"Bianca, we talked about this already," my mom said putting her hands on her hips. "You are spending Christmas with him," she ordered. "Someday you will thank me for this, he is your father," she added to finish her long speech.
I didn't say anything, my mom and I always got along, but ever since my so-called father came we have been disagreeing on everything. I didn't see how I would thank her someday for forcing me to go to the house of a stranger. I did not know what benefit she got out of this. My mom sighed making me look back up to her, "I'm sorry that you don't like this, honey," she said. She reached over to place her hand on my cheek something she used to do a lot when I was younger and I pulled away. She looked into my brown eyes and walked out of my room. A tear fell down my face and I quickly wiped it away.
A car door being closed brought my attention to the window, I looked outside and spotted CJ. He must've just came home from work, I was surprised that he actually drove there. He passed his hands through his dark hair and walked inside the place. I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and ran down the stairs. "Bianca, where are you going?" My mom asked from the living room when she heard me open the door.
"Nowhere," I answered her slamming the door. I walked across the street ringing the doorbell as soon as I got there. I waited a few seconds until the door was opened, it was his mom. I gave her a smile, "hi," she gave me a bright smile back. "How are you doing?" I questioned her.
"I am doing fine, thank you," she said with much enthusiasm, I guess she was doing okay today.
"That's great," I replied. I put my hands inside the pocket of my hoodie feeling awkward.
"You didn't come here just to ask how my old self was doing," she joked, "CJ is upstairs," she opened the door wider and I slid in. I mouthed her a thank you and walked up the stairs. I only had been up there once, but this was technically just like my house. The door of his room was slightly opened, I stood at the doorframe observing him as he lay on his bed. His hands were under his head and he was simply staring at the ceiling.
He had taken his uniform off because he was just in a tank top and his boxers, I liked that view. I shook the thought out, "am I invited in your watch the ceiling program or is that a personal thing?" I asked, he quickly turned and looked at me.
He smiled, "definitely not personal," he replied, "what are you doing here?" He asked me.
"I don't know," I replied honestly. "Kind of wanted to see you, now that I saw you, I think I should go."
"Come in," he told me. I walked into his room for the first time. I stood there looking down at my feet, "you can sit," he told me. I looked around, he had no chairs in his room. That was really weird, I had a chair in my room. It was not fancy but sometimes I preferred to sit and look out the window. I guess I had no other choice than to sit on the bed. I took a seat at the edge looking at him now seated. "Don't be afraid, I'm not going to hurt you," he told me.
I nodded my head, "when we first met, you literally said I might be a serial killer, you got me detention simply because you couldn't keep your mouth shut so now, what has changed?" He asked me, I raised my eyebrows. "I just mean that you are nervous around me now," he added. I didn't say anything to answer his question. When I first met him, there was not something in my heart constantly trying to impress him or anything. He was just like everyone else and I was not afraid of what he thought of me and now I do.
He gave me a smile and lied his head back on the bed, "your mom still forcing you to go spend Christmas with your dad?" He asked me, I nodded my head. "If you don't want to go, don't go."
"I never disobeyed my mom before," I answered him.
"Wow, Bianca Jackson has never disobeyed her mommy. Now that's surprising."
"Well we always agreed on things, it feels like he makes us disagree with each other. I have no problem with disobeying her, it's just this is different. She says I might thank her one day and what if she's right?" I questioned him.
"She might be right or she might be wrong. Truth is she can't make the decision for you, you're old enough to make it yourself. He's your father, there must be a part of you that wants to spend time with him."
"Yes, but he is a stranger plus he lives thirty minutes away, what if he is just trying to get me away from my mom so he could kill me?" I asked him.
"I know it's hard to understand, but no one is trying to kill you," I chuckled. We stayed silent for a while, "let's make a deal," he said out of nowhere. "Just go to his house and if there's any moment, you do not feel comfortable, just text me and I'll come to get you and we can do something fun."
"Fun?" I raised my eyebrow.
"Yes," he answered, "we can watch Christmas movies and bake chocolate chip cookies," I couldn't help, but smile.
"It sounds like the ideal way to spend Christmas," he shook his head. I turned and looked at him as he continued to stare at the ceiling. I passed my hands through his dark hair, "have you ever tried cornrows?" I asked him attempting to see if his hair could get in one.
"No," he replied, "I think I'd look like a little white thug," I chuckled and just passed my hands through his hair gently. I watched as he closed his eyes.
"You're tired?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he whispered not even opening his eyes. The room went silent, I was able to make a cornrow, but it quickly slipped out of my hand. His hair was way too soft, I was about to tell him he didn't look like a thug with it when I heard his light snores fill the room. I smiled, I sat for a while then got up. I took his glasses off and set them on his nightstand. I had to use the restroom, I opened his room door to get out, but then I heard talking.
I walked down the stairs, it was his mom. She was in the kitchen so I walked towards it, I paused by the doorframe when my dumb self finally realized she was talking to herself. "I will do no such thing," I heard her say, I peaked my hand and saw her staring at the wall in front of her as if someone was actually standing there. "That's not true," she also said. I stood there for a minute or two hearing her talk. I felt bad, I did not know how CJ could do this every day.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I heard CJ's voice ask making me startle. He wrapped his hand around my waist, I thought he would be sleeping.
"Thought you were sleeping," I whispered to him.
"No, it's six," he looked down at his watch on his wrist. "I can't sleep unless my mom is sleeping in the afternoon because she gets worse." He peeked his head inside the kitchen and let out a deep breath.
"I can watch her," I volunteered myself although I had no idea on how to do that.
"Thank you, but that's not your job," he said.
"I don't have a job and I need one," I told him.
"That's not what I meant," he said chuckling, "it's not your job as in it's mine plus you would have no idea how to do that. My mom has been up for more than twelve hours which means she is extremely tired, the more tired she is, the worst she feels."
"Continue," I told him. I was really interested in knowing more about how to do it.
"If she takes the pills, they'll make her drowsy and sleepy which is good."
"What's the big deal, she's just talking to herself," I told him. I didn't see why she needed to be put to sleep.
"She's schizophrenic so she hears things and she has been hallucinating lately. It wouldn't be a problem, but sometimes her thoughts can get violent. For example, she can hear someone tell her to stab herself and she will do it because her brain is not functioning properly. She can hurt herself and even those around her."
"Aren't you afraid she's going to hurt you?" I asked him, actually she did hurt him before.
"Yeah," she answered, "but I also think about the good things she might do."
"Like what?" I asked him.
"A lot, during AP exams last year, I came home and she baked me a chocolate cake. I asked her why, but she said it was because it was my birthday and we literally argued about it not being my birthday for a whole hour," he said, he chuckled.
"Was it your birthday?" I asked him.
"Yes," he answered, "she said she would never forget the birthday of her only son, I was the one who forgot my birthday. My dad just left a month earlier and her saying that just gave me a lot of assurance I could do it. There are good days."
"Do you ever not want to do this?"
"Honestly yes, but it's more than that. It's my mom and I know I can't take care of her forever. By next month, she will need twenty-four-hour care and she'll have to go to a home, but I want to do it while she's here. She carried me for nine months, changed my dirty diapers, stayed up late nights with me."
My phone vibrated and it was my mom bothering me about where I was, "I have to go," I told him. I tippy-toed and kissed his cheeks, I was about to pull away, but he pulled me towards him and kissed me deeply.
"See you in school," he said when he finally pulled away.