Chapter 22: Mistakes
I'm a horrible shopper and as Christmas approached, I began to panic. It was the 10th of December and I was still struggling to think (and purchase) of gifts for my friends and family, not to mention Phoenix. Another thing that ignited panic in me was that Phoenix was leaving on the 20th with his family to visit his grandparent's house for the holidays. It's not the fact that he's going to be gone for two weeks that's bothering me, it's the idea he proposed that is.
It happened on the day that we both managed to sneak out. We were in his car in the parking lot of a twenty four hour gas station with churros, which weren't that great. While I was eating the snack, I noticed he was staring at me, so I asked what was up. His words were, "We should just tell your brother the day before I leave for vacation so he has time to calm down before I get back." It sounded like a good idea at the time but now that I think about it, I'm going to be dealing with my brother's response all alone. I have yet to tell Phoenix about my opposing ideas, and I won't be doing so anytime soon.
I decided to shove the entire confront Leo idea to the back of my mind and focus primarily on the gifts. I eventually bought Christmas presents for everyone on two trips, one with Phoenix and one with my friends. I bought Avery a giant teddy bear, which I needed Leo to carry upstairs to my room while Avery was out with friends. I got Alice a waterproof phone case because she always seems to drop her cellular device in liquids. I got Cam a lipstick color she'd been wanting for a while. As for Leo, I wasted a few bucks on a card for his XBOX. And finally, Phoenix; I got him a leather bracelet with a metal plaque with our initials. Cam and Alice said it was a cute gift and that he'd definitely like it, so I purchased it, had it engraved, and put it in a nice box. I plan to give it to him on the 19th, which is tomorrow, right after the disclosing of our relationship to Leo, which I have not been stressing more than I am in this moment. Despite my attempts to suffocate the ideas, they came back to life and are now haunting the chambers of my mind with a demand to be heard.
Tossing and turning in my bed, I turned to my phone for some comfort. I was spending the day with Phoenix tomorrow. Before he was going to leave for his flight, we were going to tell Leo and let him talk to us for a bit before exchanging Christmas gifts. When I saw that Phoenix hadn't responded after twenty minutes, I decided to try my luck at sleeping again. I succeeded.
When I woke up in the morning at ten o'clock, I saw a spam of messages from Phoenix on my phone. Basically what the messages said was that the flight was at 8 o'clock in the morning rather than at night. So instead of spending the day with Phoenix, telling Leo, and exchanging gifts, I had to wait until noon before he was even able to respond to my messages. I sighed as I stared at the ceiling. With a large huff I got up out of bed.
When twelve o'clock finally rolled around and my phone began vibrating on its place on the table, I quickly lifted the device to my ear. "Hello?" I greeted.
"Grace..." he spoke. "Hey."
"How was your flight?" I asked him.
Rushing through the small talk, he addressed the problem we were both thinking about. Telling Leo. "We didn't get to spend the day together like we planned," he started. "And we didn't get to tell Leo."
"I know," I trailed. So what now? Are we going to wait until he gets back?
"I really want him to find out soon," he explained.
"Soon as in?" I questioned.
"Look, I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think you could do it?" he asked me.
"Do what? Tell Leo?" I inquired with wide eyes. He wants me to tell Leo? All alone? With no protection? The original plan was to have Phoenix say everything while I stand beside him silently and now he expects me to just say it?
"Yeah," he replied.
"What if he yells at me?" I asked.
"He won't yell unless you yell," Phoenix replied. "The worst thing he'll do is say no. But that won't matter because you're just going to be telling him that we're dating. You're not asking for his permission to do anything. If anything, just tell him we're dating and before he could say anything or ask any questions, go to your room or the living room."
"Phoenix..." I trailed off as I stared at the ground.
"Do it for us, Grace..." Phoenix pleaded. "And as soon as I get back, I'll ask you to be my girlfriend, I promise."
I sighed. "Yeah, okay. I'm the one that got us into this whole thing in the first place."
"If I was there, I'd kiss you," he told me.
"If you were here, you'd be the one breaking the news to Leo," I muttered.
"So when are you going to do it?" he asked me.
"I don't know," I told him. "I'll do it before you get back, I promise." And just how am I going to get up the nerve to do that?
+ + +
The week played on and as Christmas passed, I found myself putting off the task of telling Leo. I made up implausible excuses. He's in too good of a mood; his reaction will be a lot worse. He's in a really bad mood; his reaction will be a lot worse. He's tired; his reaction will be a lot worse. He had a bad day at work; his reaction will be a lot worse. In the end, I found myself pushing it off and lying to Phoenix about it. So two days after Christmas, I decided to get one thing out of the way and it was a bad decision.
I dialed Phoenix's number and when he answered, I lied. I lied so hard that I felt guilty before the words even left my mouth. I excused this behavior with the fact that I planned on telling Leo. I just didn't want Phoenix to be so stressed out while he was on his vacation, especially if it was something I could help. "I did it," I blurted. Short and simple so I couldn't mess it up.
"You told him? What'd he do? What'd he say?" Phoenix asked me.
"He got angry and stormed off to his room," I told Phoenix vaguely. "But he knows now, so I guess that's all that matters, right?"
"Right," he replied. "I'm so proud of you."
"Yeah..." I nodded as I felt guilt seep through my chest. "I, uh, just thought I'd call and let you know. I'll let you go. You're probably busy."
"No, I was just going to call you. How's your vacation?" he asked. Horrible, I wanted to say. And now it's worse because I lied to you. I lied straight to your face.
As the days played on, I felt worse and worse knowing that Phoenix was living with the idea that we were now an open couple and though, we don't have a title, we could still walk around without having to worry about someone telling Leo about us. But every time I tried to prepare myself to tell Leo, I would look at him and cringe at the simple thought of his reaction. Soon enough, it was the day before Phoenix was coming home and I still didn't bring myself to tell my brother despite the fact that I promised (and lied to) Phoenix.
"What's got you so down in the dumps? You've been lying in bed all week," Avery asked as she stood in the doorway to my room.
"I've messed up Avery," I told her. She closed the door before making her way to my bed. Throwing herself across my legs, she nodded as if telling me to continue. "Phoenix and I planned to tell Leo about us before he left but we didn't get a chance to. And I promised him that I'd do it alone."
"And you didn't do it?" my sister predicted.
"Worse," I told her. "I lied to him and told him that I did it when I didn't."
"Grace..." my sister cringed.
"There's nothing you can tell me that I didn't tell myself already," I complained.
"You could always tell him now," my sister attempted.
"The entire point of telling Leo was to do it before Phoenix left so he'd have time to blow off steam," I told her. "Telling him the day before Phoenix is about to come back is stupid and reckless."
"There's not much you can do now, Grace," my sister told me. "Well, except tell Phoenix that you lied."
"I hate myself," I told her. "I wish I would've just done it like I promised I would."
"Well, everyone makes mistakes. Phoenix will understand. Just tell him," my sister told me.
"Yeah," I muttered. "Will do."
+ + +
Rather than telling Phoenix like I said I would, I made yet another mistake. I didn't tell him. I contemplated texting him and telling him but figured it'd be better to tell him about my lie in person. I was sitting in the car beside my sister, looking at my brother who was seated in front of me. Our mom was in the front driver's seat, humming along quietly to the song playing on the radio.
We arrived a bit later than planned thanks to traffic and the ladies of the Carson family were already outside of the airport, waiting for us with their luggage. Where's Phoenix? As we pulled up to the area where they were standing looking lost and confused, I felt a knot form in my throat.
"Go get them," my mom told my brother, seeing as we were blocked off by too many cars to get close enough for them to notice us. Where's Phoenix? I asked myself again. I know he's here. He texted me when he landed to let me know that he was safe.
"Nah..." my brother trailed as he stared out the window moodily. He'd gotten into an argument with someone, judging by the lengths of the text messages he'd been sending.
"Grace..." my mother spoke as she turned to look at me and I sighed as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
"I'm going," I told her as I opened the car door, getting out. I waited until a car let me go before I began squeezing through parked cars. I eventually reached the sidewalk where they were waiting and I approached them. "Hey."
"Grace," Mrs. Carson greeted me with a large smile.
"How was the flight?" I asked her as the two girls stood beside their mother, offering me smiles. Brooke, however, gave me a slightly evil smile, but I soon realized that it was her normal smile.
"It was fine- way too long, if you ask me," she explained.
"Where's Phoenix?" I tried to ask casually.
"Using the bathroom," she answered. I sighed in relief before looking back at the car. I saw my brother staring out the window at us and I turned back to Mrs. Carson.
"Well, I'll take you to the car," I started. "It's right over there."
"Actually, can you stay here and wait for Phoenix? I told him you guys were going to be waiting at this exit and he said he'll be here in a second," she requested as she stared at her phone.
Great, Phoenix and I are going to be alone. I know, right; I'd request this any day but now. "Yeah, sure," I nodded. "You see the car, right?"
"Yeah," Mrs. Carson nodded as she led her daughters towards the SUV. I waited tensely for the familiar boy, looking around anxiously. I glanced back at the car every so often and saw that Leo was helping load the trunk with the luggage. When I looked back towards the exit doors, I saw the tall boy a few feet from me and before I could greet him, he embraced me in a hug. I felt shocks of warmth run through my system as I held him to me. As his arms tightened around my waist, I moved my hands around his neck, smiling into his chest.
As I pulled away to tell him that we should probably get going, he leaned in for a kiss. I returned the kiss because I mean, who wouldn't kiss Phoenix? He pulled away a few seconds later, chuckling as he moved to whisper in my ear. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," I whispered back in response before pulling away. "I have to tell you something..."
"Yeah?" he asked me as he stared down at me.
I nibbled my lip as I gazed up at him, looking into his eyes before sighing. "I...I didn't tell Leo."
"About us?" Phoenix inquired as his eyebrows shot up. "He doesn't know?"
I slowly shook my head. "I didn't...I couldn't. I-I wanted to tell him together because I've seen how he talks to you about it. He's calmer around you than he is to me. I know I told you that I told him because I honestly thought I would within the next few days but I didn't! I really wanted to, Phoenix, I swear."
Phoenix stared at his luggage. "I shouldn't have put the stress on you to tell him. I should've just called him or waited until I got back."
"Well...what now?" I asked quietly.
"Well, if he didn't know before, he knows now," Phoenix told me and suddenly, a loud horn sounded from behind us.
"Let's go," I replied as we walked towards the car, having to take a completely different path because of his bags.
When we reached the truck, I opened the trunk for him, doing anything to get in the car alongside him. I'm scared that Leo would reach back and punch me, or something, if I got in before Phoenix. Once his bag was in the back of the car, we walked around the side. He opened the door for me and I slipped in followed by the dark haired boy.
I suddenly was grateful for Phoenix's little sisters. Mrs. Carson took the front passenger's seat so Leo was forced to sit beside Avery in my old seat. Because Brooke and Piper are so small, they fit into the last seat in that row, allowing me and Phoenix to slip into the back row, alone. If it wasn't for the two of them, I'd have to sit beside Leo.
I immediately felt everyone's gaze upon me but I ducked my head and twisted my hands in my lap. Phoenix plopped down beside me, allowing his hand to snake around my neck, resting lightly on my shoulder. Leo turned around and looked between the both of us before turning back. Avery was laughing silently as she stared out the window. I was going to kick the back of the seat before I realized that Leo would probably look back and rip my face off. I decided to just remain silent for the rest of the ride. As I looked up to gage my mother's reaction, I saw her smirking, as well as Mrs. Carson.
When we arrived back home, I followed Phoenix out of the car. As my sister and I helped to unload the trunk, Leo stormed inside the house, slamming the door like a brat on his way in. Once we finished passing everyone their luggage, I looked over at Avery.
"So...I'm guessing you guys saw that?" I asked her quietly.
"Yeah, we did," she nodded before grinning. "High five!" I dimly high-fived my sister, letting out a sigh as my hand dropped back to my side.
+++
I was finishing up my vacation packet, which I shouldn't have put off until the last minute, when I heard yelling from outside. I got up, pulling back the curtains of my window. I listened to the muffled shouts coming from Phoenix and Leo and I immediately sighed, closing the curtain and making my way down the steps. As I opened the front door, I watched as my brother got into the car, starting it up. By the time I made it to the sidewalk, he was driving off down the street. I turned to look at Phoenix, who was holding his eye. I immediately jogged over to him, trying to piece together what happened.
"Did he hit you?" I asked Phoenix, staring in shock as I approached him. He nodded while grimacing. "Did you hit him back?"
"No," he replied.
"Well why not?" I asked as I lightly pulled his hand from his face, revealing a red eye. He had a hard time keeping it open.
"Because it wouldn't have solved anything," he told me. "He did it out of anger. If I'd have done the same, we wouldn't talk at all for the next few weeks."
"Are you alright?" I asked him and he shrugged.
"It stings," he admitted.
"What happened?" I asked him as we stood in the space between our houses, speaking quietly.
"He was on the porch and I came outside, figuring that it was a good enough time to try to speak with him. So I asked him if we could talk and he asked what about, but not in the usual friendly way. But I knew he was mad, so I told him that he knew what it was about. And he asked if it was about me and you or how we were going behind his back. So I just shrugged and said both. We got to talking but it wasn't getting very far, so I got frustrated. I told him to just get over it and that it wasn't a big deal. I said that the world didn't revolve around him and obviously he was angry. I told him I was sick of having to lie to him about everything and that's now how friendships work, especially not with a best friend. I said he needs to get his head out of his...bottom. By this time, he was already walking towards me. I expected him to shove me or something but he just skipped that step and hit me right in the eye."
"And then what?" I asked as I stared at him, holding his hand in both of mine.
"First, I was shocked. Then I reached up and held my eye. And when I finally realized that my best friend just punched me in the face, I swore at him," he explained.
"I'm sorry..." I muttered as I stared down at our entangled hands.
"Sorry about what?" he responded as I gnawed on my lip.
"Everything," I told him. "None of this would've happened had I not suggested the whole idea of keeping it a secret."
"So you regret all of this?" he asked me and I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.
"No, I just think we should've taken a different route, perhaps one that eased the idea of the two of us into Leo's mind," I replied.
"Do you honestly think that Leo would've allowed it to ease into his mind?" Phoenix responded as he removed his other hand from his picket. I grasped it, now holding both of his hands. His right eye was shut tightly and he focused on me with just his left.
"Well, sneaking around was a bad idea," I told him.
"Yeah, well, it's too late to go back," he informed me with a smile.
"So what now?" I asked him the question I found myself saying more and more often.
"I need to talk to Leo again once he cools down," he responded.
"I'll talk to him," I insisted. "Tonight."
"You sure you want to do that?" Phoenix asked me.
"Positive. He won't hit me. And if he does, I'm not like you, I'll hit him with a lamp," I responded.
"Remind me not to get on your bad side," he responded with a smile before it quickly disappeared. "Not that I'd hit you! I'd never."
I smiled at him, stretching up to kiss his forehead. "I know. Now go get some sleep and let your eye swell shut."
"Shut up," he grunted as he struggled to blink.
+ + +
My brother came home at midnight but I didn't get a chance to talk to him until one. My parents were waiting for him at the door when he arrived and didn't let him leave until his phone, computer, and television rights were taken away. He practically stomped upstairs until my parents threatened to take his shoes.
Just as he was about to slam his door, I pushed my hand against it and he looked at me, narrowing his eyes. "What do you want?" he snapped.
"To talk," I responded, trying to keep my calm.
"Yeah, about what?" he retorted as he began removing his shoes, tossing them noisily into his closet.
"You know what about," I replied as I stared into his room, watching as he rifled through his dresser.
"Look, if you're here to avenge your stupid, little boyfriend, I don't want to hear it," he retorted.
"I'm not," I replied. "But you should apologize."
He slammed his drawer shut before turning to look at me. "And why would I do that?"
"Because he didn't deserve that," I informed him.
"I think he did," my brother reiterated as he shoved his way past me, approaching the bathroom with a ball of clothes in his hand. I followed him, standing outside the door as he changed behind it.
"What he said was true and you know it was," I replied a bit louder.
"He wasn't being much of a good friend either," Leo retorted.
"How so?" I inquired.
"Well, sneaking around with you isn't something a good friend would do," he replied before emerging from the bathroom.
"We couldn't exactly tell you, now could we?" I asked him as I followed him back to his room. "Whenever I mentioned him, you'd flip out. I don't know how you reacted when he mentioned me, but I doubt it was much better." Actually I do know how you reacted because I was under the table that one time. Let's take this one confession at a time.
"If he would've just told meâ," he started as he began picking up the dirty clothes that lay along the floor.
"He did tell you. He told you he liked me. You knew I liked him. You were fully aware of our feelings for each other. You were fully aware of the fact that we were hanging out a lot," I told him. "I don't see why it's such a bad thing."
"Eventually he's going to be so obsessed with you, if he's not already, that he's going to start blowing me off just to hang out with you. He'll start to ignore me and sooner or later, our friendship is going to go down the drain," my brother explained as he shoved the pile of clothes into his hamper.
"So you're jealous is what you're saying?" I asked him, watching as he began stretching his blanket across his bed.
"No," he responded as he stopped what he was doing to glare at me.
"But you're jealous," I told him.
Ignoring me, he continued to list his reasons why it's such a bad thing. "What if he does something wrong? What if he hurts you?" he asked as he walked around the other side of his bed, fixing the blankets and sheets.
"I don't think he will, but if he does, I'll handle it," I told him. "It won't affect you in any way."
"Yeah it will," he responded as he angrily fluffed his pillows.
"How so?" I asked.
"You're my sister," he announced as he placed a pillow on his bed. "It's my job to beat up guys that hurt you."
I snorted as I looked at the ceiling. "Yeah well, if it happens, you can just talk to Phoenix."
"What if you hurt him? Then what?" he asked me and I shrugged.
"I won't," I told him. "You know...you can't really keep me and Phoenix from dating. It's just going to happen. We just wanted to wait until you were on board with the whole thing before proceeding with it."
"Whatever," he responded as he sat on his bed.
"So...what does that mean?" I asked him and he shrugged.
"It means whatever," he replied.
"So...are you okay with it? Or are you going to abolish your friendship with Phoenix?" I asked him.
"Do I have a choice?" he inquired.
"Well, no, but I'll at least let you voice your opinions to make you feel important," I informed him.
"As long as I don't have to deal with any side effects of your relationship, I don't care," my brother sighed loudly, as if facing defeat. I felt a grin tugging at the corner of my lips.
"You know, I should've just made out with Phoenix to begin with," I grinned.
My brother visibly gagged. "I don't ever want to see that...ever again."
"No promises," I told my brother jokingly. He looked up at me and I offered him a small smile. "Okay, it won't happen again."
"Good," my brother replied. "Get out now."
"I'm going, I'm going," I responded as I reached into his room to grab the doorknob. "And apologize to him, Leo. He cares about you a lot. He's the one that refused to ask me out until you gave the okay; he respects you. I mean if it were up to me, I would've asked him out the first time we kissedâ."
"Get out," he snapped from his bed.
"I mean it, Leo, talk to him!" I called as I shut the door.