"A PITY," SHANGGUAN An sighed, shaking his head as Yunhua and I informed him and Grandmother of all that had occurred. "Though Duan shizi is not all that a bad choice. The royal writ shall come this afternoon, and I think he shall visit by this evening. The Crown Prince as well, Yunhua."
"And what of Luo Xueying?" Yunhua asked, straightening. "What does that mean for us, father?"
"She's merely a Side Consort. You're the main wife. She will be annoying, but not a threat. As long as she does not give birth to a son before you."
"I understand."
I glanced between them, and then my glance landed on Grandmother. Unlike my uncle, she seemed fairly pleased with how things had gone. It was quite clear by now: while my Grandmother cared plenty enough for the family's influence and power, first and foremost she put our happiness and future joy. My uncle, on the other hand, placed the family's reputation before all else.
"Both of you have done very well for yourselves," Grandmother said kindly. "Do not stress about it. This is the natural way that things have been done. You will both be happy, I think. Minxi, your father has given us permission to negotiate your dowry with Prince Duan. He will be providing part of it, and I shall add some more to it."
Considering the state of my father's monetary affairs, I rather thought Grandmother would be adding a lot. Especially considering the fact I was marrying into the family of a Prince. If my dowry was lacking in any way, it would be humiliating.
"We've already negotiated Yunhua's dowry long ago," Shangguan An added. "So that shall be no worry. I will send the list to the Emperor so that he may be sure it is alright."
"Remember," Grandmother told us, voice softening, "your dowry is your money. Your property. Your husband and his family cannot touch it. If they do it is absolutely humiliating and should not be accepted. No proper family should feel the need to use their daughter-in-law's dowry for their own purpose."
In unison, Yunhua and I sounded, "Understood, Grandmother. Thank you, Grandmother."
She beamed. "Do not grill them, son. Let them have some rest before the royal writ travels down. They must both be exhausted. And they will wish to tell Tianjin, Yunjun and Yunxuan what has happened."
"Of course, mother." Shangguan An waved his hand. "You are both dismissed. A servant will come to collect you when the royal writ travels down."
"Thank you, Father. Let us go, Minxi." The two of us curtsied and left.
Tianjin, Yunjun and Yunxuan had been awaiting outside for some time. Tianjin rushed forward, arms wrapped around Yunhua. "Sister! How did it go?"
"I am now the Crown Prince's fiancee. And your dear cousin is to be the consort of Duan shizi."
Yunxuan turned to me, a bright smile on your face. "A good match, I think."
I nodded. "I am very pleased with it."
"However," Yunhua added, "Luo Xueying is to be the Crown Prince's Side Consort."
Yunjun narrowed her eyes. "The daughter of the Imperial Secretary."
Yunhua nodded.
Tianjin frowned. "They're trying to balance power. I think it is to be expected. If Luo Xueying does not marry the Prince, there shall be someone else anyways. The Emperor will not allow our family to grow so strong without a rival."
A smile broke on Yunhua's face, and she rubbed the top of Tianjin's head. "Look at you growing up."
Tianjin grinned sheepishly. "I didn't spend all my time at the borderlands learning the arts of war."
"We did have politics lessons," Yunjun agreed. "They taught us a lot about politics, actually, from a military standpoint."
Yunxuan shook her head. "You ought to be prepared for her. She will certainly be prepared, entering the Eastern Palace." The Eastern Palace was the home of the Crown Prince, and Yunhua's future residence.
"Do not fret," Yunhua laughed. "When have I ever not been prepared?"
Yesterday, perhaps, I would have believed her wholeheartedly. But this very morning I'd seen shock in her face as I'd told her the news. Perhaps she had recovered now, but it had also told me: Shangguan Yunhua was not impenetrable. She was a girl. She was a girl who was clever beyond belief, who acted more like a mother than a sister, but she was also just a sixteen year old girl about to be married to one of the most powerful men in the country.
She was terrified, wasn't she? In her heart, did she feel the same way as Luo Xueying? That fear, that worry, that feeling of being merely a chess piece in this wider game that she had little control over?
She was just better than the rest of them at hiding it. That was all.
We went our separate ways, becuase both Yunhua and I were exhausted and desperately needed some reprieve from the events of the past two days. The news would have started to spread now, but no one would come to visit until tomorrow (thank heavens for that), before the royal writs travelled down this afternoon and the two to-be grooms came to visit us for ourselves.
The royal writ travelled down in late afternoon. Yunhua and I were hastily summoned. Both of us still wore our good clothes.
In the front courtyard of Shangguan Manor, with the gates wide open to the crowd gathered outside, the Emperor's highest-ranked eunuch read out the royal writ.
"The daughter of Grand Chancellor Shangguan An, Shangguan Yunhua, is known for her virtuous, kind and caring nature. With these known to the Emperor, Shangguan Yunhua is to be gifted marriage to the Crown Prince, Yuan Yinqi, as his main wife and Crown Princess Consort. Shangguan Yunhua, accept this royal writ."
Yunhua was knelt besides me, right behind our uncle and Grandmother, who had been given special pardon due to her ailing health and old age, and was allowed to remain half-standing with her head lowered.
"I, Shangguan Yunhua, thank the Emperor for his great kindness and benevolence." She placed her hands above her head, and one of the eunuchs walked forward, placing the rolled up royal writ in her hands.
"The daughter of Junior Surveillance Commissioner Fei Yang, Fei Minxi, is known for her fair manners, talents and beauty. With these known to the Emperor, Fei Minxi is to be gifted marriage to the heir of Prince Duan, Yuan Chiqian, as his main wife and Consort. Fei Minxi, accept this royal writ."
"I, Fei Minxi, thank the Emperor for his great kindness and benevolence." And just like it had been done with Yunhua, the royal writ was placed in my hand.
With that the eunuchs left, and the door was shut. I did not think I was breathing at that moment.
Uncle was the first to stand. "Rise now, everyone. We have much to work on."
We certainly had. We'd only just sat down for a breath when the Crown Prince and Duan shizi came knocking. They must have set off right after the royal writs had been sent, and each carried a gift with them. Uncle received them in the Main Hall until they both specially requested our presence, and we were dismissed to the gardens with a set of sharp-eyed aunties watching after us.
"How do you feel?" Duan shizi asked, strolling beside me.
"Invigorated. I do not quite believe it is real."
"You don't sound as excited as that."
I let out a burst of laughter. "Shizi, you know I like to hide my feelings. I always have."
He held out one hand. "Don't call me shizi anymore. You're my fiancee now, fair and square. Call me Chiqian."
"Of course, Chiqian." Normally I would have argued, but he was right. He was to be my husband. I could call him by his first name.
"I bring some news," Chiqian mused. "It may be some time before we are actually married. I suppose you will have to get comfortable in the position of fiancee."
"Oh?" I asked, blinking as I glanced at him.
"The Emperor has decided that, well, I ought to do a little more with my life before I am married. He is sending me around parts of the country for a year so that I may gain some more experience. Our wedding will have to be set after that."
"That is alright," I mused. "I'm sure that shall be of no trouble."
He nodded. "Which is why I agreed to it, Miss Fei."
"If I am to call you Chiqian, you must call me Minxi as well. It is only right."
A smile spread on his face. "Of course, Minxi."
Our gazes met, and we shared a laugh. In less than a month, our roles had changed so completely that it felt ridiculous. It felt absolutely unreal, yet it was also the truth. I was to become the wife of a shizi. And Chiqian, too, not just any random one. Someone I considered a true friend, who had been nothing but kind since my arrival.
I was lucky. Very lucky.
Yunhua and the Crown Prince had made their way to us, a small smile adorning her face. She was happy. This was her goal for so many years, and she'd finally achieved it. She was to be the Prince's wife, and then his Empress. Was that all she'd wanted to be since she was a little girl? Knowing her personality, I wouldn't be surprised if it was.
But the path ahead was a long and arduous one.
Though she must know that, being the person she is. She would smile in front of us all now and go back home to plot and plan how to live the way she wanted in the Eastern Palace.
"Duan shizi and I ought to return to the Imperial Palace now," the Crown Prince murmured. His name was Yuan Yinqi. I'd heard the royal writ. It seemed weird, knowing what his name was, though I supposed it wasn't precisely hidden knowledge either.
"We ought to go too, Minxi," Yunhua chided. "We are to eat with Grandmother tonight, remember?"
"Of course, Cousin." I curtsied to the Crown Prince, and then to Chiqian. "I wish you both a peaceful journey." Yunhua curtsied too, and the two men left.
When they were gone, Yunhua's smile dropped from her face. "Luo Xueying is to enter the Eastern Palace on the same day as me. This... this is humiliating us Shangguans, not just a warning."
I glanced at her. Her fists were clenched, her eyes pressed shut, and my hand flew to her back, giving her a soft pat. "Everything will work out in the end."
"I can't change it," Yunhua said hollowly. "I can't do anything about it. Neither can Father. It's the Emperor's orders. The Crown Princess Consort and the Side Consort shall be married on the same day. They say she is the Side Consort, but really she stands at the same level as me."
"You are still the main wife," I told her. "That will always make a difference." If the Crown Prince dared to mistreat Yunhua in comparison to Miss Luo, the Shangguans were more than capable of swaying public opinion against him. For his own position, he would be fair.
But perhaps, despite all that Yunhua said every day, that was not what she wanted. Perhaps, in her heart, the idea that Luo Xueying was to be on the same ground as her was a gentle knife into her heart, slowly being twisted as she groaned in pain but was unable to show it on her face, less be that she was chided for being improper. For not being a good enough lady, for not being enough to marry the Crown Prince, for being the next Empress.
This entire fiasco was showing too many holes in Yunhua's armour, but I did not think she noticed it yet. Or perhaps she was doing it because she trusted me wholeheartedly. Because she knew I would not tell anyone except her sisters about itâand even them, I would not say. Because she knew what kind of person I was.
"Yes," she said, though it sounded forced. "I am. She shall always be beneath me. As long as I give birth to a healthy son before her, anything she does shall be in vain."
And that was the truth.
But a small part of me, the most cynical part, it told me that neither Yunhua nor Miss Luo's son, if or when they shall have one, would become the next heir.
The Crown Prince would not allow either family to gain that much power. If they both have healthy sons, they will be bid against each other in a bloody fight until one prevailed, or both reached their demise. And then the child of a concubine from a more biddable family, more controllable family, would be named heir instead.
Of course Yunhua knew that in her heart. She had to.
She just didn't want to admit it yet. Or she had a way to ensure the heir was a child of Shangguan blood.
Either way, I did nothing but carefully lead her back to her own courtyard.
â
A SMALL FEAST was held the following week, to celebrate our engagements. Neither future grooms were there. It was not about themâcould not be, or it might seem to the Emperor we were using our marriages to advance ourselves. Which we were, but we could not be so blatantly obvious about it.
Around a dozen families were invited. All friends of the Shangguans, of course. Yunhua and I were paraded around, speaking politely with all the lords and ladies and expressing our happiness at being engaged.
It was, quite honestly, exhausting. It was not the kind of thing I liked to do. A few months ago, I might have dreamt of it. But now, having talked with all these people, lived among them for half a year, it was... getting boring. Tiring.
It had lost its appeal.
But I did not say that. This would most likely become the rest of my life. Depending on how Chiqian saw things, I might be allowed to keep to myself more often or not, only accept a few invitations. But that was something I'd have to discuss with him.
It felt slightly strange, knowing I'd need to ask him for permission for so many things. It almost made me seem like a prisoner.
And in a way, I was, was I not? Us girls, we were all prisoners. First of our societies, with our fathers as our jailers, and then our husbands. And afterwards, if we outlive our husbands, our sons shall be our guardians.
It seemed unfair.
Perhaps this was why Luo Xueying admired Yunjun. Because she'd managed to escape that prison. This idea that we were possessions to be handed from one man to another.
And Yunhua and Miss Luo had been handed to one of the most dangerous men of all. Someone who could dictate their fateâand their entire family'sâat an instant.
The men's feast and the women's feast were separated later on, and I found myself surrounded by curious well-wishers. Some of the girls here tonight had also been granted marriage in the Bride Selection in one way or another. This was a chance to make connections. After our marriage, we'd spend more time with each other than any other group, as women of the same rank and women of the imperial family.
But what was truly curious was what happened after the feast.
I was on my way back to my own court when one of Yunhua's servants rushed towards me, bobbing a quick curtsy. "Miss Fei, my mistress asks you to come to her courtyard to assist her immediately."
Yan'er frowned, taking a step forward. "What is it?"
The maid's eyes travelled around, and spotting a few lingering guests still with my uncle, shook her head. "Please. It is urgent."
"Lead the way, then," I ordered, quickly pacing behind the maid until we'd left behind all the guests and were in the back of the estate. It was getting quieter now, and the volume only rose when we'd gotten to Yunhua's court.
"What is going on?" I demanded. It sounded like carnage in there. Servants were crying, Yunhua's impatient voice shouted orders and sniped comments, and... "Is that Lord Huo?"
The maid who'd led us there nodded desperately. "He barged into my mistress's estate, Miss Fei. He demands to speak to her, and our mistress shall have none of it unless you watch over them while they converse in private."
The reason I'd been chosen over any of the other girls was simple, of course. If they were caught, this would have been a serious situation, no matter whether Yunhua was a willing participant in this fiasco or not. As not a sister of Yunhua, I would be deemed to be less close to her. And I was also engaged to Chiqian, which also gave me authority and power in the case that some of the guests were made aware of this scene.
I stormed in.
Yunhua stood before the door of the main house while Lord Huo was yanked back by a group of maids. Yunhua did not have any male servants in her courtâall of those belonged to the main house itself. And Lord Huo...
He did not seem to be in his right state of mind. He was drunk, most likelyâquite a few of the lords had gotten drunk near the end of the feast. I had not noticed that Lord Huo was one of them. He'd been sitting with the men, of course, and we had few interactions throughout the entire meal. I had not seen him conversing with Yunhua either.
Why was he here now?
I sped up my steps, walking past Lord Huo until I was standing besides Yunhua. "What is going on, cousin?"
She nudged her chin at Lord Huo, fury blazing in her eyes. She knew how risky this was, how precarious a spot this placed her reputation. At least when Chiqian had come to meet me at night, it had not been in my own court. And I'd been given the choice to reject his offer to speak. "He demands to speak to me in private without any servants. I told him I would, only if you were here to watch over us."
"Yunhua..."
"Do not call me that." Yunhua snapped to face him, barely able to suppress her rage. "I am Miss Shangguan to you, Lord Huo. Drunkenness is not an excuse to forget yourself and take advantage."
"I cannot think of anything," I said slowly, "so important that Lord Huo cannot say elsewhere, rather than barge into your court, Yunhua. This is so utmost improper. Lord Huo, I am sure that whatever it is, we can wait until a time that is more proper, when you are in a righter state of mind."
"I need to talk to you. Please. Miss Shangguan. Please."
Yunhua casted me a look. "Minxi, will you stay here with me? While I speak to him? He will not leave otherwise, and I cannot let the guests hear a single word of this. If Father knows, he shall be enraged."
"Of course, Yunhua."
Yunhua turned around, motioning at all the servants. "Head inside. I shall speak to Lord Huo out here. If I need anything, I shall cry out."
I motioned for Yan'er to follow the departing servants. Without the group of maids pulling him back, Lord Huo crumbled onto his knees. There was not a sign of his usual splendour and arrogance today. Instead, it was replaced with a sense of fragility that I didn't quite know what to make of. His clothes and hair were dishevelled, his eyes bloodshot as if he had been crying. Lord Huo! Crying! The thought sounded ridiculous to me.
But that looked like what he was about to do again, as he slowly raised his head. He had no eyes for anyone but Yunhua.
Yunhua's arms crossed on her stomach. "What is it that you have to say?"
"Don't marry him."
Oh dear.
I hastily glanced around, making sure no one was within earshot. If anyone heard of this and passed it on, both the Shangguans and Huos would be in trouble. Once I was certain no one could hear, I fixed a wary eye on Lord Huo. I was not here to talk. Yunhua did not ask for me to be here to talk. She wanted me here as evidence. As a witness.
"I am engaged to the Crown Prince. I have been, informally, since I was young of age. Lord Huo, you are drunk."
"Don't marry him, Yunhua."
"Stop calling me that!"
"You won't be happy if you marry him, damnit. He's already going to marry Miss Luo too. Are you going to waste yourself away in a loveless marriage?"
"Love has never been my object in a marriage, Lord Huo. If you have been mistaken about it so far, you do not know my character at all."
"Damn it, Yunhua! Don't marry him. You'll be miserable. He'll use you and Miss Luo and he'll hurt you in the end. I love you. You can marry me. You can run away with me."
He was drunk. There was no other explanation for this. I turned widened eyes to Yunhua, but she did not seem surprised nor swayed by his speech. She did not seem affected at all. "You are out of your mind, Lord Huo. You ought to return to your own manor at this instance and apologise for your poor behaviour when you are awake."
"Yunhua..."
"I am the future wife of the Crown Prince."
"Are you really going to marry him? Even knowing you're just throwing yourself into a prison you can never escape?"
"Marrying the Crown Prince is a gift I could only beg for. It is my eternal fortune that I have been given this chance, and I shall treasure it and serve him with all my heart."
"You don't mean any of the jack shit coming out of your mouth!" Those words were screamed, and even Yunhua seemed fazed as she stood, in a slight daze, breathing loudly. "You don't want to marry him, do you?"
I was starting to sort everything out now.
Lord Huo was in love with Yunhua. He must have been for a while, I thought to myself, he must have. I remembered when Princess Shaoheng had told us, last month, that one of the reasons Princess Eryang disliked Yunhua so much was due to Lord Huo's attentions to her. Yunhua must have suspected it herself, but duty had always called first, and she must have never thought Lord Huo would do something as drastic as this.
Lord Huo must be stupidly in love with Yunhua, if he was willing to go to this length.
But he'd also chosen the most hopeless way. By being here, he was endangering the reputation and thus lives of all the Shangguan girls and myself.
"I shall marry the Crown Prince," Yunhua said, her voice steadier than ever before, her face adopting a cool, emotionless month, "for I wish to. For he is my lord, and I his servant. For I have been granted to him in marriage by the Emperor. For this is what I have wished for my entire life. For this is what I owe my family, my father, my grandmother, my sisters, my cousins. I was born to be the wife of the Crown Prince. That is why my father named me Yunhua. Promise of glory. It is my fate. I do not know what has gotten into you, Lord Huo, to give you these ideas, but your pitiful arguments shall not sway me. I will marry the Crown Prince and no other. Now please leave my court before I call for more servants to remove you."
"Yunhua!"
But there was no other chance for him to continue. Yunhua clapped her hands, and the servants streamed back out from inside the house. I wasn't sure how much they'd heard, but did it matter? These were all her people. They would not breathe a single word out of it outside this very courtyard.
Despite Lord Huo's protests, the servants were able to haul him out this time. Yunhua ordered them to bring him to his own carriage and send him straight back to his own manor with orders for one of the maids to ask a male servant to follow on horseback, to ensure he did not babble.
With the courtyard suddenly quiet again, I turned to Yunhua. Her expression had crumbled the moment the servants had exited. She turned to me, a small smile on her face. "Come chat with me, Minxi?"
I was tired, but I nodded and said yes anyways.
She led me into the house. A few candlelights lit up the main receiving room, and she sat down on the wooden day bed, a table in the middle that was used for tea in the typical fashion, separating the two seats.
Instead of tea, though, Yunhua ordered her maid to bring over a few flasks of rice wine.
She casted me a smile at my look of surprise. "I do like a few drinks when I'm all by myself at night, you know."
"I was not aware."
"That was my intent. But come, share a few drinks with me tonight."
"Yunhua, what happened?"
She paused for a moment, eyes travelling to the screen before the now shut door, blocking our vision from the place where Lord Huo had spoken to us moments before.
"Murong barged in after the feast, when I'd gotten back. Demanded an audience with me. I don't know how he even got here. He wouldn't leave until I spoke to him in private but I couldn't risk that, so I got someone to intercept you."
She called him Murong. His given name. She'd always refused to do that in his face, at least when we were around. Was that a slip? Was that what she thought of him in her own mind? Not Lord Huo, but Murong?
Did she have feelings for him too?
It seemed so likely. She was Shangguan Yunhua. He was Huo Murong. They seemed an unlikely pair to begin with.
"Me? Not Yunjun or Yunxuan?"
"Yunjun would single-handedly knock him out with her fists and have the servants throw him out tied and gagged. Yunxuan might faint. She's softer than anyone realises." I disagreed with that. "Well, there's that and the fact they both returned to their courts before I did. You were the last to leave, so there was a higher chance my servant would be able to intercept you. And you're older, you know how to handle things better."
"Did you know?"
"I suspected," she admitted. "But I didn't think he would... he would... he was drunk. People do strange things when they're drunk."
"Yet here we are." I motioned at the now poured small cups of rice wine before us. "Drinking."
"Drinking also helps stave off fears, forget worries. It is a glorious thing sometimes, Fei Minxi."
"Do not drink too much."
"I'm always careful." But she did not look careful as she downed cup after cup of rice wine, shaking her head furiously. "Damn it, Minxi. Damn it, damn it, damn it."
"Yunhua... you like him, don't you?"
"Huo Murong?" she let out a burst of laughter. "Me? Like Huo Murong? Impossible, Minxi, impossible..." but then her voice trailed off and her face took a more empty expression. I had never seen her like this before. So angry, so desperate, so... broken.
"Do you still want to marry the Crown Prince?"
She nodded.
"Do you like Lord Huo?"
After a long hesitation, she nodded.
"What are you going to do now?"
"Marry the Crown Prince," she said with absolute certainty. "I'm going to marry the Crown Prince."
"What about Lord Huo?"
"What about him? Fuck him. Fuck him, that's what I say. Fuck Huo Murong. What is he anyway? What is he to compare to the Crown Prince? Vermin. Absolutely nothing."
"But you said you like him."
"He's still nothing compared to the Crown Prince, though."
"Is he nothing compared to the Crown Prince, or nothing compared to what the Crown Prince shall give you?"
Silence.
"Yunhua, if you are to marry the Crown Prince, you must cut off all contact with Lord Huo. It would be... unthinkable, if the imperial family suspects you and Lord Huo have any kind of feelings for each other."
"I know. I know. I'll never talk to him again. Never. Ever." She downed another cup, pouring another cup.
Her hand was unsteady now. I could not tell if it was the alcohol or the intensity of her feelings.
dramamamama i bring dramamamam with my girls in the back girls in the back DRAMAAAA
(le sserafim's new album just dropped and it's an absolute banger btw)