Penny's nightmare last night wasn't quite like her other ones. Before, it would feature her father doing awful things to her, calling her awful names. Her nightmares were often like her old life with her new life sprinkled in.
This dream was different.
Penny was sitting at the edge of a cliff with an ocean below her. She felt the tears streaming down her face, but she wasn't crying or sobbing. She was just sitting in silence as wind wrapped around her. Her red hair was the only part of her body that was freely moving. The rest felt frozen.
She started to hear voices behind her. She looked behind and found herself, laughing and frolicking in a warm sunny field behind her. She watched as the other woman twirled and fell gently into wildflowers. She was smiling the whole time.
Penny, the one watching by the cliff, started move. She stood up slowly, her heels dangling on the edge. She faced the other Penny, who was still smiling. Penny, all of a sudden, felt a jabbing sensation in her heart. A knife stuck clearly out from her chest.
She lost her balance and feel backwards off the cliffs towards the cold water.
She landed with a small splash; her body not big enough to make a huge impact.
Penny lost control of her body again as she sunk lower and lower into the freezing ocean. She tried to breath in, but all she could feel was water rush to her lungs. The water around her started to become tainted red with her own blood. She could feel herself die, slowly...
This time she shot out of bed, gasping for air. Her hands frantically move to her chest as she felt around. There was no knife in her chest and there was no hole. She tried to relax her breathing and laid back down her in bed, not able to sleep the rest of the night.
She had her nightmare on a Friday night and woke up on a Saturday in the middle of November.
Luckily, on the weekend, she had no auditions to blow off. She did feel guilty about them because Danny did work hard to find them for her. However, at this point, she was long past feeling. She was long past just being.
Danny, even over the phone and realizing she never left her room, saw this behavior. He called his sister Aubrey, hoping that in some way she could help. He never had a way with words like she did. He supposes that is why she gets paid so well.
This same exact Saturday, Aubrey wasn't busy with work. So, she drove out to her youngest brother's apartment to check on her new sister-in-law.
Dr. Aubrey Romano-Hill had no problem with the girl. She was sweet, cute, and nice. A little innocent, but maybe just what her brother needed. She didn't quite get to know the girl as well as Danny and Addison, but that's because she didn't have time.
Aubrey was a high profile psychologist. Even though she is new to it all, she is incredibly smart and quick-minded. She became so popular because her childhood best friend was a well-known child show actress. When this friend moved back into the city, Aubrey became her therapist. The actress helped her friend by promoting her to all her colleagues. Soon, she had so many high profile cases coming to see her. Everyone who left her office only had nice words to say.
Outside the office, Aubrey had been quite busy as well. She and her husband, a lawyer named Logan Hill, were trying to get pregnant. After years of trying and a few miscarriages, the doctors gave her the diagnosis of infertile.
Aubrey and Logan were privileged enough to have enough money to invest in in-vitro fertilization and other fertility treatments. Her weekends recently became busy with doctors' appointments and consultation.
Aubrey and Logan have been together for a long time. While they had their ups and down, they are ultimately the third most stable relationship in the family, right after the Romano parents and her older brother Ben and his wife. They couple were high school sweethearts. Well, more like college and high school sweethearts. Logan was actually Quentin's best friend growing up and he always had a crush for his friend's older sister. The two always had a one year differences, and Aubrey couldn't help but seeing Logan as much younger when she was in high school. When Logan was a senior in high school and Aubrey, a freshman in college, she started to see his differently. First of all, he grew and developed a lot, transforming him from a scrawny boy to a muscular young man. Second of all, they bonded of her winter break. Logan was covering his friend's ass this one time. Quentin told his parents he was spending the nights at Logan's, but actually, he was spending it with a girl. Logan wasn't prepared for the Romano's to send his older sister. She discovered the lie and decided not to tell her parents. Instead, she spent the night hanging out with him. For the rest of the winter break, Logan and Aubrey just hung out, until he found the balls to ask her out.
It wasn't easy throughout college, as they went to different places, but they made it through and got married once he got his bachelor's degree. Ever since their jobs became stable, they have been trying to a child, but haven't found any luck.
Finally at her younger brother's place in the mid-morning, she knocked on the front white door. She hears the jangling of locks and saw the maid open the door.
"Hi, Danny called me and asked me to talk to Penelope."
"Oh, thank God!" the maid rejoiced. "She hasn't been herself for some time. She can barely get out of bed and eat. Recently, she wouldn't even come downstairs at all. She just spends her day sleeping or staring at the wall. I can't even image what she is thinking of."
Aubrey never knew that Penny was going through something like this. It could be due to homesickness, but she is not sure until she speaks to the young woman. "Well, I will try to do my best and help her. Can you show me her room?"
The maid nodded and guides Aubrey up the stairs and in front of a door. She knocked, "Penny, Dr. Aubrey Romano is here to see you. Can we come in?"
They heard a strangled groan, and she took that as a yes. The maid slowly opens the door and Aubrey took a good look around the room.
It was pretty clean. The floors were spotless, most likely due to the maid caring for the girl. Currently, on the nightstand there is a tray with a bowl of cereal that is most likely soggy and a glass of water. Both looked untouched.
The bed was a mess as well as the girl in it.
Red hair tied up into a messy bun. Wrinkled all black clothes that have been on longer than they needed too. The bedding is poked out from the edges and a pair of legs are exposed below.
The bed looked like a tornado went through it.
Penny was facing the door. She watched the as the two woman walked through the door. Penny used whatever energy she had to push herself up to talk to her guest.
"Hey, Penelope...can I call you Penny?" Aubrey asked. Penny nodded in agreement. "I came to see you. Danny called me and told me how you were missing auditions. He was really worried over the phone. He wished that you were here right now."
Aubrey finished talking and all that was left was silences. Penny was just looking down at her fingers, so she took the opportunity to sit down next to her on the bed. The maid also took this opportunity to give them their privacy.
"I am going to be honest right now because I think you deserve it. You look terrible right now and smell bad too." Aubrey smiled, trying to make everything more lighthearted. It worked a little because Penny let out a little laughing sigh. "Why don't you get out of bed and take a shower, hm? It is a start to feeling better... and smelling better too."
Penny stays still, but speaks quietly, "I don't know if I can. I just can't do anything." She takes a second to drop her head into her hand. Aubrey often sees this move in her patients when they are trying not to let her see them cry.
So, Aubrey takes a hold of her chin, and gently lifts her head so they can see eye to eye. Penny's hazel eyes are now on the verge of green as red laces throughout the white.
Penny was embarrassed to be seen this way. If her father saw her now, he would call her weak. She is even pretty sure Quentin would call her weak.
"It's okay Penny. I know that it feels awful right now, like a weight a pulling you down to the center of the earth. It is an awful feeling and I'm here to help. I will walk with you to the bathroom and stand wherever you want me to while you take your shower. You can even sit if you want to, but don't let yourself take a bath."
Penny reaches up to her eyes and brushes some tears from her face. "Okay," was all she said. She finally got out of the bed and together they walk to the bathroom. Penny goes to sit on the closed toilet sit while Aubrey grabs some clothes for her. She grabbed a pair of gray leggings and a navy blue, long sleeved shirt.
She places the clothes on the counter and Penny says, "Can you stand outside in my room?"
"Of course I can," Aubrey smiles gently. She walks over to the shower and turns it on for the young woman. "I will just be outside this door." And with that, she closes the door behind her.
Aubrey, while Penny showered, made her bed for her. She tucked the sheets back in and fluffed out the pillows.
She has seen many of her patients describe moments like this, and if she would prescribe a diagnosis, it would be depression. I
Aubrey plans on continue talking, finding out more about her, the good and the bad. It is important for Penny to be able to have control over her daily functions again. If she doesn't get help immediately, it could eventually kill her.
Penny, back in the bathroom, was fighting everything not to crumble again. She will barely successful. She undressed and got into the shower. She sat down on a little sit in the shower, and just let the water run down her. The warm steam and soft droplets of water did make her feel better. She started to feel clean again.
She didn't bother actually washing her body, but it was enough to clean the sweat and built-up gunk from her body. She turned off the shower and lazily got out. She wrapped a bright white towel from around her body and sat down on the toilet again.
She had a feeling what Aubrey wanted to do. She wanted to talk to Penny about her feelings. She was a therapist after all. However, she was a little more hands on that what she thought a normal therapist would do. Maybe because she was married to her younger brother. It should have made her feel special.
But, at the moment, it felt like Penny could feel nothing. She was a hollowed out shell. Every piece of life that she had once was scooped and scraped from her.
She sat in the bathroom for a little, waiting for every drop of water to evaporate, and then took extra time to get dressed. She walked out of the bathroom to find Aubrey sitting on the bed, casually on her phone.
Aubrey heard the door open and saw Penny wearing the fresh set of clothes, "There you go, you look nice! Why don't you sit down on your desk, and I will brush and braid your hair."
Penny nodded her head and walked to the chair. Aubrey found a brush and a hair tie in the bathroom. She started off gently brushing the girl's hair in silence. Penny's eyes were closed, enjoying the feeling of someone softly handling her hair. When Aubrey started braid, she started to talk with Penny, "You know, Addison told me that the reason she decided to study fashion and beauty was because I would do her hair as a little kid and help pick her outfits. It's amazing what something so small can do. How did you get into acting and theater?"
Penny preferred to hear Aubrey speak, but she responded, "My mom loved listening to show tunes. She had a beautiful voice too, encourage me to sing along. She even put me into dance classes when I was younger. After she left, I missed her so much and my high school was doing the Sound of Music, her favorite movie musical. I auditioned to be closer to her when I couldn't be."
"Thank you for sharing that I didn't know." Aubrey wanted to let Penny know that she appreciated her sharing when she didn't have to. It was something she did her sessions with other patients. Penny was more than a patient though. She didn't have a hard time seeing her a more than someone across from her. "You know that when I was in high school, my mother tried to get us all to run with her on weekend mornings. She absolutely loved it. Waking up early in the morning and just going out in fresh cold air. She just wanted all of us to experience it. So, she took all six kids. Ben was the only one who liked the training and Addison was a little too young, and quite the girly-girl who didn't believe in exercise. It only happened twice, then she gave up."
This little story made Penny tug up a little smile. She can't image her new sisters-in-law trying to go for a run. They were always impeccably dressed, never even in sneakers.
By this time, Aubrey had finished brushing her hair and asked her to come downstairs. The maid, which Aubrey finally caught her name as Ms. Birdie, was nowhere to be seen in the kitchen and most likely in her room.
Together they walked slowly walk to the kitchen in silence. Aubrey decides to say, "How about we make some hot chocolate together? It will be good to work with your hands."
"Um, yeah sure," Penny says, and starts looking through the pantry to find hot coco mix. Aubrey locates the mugs and a kettle. She fills it with about two cups and put it over the stove. Penny puts a packet of hot coco in each mug. They wait patiently for the water to boil. Aubrey let Penny have the honor of pouring the right amount into each cup. The hot coco was then topped with some extra milk and whipped cream.
Aubrey wants to start having a serious conversion about everything that is happening. At the kitchen island, she starts the conversation, "Penny, as you know I am a psychologist. I just want to let you know that I care for you so much, even if I just met you. I can see how much pain you are in, how much you are struggling. I am sorry that you are experiencing this right now, and all alone. How can I help you?"
Penny was speechless. She didn't have a line of people asking her about her mental health. It was refreshing. She still feels broken on the inside, hurt from just everything that has happened. It is hard right now to open up about everything. For years, she had been told to keep her mouth shut in order to keep her father's reputation. A small part of her is trying to keep that true, even if it is only to maintain the image of herself.
She doesn't need anyone's pity or sad eyes. She just wants to feel loved. She wants to feel safe and never alone. Sometimes, Penny realizes, she needs to take the steps towards achieving that.
Penny decided to make a step towards that by talking to her new therapist friend, "Right now it feels hard to trust someone. I don't want to let anyone down because sometimes I feel like a burden. Like right now, I am taking up your weekend time and I am wasting Quentin's space by being in his life right now. Then I also keep letting Danny down by stop showing up to auditions. I'm just tired, like emotionally. I am tired for showing up to audition after audition with this fake smile and fake energy only to be rejected over and over again and again, with the only reason being there is someone better than me. I am not arrogant, but I had confidence in my talent. After a whole month of nonstop rejection, I am tired. I feel like I have a whole weight on me. A weight from my past and a weight from the present. I am just tired of dealing with everything."
Aubrey was surprised by her rants. She didn't know she would feel comfortable to share with someone she was only meeting for the second time. Nevertheless, Aubrey was thankful.
"Penny," Aubrey puts down her mug, looks the redhead in the eyes, and grabs her hands. "I want you to know that it is okay to feel this way and that what you are going through is valid. This is a hard time for you, and I am not judging. You took the first step to a healthier mental state with me today and I am proud of you."
Penny's eyes started to fill with tears, "I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to feel anything at this point."
Aubrey took this chance to stand up and extend her arms. Penny flew into her and embraced the woman. Penny delicately cried into Aubrey shoulder. "I know. I want to help you if you allow me to. I will never leave you. You can call me anytime. Even when we are through this, I will still be there no matter what. So will everyone else in our family."
The tears have stopped flowing down her face, but they have dried up on her cheeks. Even crying, Penny looked beautiful.
Penny hesitantly said, "How can I trust you all? When I first came everyone was so nice, but then they all disappeared. I know that they are all busy, but I feel so isolated and alone."
"Well, even if they can't make it, I will be able to see you once a week. I am putting you down on Thursdays at ten a.m. in my office. We can talk about your feels and mental health, or just about what tv show you are watching. I won't even charge you. Even if no one else talks to you again, I will still be there to see you once a week."
Penny felt better with Aubrey. She had a fierce, motherly attitude that is willing to protect her children at all times. She can see why she is highly renowned as a therapist.
She made them all feel loved.
Penny just nodded her head. Sadly, it was time for Aubrey to head out for the day. Penny walked Aubrey out of the apartment.
Her last thing to Penny was, "I want you to stay out of your room for the rest of the day. If you are tired, sleep on the couch. Your room has become a black hole with these feelings. Try as often as possible to shower, put on nice lotion, and wear fresh clothes, it can help with mood. Just do something that brings a smile to your face."
With that, the therapist left her new client at the doors with a hope of getting better.