"I had all and then most of you, some, and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met."
~ Lord Huron, The Night We Met
â¨Author's note!â¨
If you are enjoying this book, please let me know! I haven't had a whole lot of comments recently so I don't know if y'all are losing interest ð I'd love to know what you think or your favorite part about the book so far!
Sophie groaned as she woke up, but stopped short at the pain it gave her. All at once, the memories came flooding back to her, making her eyes snap open. She came face to face with a pair of familiar golden eyes, startling her.
Not moving from where he was leaning over her, Sully briefly glanced up from his tablet and asked in a bored tone of voice, "Is now a bad time to say I told you so?"
She shoved him away as she sat up and tenderly grabbed her sore neck. "You didn't say he'd try to kill me." She rasped in retaliation.
"You didn't let me." He grumbled, tapping something on the glass screen. "And I also didn't know he would. He didn't act like that at all when I saw him. When we first brought him in, he sort of just cowered in a corner. We weren't expecting that. It's like seeing you triggered that reaction in a sense."
She nearly flinched at the idea of that. "How would I..." she trailed off with furrowed brows. She sucked in a breath and asked, "What did they do to him?"
He released an exasperated sigh and pulled up the results on a tablet. "We took some blood tests while he was unconscious and found a foreign substance in his blood stream. It was hard to find much detail about the substance, but it's a... mind altering drug of sorts. They injected him and manipulated some of his memories from something good to something bad. It's a form of fear conditioning. They have programmed his mind to see you as a threat."
"Why would Hoppers want that?" She scoffed. "He's the one that forced us to be together initially. That doesn't sound like him."
"It might not be." He interjected. "We have reason to believe he's dead."
"How..." she trailed off, something far heavier than that dawning on her. Her heart dropped to her feet and tears filled her eyes. "But... but what about the bond?"
"That's what's so unique about it. I've never seen something strong enough to break a bond, but maybe, and it's a strong maybe, it just needs some time."
"So you're saying you don't know how to reverse it?"
He hesitated before shaking his head. "Not yet, no... we have our best people on it."
"Who?" She wondered.
"You're looking at him." He stated, not bothering to look up from his tablet.
While his walls were high, covered in barbed wire, guarded with swords, knives, and all things sharp- Sophie believed Sully was a good man. A scary persona to protect his tender heart.
He wasn't bragging. I mean, he never spoke about his job here or his intelligence, but clearly, he was incredibly smart- secretly so. She never pegged him to be, seeing up until recently she saw him as all brawn no brains. Now, she figured he was all brawn and brains.
"Thank you." She whispered, catching him off guard.
He nodded, brushing off the compliment, uncomfortable with any praise. "Just doing my job."
With a new sense of urgency, Sophie got to her feet. "He's still in there. I know he is. He could have killed me then, but he didn't."
Sully snickered. "I would say he got close enough."
She shook her head. "If he wanted me dead, I would have been dead. He's still in there."
"If you want to test that theory, I'd highly advise against it." He retaliated in a deadpan tone. "But since I know you better than to take my advice, you should know we have him restrained for the time being."
"Restrained?" She repeated.
"Just one around each wrist, connecting him to the rails of the bed. They're long so he can still use his hands to eat and what not."
"How do you know he won't break out of them?"
"I made and tested them myself. We've used them on countless lycanthropes. He won't get out." He told her.
She thanked him one last time and turned to leave. Before she could get out the door, he called out to her one last time.
"You should know, Sophie. There's this saying... it goes, 'never trust a survivor until you find out what he did to stay alive'." He quoted, nodding his head at her. "Be careful, yeah?"
With a curt nod, she left.
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"She killed him! It's her fault! You can't trust her!"
Cillian's voice was abruptly cut off by his cell door closing behind his mom. Sophie rushed to her aid and before she could get a word out, Angie beat her to it.
"I would give him a few before you go in there." Angie whispered, tears in her eyes.
"Did he hurt you? Are you okay?" Sophie rushed out, examining her for any injuries.
"No, I'm okay... he, umm... he was okay with me initially. Calm. More himself. He asked about his father and..." she trailed off, guilt washing over her features.
"And he blames me." Sophie pieced together, her heart sinking.
She gave her a sad smile. "I thought he deserved to know about his dad. I never thought he'd blame you. I'm so sorry."
Sophie sucked in a shaky breath, tears stinging the backs of her eyes. "No, it's okay. He deserved to know." She replied, her gaze falling to her shoes.
A hand on her arm made her look up and meet Angie's gaze. "I don't blame you." Angie told her, earnestly. "I need you to know that."
Her mother in-law's words echoed in her mind for the rest of the day. It wasn't until later that night, after a good private cry, that Sophie decided to make her way back to Cillian. It was longer than she wanted to wait, but she also didn't want a repeat of last time... or worse.
"Hi Cillian." She greeted softly, smiling through her pain as she entered the room.
Her response was a deep growl- a warning. Don't come any closer.
She took a deep breath and proceeded anyway, still keeping some distance between of them. She took a seat on a chair at his bedside, far away enough so he couldn't reach her. "I missed you." She confessed and nervously played with her fingers.
His face twisted into a snarl, a deep growl rumbling in his chest.
"Well, that's not very nice." She tried to joke- a half hearted attempt in lightening the mood.
His haunting eyes snapped over to meet hers, all the love and admiration he used to have in them for her was now gone. The restraints clanged as he flexed and tensed, pulling against them. His deep, tired, agitated voice conveyed, "I was tortured for weeks. I was beaten, whipped, starved, strangled, and injected with syringes every single day. Then I come home to find out my dad is dead. All because of you. I don't have it in me to be nice anymore." He seethed through clenched teeth.
Her mouth opened to say something but she found herself speechless. She has seen Cillian battle with so many things- fear, trust, depression, and much more, but she's never seen him show hatred. Not directed at her. Not ever.
Her jaw snapped shut and she whispered, "I, um... I don't know who told you this is my fault, but I promise I never wanted this to happen to you."
A humorless, dark chuckle seemed to vibrate off the four walls. "Of course not."
"Did Hoppers tell you that?"
"He's dead."
"How do you know?"
His eyes met hers. "I killed him. I don't take orders from him anymore."
Her eyes widened. That should have given Sophie relief. Joy. Peace. She thought she should be jumping up and down, thanking God that man is no longer a threat. Instead it sent a chill down her spine. Why did she feel his death was the total opposite of victory?
"Did you forget what I was, Soph?" He questioned, his head cocking to the side. "Did you forget what my job was before I met you? I was trained to bring destruction. For pain. For death. All by my own hands."
Her spine straightened. "You think of yourself of some heartless murderer and you're not."
He laughed, his eyebrows raised in amusement. "No," he conveyed. "I'm afraid I'm just the regular kind of murderer."
She shook her head, panic seizing her chest. He'd killed people. She knew that. However, it never scared her. He was forced to do it. She was never afraid until now. "Who made you believe that killing is your purpose..."
"You'll meet him soon enough." He replied, gruffly.
She brushed the thought away and further tried to convince him, "Cillian... I love you-"
"It was all fake. You are fake. We are fake. This whole time, you tried to make me believe you loved me. You didn't, you were just trying to survive me."
"I do love you-"
"I never loved you." Cillian spoke, emotionless. "You were my mission."
He glanced up and mentally sputtered a moment at the look on her face. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, and just overall lost. Her clothes were disheveled, as if she hadn't slept in days, and her hair was as messy as her heart. Her posture was rigid- not out of anger, more as a desperate effort to keep herself from crumbling entirely.
He didn't understand why it made his heart ache but he hid it behind a scowl. "I should be flattered," he urged, to see if some anger - some spark of hope, of spirit, of life - might be found in her. "I've proven myself to be good at my job."
A shaky breath escaped past her lips and she croaked, "You have."
It wasn't the reaction he wanted- this blank, empty expression on her face. He wanted a fight. He wanted her to break. He wanted her to scream, to cry, but all she could manage was a blank stare.
"Did you get everything you wanted from me?" She asked. His words, "whatever you're willing," echoed in her mind.
"And then some." A wicked smile stretched across his lips, his canines suddenly looking far more predatory than they did to her previously. His eyes trailed down her body, telling her exactly what he meant by the crude comment. "You were amazing."
She didn't even have the decency to flinch. Nothing. She simply continued to stare. "I'm glad your mission was successful, then." She whispered. "I hope it was worth it."
"More than worth it." He snickered, eyes briefly flashing before hungrily trailing down her body. "That thing you did when we-"
She finally flinched back. One of the tears finally spilled over, heartbreak and humiliation cracking across her expression. "You don't mean that." She rasped in a broken whisper. "You love me."
She stood and he glared as she slowly approached, his muscles bulging and flexing as he fought his restraints. "None of this was real."
Tentatively, her hand laid on his forearm, and for a moment she saw her real Cillian flash in his eyes. "I love you, Cillian... we're going to make you better, okay?"
His jaw ticked, eyes flashed- and for a moment Sophie had hope. "You want to know the first thing I want to do when I'm out of these?" He asked in a softer voice.
She braced herself, praying he'd say something the real Cillian would say.
He leaned forward as far as his restraints would allow him to, as if telling an important secret. Quietly, he told her, "Crush your windpipe like I should have the first time."
Finally, she broke. She ran out of the room, not apologizing to anyone she accidentally bumped into along the way. That is, until she rammed into a firm chest and the arms connected to it didn't let her go. Through her tears, she spotted it was Sully.
She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but all that came out was a gut wrenching sob.
Sully wasn't the hugging type. He was more so the- touch-me-and-I'll-break-your-hand- type of person. Even still, he found it in his heart to open his arms for her. She hugged him, one of his arms wrapping around her as she sobbed.
"He was horrible and- and I don't know... I don't know if-"
"It's not true. Mates don't work like that." Sully reassured her. "He's not himself right now. Everything that's coming out of his mouth is what he was programmed to say."
She sniffled as she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. With a dejected sigh, she rasped, "it felt real."
He sighed, a heavy hand on her shoulder. "It is real to him right now. Over time, I really believe you'll break through to him."
"How? What can I do?"
He bit his inner cheek before he said, "remind him why he's wrong. Replace the lies in his head with the truth."
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