a/n: double update for my babies !
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"Harry." I sigh.
"I'm trying really hard to not get mad right now," he says shakily. He lets out a breathy laugh as he looks up at the ceiling.
"Did you...go through my phone?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.
I gave him the password to my phone last night and he had already gone through a conversation of mine. Him just going through my texts makes me wonder...what else in my phone had he gone through?
There isn't much to hide, but I can't help but feel a bit of betrayal. I hadn't gone through his phone, so why did he feel the need to go through mine?
"I know I shouldn't have...i-it was wrong of me," he mutters shakily. "But it just happened to light up as I walked past it this morning and my curiosity got the best of me, t-then...I saw Noah's name and I just...I don't even know what happened, really. I freaked out."
"But we talked about trust last night," I say, anger beginning to boiling inside me.
"I know." He runs his hand through his hair, gripping the ends and tugging, obviously frustrated with himself. "And it was so childish and stupid and...idiotic of me to even look at it in the first place, let alone open the messages and read them."
"You read all the messages?!" I shriek in horror. "Every one?"
Harry doesn't respond. Instead, his hand travels from his head to the back of his neck. He rubs his neck as he looks up at me with glossy eyes.
"Why would you do that?" My voice breaks.
"I don't fucking know." Harry shakes his head.
"Harry..." I begin to say, but he cuts me off.
"And the worst part is," He swallows harshly, "I didn't even find anything worth reading. Not a single fucking thing. And that just makes me a million times angrier because I thought of the worst. And now I just feel so guilty for not trusting you. I-I just got so...paranoid, and I didn't know how to act."
"I know we've only been together for like a week, but...I still wouldn't do that to you. We're together now...I'm not going to continue to talk to Noah. Not in the way I did before at least."
"I didn't actually think you would." He shakes his head slowly, staring intently at his feet to avoid eye contact. "I just..." He exhales shakily, taking a seat on the foot of the bed.
He sits in silence for a moment, but I figured he was about to tell me something serious, so I let him think it over.
"I've almost never felt good enough for people," he finally admits to me. "A-And to even see you texting someone elseâwhether you were flirting or just having a casual conversationâI get nervous. I always have this...this constant fucking...anxiety that any moment everyone is going to leave. Then what will I have? Nothing. I will have nothing."
I scoot forward on the bed so I could be closer to him. I wasn't too sure why I did, but I felt the need to.
"You don't have to worry about losing me," I assure him. "Noah texted me and I didn't want to be rude, so I replied. We just talked about his family and how each other were doing. You read the texts yourself, you know that."
"I know, I know." He sounded so frustrated. "But you two talked and obviously had feelings for each other at one point. And I know how stupid it sounds, but it worried me."
"But you have nothing to worry about." My heart wrenches at the expression on his face. He didn't believe me, and it was obvious.
"That's what I thought before."
"Harry," I say softly, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Did something happen? Why would you ever think I would cheat on you?"
"I defended them. I told everyone, including myself, that they didn't do it," Harry says lowly, a tear leaking from his eye. "And in the end, I was the dumbass. They made me look, a-and feel, so fucking stupid."
He finally looks up at me, his eyes bloodshot and puffy.
"I just wanted it to be a lie." He lets out a shaky sob.
I took this time as an opportunity to wrap him in a hug. He really needed it.
I hold him close to my chest, running my fingers through his brown hair. I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to make him feel betterâI hated seeing him like thisâbut I don't think there really is anything I could say to help.
"Harry," I say softly, still holding him, "if you want me to stop talking to Noah completely, I will. I didn't think it would bother you this badly."
"But that's the thing." He pulls away from me to look me in the eyes. "That's not what I want. I don't want to be the person who tells you what you can and can't do and who you're allowed to talk to. That just seems so...wrong to me."
I wanted to stop talking to Noah. Seeing Harry in this state made me realize how much he really meant to me.
Noah was nothing compared to Harry.
I reach behind me to where I had left my phone and quickly pulled up Noah's contact.
"I don't want to be that person," Harry continues as I press the Block this Caller button below Noah's contact. "But I just..."
I throw my phone behind me, pulling Harry closer.
"You don't need to worry," I tell him just before I place a loving kiss to the top of his head, the vanilla scent of my shampoo he's been borrowing filling my nose.
"You say that, but it doesn't change anything." He shrugs. "This is my own personal issue, and it's something I'm going to work on, I just...I just need a little time."
"And I'll give that to you," I tell him. "Take all the time you need."
"Why are you so understanding?" Harry asks, his lip quivering slightly.
"Because I understand," I tell him simply. "I know where you're coming from and I know how it feels."
A knock on the door startles me, causing me to shut up quickly. Jess emerges from behind the door, just after Harry told her she could come in.
"Hi guys," Jess chimes enthusiastically. The smile drops from her face as soon as her eyes land on Harry and I. "Is everything alright in here?"
"Yeah, we're fine," Harry says quickly, drying his eyes and lifting himself up off me.
"Okay?" She says, obviously still curious.
"What do you need?" I ask. It may have come off as rude, though I didn't mean for it to.
"Oh," She remembers, "I just wanted to come up and tell you that Josh and Sarah are moving out."
"Really?" I ask, a feeling of sadness washing over me.
"Who's Josh and Sarah?" Harry asks, his brows drawing together.
"They live next door," I inform him with a frown. "We always used to bring each other homemade treats during the holidays." I turn to Jess with a weary look on my face. "What are we going to do without their cookies at Christmas time?"
"We'll have to ask the new attendants if they're into that kind of thing." She shrugs. "I just went out there and talked to them for like 20 minutes. Apparently someone's moving in right after their lease is up."
"Well that worked out perfect for Rob," I say. I knew what Harry was about to ask, so I decided to tell him before he got the chance to. "Rob is the landlord, by the way."
Harry nods as if I just answered a mental question of his.
"Yeah," Jess agrees. "I'm sad they're leaving, but I'm excited for the new people. A little change is always good."
"Same." I nod.
The silence in the room slowly grew awkward. Jess lets out a loud sigh.
"Well," she speaks up, "I let you two continue...whatever you were doing. Jackson and I are looking at venues today so I have to go get ready anyway."
"Okay," I say, plastering a fake smile on my face.
And with that, Jess leaves the room. I turn to Harry.
"When is your guys' lease up?" He asks.
"April or May, I think," I say, trying to remember which month Jess and I's lease expired in. "Jess usually takes care of the rent and that kind of stuff, so I'm not completely sure."
"Are you planning to renew it?"
"We haven't decided yet." I sigh and shrug. "Her and Jackson are still trying to decide whether they want to get their own place right away or just have him move in here with us for a while. I'm just playing it by ear for now."
"So you're just letting them decide where you live?" His eyebrows furrow. "That's kind of bullshit."
"I don't think so." I shrug once again. "It's not really like I care where I'm living. I've always wanted to move, but the only reason I was really staying here is because of my job. Which reminds me, I need to go pick up my stuff today."
"Would you like me to come with you?" Harry offers. "In case Linda decides she has something to say to you."
"You can come if you want. But I'm sure I can handle her if she decides to be bitchy. I mean, I've dealt with her for a few years now, so I can do it one last time."
"You're pretty strong for that, you know," he tells me. "Most people couldn't handle being put down like that for very long, especially if it's their boss."
"I never really thought of it like that," I admit. "I just thought of the money and providing for myself and Jess. Linda was always just someone I had to deal with."
"Well if Jeff ever treated me the way Linda treats you, I would fire him instantly," Harry says.
"But you see, that's where you and I are different."