Chapter 5: My Weakness is Bullet #3

Perry decided to play hooky.

He didn’t fancy a desperate sprint across town, just to receive the exact same amount of scolding, so he blew school off entirely.

This was not typical behavior for him, but life hadn’t exactly been typical lately.

You know what sounds good? A visit to Dave’s, then swing by the Home Depot. Maybe grab some copper wire, some neodymium magnets, - do they sell those? – some structural materials, maybe cardboard, steel rebar. Etc, etc.

Sounds like it’ll wind up taking a lot of space. Better use the bike.

‘the bike’ was a simple twelve speed with a oversized backet on the back.

Sure, it looked dorky, but it was the cheapest way to visit Dave’s and come back with acquisitions in a timely manner.

Perry remembered the bike being a lot bigger…When he was thirteen.

I wonder if I could upgrade this to make the trip a bit easier…

NO!

If he got caught by the Tinker Twitch again, he’d still be working on it when the schoolbus came back.

It could use an electric motor. I wonder if I could put the battery in the frame of the bicycle itself by pumping a gas into it, then aerosolizing the electrolyte into the gas. Spendthrift props up the reaction strength despite being diluted into a gas. Make the frame the cathode and make an anode that runs the length of the frame…

NO!

Perry shook himself out of it and hopped on the bike before he wound up making it shoot lasers.

There was SHOPPING to do.

Perry glanced at his bank account and huffed.

Probably gonna spend most of my money at Dave’s. As usual.

Perry hopped on the bike and began the laborious task of pedaling all the way to Dave’s.

Dave’s was a small shop in the dense urban part of town, relatively far away from the Nexus, and by extension, far from superhero oversight.

It didn’t mean that part of Franklin city was particularly dangerous or chaotic, but it was safer for Perry to follow certain rules when going through the place. Not wearing his school-issued backpack, letter jacket, or any other identifying clothes was step one.

Some people knew who his mom was, and that could sometimes attract the wrong kind of attention.

Very few people knew who his dad was, that could attract even worse attention.

Blending in was priority one.

Not staying in any one place long enough for people to get ideas was priority two, with the possible exception of Dave’s.

Dave ran a tight ship.

With the familiarity of practice, Perry made his way to the little mom-n-pop shop called ‘Dave’s Magical Emporium’

Dave’s shop was smack dab in the middle of what was colloquially known as Funkytown.

It was where many of the refugees from mom’s homeworld congregated, living in a rough approximation of harmony with each other and the law in general.

Dave, being the enterprising unicorn he was, saw an opportunity to sell his own shit at $2000 dollars a pound, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Ding!

Dave was behind the counter, wearing his leathers, looking exactly the same as Perry remembered him five years ago.

To be clear, Dave looked like a human with a nasty burn mark in the center of his forehead, and some sizeable mutton-chops. It was far more convenient to have a humanoid shape in a humanoid city, so any magical creature who could manage it, generally did.

There were good and bad things about Dave.

Dave was generally a pleasant enough fellow, and his customer service was excellent. On the other hand, he had a strange fixation with virginity and probably had a hand in most of the crime that happened in, or originated from, Funkytown. Dave, like most people, was a mixed bag.

“EEYY, is that little Perry I see!?” Dave said as Perry walked through the door. The man inhaled deeply, shuddering. “Still a virgin, I see. good, good. Your mom had the same amazing scent before she started hanging around with that Elysian punk.”

Gross and creepy.

“What can I do for ya, kid? I haven’t seen you around in what, half a decade? I was starting to worry about ya.”

“I was looking to buy small amounts of these ingredients.” Perry said, pulling the list he’d jotted down out of Mom’s spellbook.

“Hmm…” The leather clad unicorn took the list and slipped his bifocals off his forehead, chewing his lips as he read.

“What, are you going to stage a coup or something?” he muttered. “I’m not allowed sell you these materials in these combinations…”

Perry’s heart sank.

“Which means I’m gonna have to dick with my records once I close down for the day.” Dave sighed. “At least the quantities you’re asking for aren’t likely to trigger any red flags with Nexus, which is good. Still, some of these are pretty expensive. You bring cash?”

And there’s the customer service.

“I was gonna hit the ATM,” Perry motioned to the ATM in the corner of the shop.

“Mmm.” Dave wrote down an estimate on perry’s list, then grunted as he turned around and shuffled about the shelves behind the bar, pulling out drawers and removing magical ingredients covered in wax paper, dropping them down on the counter with the efficiency of a clerk who wasn’t handling magical ingredients.

“I don’t suppose you could get me the worst quality ingredients you have? Perry asked as he eyeballed the price tag.

I thought I chose the cheap Tinker specialization.

“No-can-do kid. Your mom’s a bit of a celebrity with us, and I’m not gonna be the guy who let her kid necrotize his hand because he got a bad batch of Areonite.”

Dangit. A bad batch would be so much cheaper.

“It should be fine, Dave, you can just sell the me the cheap stuff, I’m not even gonna to touch it myself.” Perry said before he realized he’d let too much slip.

“Of course you’re gonna touch it yourself…” Dave’s jovial manner faded like the sun under a cloud. “Come to think of it. You stopped coming here because you couldn’t make any rituals work. Something tells me that hasn’t changed.”

“How much was the Areonite again?” Perry asked, trying to change the subject.

“Son.” Dave said, leaning across the bar, his tone serious. “You’re not doing human experimentation with dangerous magical ingredients are you?”

“God, no.”

“Then what are you doing with this that doesn’t require you to touch them?”

“Umm…” Perry had been wanting to brag to someone who was in the know other than his mom and dad for days, so he couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“I figured out a way to make machines cast spells –“

“SHHHHHHHHUT UP!” Dave said, holding his finger to his lips before motioning Perry closer.

“Are you telling me,” he whispered, his voice just barely audible. “That you figured out something that has never ever, in the history of Manita, been done? A technology that could overturn the world order, and you told me?”

“It sounds bad when you say it like that,” Perry grumbled. He hadn’t known it was that big a deal. He’d made it in his bedroom with some college-level chemistry tools. It honestly hadn’t been discovered yet on account of a blind-spot between the science community and the magic one, not because it was difficult.

“Young man, I can rattle off the top of my head six people who would kill for that information. Lucky for you, I’m the most trustworthy unicorn you’re ever going to meet.” He preened. “Dave will keep your secret.”

And my dad would kill you if he traced a kidnapping back to you blabbing. Perry left that part unspoken because death threats were impolite.

“And yeah, if you want garbage ingredients, I’ve been looking for a sucker to offload some on. Now that I know it’s not going to kill you, I’ll bring out the real good stuff.”

“By that you mean the bad stuff, right?”

Dave nodded with a bright smile as he swapped out the ingredients for contaminated, moldy, old, bruised, and battered versions of the same thing.

Perfect.

“That’ll be two hundred and sixteen dollars.” Dave said with a grin, quoting a price nearly six hundred dollars less than before.

“Thanks,” Perry said, tapping his card on the ATM, entering the amount and coming back to the counter with the cash.

Just promise me if you grow an extra head or lose a limb, you’ll tell your mom you got it from somewhere else, yeah? And don’t leave me hanging for five years again, eh?”

“I can do that,” Perry said, waiting for Dave to pack his order up into a paper bag.

As Dave was handing the bag over to Perry, the bell on the front door rang, signaling another customer.

“Nobody move!” a woman shouted, her voice a bit hoarse.

Perry and Dave froze in place, glancing over at the front door.

It was a mutant woman whose skin was smooth scales, wielding a nine-millimeter in a shaking hand.

Despite the bullshit that Perry had fed Brendon, guns were just as popular now as they ever were. While they didn’t work for shit against supers, they were still terrific at intimidating civilians.

While they were civilian adjacent, Perry and Dave were not

civilians.

Perry glanced between Dave and the armed mutant woman, A sense of righteous anger and the desire to protect the helpless citizen grew in his chest.

This seems like a really dumb idea. My weakness is a third bullet. Perry hadn’t even gotten around to testing it yet. He wasn’t exactly raring to go shooting himself.

“Listen lady,” Perry said, stepping between her and Dave.

“Shut up!” She said, the gun practically vibrating with how hard it was shaking.

Listen son, amateurs are always going to be more dangerous than professionals. Not because they can fight better, but because they’re so freaked out that they’ll muck everything up and mess things up badly.

Perry hadn’t quite understood what his mom was talking about, but, staring down the quivering barrel of the gun, he was starting to get a glimpse of her wisdom.

“Do you know who that is behind me?” Perry asked.

“What does it matter?” She asked, forgetting her previous command. “Gimmie your wallet! And you, open the register!”

Dave leaned on the counter with his elbow, seemingly amused.

“That’s Dave the unicorn. He’s a literal freakin’ unicorn, and he can and will turn your gun into poisonous snakes. If that wasn’t reason enough to leave, I give you exhibit B:”

Perry pointed outside, where three men sat on a bench by the street, watching the proceedings with interest.

“Those are some of Dave’s goons. If you walk out of these doors with Dave’s money, you’re going to wind up dead in an alleyway somewhere.

Perry looked past the gun into the woman’s eyes.

“I’m trying to save your life, here, ma’am.”

“I don’t believe you! Now, gimmie the cash or I’ll…I’ll pump you full of lead!”

“Look,” Perry said, taking a step forward. The sudden movement was too much for the woman, and she unleashed a hail of gunfire.

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!

HP: 1

Perry glanced down at where a single flattened bullet dropped away from his torso, having torn a hole in his shirt.

“You’re a super!” She said, eyes widening.

“Should I have led with that?” Perry asked.

The woman turned and bolted, sprinting down the street faster than the goons could react.

“Oh, my god, I almost died!” Perry groaned, leaning back against the countertop, his heart slamming wildly in his chest. The unspent adrenaline went right to his knees, weakening them.

If that woman had been ANY more accurate, Perry would have a freakin’ bullet in him right now.

Amateurs are SCARY! A professional never would’ve even been there.

Thinking about the mutant woman’s appalling accuracy, Perry glanced back at Dave. “You okay?”

“Fine. Everything in the shop is insured. Including me!” The leather-clad unicorn cocked his head. “You didn’t have to that for me you know.”

“I did it for her! I saved her life!” Perry said.

“Allegedly. I am but a humble shopkeep.”

“Pfft.” Perry blew a raspberry and took his stuff, waving at the goons on the way out and strapping his haul down in the rear basket.

And now to Home Depot, Perry thought, flipping up his kickstand.

The ride to Home Depot was pleasantly uneventful.

They had some nice cardboard which Perry bought a ream of, along with a couple rolls of duct tape, some bulk glues, and a tub of high-performance rubber sealant. Because of his savings at Dave’s, he was also able to afford some hefty electrical wiring, some spray-paints…

Ooh, and some copper tubing and an electrolyte.

The structural battery idea was stuck in the back of his head, and it wouldn’t go away until he did something with it.

Without noticing it, Perry’s cart gradually became unmanageable, and he had to buy bungie cords to get the whole thing to fit (grudgingly) on his bike.

This is gonna be sweet, Perry thought as he pedaled through the downtown area.

BOOM!

Perry was halfway home when a shockwave from a detonating building knocked him off the bike and onto the curb.

The wall of the nearby building detonated into a wave of shrapnel as Dad punched Mom through a wall and out into the street. Dad’s squat, crablike robots poured out the hole, carrying hundreds of high-tech gadgets grasped in their pincers, aiming for the sewers.

Hexen stabilized her flight mid-tumble, hovering thirty feet above the road as arm-thick bolts of lightning surrounded her spandex-clad form.

Ew.

Perry liked spandex…on other supers. Not his mom.

I’m sure dad appreciates it, though.

It wasn’t actually spandex, obviously. It was some weird invention made by a Tinker a long time ago, and nobody had managed to beat it yet on the protection-weight ratio.

Dad was climbing out of the hole, his white and red powersuit looking something like Iron-Monger from the comics printed in the before-times. His suit was heavy and oversized, making him stand twelve feet tall, with thick steel, rough-looking iron disguising the sheer ingenuity of the interior.

It was a conscious design choice, his dad had said, as it made people assume he was fixated on sheer power, and therefore stupid.

“Your time has come Hexen!” Dad’s modified voice echoed through the street from the machine’s speakers. “The rest of your team is nowhere to be seen! They dance like puppets on the palm of my steel hand!”

“You wanna dance?” Mom said, pulling her hand back. “That can be arranged!” She brought her hand down, and with it, a torrential rain of lightning battered Dad’s suit, causing him to shake wildly in place as the overwhelming power melted through his insulators.

“Hah, you thought to defeat a Tinker with electricity!?” Dad shouted. “I have electricity in my brain! Your fancy fireworks can only make me stronger!” A gatling gun popped out of dad’s forearm, and Mom began weaving sideways, dodging his fire in –

Oh my god, they’re coming my direction!

Perry hit the deck, covering his precious cardboard and wire with his body.

Suddenly the deafening gunfire stopped, and Perry patted himself down, making sure he hadn’t taken any holes.

There’s a quicker way to do that.

Perry checked his HP.

HP: 1

Whew. Didn’t get hit.

“PERRY!?” Dad’s voice echoed through the mechsuit’s speakers.

Aw, shoot.

Hexen turned mid-flight, her eyes widening. She flitted over to where he was dusting himself off on the street corner.

“What are you doing out of school, young man!?” the #5 cape in Franklin City demanded, her hands on her hips.

“Missed the bus,” Perry said as Dad approached to stand in front of him too.

“What were you doing skipping school without protection!?” Dad demanded. “You should have at least taken one of my concealable disintegration rays.”

Hexen glared at Mechanaut.

“I mean, um, school!” The giant robot in front of him hedged, clearly nervous. “Can’t miss that. a growing man needs to learn, um…fractions and algebra.”

“A growing boy needs friends.” Hexen said, “I know it sounds trite, but you’re only a high-schooler once. Make some friends while you’re there.”

Perry’s thoughts landed on Heather and Brendon for some reason.

“I don’t think you guys understand,” Perry said. “I didn’t try to miss the bus. I feel as though I should also remind you that I’m legally an adult,

“You’ll always be my little boy,” Mom crooned.

“What your mother is trying to say, is your brain is like an undercooked brownie in an easy-bake oven. You might be legally an adult, but you’re still dumb as shit.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“No problem,” The giant suit of armor said.

“Is that a bullet hole in your shirt!?” Mom demanded, grabbing his shirt and holding it out.

“My boy!” The huge robot gave him a thumb’s up.

“It’s fine,” Perry waved it off. “Not a problem.”

“It’s not fine! How did you wind up getting shot in one afternoon!? If I heard your dad correctly you’re not completely bulletproof, are you!?”

“Weren’t you guys mid-battle?” He asked, nodding towards the news vans that were disgorging camera crews like clown cars.

Mom punched out with her right hand and sent Mechanaut flying, impacting against a heavy concrete building.

“Seek shelter citizen!” She said, loud enough for the news crews to hear it. “Your MOTHER is probably worried sick!”

With that said, Hexen flew after dad’s armor, tackling it to the ground.

Perry shook his head and hopped back on his bike. He had a distinct feeling that wasn’t the last he was going to hear about this.