I held onto Joong tightly, happy that for once, he wasn't fighting my attention and just embracing it.
He deserved so much, and yet he never asked for it even once. We pulled away, and I looked at him. The irony that we are evenly matched in height and yet he always looks and feels so small to me hasn't been lost on me.
"What do you feel like eating? Should I order something?"
"It's fine. I will get the maid to do something.'
I raised my eyebrows at this information.
"You guys seem well to do?"
"It's only recently. It wasn't easy getting to this stage, but I wouldn't complain of the hard work since it keeps my family comfortable."
I just held onto him and hummed, looking at him, brushing his hair away, starting to notice the eyebags.
"When was the last time you slept properly?"
Joong chuckled.
"I don't really sleep well to start with so these are the culmination of years of interrupted and short bouts of sleep."
I frowned. Just then, Joong's phone beeped. He looked at it and it was Dunk checking in on him.
"I call him so he will be more assured."
I nodded, letting go of him so he could walk away to call in private. I decided to go walk around the house instead and was chatting with the help in the kitchen when Joong joined us.
"Auntie, could you cook something for us?"
"Sure Khun, what would you and your boyfriend like to eat? I can prep it. Do you want your Pad Thai, extra spicy as usual?"
I blushed when I realized that she had referred to me as Joong's boyfriend. I looked over at him and he was equally as shy too.
"Uh.. pad thai would be good. But just don't make it spicy. He doesn't like it spicy. So don't trouble yourself. And maybe some soup too if its ok?"
She nodded, and proceeded to start preparing to cook. I left the kitchen with him and we went to hang out in the living room.
"How is Dunk? Is everything ok over there?"
Joong nodded and filled me in on their conversation. Then silence befell us. Clearly, the elephant was in the room over his maid's comments but both of us were not addressing it.
"She hasn't seen me in years and plus I haven't really brought anyone to this home yet so thats why she thought you were my boyfriend."
I nodded, just peeking at him discreetly but he wasn't looking at me but rather at his own hands as he spoke.
"So she hasn't met Dunk, either?"
"Yea. But Dunk isn't my boyfriend."
"I didn't mean it in that aspect. As in, because Dunk is such a close friend, that's why.."
"No. She hasn't. You...you are the first one to this home."
"I see. That's nice."
"You are the only one who has fought and insisted your way into this house."
Shit, was that a good or bad thing? I looked over at Joong, about to apologise when I realized he was smiling.
"But its a good thing. No one has ever fought to be there for me. It's always been easier to let me to be the one to stand up for others."
I reached out involuntarily and held onto his hands. Joong didn't pull it away rather, he clasped my hands too tightly.
"But I'm sorry if she made things awkward for you by referring to you as my boyfriend."
"But you didn't refuse it either."
Joong kept quiet.
"I.. I don't feel like refusing it."
"So, you will say yes if it's for real?"
He looked at me, stunned.
I tugged at his hand, aiming for a reply.
"Yea."
I smiled.
"But only if you ask."
"Be my boyfriend then."
Joong looked at me, stunned again.
"What?!"
"You told me to ask so I did so now it's your turn to agree."
"I..I was kidding. You don't like me that way. Why do..you ask then?"
"Who told you I don't like you that way?"
Joong kept quiet looking at me.
"Did any of my actions suggest that you are only a friend to me?"
Joong's face was turning redder by the minute.
"Phuwin is a friend. Dunk is a friend. Aou and Santa are my friends. But you.. you aren't a friend to me. I have long stopped seeing you as such."
Either he was feeling embarrassed by the conversation or stressed, but Joong stood up abruptly, forgetting he was holding onto my hand. I got off the couch with him and then he realized his folly!
He tried to let go of my hand, key word: tried as I held on tight. He looked at me, his face completely red now.
"I'm not going to force you for a reply now. But you need to know you aren't a friend to me and I definitely don't see you that way. You can take your time to decide on how you see me and what you want me to be to you. If it's a friend you want, tell me. I will be. But if it's more, tell me too. But regardless, I will never stop being there for you. That, I want to be clear about. I don't care what the world tells me. But you deserve to be protected as much as anyone else so let me do that role even if it's nothing else."
I finally let go of his hand, saying I wanted to go check on lunch as I was starving and walked away.
Knowing I had clearly left Joong gaping at my words.