I don't know why, but I look down to avoid his gaze. His friends keep smiling at me.
"The food hasn't arrived yet, huh? Are you going to hunt for sea urchins now?"
"Be patient, PP. We ask a lot, so we have to wait." Kate answers to calm her down. Khun Sam is still restless. She is watching me.
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
Not long after, a waiter approaches. The table is full of delicious dishes. It is worth registering on social networks. Everyone takes their cell phones and takes photos to post on their social media, except for Khun Sam.
"Don't you want to take a picture?"
"No, I do not want to. So that?
"Mon, PP doesn't do these things. All he does is eat. By the way, you better update your networks, or the fans who follow you will be disappointed... Smile for the camera, PP"
My boss's straight face says she's pissed off, but she's still smiling at the camera. Since I met Khun Sam, I have only seen her smile once in the office and that smile was scaring the team. And now she's smiling the same way.
A fake smile. So different from 10 years ago.
"Right. I'll post first."
Khun Sam's photo is posted. I take out my cell phone to see his picture. I wonder why the photo was posted on Khun Sam's account, since Kate took it with her own cell phone.
He hasn't touched his cell phone yet.
"How do you get access to Khun Sam's account?"
Kate responds with a smile as she enjoys her plate.
"I own your Instagram account."
"There is?"
"Do you follow this account? Don't. It's all fake. I was the one who posted all that."
I blink in surprise. Is hard to understand. Seeing me confused, Tee tries to explain.
âPQ does not know how to use social networks. Only the Line app, which she herself created to chat with us. Also, we manage the account for her because she is from high society... See? On his Instagram there is a lot of work content, not much personal stuff... And all the information in the magazines is false."
shocked...
I look at Khun Sam. She raises her eyebrow.
"What's that?"
"All you told the magazines is...?"
"It is not mine."
Double surprise! It's okay, my head is blank right now. I'm trying to understand everything. I followed his life and all the information I read in the magazines but now everything is false. I need to reset everything.
"I'm confused." I'm shaking my head like I'm trying to relocate the information I just received.
"You mean none of the interviews are true?"
"I don't want to tell anyone about my life. I don't understand why they want to know if I prefer dogs or cats, favorite color or what my dreams are. What do you get out of that?"
"Our PP lives in a bubble. They just want to know about your life for inspiration."
I barely focus on what they say, I'm still shocked by the 10 years of false information I've collected. It's worth nothing now. Nothing is real. What's happening?
"So you don't like red, you don't have a kindergarten, and you don't like R&B music, right?"
They all look at each other because it looks like I'm going to go crazy at any moment. Tee nudges me to remind my mind to go back to the real world.
"Are you alright mon?"
"Where did you get that information from?" I don't say anything back to Tee and fix my hair. What have I believed for so long?
"We created a profile for her. We wanted you to know how cool she is, and I'm the one who likes red." Kate raises her hands in surrender.
"And I would like to have a kindergarten school." Tee answers before pointing at Jim.
"I like R&B music... Oh... and I prefer cats. PP likes dogs."
Khun Sam looks at me carefully. I'm still shocked, so she says:
"You know a lot about me... Oh, I forgot you're my fan."
"Yeah, I'm your fan. So I'm surprised all this isn't real."
I answer honestly without hesitation because I am still surprised. Kate looks at me and asks:
"Mon, why are you so interested in PP?"
"Khun Sam is my idol and my inspiration in life." I answer it. So I throw up my hands and cover my face in embarrassment to discover that everything I knew was false.
"Mon was shocked to the point of not doing anything."
"Idol? How?"
Tee and Jim ask me with interest. Khun Sam, who is next to me, removes his hands from my face.
"Answer clearly. Talk to others looking into their eyes." I look at Khun Sam and swallow hard.
"You've been my role model since I was in fourth grade."
"Hmmm." Khun Sam looks surprised. "Fourth grade?"
"Yes, I was impressed by you a long time ago and have followed your life ever since. All the interviews you gave to magazines, I cut them up and kept them in my collection."
"Where did you study? What university? I wanted to go to the same university as you, I worked very hard to get in."
"Passed?" he asks carefully. I nod in response.
"I did it. I did it."
"Why are you so obsessed with the PP? There are so many actresses. Why the PP?" Jim seems more excited than the others. He rushes to sit next to me, as if he can't hear from where he is.
"She smiled at me when we were young."
"PP smiled at you? Our PP?" Kate is baffled, as is Khun Sam.
"When?"
"When she was in the fourth grade... Khun Sam must not remember. That day, she was carrying a dog
named Tigre in his arms when he went to see my mother. She was crying because she couldn't take him home. My mother was a janitor."
"Memory." Khun Sam looks at me in shock. "Wait! Are you that girl?"
"Yes. It's me. You smiled at me and rubbed my head gently. I never forgot that. I've admired you ever since." I look at Khum Sam. His face is not serious as usual, but in shock. "And I'm losing my self esteem because I misunderstood everything about you. I thought I knew you wellâ¦more than the others, but all I know is a lie."
Khun Sam looks into my eyes after hearing what I said. It must have been by surprise, but suddenly he falls out of the chair.
"PAGES!" Tee runs to pick it up while laughing. "What's that?"
"Are you alright Khun Sam?"
I try to help her but she hits my hand. Although she wasn't strong, it was enough to stop me. They all look at each other and smile, especially Kate.
"Wow... You two are interesting."
And the day ended after Jim gave us all his wedding invitation. So we went home.
Khun Sam and I walk side by side, but we are silent. Before I was surprised, now I am ashamed. It was because I said too much about Khun Sam.
She will blame me for trying to get close to her.
"Khun Sam".
Khum Sam doesn't answer anything, but looks at me as he puts his hands in his pockets.
"Do you like the color gray?"
"Yeah."
The serious-faced woman answers me briefly. Then it goes silent again. At least now I know he doesn't like red. This is something true that you would not find in magazines and I decided to ask.
"It means that all this time I didn't hear from you."
"Okay. In time you'll find out what I like and what I don't."
I suddenly get butterflies in my stomach hearing this. He's letting me into his life.
"Mon."
He rarely calls me by my name. It's eerily quiet when I listen, so I look into her eyes.
"Yeah."
He stops walking, looks at me closely and measures my height with his hand.
"You grow up."
"Hmm."
"But only this? You're still short."
"We are the same height."
"I'm not short. I'm 5'1". That girl has grown." She smiles and looks at me kindly.
"You should have told me she was Aunt Pom's daughter."
"I didn't want you to think I was trying to force a friendship on you. You're in his bubble. Even when I bought you medicine, you blamed me for trying to get closer."
"I did not say that."
"Your action said. So I decided to keep quiet." I suddenly remember something and take a photo out of my wallet. It's the picture of Tiger that my mom took of him.
"Hereâ¦my mom printed it for you."
He takes the photo of Tiger, looks at it and smiles.
Palpitation...
My heart races so I look away. His smile at that time is the same as 10 years ago. It's not the smile I saw in magazines or when we were with his friends.
"How is he?"
"He died."
He stops for a moment and sighs.
"It's been over 10 years. At least he had someone to take care of him."
"Yes. I was close to him. Every time I saw you, I was reminded of you."
"Do we look alike?"
What a good interpreter! From the mother crab story last night.
"He represented you. When I saw him, he reminded me of your smile and your pity for him."
"Why are you so obsessed with me?"
She wasn't looking at me when she asked this question. She is embarrassed. And I can understand, I would feel that way too if I knew someone was obsessed with me.
"If I were a boy, I would flirt with you."
She covers her face with her hands, but continues to look at me through her fingers. "Don't look at me, please."
"There is?"
"I told you not to look at me. Go ahead."
"What's that?"
"If you don't walk ahead, I'll deduct it from your salary."
So variable. I don't answer anything, but I lead the way to his house. When we're almost there, he says something.
"I know you like pink."
"Hey?" I look at her confused. "What did you say?"
"You just found out I like the color grey. And I found out you like pink. We're even. It's fair game."
"So gradually we will learn from each other."
Then, he walks into his house without saying another word, leaving me stunned.
Why does my heart always miss a beat?