I'm in a haze, but I think it's better this way.
The haze shields me, muffling the chaos of my thoughts, the reality of my actions. It's a cocoon, and I want to stay wrapped in it for as long as I can.
Reid pulls me by the hand, cutting through the whispers and murmurs swirling around us. I close my eyes, letting him guide me, my feet stumbling to keep up with his urgency. At the base of the stairs, he suddenly stops, and I crash into him with a soft gasp. He turns, flashing a mischievous grin before bending down and scooping me up in one fluid motion, carrying me bridal style.
Gasps and teasing "oohs" ripple through the crowd, but I bury my face in his chest, hiding the flush spreading across my cheeks. His scent-clean, with a faint trace of cologne-wraps around me as he begins to ascend the stairs. I peek through my lashes and catch sight of Oliver standing at the bottom, watching us. His expression is unreadable, but it sends an involuntary shiver down my spine.
I quickly look away, not wanting to decipher the emotions swirling in his dark gaze. Before I can dwell on it, Reid reaches the top and pushes open a door, stepping inside. The world outside melts away as he kicks the door shut behind us, enclosing us in a bubble of tension and heat.
He carefully lowers me to the floor, his hands lingering on my waist. I barely have time to steady myself before he closes the gap between us, pinning me gently against the wall. His touch is firm yet tender, his hands burning through the fabric of my dress as they press into my sides.
I tilt my head up to meet his gaze, and the sight of him nearly steals my breath. His dark hair falls messily over his forehead, his lips slightly parted, and his eyes... oh, his eyes. They're smoldering, stripping me bare without even trying. The snug fit of his vest highlights every defined muscle, teasing what lies beneath.
I want him.
I've spent too long pretending I didn't. Too long ignoring the fire he ignites in me. Every nerve in my body screams for him, and for once, I don't want to deny myself.
"Did everyone just see you drag me up here to have sex?" | tease, my voice low and sultry as I trail lazy patterns on his chest with my fingertips.
A crooked smile tugs at his lips as he leans in. "I think they did," he murmurs, his voice a delicious rasp. "Does that bother you?"
"Not one bit," I whisper before pulling him down to capture his lips with mine.
His lips are soft yet insistent, moving against mine like he's been waiting for this moment as long as I have. My hands slide up his back, tracing the planes of his shoulders, drawing him closer until there's no space left between us.
Our kiss deepens, tongues tangling in a desperate, unrestrained dance. His taste is intoxicating, a mix of sweetness and sin.
My hands wander, exploring the strength beneath his vest, while his grip tightens on my waist.
He pulls back, just enough to lock eyes with me, his gaze heavy with unspoken desire. His breath comes in short, ragged bursts, but he doesn't break the connection. His thumb brushes my cheek, a tender contrast to the hunger simmering between us.
"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. He takes my hand and brings it to his lips, nipping gently at my fingers and drawing a gasp from me.
I nod, unable to form words, and his soft chuckle vibrates against my skin.
"I should warn you," he says, his accent thick and teasing. "I can be a bit... rough. But I promise, you'll enjoy every second."
His words send a jolt of heat through me, pooling low in my stomach. My thighs press together involuntarily, and I feel the dampness growing between them.
"I want you to kiss me," I manage to say, my voice trembling with need.
His lips twitch into a smirk. "Did you hear anything I just said?"
"If I say yes, will you shut up and kiss me?"
He laughs, the sound low and rich, before leaning in to press a tender kiss to my forehead. It's sweet, almost reverent, and it makes my stomach flip. He moves slowly, kissing each cheek, then my nose, before finally returning to my lips.
The kiss turns from soft to searing in seconds, and his hands slide down to grip beneath my thighs. With a gentle lift, he has me straddling him, my back pressed firmly against the wall. The heat of his body against mine is overwhelming, but I don't want it to stop.
His lips leave mine to trail down my neck, sucking lightly on my sensitive skin. Each kiss, each pull of his lips, leaves a blazing path in its wake. My head falls back, a breathless moan escaping me as his teeth graze my collarbone.
Before I know it, he's carrying me to the bed, his grip firm but careful. He lays me down beneath him, spreading my legs with ease as he settles between them. His lips find mine again, hungry and demanding, as his hands begin exploring every inch of exposed skin.
Finally, he pulls back, his lips red and swollen. Reaching into the drawer beside the bed, he retrieves a small foil packet and waves it teasingly in front of me.
I smile, but nerves bubble in my chest. My excitement is still there, but a flicker of anxiety sneaks in. It's my first time, and the weight of that realization suddenly feels very real.
Reid notices the hesitation in my eyes. He brushes a hand against my cheek, his touch grounding me. "We don't have to do this," he says softly. "Say the word, and we'll stop."
"I don't want to stop," I reply, tugging at the hem of his shirt.
He grins, leaning in close. "What do you want to do then?"
"I want you to take it off," I say tugging his shirt
"Then take it off," he murmurs, his accent making the request sound impossibly seductive.
I grab the edge of his shirt, pulling it over his head to reveal the sculpted lines of his chest. My fingers trace the muscles there, marveling at how his body responds to my touch.
"That feels good," he mutters, his voice husky.
I want to keep pleasing him, to make this special for both of us, but my inexperience nags at me. Would he expect more from me? Would I be enough?
As his hands slide under my dress, brushing against the edge of my panties, panic takes hold. I shift reflexively, and my knee connects with his groin.
Reid groans, collapsing to the side, and I sit up in horror. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"
He laughs weakly, wincing. "You've got quite the aim, haven't you?"
"I didn't mean to!" I stammer, my face burning. "I'm just-well, I've never-"
He cuts me off, his eyes widening. "Never?
As in...?"
I nod, mortified. For a moment, he's silent, his expression unreadable. A knot forms in my stomach.
He pulls back from me abruptly, his expression filled with horror. The way he recoils from my touch makes me feel like I'm some kind of plague.
"You don't have to look so horrified," I say, biting back the tears threatening to spill.
"I'm not... It's just..." He falters, his eyes darting away before meeting mine again.
"You know my reputation. You know I'm an asshole. Why would you want your first time to be with someone like me?" he says, grabbing his shirt from the bed. He moves to stand at the foot of the bed, towering over me.
"Well, you could choose not to be an asshole," I shoot back, my voice laced with defiance.
"No, don't go there," he says sharply, slipping his shirt back on. "This was a mistake. I should go," he adds, turning toward the door.
Panic jolts me, sobering me instantly. Was he really going to leave like this? Leave me like this?
"Wait," I call out as his hand hovers over the doorknob. "That night... the night we shared on the hill," I say, my voice trembling. He freezes, then turns to face me, his facade cracking just enough for me to see something raw beneath it.
"What about that night?" His tone is cold, his gaze unreadable.
"Nothing," I whisper, retreating under the weight of his indifference. He looks at me for a moment longer, and I catch a flicker of pity in his expression.
"Look, Isla, I'm sorry," he says softly.
"Just go," I choke out, the tears spilling freely now. The moment he's out of sight, I curl into myself, burying my head in my lap as sobs wrack my body.
How stupid could I have been? What did I even expect from him? Why does he have this effect on me?
Why am I so obsessed with his smallest smiles, his arrogance, and the briefest scraps of attention? Even after the humiliation he just put me through, all I can think about is how I should've accepted Brooke's advances in high school. If I'd done it then, maybe none of this would hurt so much.
"Are you sick?" my subconscious mocks, and I nod in agreement. I must be. That's the only explanation for this. I had loving, doting parentsâI wasn't starved for affection. So why?
I glance down at my tear-streaked dress, the evidence of my foolishness smeared across the fabric. A soft knock at the door startles me.
"Hey, Isla," Oliver's voice comes through.
I try to steady myself, hastily wiping my face. "Hey," I manage, my voice hoarse and brittle.
"Can I come in?" he whispers, barely audible.
"Sure," I reply. The door creaks open, and Oliver steps in cautiously, his hands fidgeting nervously.
He sits at the foot of the bed, scratching his neck, his eyes avoiding mine.
"Did he send you?" I ask after a long silence.
Oliver nods, still not meeting my gaze. His nervousness pulls a small smile from me, softening the ache in my chest.
"Thank you," I say quietly, my voice tinged with sincerity despite my shattered insides.
"For what?" he asks, finally looking at me.
"For being here." I offer a weak smile, knowing full well I didn't deserve his kindness.
"Of course," he says, a faint smile warming his rosy cheeks.
"Need a hug?" he asks, and though I know I shouldn't, I selfishly nod.
He slips off his shoes, climbing onto the bed with cautious movements. But as his hand brushes the unused condom lying on the bed, his cheeks flush deeply.
"Uhh..." he stammers, and I can't help but burst into laughter.
The tension breaks as he settles in beside me, leaning against the headboard. He pulls me into his embrace, and I let myself melt into the comfort of his arms.
I feel his heart pounding against my cheek and smile faintly. He stiffens, realizing I can feel it, and stammers, "I can explainâ"
"It's fine," I murmur, snuggling closer to his chest.
"I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Reid's an absolute dickhead. Any guy would be lucky to have your attention," he whispers, his voice so earnest it tugs at something deep within me.
"I don't think that's true," I say softly. "But thank you."
"I mean it," he insists, gently pulling me back to look into my eyes. "You're absolutely gorgeous. Any guyâmyself includedâwould be lucky to have you."
A small smile creeps onto my face.
"Uhm, not that I want you," he blurts, his eyes widening in panic. "I mean, I doâbut not like thatâI mean..."
"So you don't?" I tease, raising a brow.
His eyes widen further. "I do! It's justâyou were hurt by my friend, and I don't want you to think I'm taking advantageâugh, I'm rambling, aren't I?" He groans, smacking his forehead with his palm.
I laughâa real laugh, loud and unrestrained.
"You probably think I'm a weirdo now."
"Maybe," I tease, grinning. "A cute one, though."
The tension eases, and his expression softens. "I love when you laugh. You should keep laughing," he says, and for a moment, the world feels a little lighter.
I lean in and press a soft kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Oliver."
He stares at me, stunned. "Uhâsureâyou got itâ" he stammers, flustered. Clearing his throat, he adds, "I can drive you home, if you want."
"Maybe. But first, could you get my friends?"
"Oh, Maddie? I saw her go into a room with Jordan, so... she might be busy," he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Lila, then?"
He nods. "I'll get her." As he backs toward the door, he trips over a table, earning another smile from me. How could someone so adorable be friends with someone like Reid?
Once alone, the ache creeps back in. I grab a pillow to scream into, but the scent of Reid on the fabric stops me cold. I find myself clutching it to my chest, the tears threatening to fall again.
The door swings open, and Lila rushes in, pulling me into a tight embrace.
Oliver stands in the doorway, gesturing that he'll be outside. He closes the door softly behind him.
"Hey, you okay?" Lila asks, her voice gentle.
I shake my head, and she sighs, hugging me tighter. As I lean into her, I realize that maybe she needed this hug just as much as I did.
Authors note:
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