Nishtha
What was I thinking?
What on earth is wrong with me?
Why would I give into him?
Why does he STILL affect me? After all that has happened, he STILL affects me.
I ran downstairs, ignoring my tears, and before I could reach anywhere, I heard the door ring.
Not now!
I fixed my eyes, trying to dry them, and then got my face steady and composed. Then, I opened the door to see Arush and Rohan. I smiled and welcomed them, "Hi."
"Hi Nishtha. How are you?" Arush asked.
"I'm good." I said, seating them down, "I'll get chai for you two."
"Nonsense, you sit with us. Where is Yuvaan?"
"He... He isâ"
"Right here!" I heard his voice coming down the stairs. He walked towards us, narrowly missing my arm, and sat down, "Hi bro!"
They got engaged in talking so I used the chance to quickly escape and went into the kitchen where I started making chai, while still trying to contemplate what had happened in the room.
I got too close to him. My guards broke again. I was also about to... kiss him. How could I?! He isn't mine anymore, he isn't the man I loved and he won't ever be the man I.... I loved.
You're lying to yourself Nishtha.
No. I'm not.
Sure.
"The chai is boiling." I heard a male voice behind me. I turned and saw Arush standing by the door.
"Oh." I said, switching it off, "Yeah. Sorry. Just a little distracted." I lied.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes. It is." I said, pouring the cups.
He came closer and stood next to where I was pouring the cups, "I mean, you know that I know about Yuvaan and you. I... I helped him in uncovering the truth about Bua."
"I'm aware." I said.
"You can talk to me, Nishtha. I know why you have a guard around you. I understand that you have huge trust issues now, and no one is asking you to break that guard down instantly. All I'm asking for is that you be open to talking. Talk to us, yell at him, but just communicate. Don't close off."
"It's easier said than done, Arush Daâ" I cleared my throat, "Arush."
He chuckled, "You can still call me that." He sat and grabbed his chai, "although that's not what you used to call me. I believe the word you're looking for is Arry."
I looked at him, slight tears about to appear, but I turned away. Arry is what I used to call him in university. I can't do that anymore, "I... I can't use that word anymore."
"Why not?"
"It's not right anymore." I said and took the tray outside with the chai, serving it to Rohan and Yuvaan. I noticed Yuvaan's gaze on me but I ignored it, not trying to even acknowledge that he might have even been looking.
Likewise with Rohan, I knew he had a concern for me but, in all honesty, I don't think I can open up anymore. I have lost the ability to open up about my feelings to anyone. I don't think it's possible by me anymore, as much as I wish to open up. It won't happen.
"So, how are things going for Vami's engagement?" Rohan asked us.
"They're going great." Yuvaan said, "it's in 2 days, and you both have to come."
"Speaking of engagements," I saw Yuvaan looked at Arush, "Why are you delaying it?"
I saw Arush smile. He has been dating Maithili, his girlfriend since college, for the last 7 years. They got together in their 2nd year.
That's how long Yuvaan and I would have been together if nothing would have happened.
Arush and Maithili are meant to be married. Her and his parents, both are aware of everything and have given their blessing. They're also asking them to hurry up but Arush and Maithili just delay it for some reason.
We don't know why.
"We will, I'm planning to propose soon. I also think it's about time now. Maybe after Vamika's engagement, I'll announce mine. What about you? Rohan?"
Rohan smiled, "We've still been on the talking stage. There's still a bit of time before we make things official."
Rohan was not the type of guy to date. He was always silent and never really put himself out there. His family got a proposal for him last month and they both liked each other, but they asked for a bit of time to talk and get to know each other before saying yes.
But the way Rohan was smiling at the mention of her, the yes isn't too far away!
"It's nice that you two will soon get settled too. It's a great feeling." He said, looking at me.
I looked down.
Why are you lying, Yuvaan?
"I... I'll be back." I tried to get up but Yuvaan held my hand and put me back down.
"Don't go." He said, looking right at me.
"I... I don't want to disturb you three." I said.
"You aren't disturbing us."
I sat, defeated. Now I'm just there, listening to them talk about their plans and their projects and things, while I sat there unknowing of what's going on.
Rohan said, "We should go on a road trip!"
"Oh damn! I agree!" Arush added.
"We'll go. Next weekend?" Yuvaan said.
"Sorted. There's a beautiful fort."
"Sinvgad?"
"We've not been to Sinvgad yet."
Sinvgad. I've always wanted to go there. It's an extremely popular fort and a huge moment of pride for the Marathi people - I never had the chance to go.
"Nishtha! You're coming with us!" Arush said.
"What?" I asked, surprised.
"Yeah! Come with us!" Rohan added.
"N...No it's okay. You guys go." I argued.
"Nonsense! You come, and ask Aditi and Priya as well." I saw Yuvaan's face change, they wouldn't want to go anywhere with Yuvaan around.
"Yeah Nishtha." He said, "Bring them." I knew that he would be afraid to face them.
I realized I have no choice, I tried saying no too many times but I got no reply back, so I agreed.
I got my phone and texted my group:
N: Guys, we're going on a road trip, you two have to come, please!
A: If it's with Yuvaan, count me out.
P: Same! I have to see him at work everyday and it's bad enough. I don't want to see him outside work as well.
N: Adi, Pri! Please! It's not just Yuvaan, it's Arush and Rohan too. Please!
A: Why are you going then?
N: You think I didn't try to talk myself out of it? They didn't listen. Please come.
P: Okay fine. For you! Adi, aaja!
A: Alright! We'll be there. When is it?
N: Next weekend.
P: Sorted, send us deets!
"They agreed." I told everyone.
"Perfect." Arush said and I saw Yuvaan stiffen.
~â¢~
It was around 1am when everyone left. Maa and Papa, with Vamika, had come back by 12am, and his friends left an hour later. I had retired to my room by 11, because I didn't know what to do.
I was really thankful that Maa and Papa didn't mind my decision of staying away from Yuvaan, or sleeping in another room. They aren't exactly aware of how far from Yuvaan I stay, but they didn't say anything about me not being in the same room as him and I was grateful.
I came out after taking a warm shower and lay down on my bed in my shorts and a tshirt, wrapped in my blanket when I heard the door open. Yuvaan walked in, closed the door and quickly came and sat beside me and before I could scream, he covered my mouth.
"Nishu..." He said, "I want to talk to you."
I looked at him, not wanting to answer, but when he let go off me, I replied, "what?"
"Nishu, I want to tell you about what you said today. I... I'm really sorry and I know that you've heard that a lot of times, but I'm going to make up to you. Please come on the road trip."
"I told you I'm coming. I don't have a choice."
"Nishtha, I want Nishu there, not just because they invited you, but because I really want you there. I'm sorry, but can you come?"
I looked at him, not wanting to come, so I tried to scare him out of it, "Aditi and Priya will be there, and you don't want them there."
He chuckled, "I deserve it. I want to make it up to you, if it means Aditi and Priya will be hating on me the entire time, I'm all in."
I sighed, "Just go sleep." I don't have the energy for this right now, and being around him was making him fall in love with him.
He chuckled and came closer, cupping my face, then, he slowly touched his lips on my cheek. I felt goosebumps where he touched me, but I kept my guard up. He touched my face, "Oh God Nishu, I miss you so much."
I looked down, I can't.
I miss him too.
"You don't miss me. You think you do." I said, trying to fight him. I don't know why.
He chuckled, "I very much know what I think and miss: it's all you, I want you Nishtha." His hand caressed my face, "I really missed you."
"Yuvaan! Please go." I said.
"I will, I just.... I want to be around you, and I'll go after I've spent time with you."
"We can't spend time together." I scolded him, "I don't want to spend time with you. I don't want to be around you and I definitely don't wâ"
"Shut up or I'll kiss you." He said bluntly.
I felt a wave of goosebumps. What did he say?
You've kissed before, Nishtha, why are you acting like you haven't before?
"W...what?" I asked.
He whispered, near my lips, "I want to kiss you, so don't tempt me more than I have to control."
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