Chapter 42 – Healing And Talking

We returned to the Island and Mousethief drove us back to the headquarters of the organization. We entered from the side entrance this time instead of the front. Mousethief disappeared with the car while I made my way to the third floor with my father.

My father escorted me to Doctor Sharpeyes’ office. The old female rat was waiting for us as we entered. “Coming to see me again. No respect for poison,” she said with a scoff. “Sit. And are you injured Tom Cat?”

“No,” he replied.

“Then out and go find something useful to do,” she said. He gave me a look and I gave a short nod. He left her office as I sat down on a reclined couch. “At least you are able to walk. Now, what exactly were you poisoned by, I was told a snake?”

“Poison exhaled by an Apostate in an enclosed underground room, and then poison from the Snake Ancestral Spirit. I made sure not to breathe any in, but I feel weak,” I said.

“Foolish cat. Didn’t you listen to my lectures on poison,” I nodded sheepishly at that. “Take off your sweater.” I did as she instructed. After that Doctor Sharpeyes came up and placed her paws on my chest. “Breathe as deep as you can.”

I took in a deep breath. “Hold.” I listened to her. “Exhale slowly,” she replied. I exhaled.

“Ah!” I let out a shout as she yanked a couple strands of my fur out. She ignored my glare as she sniffed the fur.

“Good news is that the poison didn’t enter your body. You were only partially poisoned. Good job not inhaling any of it,” she replied and I let out a sigh of relief. I had been worried even with my skill.

“The weakness will persist for another few days, but there should be no long term complications,” she replied.

“You can tell all that from my breathing and just some fur?” I asked.

“I am an expert in these things Mittens. If the poison was more serious, you would either be in pain by now, or have trouble breathing. The poison is on the outer portion of your fur, not the roots. That means your body didn’t take in any.” I nodded at this.

“While we can run a blood test, it isn’t needed. The anti-venom and the activated charcoal handled the cursory poisoning already. Mousethief administered the dose?” she asked.

“I think so,” I replied, and Doctor Sharpeyes nodded.

“Well, he got the dosage perfect. No side effects from over dosing either. You are one lucky cat, Mittens,” the Doctor said. “Now any other injuries or problems?” she asked.

“I…I fell into a blood rage,” I said hesitantly. She let out a sigh and pulled up a chair next to me and sat down.

“It is rare to survive such a thing. Let me guess, you feel a strong desire to fight and kill?”

“Yes, exactly that. I try to meditate and focus, but it doesn’t seem to help,” I replied.

“That is why going into such a state is so dangerous. Each time, it is easier and easier, until you are perpetually in that state. That is much more concerning than the poison. I am glad you brought it up to me.”

“So, what should I do?” I asked.

“Breathing exercises and meditation will help. But what you experienced is not something that can be easily fixed. There is medication, but it will make you drowsy and slow your reflexes.” I shook my head at that. “Which is why it is pointless to take. If you take it, you can’t do missions. And if you go on missions, you can’t take the medication.”

“You need to focus on your emotional state and separate yourself from the events around you. I am giving you a direct order, that if you enter another blood rage for any reason, you must inform me,” Doctor Sharpeyes said.

“I understand. But isn’t there something else?” I asked.

“Unfortunately no. The phenomenon is only triggered in life and death circumstances and not easily investigated. Paladins often fall into such a state, but they undergo mental training their entire lives to more easily manage their rage,” she said.

“They are always in a rage?” I asked as Paladin Bloodclaw’s behavior made more sense now.

“Indeed. One can learn to live in such a way, but it isn’t healthy. You can ignore minor injuries, but your emotions are a hair trigger away from killing another creature. That is acceptable for Paladins since they only tend to go out when things are falling apart. But for assassins in this organization, it is important that they be level headed. If you fall to a blood rage again, your death will come quickly after that. I promise.”

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I felt frustrated. I couldn’t admit that the enraged state had save me while being swallowed, since Mes had handled a lot of the poison with my skill. Anyone entering a blood rage after what I had been through would be more understandable. But in the end, I had to swallow my frustration and accept that I needed to be in control of myself.

“Thanks Doctor Sharpeyes,” I said.

“Hmmm, well, good to see that you understand the situation you are in. Now your first mission, turned into two. How did you find it?” she asked.

“Hard. Apostates are tough to kill,” I replied, and Doctor Sharpeyes laughed at that.

“Oh Mittens, only you could say that with a straight face. Killing Apostates is not something easily done. Even Master Assassins can struggle, not to mention High Apostates. Well keep training and avoid getting poisoned and it will be fine. This is a tough job, but you are a tough cat. How does it feel to complete your first mission?” the doctor asked.

“Good, I mean, I stopped a disaster from happening, this Quackening,” I replied.

“That is good to hear. Any issues with the Covenant Church?”

“And if I say yes?” I asked.

“I would listen and see what could be done to resolve them. I handle both poisons and mental health here. I know it seems an odd cross, but some poisons can impact the mind. Part of my job is to clear creatures, both mentally and physically. Even your father and I talk from time to time,” Doctor Sharpeyes answered. I let out a small sigh.

“I just feel like, that there could be more support. Mousethief and my father were amazing, but just having some more backup on hand like a team would be nice,” I replied.

“That is something that has been discussed. The problem is the speed of response to various situations and handling them. Also how many missions there are. We are hard pressed at the moment,” the Doctor said.

“What about the other applicants?” I asked.

“You know the answer to that Mittens. Imagine if you had failed and this Quackening had occurred, or the Apostates realized we were onto them. It would have been much worse than some dead ducks and a bit of ground shaking,” she said.

“We can’t send them in teams or something like that?” I asked.

“We do have creatures looking for issues and clean up crews. But an assassins job, and what this organization focuses on, is getting right into the middle of a situation, and at the very least getting information. I know this was covered, why the doubts now?”

“I just felt overwhelmed. Three Apostates and if my father wasn’t there, I would be dead,” I replied.

“That is a valid concern. Next time, you can check the area more thoroughly. Perhaps create a diversion. Or start the fight outside the ritual chamber. Or use a bomb to collapse the staircase. That is the hardest part of the job Mittens. Being able to think outside the box.”

“Each situation is different and requires a different solution,” I quoted one of the lines that had been repeated during my classroom time.

“Indeed. Assassins are given broad leeway to complete their missions. It isn’t just rushing in and killing every creature. While you are clearly good at that, it isn’t always the best option,” she replied.

“But my father and Mousethief went along with my plan. I…shouldn’t they have said something if there was an issue?” I asked.

“Yes and no. Hindsight makes things clear and obvious. But in the field, you need to trust your own judgement and see it through.”

“Hesitation is death,” I replied, and Doctor Sharpeyes nodded.

“Exactly. You are a good assassin, Mittens. Most other creatures would have died in your position, or have been too slow. But you won in the end and came back alive. That is the most important thing. You can take this experience and learn from it to do better next time.”

“I was close to dying…I…I don’t know how to feel about that,” I hesitantly explained. While I still believed in myself, I just was unsure. Had I listened to Mes too much? Had I been too reckless?

“That is common. That doubt. Like you said hesitation is death, but that fear will always be there. It is what makes a good assassin a great assassin. Everyone of us has felt that fear at one point or another. The important thing isn’t to ignore it or push it away. But embrace it, accept it, and act regardless. Do you want to quit?”

“No! I mean, no. I like this job. Its just, I thought I would be better out there,” I replied. Doctor Sharpeyes laughed.

“Oh Mittens. You are amazing. But this job is complicated. The best have died and idiots have lived. The important thing is to gain experience with each mission so you can do the next one better than the previous one.”

“Alright,” I said, feeling tired after talking so much.

“You are cleared for duty. I know there are lingering effects, but they will clear up in a day or two. If you haven’t had a serious reaction by now, there should be no further issues. Drink lots of water though and you may shed a bit more in the next week or so. Other than that you are fine.”

“Thanks Doctor Sharpeyes,” I said as I got up.

“That is what I am here for Mittens. Your health is very important, both physical and mental. Don’t make me chase you down. High Cleric Maximilian will want to see you in his office now that you are cleared,” she said.

“I won’t be a stranger, I promise,” I replied. I left her office, not feeling better, but less worried. I put my sweater back on as I made my way to High Cleric’s Maximilan’s office. I thought about what Doctor Sharpeyes had talked to be about.

Even after all my training and Mes’ help I had almost died. I had never come close to death like that before and it had left me shaken up. On top of falling into an enraged state. While the first mission had been completed, I felt like a failure for losing control, and suffering a defeat.

The doctor was right. I needed more skills to get better. That meant more missions and killing more creatures to become strong enough, that nothing could ever threaten me again. As my resolve firmed up I felt a lot better about myself. Doctor Sharpeyes had been right, it had been a good thing to talk with her about my issues.

I reached Maximilian’s office and the secretary waved me in and alerting him I had arrived.