Little Things
"Where do you want to go?" Louis asks me softly, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand that he refuses to let go.
It's the first time either of us has spoken since we left my grandparents thirty minutes ago. I don't know where we're going. We are just driving.
My wrist has stopped bleeding and my heart has steadied, but my mind just can't work. There are too many things going on and I wish I could just go back to the morning and do the whole day over.
I relapsed; I hurt myself again. The worst thing--Louis saw me. He had to see me in all my worthless and brokenness.
"I have no idea," I mumble honestly, still keeping my gaze locked on the world beyond the car window.
"What are you thinking?" he asks cautiously.
After a moment of silence, I exhale deeply. "How exhausted I feel. How I want to escape from it all. How I want to go back to before he had to come through that door. How I want for my family, the boys... you, to never have seen me like that. How much I just don't want to deal with any of this," I say as the tears well up in my eyes rapidly once again. I can't help it.
"We'll get through this Avery. I am not going anywhere."
"I just don't want to deal with any of this."
"We don't have to deal with this, right now, if you don't want to," he says as his voice perks up a tad--hoping the prospective of avoiding the situation for the time being will make me feel better.
"What do you mean?" I ask curiously, finally turning to look at him.
"Let's just get out of here for a little bit. We have a concert in Hawaii the day after LA. Why don't we go a little early? We can go, I can come back for a few days for the concerts, and fly over with the boys and we can all enjoy Hawaii for a bit. Management has given us a few days to enjoy the islands. It can be an escape. Then when we are finished, we can go back to work. Hang out on the road just like Europe. It can just work itself out."
I stare at him blankly. Honestly, that sounds like a perfect plan--a plan that I can seriously see working. But it sounds too good to be true. I mean, I will obviously eventually have to deal with my family. For now though, I can go hang out and relax on a tropical island with the man I love.
"Let's go." I smile in response. I know it's a slightly odd response to be smiling given the circumstance, but all I really want is to leave that behind for now.
"Really?" he perks up at my change in mood.
"Yeah. Let's run off to paradise for a little bit."
He tore his eyes from the road to give me the biggest smile I have ever seen cross his lips.
"Then, by tomorrow, we will be standing on the shores of the Hawaiian Islands."
"Make it Maui," I quip.
"Why Maui? The concert is on Oahu."
"Oahu sucks," I state as if it is the most obvious answer in the world.
"Okay..." he says, obviously unaware of the low quality Oahu ranks in the Hawaiian Islands. "Have you been there before?"
"My mom lived on Maui for 12 years. We have some family over there that we visit all the time on Maui. It was my second home growing up. For the first... at least five years of my life, I spent a good three months a year over there. It's amazing." I smile at the treasured memories that talking about my times on the island.
"Well, then. Let's go to Maui."
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"Gate 18. Flight HA 33 to Kahului. First class now boarding!" a woman's voice calls over the loudspeaker.
"I'm so excited!" I all but squeal in excitement as I pull Louis' hand to the gate.
It's the next morning, and we woke up bright and early to get to John Wayne Airport for our 7am flight. We decided it was easier if we went to SNA instead of LAX because it's down the street and a smaller airport so we don't have to deal with the huge crowds.
"I'm glad." He smiles happily. I know he likes seeing me so happy, and that fact alone is enough to brighten my already wide smile.
"I've never flown first class before!"
"Really?" he asks, somewhat shocked. He knows I fly a lot, but it's actually because of that that first class was never really reasonable. It wasn't like it was this fantasized, once in a lifetime vacation. We mainly went over there to hang out with my family. We didn't even stay over on the touristy side of Maui where all the fancy resorts and spas were. My family lives in the rural, rain forest area of the island. The most we would do would be spend a night or two in Lahaina or Kaanapali. The rest of the time we just hang out at their house in Haiku. It was never a 'first class vacation'. Plus, it's only a five hour plane ride and I don't even bring movies or anything anymore. I just listen to music because it's just a quick flight.
"Yeah, just because we were going over there so much just to hang out with my family so there was never really a real reason to fly first class. I have always wanted to, though."
"Well, you will love it," he says with a pretentious accent.
"Thank you," I say, pulling him to a stop as we are about to step into the terminal to give him a chaste kiss. He smiles and hums happily against my lips.
"My pleasure."
I smile at him before continuing to walk down the metal ramp to the entrance of the plane. I used to get nervous at this point in the trip, but I have grown to love the sounds of the air whooshing through the gaps between the side of the airplane and the terminal entrance, and the rattling hum of voices and bags being shoved into the overhead compartments as everyone struggles to get their items situated. Even the monotonous roar of the engine that used to scare the crap out of me. It felt comfortably familiar, now.
I thank the stewardess once we step onto the plane. We walk swiftly to our seats at the very front of the airplane and Louis takes my carry-on to find a space for it above the seats while I get situated in my seat.
They're much nicer than the seats in coach, as to be expected. They are wider and have more leg room. I like it.
"Comfy?" Louis smirks as he plops down next to me when the plane starts driving away from the terminal to the runway.
"Very."
"So, what do you wanna do for the next five hours?"
"I usually just listen to music. You wanna listen to some with me?" I ask excitedly. I honestly love showing people music. I don't know why. I just love music and it's nice being able to share that infatuation with someone.
"Sure."
I beam brightly as the plane is about to take off. "As soon as we are up in the air, yeah?"
"Okay."
I grab his hand in mine and bite my lip as I look out the window at the now fleeting scenery whooshes past. Take-off is my favorite part. Especially at John Wayne since the plane has to make a more vertical angle during take-off since the runway is so close the the city. The dropping feeling in your stomach feels even funnier.
I giggle as we lift up off the ground and even out among the clouds. Once we are relatively horizontal, I bend down and lift my laptop from my bag at my feet and plug my headphones in as it turns on.
"Hmm... what should we listen to first?" I wonder aloud.
"Here, let me see," Louis says as he grabs my laptop from me.
"Why don't we watch some music videos?"
"Okay, sure. Which ones do you have?"
I grab the device back from him and open the section in my iTunes.
"Hmm... Oh! I will show you one of my all time favorites!"
"Miss Jackson?"
"YES!" I shriek. I honestly love this song and then the music video is just amazing.
"I know Panic! At the Disco, but I have never really listened to their songs." He shrugs.
"That is a sin. You will love it. The whole premise is really cool, actually. It's like he can't figure out if this vision in his head really happened or if it was a dream and he goes looking to figure it out and it turns out he may have murdered someone and may do it again, but he doesn't know if it is real. Then he goes to find answers or whatever and goes to this witch lady who he then steals her soul and beheads her and like by doing that... he like freed the souls of the other people in the cult she was commanding or something... I don't really understand that part but it's really cool."
He looks at me like I'm a Russian speaking baboon.
"What?" I ask, slightly confused by his response. It really is a great video!
"That's super creepy, Avery."
"Yeah, I know. That's the point..." I explain. I mean it's obviously supposed to be weird and creepy. It's Panic! I mean what do you expect? Girls/Girls/Boys is literally just Brendan Urie singing the song naked in front of a black backdrop. They are weird and awesome!
"Okay..." he trails off. Whatever. His loss.
Regardless I show him the video, and can't help myself from singing and dancing when the first verse begins playing.
"Climbin' out the back door, didn't leave a mark. No one knows it's you Miss Jackson. Found another victim, but no one's going to find Miss Jackson... Jackson... Jackson." When the bridge comes I start thumping my head to the music.
"Avery, calm down. You are going to scare the other passengers," Louis chuckles as I get into the music.
"I can't help it. I love this song!" I laugh and continue to dance like I am being possessed by rabid bunnies.
"I like this song, but the music video is freaking weird, I'm sorry love," Louis chuckles.
"It's Brendon Urie! He gets to be weird! He's amazing!" I screech.
"Okay, well, what else ya got?"
"Hmm... Oh do you know All Time Low?" I ask perking up even more at the mention of my favorite band of all time.
Get it? No? Okay...
I look over to him and his face is set in a grimace.
"What?" I ask.
"We just don't really get along with them."
"Why not?! They are amazing! They are my favorites! Hailee had One Direction, but my fangirl heart always belonged to All Time Low. Have you seen Jack play the guitar?!" I gush. They are my favorites. What can I say?
"Well, a while back, Alex tweeted about how awful and gross our album was. Jack commented back 'Team Wanted.' It created this huge thing with the fandom and like Jack said he preferred Justin Beiber over 1D and it all started again and just... don't have a good past with them."
I sit there shocked. I hadn't heard about this.
"Well, I mean I guess everyone's entitled to their own opinions... even though he should've handled them better," I mutter. I'll admit, that's kind of disappointing to hear. I love both of them, an it kind of makes me upset that they a bad history.
"Yeah, it was a few years ago, so most people have moved on, but yeah. Then our opening band for this tour coming up is 5 Seconds of Summer, who are a great group of lads and we all get on really well, but are huge fans of them and have somewhat befriended them so it got kinda awkward and rekindled a bit of it."
"Wait! 5 Seconds of Summer is opening for you guys on tour?!" I practically scream, earning a few hushed words from fellow passengers.
"Yeah..." Louis chuckles a bit at my sudden outburst, before continuing warily, "Are you a fan of theirs?"
"Oh my god! Not exactly. You know Mikey?"
"Yeah! He's a great guy. Really funny and quirky and adorable."
"I know! He's Hailee's half brother! He lived with his dad in Australia after his parents divorced when he was a baby, and his mom got remarried to Hailee's dad. He came to America every summer to visit so we got pretty close over the years. When I heard his band was really making it big, I had no idea they were, well, you, big. Or at least to be opening for you!"
"Wow! Small world! That's really cool that you grew up with the guy. He's pretty great. I am pretty sure Niall is in love with him," he jokes.
"Wow! This is a dream come true! I seriously have missed him. I can't believe Hailee failed to mention that her half brother was opening for One Direction! I mean, I thought she would have literally shit her pants at information like that!"
"Well, actually, it kinda all makes sense now. He was talking about flying his sister in for the concert in Pheonix. Why there, I'm not sure, but I never knew that the sister was Hailee! That's perfect!"
"Ah! I'm so excited!" I bounce up and down with happiness.
This has turned into an amazing day, and now it's only going to get better.