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P E T E R
Dear Nerissa,
My love, I'm giving this a shot as Edmund had suggested...He said this could help me get some things off my chest. Something about getting closure? The only reason why I didn't shut down the idea is that I think you would enjoy reading this...Wherever you may be.
I'm starting to lose count of the number of days it's been without you. Yes, it's been that many, and every day without you is another day where I lose more of myself. Because, darling, you own every piece of me.
I still don't know if I can do this without you. But trust me, I'm trying. I know that's what you would want; for me to live my life. But darling, how can I live when the reason I breathe is gone? I'm still trying to make my peace with that. I don't know if I ever will, but I'll try. For you.
There was a time when I was so mad. I was mad at everyone. At Aslan, for not doing something to bring you back. At Lucy, for not being there sooner with her fire-flower juice. At myself, for not being able to protect you, to save you, for even leaving in the first place. I admit I lost faith. I refused to believe because believing would mean believing that a place so magical was capable of such cruel things. Believing would mean that you're really gone. But I'm not letting that anger define me any longer. I'm better now, I promise.
I miss you every day. I look forward to the day we see each other again. Until then, my darling. Words can't even express how much I love you. Always have, always will.
Forever yours,
Peter.
*
My eyes skim through the words I've scribbled down in messy letters once more.
I never actually mailed my letters, but ever since I've written the first one, I've grown accustomed to writing them and never stopped after then. They've become an outlet for me. One that makes me feel closer to Nerissa.
Still, the thought of her makes my heart ache. But it's manageable now. I've tried to move on like she'd wanted. I tried to go on a couple of dates. I don't know what I was expecting out of them, but they never lasted.
The one woman I love, the one I'll always love, was gone. And she took my heart with her.
I look out into the train tracks from where I was seated on a bench by the side, watching as Lucy talked animatedly to Edmund and our cousin, Eustace, by the platform.
Leaning back on the bench, I shut my eyes, listening to the soft 'choo's of a nearing train getting louder and louder, and just as it had gotten so loud that it sounded like it was right in front of me, it was just...gone.
Silence filled the air and the tension in my body that I felt before had oddly dissipated.
My eyes flickered open and I took in my surroundings for the first time, only to realise that the railway tracks had been replaced by a stunning cloudless blue sky and a field of endless lush green grass.
I let out a laugh as a flock of colourful birds flew over my head, chirping. It worked, we're back in Narnia.
"Peter?"
I froze at the sound of that familiar voice. It was like music to my ears and my heart soared but shattered just as quickly when I realised it was all likely in my head.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I will my head to stop playing tricks on me. Of all the thoughts I've had in the past, this one was a special kind of torture and I'm not sure if I could take another second of it.
Then, I felt it- the feeling of her warm caress on my cheek. I would've recognised her touch anywhere, and now here it was, too real to be something I've conjured up in my head.
My eyes snap open, and I'm met with a pair of eyes I've yearned to have the chance to look into one last time. And here it was, burning brighter than it had ever burned before.
I reach out tentatively, afraid that if I'd made any sudden movements, this would all be over and everything would fade away before my very eyes, leaving nothing but its lingering memory to mock me.
When my fingers brush against wisps of soft hair and then smooth skin, and over the little bump of the scar that marked her right eye, I realise that this wasn't just another one of my dreams. This was real. Then, only then do I allow myself to smile, the first real smile that has graced my face for years.
"You're real," I whisper mostly to myself, "It's really you."
"Peter, what are you doing here?" The words had barely been able to leave her lips before mine come crashing down on hers.
I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling me closer to me, relishing the feel of having her in my arms once again. Our lips move together in a kiss steeped with a passion that ignites, one that I haven't felt since the day I watched her soul leave her body in my arms, one filled with longing, desire and love.
"Peter," Nerissa says as our lips part, "I love you and as much as I want to have you here, you shouldn't be here."
I frown at her words and the frantic worry that laced her voice. But it doesn't slip past my notice how her words speak one thing but her actions speak another, and her arms cling on to me like she's afraid that if steps away, she'll lose me again.
"Honestly, my love, I can't really find it in me to care right now."
"Peter-"
I swallow her words, cutting her off with my lips over hers once again.
"I love you," I mutter against her lips.
Finally, she relaxes in my arms, returning a soft kiss to my lips.
"I love you, too. Always." She says, her fingers running through my hair. "But Peter, if you're here...That means you're..."
I press a kiss to the frown lines that were starting to form between her brows.
"Let's not worry about that right now." I brush her hair behind her ear, taking in every feature and commuting it to my memory. "I just got you back."
The silence around was broken by Lucy's voice in the distance and we both turn to look out in the distance.
There, by a row of tall breathtaking mountains, Lucy, Edmund and Eustace stand with a boy I don't recognise.
The realisation hits me as I take in his appearance, "Is that?" I trail off, looking down at Nerissa with disbelief.
She wraps her arms around my torso, leaning her head on my chest as she looks on at the group.
"Jed," She confirms my suspicions, "It looks like Lucy's getting along with him." She says with a cheeky smile.
With shaggy brown hair and bright emerald eyes, Jed stands by Lucy in the flesh, who shakes his hand with a shy smile.
For a moment, we stand there, taking in the sights before us. Just me and my Queen, enjoying each other's presence.
"Before I forget," I say, reaching up to unclasp the chain from around my neck. "This belongs to you."
I let the ring fall off the chain and onto my palm, before slipping it onto Nerissa's ring finger. The smile that takes over her face is heartbreaking beautiful and one that I'll never forget even if I tried. Bringing her hand to my lips, I plant a kiss on the ring and then on her forehead.
We'd lost so much time, but I had the feeling we had forever to make up for it now.