its you that i hold on to
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VALENTINA
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Fuck. Fuck fuck fucking fuck.
The guys are basically forcing me to go swimming, don't get me wrong, I love swimming. I just don't love my body. I feel like I'm being silly about this, but I just can't stand myself. Seeing my body type on others makes me feel like I can look good too because they look amazing, but I just don't look good like them, I don't know why.
So, here I am. Standing in Enzo's bathroom, trying not to cry at how I look in this bikini. Stretch marks on my stomach and thighs, scars, I haven't still lost all of my pregnancy weight, and my pregnancy made the skin on my stomach stretch, so it's all jiggly now.
Alejandro is with Enzo right now, I trust him. I really do. I know he's keeping Alejandro safe. I sighed, quickly tying my hair into a braid, throwing a dress on, because I didn't want to walk out of here half naked. I grabbed my towel and left the bathroom. I saw Enzo sitting on the bed, with Alejandro laying in front of him.
"The guys are already by the pool. You ready?" he asked. I decided that I didn't want to take Alejandro to the pool today, he's not been in chlorine water ever, so I'm not sure how his skin reacts to it, his skin is fairly sensitive.
So, when I'm swimming, Enzo said that he wouldn't mind sitting with Alejandro. We grabbed a blanket, that Alejandro can lay on, and we took some water bottles, since it's pretty hot out.
"There you are!" Leonardo grinned, already swimming in the pool. We set down the blanket on the grass, and Enzo sat down on it, as I laid Alejandro down. We made sure it was in shade. I still put on some sunscreen for Alejandro. You can never be too safe.
I set my towel down, refolding it, trying to stall. I'm insecure about my body, but I can't tell these guys that I don't want to swim because I don't like my body, that's just embarrassing. Like this body pushed out a whole baby; of course it'll look different.
"You good?" Enzo asked. I just nodded at him, took a deep breath and got out of my dress. I wrapped my arms around myself and kept my eyes on my pretty white toenails, the polish was chipped. I made my way to the pool quick, getting in so no one would be able to look at my body.
Sometimes I do wonder, am I afraid of people judging me, or am I just a victim of the unrealistic beauty standards the internet has forced down my throat?
I glanced at Enzo, who was already staring at me. He was probably so disgusted. My cheeks were red from embarrassment. I was brought out of my thoughts as water was splashed on my face. I looked around to see the culprit. Romeo.
"Oh you little..." I mumbled, splashing back at him.
"You really wanna do this?" Romeo smirked, splashing at me again. His splashes were much bigger than mine.
"Let's do it." I grinned, splashing him again. I saw Leonardo swimming over to us, wanting to join in on the splashing. Riccardo and Samuele weren't swimming, they were sunbathing, I guess.
We all started splashing each other, laughing loudly. I enjoyed this. Having friends. Sure, I had some friends, but I barely saw them they were all busy with school and work, and I don't blame them, at all
Plus, most of them prefer outings and activities that aren't really suitable for a baby; so I've kind of been shifted out of the group.
I'm just really happy I've met new people and grown to trust them. It's been hard for me, I've felt alone. I know, I had my parents, and neighbors and my few friends, but most of them care more about Alejandros well-being, and that's fine with me. I just enjoy being cared for, too. Enzo and his friends are the perfect balance.
Don't get me wrong, friends and family do care for me too, but I guess not as deeply as Enzo. He makes me feel seen and heard and doesn't judge me if I haven't showered for 3 days because Alejandro has been clingy. He'll never judge, he'll just help.
I don't deserve him, I really don't. He's so amazing and I'm just...me.
-
We had been in the pool for probably about an hour at this point, I could see Enzo smiling at Alejandro.
"Hey guys, I think I'm gonna go lay down with Alejandro for a bit now." I said at the guys, who were too busy wrestling. They yelled out a quick 'okay' as I was swimming to the ladder.
I got up, speed-walked to the blanket where Enzo was, quickly grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself. I sat down, smiling at Enzo as he smiled back. I took Alejandro in my arms, kissing him on the nose.
After a few seconds of silence, Enzo spoke up.
"You're stunning, you know that? You're actually drop dead gorgeous."
I blushed, looking at him in the eyes, he looked genuine, like he actually meant it. But he couldn't mean it, right?
Before I had time to answer, he spoke up again, "I notice more than you think I do, Val. I hope one day I can make you see what I see."
What does he mean by that?
Regardless, I smiled, "Thank you. You're quite stunning too." I snapped my mouth shut right after. He probably just pity complimented me and here I am, actually complimenting him. He probably thinks I have a crush on him now. I mean I do, but...
I saw the tips of his ears turn pink. Was he...blushing?
Oh. My. God. That is the cutest fucking thing I've seen.
I grinned, "You're blushing."
His eyes widened, "Oh shut up, as if you aren't blushing at everything I say." he had a teasing tone.
As usual, I blushed, and looked down at Alejandro, who was asleep in my arms.
"It's not a bad thing though. I like that I have that effect on you." Enzo said, moving closer to me. Gosh, it's like his life mission to make me flustered.
"Hey, jackass and gorgeous, wanna order food?" Riccardo asked, grinning as he walked over to us.
I chuckled at the names he called us, before nodding. Swimming always makes me extremely hungry.
"What do you want to eat, bella?" Enzo muttered in my ear.
I shrugged, "Whatever you guys want to eat."
Enzo hummed, standing up. He extended his hand for me, helping me stand up. The guys had started heading inside already, and Enzo grabbed the blanket we were sitting on, and handed me my dress. We went inside, and I asked Enzo to help me set up the small travel crib. He helped me, I set Alejandro down in it and put a blanket on him.
"Enzo, could I use your shower, please? I really want to wash the chlorine off?" I asked, slightly shivering.
Nothing feels worse than having chlorine hair.
"Of course, hold on, follow me." he said, making his way up the stairs. I followed him, as he led me to the bathroom, where I'd already been. He searched the cabinets, pulling out new towels.
"There's some women's body wash here as well, I keep it in case my parents sleep over, basically. But yeah, you're free to use it." Enzo said, handing the body wash to me.
I thanked him, as he made his way back downstairs. I went to my bag, that was on Enzos bed, and grabbed my hair and skin products, going into the shower.
-
"What'd you guys order?" I asked, stepping downstairs, heading over to the crib to make sure Alejandros okay.
"Pizza. Hope that's good with you." Romeo answered, focused on the game he was playing with Leonardo.
"Of course it is." I chuckled, sitting down on the couch. I felt so clean and fresh, I loved it. I was in a white tank top and some black sweats, and my favorite, white fluffy socks. I had my hair down, letting it dry into its natural state. My hair journey has been a mess; when I was younger, I constantly dyed my hair, making it dry and dead.
So, when I turned 18, I cut off almost all of my hair, and began letting it grow and heal. It feels so much healthier now.
I realized that I haven't changed Alejandros diapers in a few hours, so I got up and grabbed him gently, as he stirred in my arms. I hate waking him up, but it's important to change him.
"I'll be right back, I'm gonna quickly go change him." I said, as the guys mumbled an 'okay', focused on the game still.
I went back to Enzos bedroom, I took out a changing sheet and laid it on his bed and set Alejandro on it. I took his clothes off, went to the bathroom where I removed his diaper and washed him quickly. I went back to the room, grabbing the small towel from my bag, drying Alejandro, sprinkled some baby powder on him, spreading it to make sure it went everywhere. I put a fresh new diaper on him and dressed him in an adorable onesie.
"You're so cute, aren't you? Mami te ama tanto bebé." I kissed his nose as he giggled, grasping a few strands of my hair. (Mommy loves you so much baby)
Alejandro meant everything to me, he felt like my sole reason for living, and I'll always do everything and anything I can to make him happy and protect him.
I cradled him in my arms, as I put away the changing sheet, grabbing his dirty diaper and taking it with me downstairs so I can dispose it. Enzo doesn't have a trashcan in his bathroom. I'll have to talk to him about that.
Who doesn't keep a trashcan in their bathroom?
I made my way to the kitchen, passing the living room where all of the guys were now seated, all eyes focused on the TV. I opened the garbage bin and tossed the diaper in there.
"What's got you guys so focused?" I asked, chuckling, as I sat down on the carpet. The couches were full, and I certainly didn't want to try and squeeze myself on either of them.
"Romeo and Leonardo are doing a 1V1 and they're betting a hundred bucks on it." Riccardo chuckled, leaning back on the couch.
"What's that?" I asked, utterly confused.
"It means one versus one, they're basically battling against each other in the game and whoever kills the other first wins." Samuele explained, pointing at the screen, "The top one is Romeo, and the bottom one is Leonardo."
I nodded, "Oh, that's cool." I was still kind of confused on the whole ordeal, but oh well.
"Valentina, bella, do you want to come sit on the couch? I can move." Enzo said. He was seated on the single couch, while all 4 of the guys were slumped on the other one.
I shook my head, "No, it's fine. Your carpets pretty comfy anyways."
I heard the doorbell ring.
"Pizza's here!" Samuele cheered, as he jumped off the couch and rushed to the door, I couldn't help but chuckle.
"He's a fucking child sometimes, I swear." Riccardo groaned, rubbing his temples. His actions made me believe that Samuele's behavior was a common occurrence.
At least nine boxes of pizza were gently dropped in front of me on the carpet, my eyes widened as I glanced at a very happy Samuele.
"Nine pizzas?" I mumbled, as I laid Alejandro down on the fluffy carpet.
"Yes, my sweet Valentina, nine. These guys are total fatasses." Romeo muttered, still focusing on the game with Leonardo.
"You were the one who asked for nine- fuck!" Leonardo gasped, as he stared smashing the buttons on his controller more aggressively.
"I fucking won! Suck it, cagna!" Romeo exclaimed, throwing the controller on the couch as he stood up. (bitch)
"You fucking cheated, you asshat." Leonardo muttered, setting the controller on the table and sighing heavily.
"Sore loser. Pay up." Romeo grinned. I was enjoying this humorous interaction in front of me.
"Are they always like this?" I asked Samuele, who was now sitting on the carpet too, next to me.
Samuele hummed, "Yes, always." I watched as Leonardo dug out a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet, handing it to Romeo.
Samuele started handing out pizza boxes, each of the guys grabbing one, he gave me one as well, I set it on the floor next to me and opened it. Pepperoni, yum. I grabbed a slice, taking a bite. Holy shit. This is probably the best pizza I've ever had.
"This is so goddamn good." I mumbled, as I took another bite.
"I know right? No restaurant does their pizzas as good as this one." Leonardo muttered, stuffing his face with pizza.
"I've been meaning to ask," I said, wiping my mouth with a napkin, "How old are you guys?"
"Samuele and Riccardo are 27, Leonardo is 26 and Romeo is 24." Enzo said, taking a gulp out of his drink. Where'd he get that from?
I nodded, "Oh, cool."
We continued enjoying the pizzas in silence, and once everyone was done, Enzo took all of the pizza boxes into the kitchen, putting the leftovers into the fridge.
"So, who wants to watch a movie?" Riccardo said, clasping his hands together.
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TO BE CONTINUED...
hope all is well guys let me try to be more active ommm