a/n: hi ð¥°
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Lili
I got the job at Starbucks. I wasn't even sure why I was so nervous in the first place...I went in there and they asked me really simple questions like why I wanted to work there. Again, no idea why I was so nervous. But that was a week ago, and I've finished all my training for the job and I'm officially working there now.
At the current moment, I lay on my back with my phone rested on my stomach. It probably wouldn't be the greatest angle if I were to take a selfie right now, but it was a comfortable position and I didn't care to move.
The phone buzzes in my hand. My eyes flick up to the top of my screen where I see I got a text from Harry. I click in the notification and it takes me straight to our messages.
Tonight he was supposed to be filming the falling music video, and he told me he would keep me updated on how everything was coming along. Now he had just sent me a picture of the set with another text saying "Got everything set up!".
The set looked beautiful. I couldn't wait to see how the whole video turned out. Knowing Harry and his insanely creative mind, the video was going to be a cinematic masterpiece.
Lili: Oh my god I love it!!!
Harry: Thank you! How have you been holding up? Is Jess driving you crazy like you thought she would?
Lili: Not as bad as I thought, but she's definitely being nosy
Harry: Ah I'm sorry. How's your new job coming?
Lili: It's fine... it's not the same as the salon, but I'm trying to remember that it's just temporary
Lili: How are your meetings and such coming?
Harry: Great! Jeff and I came up with an idea for something later this year that I think you'll really like!!
Lili: What is it?
Harry: I'll explain over the phone, I'll get too excited to text
Lili: Do you have a minute to call before you start filming?
Harry: I wish I did but we're just about to start rolling. When would be a good time tomorrow?
Lili: I work from 8 to 4
Harry: Okay, I will call you tomorrow at 4:30 then
Lili: Okay H. Don't drown
Harry: No promises
I turn off my phone and set it by my side, staring up at the ceiling. A soft knock grabs my attention, causing me to lift my head up. Jess stands in the open door frame, staring down at me, her knuckle still near the wall where she knocked.
"Do you have a minute?" She asks, her voice softer than her knock.
"Sure," I say, sitting up. I rest my back against my headboard as she takes a seat on my bed.
"So Jackson and I have been talking," she begins. She seemed so nervous, and that made me nervous.
"Okay..." I urge her to continue and get to the point.
"And we think we've decided what we're going to do after we get married. Like whether he'll move in here or we'll be moving out together," she explains. I stare at her, waiting for her to continue. She takes a deep, shaky breath. "We think it may be best for the two of us to live in our own place as soon as we get married, just so we can start fresh for that new chapter in our lives."
"Oh?" I say, honestly surprised. I technically saw it coming, and I knew Jess would move out eventually. But I didn't really think it would be right away. Or maybe I had just hoped it wouldn't be.
"It has absolutely nothing to do with you, and I hope you never feel that way," she adds reassuringly. "But we honestly just think it would be best to be on our own as newlyweds."
I stay silent, not quite sure what to say. I was over the moon excited for her and Jackson to get married and I felt so selfish for not wanting her to leave. But there were so many memories the two of us had here, and I always have a hard time with drastic changes.
"We also didn't really think you'd be comfortable with Jackson moving in. I've always been able to tell that you didn't really like him all that much," she says, laughing to try to lighten the mood. "Like if you had a boy living here too, I don't think it'd be as weird. But because you don't, I just don't want it to be...awkward."
To some, it may seem like Jess was being a passive-aggressive bitch right now. But I've known her long enough to know when she's being sincere. She doesn't really have a good way with words, but you can always tell when she's trying. And right now was one of those times.
"I don't not like Jackson, but I can see why you'd think that." I nod. "I would be totally comfortable with him living here when I don't have someone, so that's not really an issue." Then it hit me. I look up at her, my facial expression falling. "You don't want me to live with you anymore...do you?"
"No no, of course I want to live with you!" She's quick to defend. "That's not it at all, I just..." She sighs. It was totally obvious she couldn't find the right words to explain whatever it was that she was thinking. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I just think it'd be weird. I wouldn't want you to feel left out."
"Jess, Jackson's over here all the time. I wouldn't feel 'left out'," I say, laughing softly. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, shaking my head. "It's not like I'm really single anymore, so it's not like I'm going to get jealous or anything."
"I don't know," she mumbles, looking down. "I just feel like it'll be different once he and I are married. Like I get you have Harry and all, but what about when he's on tour. I wouldn't want you to see Jackson and I together and get sad."
"Jess I'm not going to get sad," I argue with her once again. "Sure it'll be hard to see, but it won't be the end of the world if I just happen to walk past your room and see you two slow dancing to an 'Elvis Presley's Greatest Hits' record until you get so tired that you could barely stand. Or when he lays you down and holds you in his arms until you fall asleep, but he stays awake to make sure you stay asleep, no matter how tired he is...all because he wants to make sure you get a good nights sleep, even at the expense of his own sleep."
"Lils, are you alright?" Jess raises an eyebrow. My eyes were fixed on the wall across my room, but I just couldn't find myself wanting to detach them.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I shrug, still staring at the wall. My eyes were burning, but I couldn't tell if it was from the lack of blinking, or the urge to cry. It could've been both honestly.
"Please don't be upset with us," she says. "You know we've been debating over this for months, so it was obviously hard for us to make a decision. And we just think this will be the best one." She places a comforting hand on my knee, smiling softly.
"When are you planning on moving out?" I ask, looking up at her with glassy eyes.
"Most likely when the lease ends," she explains. "But we may move out a little sooner, just because it may take a while to get everything hauled out of here and his place."
"Oh." I look back down, nodding my head slowly.
The two of us are silent for a moment. As much as I didn't want to be, I was sad that Jess was leaving. As I said, I knew it was coming at some point, but I had no clue it'd be in only a few months.
I look over to check the time on my phone. Seeing it was only 7:30, I wanted to go for a drive in the dark...just to clear my head.
"Thank you for telling me," I say with a soft smile. "But I'll be back."
I stand up from my bed before walking into my closet to get a hoodie to pair with the leggings I was already wearing.
"Where are you going?" Jess stands up as well, shooting me a confused look.
"Just for a drive," I tell her honestly. "I think I just need to clear my head."
"Oh, okay," she says, nodding. "Well, please be safe, it's raining outside." She pauses for a moment as I grab a hanger off the rack. "Also we haven't had dinner yet, so you can just pick something up for yourself while you're out...or I can still make something."
"I'll be fine," I assure her. "I'm not really hungry anyway."
I slip my pink Treat People With Kindness hoodie over my head and leave my room, my phone already tucked into the waistband of my leggings. I left my shoes by the door from when I went to work earlier today, so I slipped those over the white crew socks I was wearing. Grabbing my keys from the kitchen counter, I head out to my car and start it.
It was so cold in the car that I could see my breath, so I naturally turned the heat all the way up. While waiting for the car to warm up, I connected my phone to my car's BlueTooth so I could listen to music while I drive.
This is what I like to do on occasion...go on drives with music playing. I usually prefer to do this at night when there aren't very many people on the road.
My phone successfully connects and I immediately press shuffle on the playlist I made specifically for my nighttime drives. As I backed out of my driveway, the music played softly through the speakers.
There was so much to think about. First of all, I needed to find a new job, especially now that I know Jess is moving out and I'm going to have to live on my own. Starbucks just isn't going to cut it.
I need to find a new salon to work at. And I keep telling myself that but not doing anything about it. I've looked maybe twice since I quit for a new salon, but the ones that are hiring are all so far away that I'd have to move if I was going to work there. But who knows...maybe I will move into a smaller apartment that's more affordable for myself.
As the first song that played ended, I heard a familiar sound. I knew exactly what song was playing.
"Put a price on emotion, I'm looking for something to buy."
I feel my shoulders slump as I stare out at the road. The lights glare a little as I feel my eyes tear up. The sound of the rain mixed with Fine Line playing in the background was a little too much to handle, but I let it continue to play anyways. The sound was peaceful, yet sad.
"You've got my devotion, but man I can hate you sometimes."
As much as I didn't want to admit it, I missed him. I couldn't wait for the day he came back, whenever that may be. He's insanely busy for the next couple months, then he's leaving for tour. I honestly don't know if I will be able to see him at all before he goes on tour. And that was a hard pill to swallow.
I continue to drive, Fine Line playing in my ears and a few tears falling here and there. It sounded like it it was echoing.
I hated him not being here, and it sucked to know that he would be gone for longer than this soon. I really wish I would've thought all this through.
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a/n: if y'all wanna hear what she heard, it's at the topð