I race through the darkened passageway of the cellar. Tears sting the corner of my eyes. How could I have let my mother and sister distract me? Now I have possibly left Asteria to fend for herself. Screams echo through the air, and I move faster. People begin to swarm the passageway, and I push through the crowds roughly. Just as I near the entrance to the bar's cellar someone grasps my wrist.
I glance up, seeing Asteria in the dim light. Kesuk, Arabelle, and Asteria's guards are behind her, being pushed along by the crowd. I quickly pivot my body and begin to move with them.
"Where did you go?!" Asteria exclaims. Her hand remains tightly grasped to my wrist. I let her hold it, now forever afraid to let go.
"My mother and sister. They wereâ" I shake my head. "We need to get out of here."
We quicken our pace and make it back up the steps. As soon as we are on the street, my heart sinks. Soldiers are stationed at nearly every corner, pursuing those who are fleeing the bar.
"Come on. Don't linger," Kesuk hisses as my eyes desperately scan for an escape route.
Kesuk quickly leads us farther down the alley and onto a street where two soldiers are already preoccupied with arresting other rebels. I breathe in relief, believing we are safe, when suddenly, another group of soldiers rounds the corner. We quickly turn and begin to run. I grasp Asteria's hand, holding her tightly to me.
The soldiers may be weighed down by their heavy weapons, but they move quickly. I wonder at what point we will need to cease running and engage. I think of how the only weapon I have on me is a small knife, and I realize now why Vasa was so adamant I learn to use a gun. Our only solace are Asteria's guards' rifles, but they will not be enough to shoot down a plethora of soldiers.
"We have the princess in pursuit, and it appears one of the Landiani assassins!" one of the soldiers behind us shouts.
Kesuk leads us through an alley that deposits us onto another street. I think we are safe for a moment as soldiers pursue the other rebels, but suddenly, I hear loud shouts and rampant footsteps behind us. I glance behind me, seeing a half a dozen soldiers on our trail.
We are steadily losing speed, and my hopes of outrunning the soldiers to the forest quickly becomes squashed. Suddenly, one of Asteria's guards turn and fires a shot. As my ears ring from the sound, I make out the groaning of one of the soldiers. His wound and the open gunfire that follows buys us a slight distraction. However, a bullet suddenly whizzes near my head, hitting a wall nearby.
Kesuk quickly turns a corner, taking us out of the range of gunfire. Asteria's guards remain in the street, beginning a shooting match with the others. Asteria hesitates while her guards remain, but I drag her with me.
"Leave them. They will be fine!" I exclaim.
In the chaos of the gunfire, we are bought enough time to begin running again. I think hopefully we may be able to make it to the forest and lose track of them. I turn then, seeing tears roll down Asteria's cheeks as we leave her guards behind.
"It'll be okay," I say, though I do not necessarily believe the words myself. The sound of guns firing becomes distant as we near the forest. As I see the treeline, I inwardly tell myself that if we just reach there, then we will be safe. I can even make out the faint glow of Alba's lantern, and I let out a sigh of relief. However, just as the terrain transitions from street to soil, I hear the shouts of more soldiers pursuing.
"They killed them," Asteria realizes.
"We don't know that," I say. Though as I turn my head, I don't see Asteria's guards in the distance coming to defend us.
Vasa and Alba rush to the edge of the forest to meet us and quickly hand over our packs.
"What's going on?" Alba asks.
"Soldiers pursuing us. We need to go now!" I exclaim.
Vasa curses and reaches for his rifle. We begin to flee through the forest, but it is exceedingly more difficult than running down the streets of Torville. Exposed tree roots threaten to trip me at every turn, and the darkness makes it difficult for me to see where I am going. I can tell by the sound of footsteps that the soldiers are hot on our trail, but at the very least, they do not attempt to shoot. The dense foliage and darkness of the night do not give them ample opportunity to get a clean shot, and they do not wish to waste their bullets.
"Let's try the lake," Kesuk says. "Maybe we can lose them there. Put out the lantern."
"Butâ" Alba begins to argue.
"We've been camping for weeks. The soldiers do not know the terrain like we do."
I watch Alba hesitate before she blows out the lantern, trapping us in darkness. Moonlight allows some visibility, allowing us to make it to the shore. Asteria quickly begins to wade into the water. I open my mouth to call out to her, but I realize what she is doing. It's then I realize that the soldiers are nearly here, and there is nowhere else we can go.
"Engage," Kesuk says beside us. "We have no choice."
I freeze and reach for the knife at my belt. Just as the soldiers approach the shore, Vasa fires the first shot, hitting a soldier in the leg. The soldier howls and begins crawling away into the forest. Asteria emerges from the water, and with the magic she has absorbed, begins sending waves towards the soldiers lining the shore. Kesuk reaches for his bow and arrow on his back and shoots at another soldier. As the arrow pierces the man's arm, Kesuk begins engaging him hand to hand.
I wade into the water to keep near Asteria, while Arabelle and Alba back into a nearby bush, attempting to hide since they are unarmed. To their advantage and my disadvantage, the soldiers seem the most interested in me and Asteria.
I hold out my knife shakily, knowing it will do no good. A bullet flies between myself and Asteria. She curses but we are both unhurt. She sends another blast of water at a soldier nearby. I move swiftly, thinking I can at least disarm the soldier while he is distracted. I stealthily move out of the water and into the bushes surrounding the shore. She and the soldier remain engaged, with him aiming his gun at her and her continuing to send heavy blasts of lakewater his way. Quietly, I sneak up behind the soldier and kick my leg into his shin, knocking him to the ground. I grasp the gun from his hands and toss it aside, beginning to wrestle with the soldier on the rocky shore of Kensington Lake. He is heavier and stronger than me, and I hiss in pain as a punch lands in my side. My ribs ache at the impact. I may be able to get a few punches in, but he will quickly overtake me with his strength.
"Fetia, move!" Asteria yells. I quickly lurch to the side as a rush of water pummels into him.
I look up and silently thank her, but another soldier approaches then, and she has to turn her sights to him. The soldier beside me cries out as a bullet hits him, and I glance up, seeing Vasa has shot him. The blood seeps from the soldier's body, and he takes shallow breaths as the life slowly leaves his body. Not being able to stand the sight, I stand shakily and move away, watching as the others begin to engage. Vasa and Kesuk team up against one soldier. Asteria and another soldier are engaged once more.
I begin making my way back to Asteria, ignoring the pain in my side from the soldier's punch, when suddenly another soldier's body slams against me, knocking the wind out of my lungs. I am thrown backwards into the lake, and as I glance up, I realize by his wounded leg that he is the soldier that Vasa first hit. I thought he had fled, but perhaps he was waiting in the shadows for the right moment.
I reach for the knife at my side, but the soldiers grasps my shoulders and drags me deeper into the lake. I fight against him, but I have no advantage in the shallow waters. He weighs more than me, and my movements are hindered by the slippery rocks at the lake's bottom. I kick his wounded leg, which allows me to break free for a moment, but then his fist collides with my cheek, and he grabs hold of me again.
"Fetia!" I hear Asteria call.
"Landiani scum," the soldier hisses at me. "This is payback for what you did to the king."
He throws me back down into the water, this time pushing me underneath the surface. One of his legs stands on my own. He grips my shoulders tightly, holding me underwater. I battle against him, but the soldier's strength outweighs mine. Panic begins to set in, and I begin to flail, knowing that he will drown me if I do not break free from his grip.
As I attempt to twist a leg out from under him, his foot comes down harder on my shin. I keep my mouth shut despite the pain, attempting to not breathe in any water. The surface is not far, but underneath the weight of the soldier, it feels out of reach. Each time I try to squirm out from under him, my energy fades more quickly. My lungs begin to feel like they are on fire, and I find my movements becoming weaker. I make the scary realizing that I am dying.
My heart suddenly sinks. I had thought I would make it to the coup, at the very least. I yearned for a day that I would see my country freed. And Asteria. My heart seizes at the thought of her above the surface, watching this happen. I feel horrible for leaving her behind and for not being honest with her about my feelings. I selfishly do not want to die, but perhaps this is what I deserve. Perhaps I was never meant to see this plan through.
Unable to hold my breath any longer, my mouth opens, sucking water into my lungs. At the same time, a crash of waves slams the soldier off of me, and a boom echoes shortly afterwards. The weight holding me is suddenly gone, and the water begins to turn dark and murky. In the moonlight, I realize suddenly it is blood. Then, I am lifted from the water.
I frantically cough up water from my lungs and heave for air. I turn, finding Asteria behind me, keeping me upright. The soldier's deceased body floats nearby, and as I turn my head, I see Vasa standing in the lake, his gun pointed to where the soldier once stood.
"It's okay. I've got you," Asteria says. Her arms reach underneath me, and I am surprised by her strength as she lifts me and cradles me toward her body. I suppose that is an advantage of the magic she sucked up earlier. As soon as we get to shore, Asteria gently lowers me, and I immediately get on all fours, coughing up the remainder of water in my lungs. Asteria's hand soothingly rubs my back as I breathe in fresh air again.
"The soldiers?" I ask in between heavy pants.
"Don't worry. They've all either fled or are dead," Asteria says.
It is only when I learn that we are safe that I begin to cry. Without another thought, I turn and lurch into her arms. Asteria seems stunned at first, but she sits back onto her heels and holds me tightly. I grasp the wet fabric clinging to her body and sob profusely into her shoulder. In the moment, I cannot verbally describe how scared I was of my own mortality. I tremble against her body, both from fear and the cold.
"Sh, it's okay," Asteria says, wringing her fingers slowly through my hair. Her body trembles against mine, and her lips press gently on my hair. I care little if anyone is witnessing her affection. All I know is that I do not want to be parted in this moment. I cling to Asteria for as long as I possibly can, allowing the tears to flow effortlessly. Meanwhile, I can hear Vasa and the others moving around, taking stock of everyone's injuries.
"Fetia, take a few deep breaths," Asteria says, gently placing a hand on my back. I pull away from her slightly to glance at her.
"Are you hurt anywhere?" she asks.
My tears finally begin to cease. "My ribs," I murmur. "My ankle. And my face," I say, touching my swollen cheek from where the soldier punched me.
"Nothing too life-threatening, then," Kesuk says. I see he has a few bleeding scrapes on his arm, and Vasa has a slight limp as he moves. Arabelle and Alba thankfully seem unharmed.
"What about you?" I ask Asteria.
"Don't worry about me," Asteria says. "I am fine. Nothing but a few cuts and bruises." She rubs her hand along my back again, then stares at me concernedly. "We need to leave. Can you stand?"
I nod, though I wish I could continue sitting with her. She grips my hand and helps me upright, and though my body still trembles some, I find my footing easily.
"Princess!" I hear a shout in the distance.
My heart seizes, fearing it is more soldiers, but suddenly, her guards appear out of the forest's foliage. I find myself overjoyed to see them and glad that I wrongly assumed they died in a fight with the soldiers. I notice their injuries quickly though. One has a bandage wrapped tightly around his thigh that is coated in blood, no doubt from a gunshot wound. The other has a similar bandage on his shoulder.
"You made it out," Asteria realizes.
"Barely. Our injuries could be better," one of the guards replies.
"Let's see if we can find some shelter and start tending everyone's wounds. Come on," Kesuk says.
Asteria keeps a tight hand around my waist as we walk through the forest. Though air fills my lungs again, my breaths remain shallow. I feel numb and emotionless. I almost perished minutes ago, and life feels suddenly different.
We cannot walk far with everyone's injuries, but we do our best to put distance between ourselves and Torville. Kesuk finds an empty cottage near the lake and is able to sneak in through an unlocked window. Once inside, Kesuk and Vasa immediately get to work tending the wounds of Asteria's guards. I sit on a couch with a blanket draped around me, while Asteria finds me a damp towel to hold against my swelling cheek.
"We should discuss turns for keeping watch tonight," Kesuk says.
I open my mouth to volunteer, but Kesuk shakes his head.
"Go get some rest, Fetia. You've been through enough this evening," he says.
"But Iâ"
Asteria grabs my hand. "Come on. I am sure we can find you a comfortable room in here," she says.
She leads me down the hallway, where we find a bedroom with a large bed with plush sheets. I stand numbly while Asteria begins rummaging through my items. She finds my sleepwear and begins undressing me. Normally, I would be flustered, but I feel next to nothing as she peels the damp clothes from my body and gets me situated into warmer wear.
"Come on," Asteria says, leading me to the bed. She quietly tucks me in under the covers and runs a few fingers through my hair. "Rest up, okay? You gave us a scare tonight."
As she turns to leave, my emotions suddenly come flooding back. "Wait," I say.
She turns, and in her eyes there is that familiar longing.
"Please. Stay," I murmur.
Asteria hesitates. "I should offer to take watch if I can. I'm not as injured as some of the others."
I maintain my gaze, hoping my silent plea is enough to will her to change her mind. She lets out a sigh. "I suppose Alba can cover my shift. Give me a moment to get changed."
I wait a few moments in anxious anticipation until she returns in her nightgown. I pull the covers back, allowing her to crawl into bed with me. We lie on our backs and keep our gaze fixated on the ceiling. I watch the moon's beams flood softly through the window and listen to Asteria's breaths beside me. We keep our arms at our side and our gazes averted from each other.
I think how easy it would be to fall asleep, but it would also be cowardly. Finally, I find the courage to speak.
"You saved me again," I say. "Thank you."
Asteria makes a hum of acknowledgement and says nothing else. I wonder if she is half-asleep, but suddenly her voice echoes firmly through the room.
"I still love you," she says.
My eyes widen at her words, and I turn to look at her, finding she has curled over on her side to face me.
"I meant what I said," Asteria continues. "You frightened all of us tonight, but me especially. My worst fear has been losing you. I have lost you once before, and I do not want to lose you again. If Vasa and I had not saved you in time, then...then I do not know what I would have done or if I'd have the strength to continue with this coup."
I stare at her quietly, the weight of her words settling over me.
"Forgive me. I know we agreed not to discuss our romantic feelings for the time being. But I needed to tell you. I was afraid I would never get to tell you again," Asteria says.
I stare at her silently. For weeks I have tried to maintain distance with Asteria, telling myself that it was what she deserved and what I needed to focus on the mission. After tonight, however, I know that I cannot imagine a life without her. Tears well in my eyes, and I finally let the truth slip from my lips.
"I still love you, too."
Asteria's body lifts up in shock. "You do?"
"Yes," I say, sitting up to face her. "Of course I do. I never stopped. You were in every one of my thoughts from the moment I fled Esterpool."
Asteria pauses. "That letter Kesuk found..."
"It was yours," I answer. "From the day you confessed to me. I held onto it because I figured I would never get the chance to see you again and wanted to remember your love. I feel foolish now for trying to push you away when we reunited. I'm truly sorry. I thought distancing myself was best in the moment, but tonight, when I thought I might never see you again, I knew I could not continue living like this."
"Does that meanâ"
"I want to return to where we left off," I say firmly. "I do not want to die without you knowing how much I love you. And truthfully, Asteria, I am going to go mad if I do not get the chance to kiss you again."
"Fetia," Asteria says, her breath shallow. She leans towards me, and I quickly close the gap. Our lips collide forcefully, and I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her as close to me as I can. My tongue gently traces over her lips for the first time in months. I had thought our first few kisses would be soft, building gradually, but we kiss roughly and hastily to make up for lost time. My breaths come out rushed and hurried as I memorize the taste and feel of her lips again. Asteria's fingers wring through my hair, and her lips trace quickly over my mouth, my jaw, and my neck.
"I love you," she murmurs again, sucking deeply at the warm skin of my neck.
"I love you, too."
Asteria leans forward to kiss my lips again. She tastes like sweat and tears and forgiveness. My hand moves upward to rest on the curve of her breast, and I squeeze softly as I lean forward to capture more of her lips and to taste the inside of her mouth. Fire floods through my veins despite the cold winter evening.
Asteria's fingers trace up my thigh slowly before they slip under my nightgown. She looks at me, silently asking permission, and I nod in response. She begins undressing me gradually, and I remember that familiar embarrassment that came with the first time we did this. After so long, everything feels new again, but even more exciting.
My fingers tremble as I slip Asteria's nightgown over her head and shoulders. I take in the sight of her for a few moments, forgetting how beautiful she was. I lean forward to kiss her again, and then our fingers begin to trace into each other's skin as we relearn each other's bodies.
Asteria lays me back and gradually begins kissing up my thighs until she reaches my core. I moan quietly, wringing my fingers through her hair as she relearns how to bring me pleasure with her tongue. As I writhe and sigh beneath her, I wonder how I could have waited so long to allow myself this happiness again. I know now that I can never deny myself such happiness again. Her name flows out of my mouth in waves as she brings me over the edge. She kisses me delicately then, reaffirming her love for me over and over.
I can only manage a few moments of rest before I begin to ravish her with the same wanting. I kiss her neck, her breasts, her warm stomach and soft thighs. My fingers trace over her body delicately, down to the bundle of curls at her center. She gasps as I begin to touch her earnestly, and I kiss her lovingly and slowly as she slowly unravels at my fingertips.
Afterwards, Asteria holds me to her body, continuing to kiss me gently. I push a stray hair from her sweat-glistened face and smile. I feel her ribs shake as a light laugh echoes through her.
"What is it?" I ask.
"I'm happy," Asteria says. "I love you. For all eternity."
My heart jumps at her strong sentiments. I glance down at her warmly. "I love you, too, and I will do my very best to protect you, always," I say. I seal my words with a kiss, which she returns eagerly. I trace the sides of her body, attempting to entice her to another round, but Asteria shakes her head.
"We really do need to rest, and I would hate if I worsened your injuries," she says. She lifts my hand to her mouth and kisses my fingertips. I crawl off her slowly and curl up beside her, sighing contently at the heat of her skin against mine.
Asteria holds me close to her and kisses my forehead. "Tomorrow is a new day. Despite what happened earlier tonight, I am sure support for the coup will only grow stronger."
"Do you think so?" I ask.
Asteria nods. "Now, get some rest. Otherwise I think Kesuk and Vasa may kill me if they know I was keeping you up."
I chuckle and shut my eyes. I curl deeper into her, comforted by the feeling of her warm breath above my head.
"Good night. I love you," I say.
Asteria's lips trace my forehead. "I love you, too. Good night."
For the first time in months, we fall asleep skin against skin and entangled in each other's arms. Suddenly, I am no longer fearful for the day ahead.