Chapter 31

Envenheim 181

I reached toward the spring—fully intent upon falling into it. It had me the same way Caerwyn had; with a sweet ethereal glow and an intoxicating aroma of love that strangled me around the neck. It was almost impossible to resist the temptation of a man who I knew would always love me.

I reached both my arms in frantically, and then I dunked my head in—I was ready to submerge myself fully.

The spring which had looked so shallow and small from above, was now deep and large. The water was absolutely clear, and I could see reeds waving gently in the water far below along with many colorful koi fish swimming about. There was a golden one eating a black one and a white one looking on dispassionately.

My eyes were drawn by the sapphires glinting far below at the bottom. I submerged myself fully with a splash and swam toward them. I swam further and further down and closer and closer to the sapphires until my hand almost seemed to be able to grasp them, and I grabbed at them frantically until--

Love strangled me further, and I was gasping for air. I was losing consciousness quickly as water bubbled up around my mouth that was striving for air. My vision became bleary and I thought I was done for as the sapphires below began floating away from me—or rather, I floated away from them.

But, another hand appeared on top of mine as I weakly reached out for the sapphires for what I thought would be the final time.

I looked up and locked eyes with my own mother.

She was just as lovely and as graceful as I remembered her. A tall, ivory, and mature woman with glowing fur and black eyes full of endless knowledge. Her smile was sweet and loving, and her hands always ready to guide me.

“Is this how I raised you? No, you’re better than that. You can do this, my darling.” And Mother took me in her arms like she used to and carried me out of the water.

I lifted my head from the spring with a gasp, and suddenly I was back in the kitchen with Morgan staring at me with a menacing grin. “So you chose the king… Your life will be fraught with pain and suffering. You will know what it is to bleed, My Queen, and you will have no one to comfort you.”

I locked eyes with him fearlessly. “I have already bled, and I am prepared to bleed more. You cannot tempt me, creature.”

Morgan never stopped grinning. “We will see.”

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It was still night when I returned to my quarters and I crawled into bed next to Paris. I wrapped my arms around him with his back facing me and I clung to him the same way I was trying to cling to my duty and convictions. He groaned a little but didn’t wake up.

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I screwed my eyes shut and sniffled bitterly. This was where I belonged. This was where I needed to be.

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I was awakened by a kiss on the base of my neck by Paris. I was still exhausted, but I sat up tiredly and came face-to-face with him.

“You look tired…” He said quietly. “I’m sorry I kept you up. I shouldn’t have worried you.”

I was frowning quietly. I was facing life and adulthood head-on now, and I just felt so sad. I felt like I was losing that sweet, naïve, happy fifteen-year-old girl who got locked in that cage. I was losing her to a downer of an adult woman wracked with pain and duty and horrifying memories.

Paris tried to say compassionately, “is something wrong?”

I shook my head and threw my arms around him. “Tell me I’m more than just a beast to you! Tell me I’m more than a dalliance!”

He held me close with his hands pressing into my lower back and was quiet for a moment.

He said to me, “you’re the only woman I’ve ever had dreams about sleeping with—the only one I’ve wanted so badly that it gave me a fever. But it’s your affection I crave more than anything… You showed concern over that blood on my forehead I got from riding, and I couldn’t fight my thoughts about your sweetness. Nobody else noticed. I’ve only wanted other women once—I want you forever.”

I sniffled a little, and he continued. “Nobody cared or noticed when I left the castle grounds either. I came to your room hoping you would care—and if you didn’t, I don’t know what I would have done with myself--but you didn’t let me down. God, this beautiful blanket you made for me made me want to cry with joy. You’re a special woman.”

He wrapped me in the blanket I made and I leaned my head against his chest with my eyes closed. I hoped I would feel warm and safe, but I trembled and feared that he would abandon me or hurt me. “Protect me from these black thoughts… Why do I fear you?”

He kissed my cheek and, as he did so, he said to me, “let me tell you my weakness so that you can use it at any time to protect yourself from me if you should ever have a need. Let this prove my undying love for you. My father is not my father, and I am only royalty by my mother.”

I held him at arm’s length and asked him confusedly, “you are like moths, then? Except you have many fathers instead of many mothers?”

He shook his head with a chuckle. “No, her relationship with this man was illicit. He was a lowly knight. My father always suspected—that is why he hates me so much. If you told anyone and cast any doubt upon my claim to this throne, I might be ruined… I give you this secret freely.”

“You trust me this much?” I asked him with a grin. I hugged him all the tighter and my mind was put at ease.

He kissed me on over and over again and I giggled with affection. I enjoyed a few more kisses before I pushed him off of me and then sat up and scooted onto his lap and told him, “you have to get up and get dressed!”

“We have time…” He insisted and kissed me again.

My head was on fire with delight but I pushed him playfully again and told him sincerely, “since I know your weakness, I can tell you anything I want now without fear! You need to be more charismatic if you are to be king! You need to win the loyalty of all your subjects! You have to be as charming with them as you are with me!”

“You want me to kiss them and make love to them?” He asked coyly and humorously.

“No, no! You can only do that with me! You need to smile more, make polite conversation, stop slouching—things like that!” I suggested. “I can show you!”

He leaned his head against my chest with his eyes closed. “You think you can make me charming?”

I raised his head and made him look at me. “You are charming. I want the whole world to know it!”

He grinned at me silently for a moment, and then nodded. “Very well. You can try to make me charming if you want… Are you going to force me to get up?”

I was very temped to say no, but I nodded instead.

He climbed out of bed and gave me a hand. I smiled lovingly at him.

I had him now.