Monday morning, fully dressed and ready for the day, Ava waited for Johnny to pick her up. Staring out the window, looking for him, she played with the hem of her red zebra and polka dot sweater. She almost told her mother she couldn't go to school today, that she was still feeling unwell. Her mom knows something happened, but Ava never told her what specifically. Last Tuesday, when she arrived home in tears, she merely said, "Horrible gossip was spread about me." Then ran up to her room and threw herself onto the bed.
To be honest she feels incredibly nauseous. The thought of seeing both her ex-friend and cousin make her want to vomit all over her black suede boots. The whole thing is depressing. You think people are your friends, so you share parts of your life with them, and then they turn around and use it against you for gossip. It's really despicable. In the future, she's going to be more careful with who she vents to. A listening ear could also be a running mouth.
But the thing is, it's just SO frustrating to know how terrible a fake person truly is. Yet everyone loves them because they put on such a good show. What is that? Nothing but a liar. And if they can lie so well about being a friend, then what else are they hiding? But they also like to play the victim in the crimes they committed. That's just as terrible. It's the attention they crave. Some people are willing to betray years of friendship just to get a little spotlight. It gets difficult to tell who has your back, from those who have it long enough to stab you in it.
From the family room window, she spied Johnny's red car pull into the driveway. Grabbing her tote and hobo, she began walking to the door. Her mother must have heard her shoes because she came from the sunroom to say goodbye. Pulling her daughter into a hug, she reminded her "You're smart. You're kind. You're pretty. And you're significant to me and many others. Keep your head up."
Ava gave her a small smile. Just as Johnny was about to knock on the door, she opened it to walk out. He waved to her mother and gave his girl a hug. As is his habit, he carried her bag to his car. Once inside, Ava sat perfectly still and as quiet as the stars at night. Usually, when they're silent it's fine, but this is a different kind of silence altogether. He knows she's still hurting from finding out her personal problem is school news.
Naturally, that's going to bother him. Anything that bothers her, bothers him. The measure of a man's strength is the way he protects the woman he loves. Well anyone who dares to bother his wife needs to look out. He's not called the Ace Degenerate for no reason. Though he may be calmer, and possibly a little more reformed, he can still take anyone on. He'll set fire to the world around him and burn it all down. But he'll never let even a single flame, or scorch marks, touch her.
Before they got out of the car, he made her look at him. "You good? Because if not tell me now and we'll leave." Hurt flashed across her face but then she put on a smile, and he knew she was going to act brave. She'll continue on despite being broken.
Taking her hand, he reminded her who she is. "You're my wife. You're my best friend. You're everything. Just like you told me how you love all of my scars, well I love yours too. The fact you're here means you're stronger than their words, which tried to hurt you. You're not broken. You're beautiful." He leaned over and kissed her, then they got out together.
He held her a little tighter than normal. Of course, there was pointing and whispering, but that didn't stop her. She kept one foot in front of the other. When they had made a successful distance, he relinquished his tight hold and settled for her hand. They walked the rest of the way to meet up with their friends.
In an instant, her two girlfriends swarmed her with hugs. And he was ever so relieved that she has two such unlikely friends. If she didn't, then he'd be crazy with worry all day long. He knew they had her back and he has her front, she's protected on all sides. It's a weight off his already scrambled mind.
Dutch loudly proclaimed "Welcome to the losers club. You've come to the right place. We're all a merry band of misfits here." He looked around at the guys, who agreed. Then he told Ava, "But seriously, be flattered they're talking about you. It means you're in their head. Therefore you have power over them. They talk about you cause they're weak and you're strong." He stopped and pointed to himself with a classic Dutch smirk. "I, obviously, am like Thor because so many people talk about me. He's the strongest superhero, of course."
Everyone laughed, but what he says is true. He continued "All those who talk trash live in the gutter. So let them live there. But you don't have to throw shade to shine. You shine just because you're you. And if that fails then remind people not worry about you, worry about their eyebrows instead." He began pointing his finger around the schoolyard. "There are a lot of people walking around with bad eyebrows." His finger landed on Jimmy last, who smacked it away.
And then she laughed. Johnny could not have been more thankful for his vain friend. Talk drifted to Ava's golf tournament, on Wednesday. Tommy informed her, "We're all going to be there to watch. We realize, we have to sacrifice coming to school but it's worth it."
Ava shook her head, "Such a hardship." She gave him a side hug and noticed Dawn's eyes on him. Hmmm... She'll have to keep her own eyes on this development, as well as Bobby and Rachel (who are quietly whispering to each other). Interesting...
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the wicked witch, her useful minion, and a bunch of flying monkeys. Her heartbeat sped up, her pulse raced, and she became lightheaded at the thought of seeing them. The fight or flight response kicked in and she wanted to flee, unlike her husband and his friends who fight.
Johnny noticed the shape of her shoulders and the tension in her neck before he saw the look on her face. He knew something put her in that condition. Looking around he spotted her cousin, ex-friends, and the cheer squad. Pulling her into him, his fingers found residence on her shoulders. He massaged them, then kept his arms around her. It made a statement. If you want her, then you get him too.
Turning his head, Jimmy saw what Johnny and Ava saw. "It's going to take more than words and water to bring them down." He sighed. Girls are mean.
The rest of the group turned their heads in the direction of Jimmy's gaze. Lots of glares were given. Dutch's eyes narrowed, as did Dawn's. Dutch said, "There are times when my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut. This is one of those times." Bobby nudged him with his elbow. He rubbed his side and told him, "Man your elbow is bony. Watch where you point that thing."
When the bell rang, the group either headed to class or their lockers. Ava and Johnny went to their lockers. The good news is they have first-period English literature together. They grabbed all the things they'd need for their first three periods. Then they went to class.
The bad news is Ava's cousin is in their class. She and Johnny always sit together, always. They have since the start of school in September. Today, there is no two seats side by side or back to front. Only random seating around the room. Which one of the open seats, in the back, just got snatched up. Now there's an open chair by the window and a seat next to Misty. How convenient.
She and Johnny shared a look. Judging by his face he felt the same as she, seriously unhappy. He took the seat by Puke Green and she took the one by the window. Once she got situated, she turned her head to gaze at him. What she saw annoyed her. True to form, Misty was trying to catch his attention by acting flirty and coy.
But Johnny just sat there writing in his notebook (which is probably him doodling). Regardless he wasn't giving her the attention she sought. As if feeling her eyes on him, he looked up, saw her, and smiled his big toothy grin. She loves that one. It was evident Misty couldn't stand it by her crossed arms and her crossing and uncrossing her legs. Plus the annoyance was written on her face. Oh well.
The second bell rang and Mrs. Kirkwood called class. "Alright, students I hope you have read your assigned reading for class today. As a reminder, it was the first two chapters of The Scarlett Letter. Now, this is a drastically different story than our beloved Pride and Prejudice, but no less worthy." She gazed around the room and noticed Ava returned. "Miss Green it's so good to have you back with us. I feel confident that you will be able to make a worthy contribution to our discussion today."
Of course, eyes turned to look at her, and snickers were heard, as well as coughs of "Ana". Ava put on her smile. The discussion turned to the book and the punishment of sin and how it should be actively sought out and exposed. There was a rowdy debate on that topic between Caleb Redman and Holly Tate. The two argued back and forth. "Sin should always be exposed," Caleb stated with venom. But Holly said, "No it shouldn't. Sin should not be exposed to others. You don't know people's motives in exposing it. Not everyone has good intent."
Ava agreed with her. Too true. And then Misty decided to give her two cents worth. "But shouldn't those of us who are better encourage those who are not? Shouldn't we help them get better by pointing out their faults?"
Of all the arrogant, narcissistic drivel! Ava looked at her smug self sitting there with a satisfied grin looking, looking... well looking fake. She looks too perfect, too put together. And then she couldn't help it, she raised her hand.
"Ava please share your thoughts with us," Mrs. Kirkwood announced.
She gathered her courage and wore it like a badge. "There's faulty logic in that whole statement. There are none of us who are better. We all have things we don't like about ourselves or have done things we're not proud of. But those who judge and look down their noses at others are the ones who have the biggest skeletons in their closets."
With a sigh as she thought about her own situation, she spoke again. "When you judge you're just like the women townsfolk in this story. Hester Prynne was a scapegoat of their self-righteousness. They condemned her as loudly as possible, spoke about her behind her back as if they knew her, rather than pointing the finger at their own transgressions. And they hate her for not caring what they think."
She twisted her pen in her hands. "Some people attack others because their victims have the joy and peace they wish they had. Bringing down another person is child's play. Fake people do that. Real, true people want others to succeed. You never look good trying to make someone else look bad." Looking to Johnny, who nodded at her, she sat quietly in her seat.
Mrs. Kirkwood gave a smile to Ava and carried on with class. When the bell rang, she collected her things and put them in her bag. She didn't dare look at her cousin. Johnny came to collect her. His smile could light up any room.
"Babe you did good," was all he said. But it meant more than he could ever know. He kissed her cheek, took her hand, and together they walked out. "On Thursday we're getting here early. I refuse to sit by that, thatâ" He couldn't think of the right word. Well, that's not entirely true. There is one, but he can't say it at school.
Ava took over for him. "Burnt trollop." She has no problem calling her cousin what she is. A spade is a spade and a burnt trollop is a burnt trollop. Which ironically is the name of her favorite shade of lipstick. What does that say about her? She wonders...
Having no idea what that is, he asked "What is that?"
So she explained. "A burnt trollop is another word for a cheap floozy. That's me being kind. There are stronger words available for it."
His eyes lit up with laughter. "Burnt trollop. I like it." They both chuckled, smiled, and walked to her next class. While she's in math, he's in Spanish. "This is where I leave you. But if anyone gives you any trouble then they have to deal with me." He pecked her lips and gave her a huge hug.
As soon as he left and was out of sight, the teasing started. Coughs of "Ana" were heard. She kept her head down and didn't make eye contact with anyone. All she has to do is get through the day. Just make it through the day. Then tomorrow will be a new day to get through and the next day is the golf tournament. Just make it until then.
But the day was hard and trying. And it became troubling hearing the word "Ana" over and over again. By lunch, she had wilted in on herself. But she put on her fake smile and sucked it up.
Having not seen his girl all day, save for literature, Johnny rushed to get to lunch. Not seeing her with their friends, left him worried. Where could she be? He backtracked to her locker and she wasn't there. He checked empty classrooms, not there either. Remembering how she sat with him in the quiet and seclusion of the bleachers, he decided to try there. It's the last place he knows to look.
He saw her maroon coat before he saw her. His eyes closed and his head tilted back in relief. Picking up speed he joined her on the bleacher she's sitting at. Coming behind her he pulled her into him and rested his chin on her head. "I'm guessing you've had a rough day if you're sitting all the way out here."
Digging in her school bag, she pulled out his lunch and handed it to him. "Babe I don't care about lunch. I care about you."
With a huge sigh, she turned around to look at him. "I just have to get through today. Then tomorrow, and the tournament, and the rest of the week."
Not liking what he's hearing, he commented on it. "But you shouldn't have to get through anything. What have they said to you?"
Waving him off, she stated "Just the usual. Coughs of Ana, snide looks, and whispering. That's all."
His jaw grew tight and his muscles tense. "So they waited until I wasn't with you to tear you down. What a bunch of spineless losers." Calm is a superpower, right? Because if it is then he really needs to tap into that. Right now he feels anything but calm. Weak, weak pussies. They know he'll tear their faces off if they pull that shit in front of him. So they do it when he's gone and she's alone. But the thing about being the Ace Degenerate is he can do bad very well when needed. And right now, God help anyone who disrespects her in his presence.
He pointed his finger all around. "These assholes mean nothing. We've got until graduation to put up with them. Then we get all new ones in college. But these people are not important. You on the other hand are. You're important. When we graduate they'll all be bad memories like eating dog food and puking inside an expensive handbag." His face looked pained at the memory. Then he told her, "Don't do that. You're my wife and I frickin' love you and get to spend my life with you. Now let's eat lunch and then after school we'll go to our new hideaway."
Smiling at him and looking at his eyes dance in the sunlight, made her feel more relaxed. He can always make her feel better. They ate lunch and laughed about Jimmy getting oil all over himself in shop class.
The rest of the day Ava endured. She sat with it and sat with it and sat with it (all the whispers, the teasing, the stares, all of it). Even though she wanted to run. Even though it's burdensome and difficult. She sat with it.
And finally, PE came. She would be able to see Johnny, Rachel, Dawn, and the guys. Rachel and Dawn met her in front of the gym to go change out. Her two friends gave her strength and encouragement. But no one gives her more than her guy. He is love. Love is when someone who knows your scars stay to kiss them. And that is more than words could ever do.
Today the class was on the field. Guys are playing rugby and girls are playing soccer. She was standing with Rach and Dawn when she caught Johnny's eyes. He winked at her and her face glowed with smiling. For the first time that day, she held her head up and had her shoulders back.
Truth be told, Ava hates soccer. She doesn't mind watching it and cheering for Johnny, or any other Cobras, but playing it herself is just not her thing. That's why she didn't mind playing last, neither did Rachel or Dawn. When it was their turn to hit the field, she was as ready as she'd ever be. Except something happened. As she was running, someone threw the ball hard at her back. Like really hard. She fell down flat on the ground. Laughter started.
From the other end of the field, where the boys were playing, Johnny saw everything. He had been keeping an eye on her, just in case, while also focusing on his rugby game. After he went to the sideline to take a breather, he turned his attention fully to her. Why wouldn't he? She's his babe. But as she took the field with her friends, he saw her nasty cousin, ex-friends, plus Susan and Barbara huddled together whispering. Then he saw Susan take a soccer ball and throw it at her back. He also heard the laughter, which made him madder than a cobra fighting a mongoose.
His blood boiled and his eyes narrowed. He was about to take off running to help her when Bobby stopped him. "No Johnny. Don't do it. Just wait and see what happens."
Has he lost his mind? "The hell I will! She's my wâ"
"We know Man. She's your wonderful, hot girl. But Bobby's right. Just wait and see how she handles it." Dutch told him.
Thankful for Dutch's interruption, as he almost spilled the beans, he decided to take their advice. He'd wait and if she doesn't get up or they do it again, then he's going to kick ass.
While she lay there on the ground, the pain in her back stinging like her pride, she heard the coach yell "Green you all right?" Great question. Is she alright? She's tired, hurting, sad, and just upset. But then it hit her. She's not a Green, not anymore. She's a Lawrence. Ava Leigh Lawrence. Â And Lawrence's don't quit. They may not always win, but they never back out of a fight.
So she got up and played. Through the tiredness, through the hurt, through the sadness, through the teasing, and through the pain, she played. Because when you know who you are it changes what you feel and what you do. The less you let things upset you.
People may throw soccer balls at her, but she's not throwing them back. She's going to pick them up and collect them as prizes. Yes, she was anorexic. It's a part of her story. It's a part of who she was and she's not going to be ashamed of it. Like Johnny said these spineless losers don't matter. It's time she leveled up.
Picking herself up from the ground, she brushed herself off. Dawn and Rachel were by her side immediately. "Are you OK? That was a nasty hit," Rach asked. She wants to go pick up a ball and throw it at them.
Ava gave a small smile. "I've seen better days, but I'm still standing." That's what she has to do, stand. Stand in the fire and hope for rain. Plus it's not about stopping the fire, it's about who's in the fire standing with you. She has Johnny, Rachel, Dawn, and the Cobras. That's more than enough firefighters.
At the end of the game, Joy, Charley, Kara, Misty, and some of the cheerleaders were in her way. Dawn, Rachel, and Ava had to walk past them to get off the field. As she passed, they laughed and said "Hey Ana. Sorry, you took a fall. It must have hurt like your feelings."
Dawn was ready to hit all of them with a golf club. Rachel had to stop her. But Ava hushed them both. She looked right at her ex-friends and cousin. "Oh, Joy if you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty." Then she told them "I'm disappointed but not surprised." Staring at Misty she admitted "I may not be perfect, but apparently you are. After gossiping about me pray for me, that I'll be perfect like you."
She and her two friends walked past them and straight into "Johnny! What are you doing?" He picked her up and spun her around. When he put her down, he wrapped her in his embrace.
"I'm proud of you. You got up and played. And you told them off. That's pretty badass." He kissed the top of her head.
Smiling into his chest, she whispered "That's because I'm a Lawrence. And Lawrence's never quit."
He held her in front of him, fixed his eyes on hers. "No. We don't." They embraced again, then held hands to the gym. Lawrence's don't quit, but they do put MiraLAX in water bottles. So sorry mean, rotten girls. The Ace Degenerate strikes again. He'd been saving it in his gym locker for such a time as this.