated. At her? At himself? She wasn't sure.
The door opened behind her and she whirled around to face whoever it was. It was a guard, and he quietly beckoned the human over. With one last glance to Cillian, she stepped out into the hall with him.
"What's going on?" She asked, peering up at the large lycanthrope.
He seemed a little wary of speaking to the human, never have seeing one in real life before. Thankfully, he seemed more nervous and awkward than hateful.
He cleared his throat and said, "while they've been cleaning his bandages daily, he was notified by the doctors that he would benefit from taking a bath. There's still blood in his hair, some still dried on his skin... They offered a sponge bath, but he refused. They offered to help him give him a real bath, and he refused. They asked if there was anyone he would trust enough to help him, as he can't do it on his own, and..."
Her eyes widened. "He chose me?"
The guard nodded. "Would you-"
"Yes," she eagerly responded. "Whatever he needs."
Her response seemed to surprise the guard, but Sophie paid the reaction no mind. "They're going to get him into the tub and they will help him out. Just notify us when you need assistance. The doctors will give you instructions on how to clean him with his injuries."
She thanked him and rushed back into the room.
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Thank you so much for 40,000 reads!! So sorry for the slower updates. I just got a lot of stuff going on in my life at the moment and I need to put real life first... unfortunately ð
I am so so appreciative of yall! Thank you for all the comments on the last chapter! I pray they continue because comments are really what keeps me going!
Honestly because of how things are in my personal life right now, I felt a little disconnected from my writing. I wasn't sure if it was bland or unconvincing. But your comments proved to me that wasn't the case! Sorry to those of you that reached out and told me I made you cry with the last chapter ðð©·
Questions of the chapter: what do you think happens next? And how do you think the book will end?
P.S. I posted a snippet of my new soon to be released werewolf book! It should be the next chapter! Let me know what you think if you check it out!