Yuvaan
Anger. Confusion. Pain.
I've been telling nothing else since I came back from that wrecked dinner. I don't even know who asked Bua to come; she had to mess things up. Ughhhhhhhh!
The dinner ended and I had came back home, on my own. Alone; Nishtha decided to go to her parents' home again; she's been living there.
This dinner shouldn't have happened, I already had my doubts on Bua and as much as I hate to admit it, she's confirming them.
I hated the way she spoke to Nishtha's parents today. I didn't know to even say, because I was still digesting that she said that. She had never said this before. She had always been sweet to Nishtha, until.... That day.
But today, the way she was glaring at Nishtha and her family, it really caught me off guard.
Was she the same 4 years ago?
Was I too blinded in her love?
No, I....
I don't know.
I was punching my bag heavily, recalling all the things that I had overheard at home.
Flashback:
"Dad, I... I'll go help Nishtha in the kitchen." I said, taking a few plates.
"Beta. I know you don't like her, butâ"
"I never said I don't like her."
He chuckled, "That's a good change then, but what I'm saying is, Meenakshi wasn't good to them today, especially going on her parents. That's not nice. I will talk to her, but you please talk to Nishu."
"I will." I said and went into the kitchen.
But, before I could enter, I overheard Bua talking to Nishtha. I peeked inside and saw Bua holding her hand tightly as she spoke, "It's very brave of you to come back. I didn't think you had the guts to come back after that, but even 4 years of hatred from your beloved Yuvaan wasn't enough. You're back to get insulted again."
What on earth is she saying?
"You and Yuvaan didn't happen before, and it's not going to happen again."
I saw Nishtha gasp in pain and I felt anger rise in my mind. How can she do this?!
Before I could react, I saw her walking outside so I hid behind the wall and watched her leave and I looked back inside and saw Nishtha tear up and continue working.
She didn't deserve this.
She did cheat you, Yuvaan.
I don't care.
I was going to go back inside but I saw Mom enter so I hid again and continued to listen."Beta... I... I'm sorry." Mom said.
"It's not your fault." Nishtha said, looking away.
"I heard what she said to you. Right now."
She chuckled, "I've heard worse, Aunty."
Mom caught her hand made Nishtha look at her, "Beta, we want to help. Why aren't you telling Yuvaan? He can fix this."
That's the answer I need, Mom.
She chuckled sarcastically, "the same Yuvaan who threw me outside this home, Aunty?! The same Yuvaan who didn't even hear my side when Bua was slut shaming and saying all those things."
Why didn't I notice this before?
Why didn't I notice what all Bua said?!
I fisted my hands, embarrassed by myself.
"Beta..."
"Aunty, I know he's your son and I'm really sorry about this. I tried to be a good wife to him, I really did, I... I had feelings for him even now Aunty, but they've all died when I've seen him sit silently as Bua insulted my parents, they've died when he insults me everyday calling me a gold digger, a liar, saying things like I need to keep Vamika away from you... and..."
She had feelings for me? She still had feelings for me? I thought she feelings died. She had feelings for me. I got rid of those feelings.
I MADE HER LOSE FEELINGS FOR ME.
UGH.
"I... I'm sorry." She said looking away.
"Beta no. I... I understand, but Yuvaan is your husband beta, talk to him and he will help you out."
"I don't need to taste the whole ocean to know that the water is salty Aunty. One sip is enough." I said, "Thank you for an amazing evening." Nishtha said and walked out of the kitchen.
Present:
I leaned against the bed, embarrassed at myself. I don't know how but I felt a sudden relaxation in my mind knowing that she had feelings for me, but.... I made them go away.
She lost feelings for me.
Did she?
I won't let her lose feelings for me.
Why does it matter to you if she likes you or not Yuvaan? You don't have feelings, right?
I... I don't.
Sure. Then it shouldn't matter.
I... I don't know.
I groaned, "UGH."
I got up, and called Arush, asking him to sort things out and get more information. After I cut the call, I stared at the roof.
I need to fix things, starting with Aai Baba.
I took a warm shower and got dressed in a brown t shirt and jeans and drove to Nishtha's house. Parking underneath, I went upstairs.
I knocked on the door, Aai opened it.
"Yuvaan?" She said, "Come."
I could see her energy lower than usual.
This was because of my family.
"I... I wanted to say sorry." I said.
"Beta, it's... it's okay." She said, as she sat.
I kneeled next to her, "I'm sorry Aai. It's not okay. I didn't know Bua would do this..."
"Beta it's okay. I just...." She stopped.
"You?"
"Beta, what happened that day?" She asked.
I stiffened, "Didn't Nishtha tell you?"
"Beta she didn't say anything. She just..."
"She what, Aai? Please... someone talk to me. I have been asking everyone, no one's talking to me. Please tell me something."
"Yuvaan.... I... I don't know what happened that night but, Nishtha was found in the hospital and, she..."
"She what?!" I was desperate.
Why was she in the hospital?!
"She was unconscious because of the rain, and then for the next 5 days she didn't wake up. She was in a.... partial coma for the next 5 days."
She was.... what?!
"When she was in the rain again because of dehydration just before your wedding, I... I was scared because... the last time she didn't wake up for days."
I sat down, unable to digest it.
I was the one who left her in the rain.
"Since then she.... she's been having panic attacks in extreme rain and if things trigger."
Oh.
I'm responsible for this.
"I'm sorry Aai." I said, unable to see myself.
"Beta, I know that you must have had your reasons but please trust me, whatever gold digger thing your Bua said today, it's not true. I know that because.... she..."
"She what?!"
"Beta, promise you won't tell her this?"
"I won't Aai. I promise."
"She sold our car, for Vamika." Aai said, looking down.
"What?!" I said, tears almost in my eyes.
"I don't know the details, but... she needs to sell the car. We didn't find out through her, we found out after she left to the US when Vamika came and told us."
"Vamika came to you?"
"Haan beta, she came around 1 month after she left to the US, and she said that she is leaving to study, and before she did she wanted to get this off her chest... and she said that Nishtha had sold out car to give around 60lakhs to Vamika. I don't know why. She didn't tell."
I froze, trying to digest her information.
This is why they don't have a car.
She would always dodge the topic.
"What did she tell you when selling the car?"
"She... she said we can use the money for Neel and her tuition."
"Did you?"
"That's not an issue beta. Don't worry about that."
"What do you mean?"
"Yuvaan, itâ"
"Aai, for Nishtha's sake, please tell me."
"We have a loan. The car covered the money Vamika needed and just a little more, which got used in Nishtha's accommodation, but we took an education loan, which she started repaying once she got a job."
She's on a loan.
"H...How much is left? How did she manage?"
"Around $35,000 left. She used to work as a TA, or locally somehow, and she did tutoring online and she managed. We had money but.... USA is expensive and we tried to tell her not to go but she didn't listen. She wanted to leave."
I held my head in my hand.
I felt like shit.
"Aai, I'm really sorry." I said, almost crying.
"Yuvaan," Aai said and I looked up, "Please try to find the truth but... please. Nishtha is not like this, she loves you."
I chuckled, "not anymore, Aai."
I felt bad. I messed it.
"Where is Nishtha?" I asked her, "I want to talk to her."
"Beta, please don't tell her all this. Even she doesn't know that I know about the car."
"I... I won't. Where is she?"
"She... she went out."
"Out where? It's late, she shouldn't go out alone. I... I'll go get her back."
"Beta, leave her alone. She won't listen. She came and dropped us home and left."
"Where is she, Aai?"
"She's with her friend. Don't worry. I'll tell you when she'll be back." Aai said.
"Is Baba around? I want to say sorry to him."
"He's sleeping."
"Oh. Okay. I... I'll be back tomorrow."
"Okay beta." Aai said.
I stayed silent. I didn't know what to do or say. I felt like I pushed my girl away on my own.
Maybe she is innocent.
Nishtha was in coma because of me. She has panic attacks because of me. I ruined her.
"I'm sorry Aai." I said again.
She put her hand on my head, "Beta, I'm here with you, don't worry."
I got up and touched her feet and then left the house.
I felt like shit.
She sold her car for Vamika? Why?
But she did it anyway. She did it, she sold her car for my sister. She is on a loan. She... she was in a coma because of me. She's dealing with panic attacks because of me. She... she is going through so much because of me.
She lost feelings for me.
I reached home and I ran inside.
"Did Nishtha come?" I asked Jeena Aunty.
"No bete. She's not here." She replied.
"Oh." I said, "Okay."
I went up to my room and messaged her.
'Where are you, Nishtha?'
I waited for about 30 minutes when I finally got an answer.
'At my friend's place. Goodnight.'
She didn't even leave a chance to talk.
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