Chapter 120

Days passed.

I was scratching my head amidst a pile of documents.

As the preparations got underway in earnest, the tasks that needed handling were steadily increasing.

It was late, and although Grandma had retired to rest... I was not alone.

“....Asena, go and rest now.”

Asena was sitting at a nearby table, rifling through documents.

She answered indifferently.

“Just... a little longer.”

She was far from healthy, yet she knew not how to stop.

I saw this coming.

I had anticipated from the start that she wouldn’t heed my words.

After all, it wasn’t like we could just set down the paperwork and walk away immediately.

But now, even I was becoming exhausted.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

Beyond being unsuitable for the task, sitting all day had taken its physical toll.

Even I was feeling the accumulation of fatigue in this situation, so I couldn’t let Asena continue working.

“....What do you mean ‘a little longer’? Go inside and rest.”

“You go in, then. I’ll look at this some more.”

“....Asena.”

“Oppa, I’m used to it.”

She looked at me sharply as she spoke. These aspects of her were beginning to resurface.

“This isn’t hard for me. So, I’ll look a little longer.”

I scratched my neck and sighed.

I had resolved to refocus on my own tasks.

“...Ah, Oppa...?”

Amidst this, Asena called out to me.

“Yes?”

“If you’re really worried about me.... just help me with this one thing.”

“Alright, what is it?”

Curious about what she might need help with, I approached her.

And then I looked down at the document she was focusing on.

Asena spoke.

“....No. That’s not it.”

“Hm?”

Silence hung in the air for a while as she froze with a stiff expression, then casually blurted out.

“....Rub my shoulders, please.”

Silence began to swirl around us, even after her seemingly offhand remark.

“......If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

After a long pause, she spoke again and flipped through the documents.

I stood silently beside her, slowly raising my torso... and then gently grasped her shoulders.

“....Ah... Ah, sorry. No, it didn’t hurt, Oppa.”

I hesitated for a moment at her moan, then began to ease the stiffness in her shoulders.

Suddenly, I couldn’t understand why I could do this.

Was it because Asena had given up on me?

No, rather... It was because it had become hard to simply watch their conditions lately.

Especially in the case of Keirsey, the expression she had when taking back the sandwich a few days ago still pained my heart.

Not wanting to see such faces anymore, I began to comply with such light requests.

“.....Is it okay?”

I asked Asena as I massaged her shoulders, feeling her slender collarbones and neck under the soft skin.

“....Yes. It’s getting....much more comfortable.”

I nodded and continued to knead her shoulders.

****

Asena decided to give up on Cayden.

The closer she got, the further he drifted away, and the more she tried to get close, the more he suffered.

In every instance where she emotionally reacted, Cayden ended up being physically hurt.

This time was no different, a disaster brought about by her anger... and now, Asena was scared.

If only she had given up when he was seriously injured while saving the commoner children for the first time.

Had she given up then, he, after becoming a commoner, wouldn’t have been attacked by Sharon Payne.

Continuing to not give up only led to him getting more severely injured.

Thus... with the second chance heaven had given her, Asena decided to give up on him.

Before he truly died, she resolved not to approach him with her hideous self.

She would simply... fulfill her duties as a sister.

As a sister, she meticulously reviewed the documents related to the war he was going to.

As a sister, she ate meals by his side and shared only stories for the sake of their family.

As a sister, she took care of his health, expressed her worries for him, and acknowledged the women around him.

And as a sister...

“....Rub my shoulders, please.”

She requested his care.

Even after speaking, Asena was surprised.

When the demon first tempted her to say those words, she hesitated for a moment, intending to say something else.

But her mouth betrayed her thoughts. By the time she regained her senses, the words were already spoken, and she couldn’t take them back.

Then once again, that demon whispered in her ear, as she resolved to remain as his sister.

‘A sister could ask for a shoulder rub.’

And with that, Asena was embarrassingly easily swayed.

She made that excuse to herself and waited for his action.

...Cayden, as he had done before, touched her.

As she resolved, like when she was just his sister.

“....Ah....”

But her body didn’t respond like a sister’s would. To the simple touch that would have left her unsatisfied in the past, Asena found herself involuntarily moaning.

And the more he touched her shoulders, the fatigue did not recede... only excitement grew.

She despised herself for it and found it vile, yet... she couldn’t ask him to stop.

When he finally withdrew his hands, she almost pleaded for more with a yearning quiver of her lips, but she managed to restrain herself from doing so.

Nevertheless, she found it difficult to calm her flushed body.

It seemed she needed to get some air.

As she had resolved... a sister shouldn’t feel this way.

Because she had to give up on Cayden.

“....Oppa, I’m going to get some air to cool down a bit... Do you want anything to drink...?”

“...No, it’s okay. Asena, just go get some air and then go to bed. Don’t come back here, got it?”

“.......”

“....I said, don’t come back. Go and rest.”

Asena wanted to protest, but she was at her limit.

She felt like she would give up her resolve to remain as his sister and fall in love with him all over again.

Before that happened, Asena turned away.

The cold air would do her good.

Then she could return, not for permission, but seeking forgiveness.

Then she would be able to help him.

Asena walked around outside for a long time.

Everywhere she went, memories of Cayden surfaced.

With those memories came the emotions they shared, vividly returning.

Feeling those emotions, she let out a powerless laugh.

Looking back, there hadn’t been a single moment when she didn’t love him.

The mindset of just being his sister was the most foreign thing to her.

She steeled her heart with the thought of Cayden dying.

That was a future that must not happen.

It was right for her to give up.

After much contemplation, Asena returned to Cayden’s office.

If he asked why she returned so late, she planned to simply apologize and then sit down to review the documents again.

If by meticulously going through the documents she could slightly reduce the chances of Cayden’s death... she was willing to give up all her sleep.

-Squeak.

“...Oppa, I just wanted to go through the documents a bit more.....”

As Asena, prefacing her entrance with an excuse, looked around... what she found was Cayden, asleep with his head down on the desk.

Unconsciously, all her movements became hushed.

“....Oppa.....are you asleep?”

The answer was replaced by the sound of his steady breathing.

Unintentionally, Asena found herself swallowing.

-Gulp.

Yet, she shook her head and proceeded into the room.

What difference did it make if he was asleep?

Just as she had thought upon entering... She quietly moved to review the documents more.

She had resolved to act as a sister.

So as not to wake him, she sat back at the desk and began to turn the pages of the documents.

Trying to calm her mind as she turned a page...

The next moment, she couldn’t understand what had happened.

Suddenly, her legs stretched out, and she found herself standing, drawn towards him.

By the time she came to her senses, Asena was kneeling next to Cayden’s desk, her face close to his.

“....Haa...haa....”

Her breathing became rough.

She herself couldn’t understand why this had happened.

“......”

“...Haa...haa...”

His eyebrows. Nose. Lips. The way he breathed. His scent.

...Everything about him invoked a sense of longing in her.

“....Oppa........if you’re awake...please tell me now.”

Her breath moistened his face.

“.....”

As he still showed no reaction, her body began to move on its own accord.

Asena placed one hand on his desk and the other on her knee, slowly leaning forward.

Her mouth began to open involuntarily. Her tongue slowly edged out. Her eyes gradually closed.

“.......”

And just before her lips touched his.

She felt Cayden’s breath. The breath of life from him.

It was a breath she thought she would never feel again.

The moment she felt the proof of him being alive, she couldn’t move forward anymore.

Her body stopped approaching.

She remembered the moment she heard he was dead.

She remembered seeing his burnt sword.

The despair she felt during that long time surfaced.

The times she thought Cayden was dead because of her selfishness came back to her.

At the same time, feeling her heart dropping, Asena backed away from him.

Then, turning around as if running away, she left the room.

With a weak body, she managed to make her way to her own room.

Slamming the door shut, she collapsed against it.

“....Crazy bitch...selfish bitch...”

Holding her head, she chastised herself.

“A woman who puts her desires before her brother’s life...”

Filthy. Selfish. Revolting.

Asena cursed herself with all the curses in the world.

But even so.

......Even so, the excitement returned.

The palpitation that wouldn’t change, even after hundreds of attempts before their lips met, was felt.

She couldn’t come to her senses.

The pain she felt when Cayden began dating Judy was vivid. She remembered the jealousy, wondering why she couldn’t be the one.

She longed for warmth when he used to call her name. She reminisced about the security she felt when he was by her side.

No matter how much she resolved to herself over and over again........she couldn’t give him up.

Despite banging her head, scratching herself, or shedding tears…

She still loved him. She still saw him as a man. She couldn’t see him merely as a brother.

“....Sob...sob....”

And with that suffocation, tears streamed down Asena’s face.

She wanted to give him up but.....it was simply impossible for her.

Asena’s heart was already tied to Cayden.

.

.

.

How much time had passed, she couldn’t tell.

All she knew was that the room was brightening with the blue light of dawn, and the cold air caressed her skin.

Asena remained frozen, holding her head for a long while... but now, she slowly stood up.

After a long period of contemplation, she arrived at a single conclusion.

In fact, there was no other choice.

‘.....Just one more time.’

She resolved.

Just one more time... she would confront these tainted feelings.

After all, giving up was impossible.

--- End Of The Chapter ---

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