my heart beats triple time
when i see you.
____
VALENTINA
____
Alejandro got the flu. This is the first time he's gotten properly sick, and it has been rough. He cries if I set him down for even a second; just changing his diapers is a workout.
I haven't seen or talked to anyone in almost 4 days. The occasional message to Enzo, so that he knows I'm alive. But Alejandro has all my attention.
He barely sleeps, he just cries and cries, unless I hold him. So, I do.
The last time I showered was three days ago. The house is a mess, I'm out of groceries; everything is shit. I'm exhausted. Tired. Sad.
In times like these, being a single mother is hell on earth.
Days like this, they make me feel so alone. I know there's so many mothers out there in the exact same situation, but I feel so fucking lonely. Like no one in my life understands. It's just me, and Alejandro.
Sometimes, I just lay him in his crib, just for a few minutes. I go out of the room, and cry my heart out. He cries in his crib. But he's safe, I know he is. It just feels like I can't handle it sometimes.
I try so hard to stay strong. To be that 'supermom' everyone sees me as. I can't breakdown. I can't.
Alejandro was currently asleep in my arms, but I was scared to set him down. Every other time before this, he'd wake up within 5 minutes, and the screaming would start again. And I just can't do that right now.
My exhaustion was taking over, and I was slowly dozing off, but a firm knock at the front door made me jolt. My eyes immediately shot to Alejandro, and I relaxed as I saw he was still asleep.
Carefully, I got up, cradling him to my chest, as I went to the front door. I checked through the peephole, and saw the one person I wanted to.
Enzo.
Without a second thought, I pulled the door open, to be met with his handsome face. Although upon seeing me, his brows furrowed in worry.
"Are you okay?" He asked immediately, stepping inside, pushing the front door closed with his foot. His rough, tattooed hands cradled my face, as if he was inspecting me. "Valentina?"
I nodded, keeping my voice quiet, "I'm fine. I...Alejandro has been sick. And he's very clingy while sick; I'm sorry I haven't had much time to text you."
Realizing the state of myself and the apartment, my ears burned in embarrassment, "I'm so sorry, I didn't really think anyone was coming over. This place is a mess. It's just that I can't even set Alejandro down for a second without him screaming so I have no time or energy to do anything and-"
"Shh, shh. Slow down." Enzo spoke so softly, gently. His eyes were fully focused on me, and I couldn't see even a hint of judgement in them.
His thumbs gently rubbed my cheekbones, "Christ, Val. You look exhausted. My poor baby. I should've come see you sooner. I didn't realize Alejandro needed you that much." Not once did his soft tone change, not once did he look anywhere else but my eyes.
"Come on, let's get you seated." Not waiting for an answer, he began leading me to the messy living room, Alejandro still asleep in my arms.
Once I relaxed onto the couch, Enzo held his arms out, "Give Alejandro to me, Val. Go sleep. Even just for a little. Go take a shower, eat something. I'll sit here and hold him. It's okay." He sounded so determined, so willing to make me let him help.
Tears sprung into my eyes immediately. It has been so long, since someone cared this much. Wanted to truly help me.
Quietly, Enzo eased Alejandro out of my arms, and gave me a kiss on the forehead, "Go take a bath, relax. I'll be fine with Alejandro." Not giving me any room to argue, he helped me off the couch, ushering me towards the bathroom.
"Thank you." I smiled, sniffling. I truly do not know what I did right in my life, to deserve someone so amazing and caring.
Without a second thought, I went into the bathroom, beginning to set a bath, adding the most relaxing scents and bath salts imaginable. I need it.
And sometimes, just sometimes, it's nice to put myself first.
____
I fell asleep in the bathtub.
The water had gone fully cold, my skin was gross and wrinkly. Quickly getting out and drying off, I made my way to the closet, to get dressed.
Poor Enzo. I didn't mean to take this long.
Before I pulled a shirt over my head, I caught a glimpse of the alarm clock on my bedside table. It's 9.14PM. I left Enzo with Alejandro for hours, gosh.
I'm a terrible mother.
Not wanting to get lost in my thoughts, I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and some socks, and rushed out into the...clean living room?
It was clean. Spotless.
Then, my eyes followed along to the couch, where Enzo sat. But Alejandro wasn't in his arms. But he isn't screaming.
Noticing my entry and confused expression, Enzo gestured to the crib, "He settled in there, finally. Are you feeling okay?" He got up, walking over to me.
"I- I uh..." I sighed, running a hand down my face. "Words can't describe how grateful I am right now, Enzo. This...you...you're amazing. So amazing." I shook my head with a small smile, tearing up again.
He really did care for us.
"Come here..." He spoke quietly, pulling me into a tight, warm embrace. His arms were wrapped around me, pulling me into him, as he buried his face into the crook of my neck, "I missed you so much. So, so much."
I hugged him just as tight; I really needed this. "I missed you too. So- so...so much." Tears began falling down my cheeks, my head buried against his shoulder.
The past few days had felt like the entire weight of the world was on me, pulling me down into a sinkhole, and then here comes Enzo. Taking the weight off like it's nothing. He makes my life brighter, even on my darkest days.
I just hope this lasts.
We stayed like that for god knows how long. He was just soothing me, letting me cry against his shoulder.
I don't remember the last time someone just...let me cry. It felt nice, for once, to not be told to 'stop crying'. Sometimes you just need to get the tears out, you know?
"Now, come on. You need some food." He murmured, leading me towards the kitchen, helping me sit down. Enzo was being quiet. Patient.
While Enzo started gathering ingredients, I took a deep breath. "Thank you. For everything, Enzo. You just...came here unprompted and- and you just helped. I didn't even have to ask. It's just...wow." I teared up, yet again. "I really, really appreciate it."
Enzo waved his hand dismissively, giving me a small smile, as he turned the stove on, "Val, my dear, you never have to thank me for doing the bare minimum, please. I'm here because I care about you and Alejandro, okay?"
"Okay." I smiled, my eyes focused on him as he cooked. "Thank-" Before I had a chance to finish, he turned and looked at me with a raised brow. Right, no thanking him for the 'bare minimum'.
"Sorry." I chuckled bashfully, running my hand through my hair.
After a little while of casual chatter and a few stolen glances, Enzo was finished cooking. He brought me a plate and a drink and my gosh, it looked delicious.
French toast, strawberries, a little caramel on top. I didn't even know I have strawberries, huh.
"This looks amazing." I grinned, looking up at him, "Thank you, Enzo."
With a kiss to my forehead, he sat down across from me, and we began eating.
We hadn't really discussed the kiss at all, but I didn't mind. He wasn't making it awkward or a big deal, so neither will I. We're just two adults who kissed, so what?
The rest of breakfast was spent in a comfortable silence, Enzo's hand was holding mine on the table, a small act of comfort and warmth. And just what I needed today.
...
I think I'm falling for him.
____
TO BE CONTINUED...