Castor wasn't amused when I pulled him into a back alley. He was slightly placated when I had a note from Juniper. When I didn't leave he seemed worried.
"Read it. Then we need to talk."
He nodded slowly. He read the letter and I stared at him the whole time. His face was either deathly pale or black, blue, and swollen. He moved as though every breath hurt. I didn't ask how he was doing. It was obvious.
He didn't ask how I was doing either. Maybe he assumed I'd tell him or maybe it slipped his mind.
He finished reading the letter and he clutched it in his left hand.
"We needed to talk?"
I nodded. "There's a plan, Castor. Tonight at dinner, watch our table. If anyone does anything out of the ordinary, get ready to cover your ears."
"Why?"
"There may or may not be a rebellion. Just promise you'll do it."
He nodded. "And Juniper. Does she know?"
"Yes. She'll be alright."
He nodded. "And you?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."
"What don't you know?"
"Up from down. Right from wrong."
"Did you ever know right from wrong?"
I smiled to myself. "Better than I do now."
"Not everything's black and white, you know. It's possible you're not right or wrong."
I nodded. "Stay safe, Castor."
"Thank you. For everything."
I just nodded, but I didn't turn to walk away.
"How do you know when you're in love with someone?"
He looked taken aback. "I don't know. You just do."
I nodded. "Okay."
"Why?"
"If I am making a mistake, I want to at least know why."
He looked even more confused, but I didn't elaborate. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go back to Ryan. I didn't want to look at her again and have all my reason leave me. I didn't want to think of the way our hands were intertwined that night or how her face had been inches away from mine.
"They're going to N-O-T-I-C-E we're G-O-N-E."
I signed the two words for him, but neither of us moved.
"I have to go. Thanks for the W-A-R-N-I-N-G."
I signed the word for him and then I was alone. I turned to go back. Now he knew. There was nothing more I could do. Still, there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I was too deep in to back out, and I wasn't sure I wanted to back out. But the feeling was still there and it wouldn't go away.
Ryan smiled at me when I got back. I smiled at her, but it felt hollow.
"What's wrong? Seriously?"
"Just nerves."
Ryan nodded sympathetically. My attention was on her all day.
You just do. I'd just know.
I knew. My heart fluttered when she met my eye. When it was finally time to go, her hand intertwined with mine. It was like we were back in the dark, the stars shining down on us.
She pulled me toward an alley. "Come with me really quick."
My feet followed her on my own. She gently pushed me, so my back was against the wall.
"What are youâ"
And suddenly she grabbed my hands, pushing them flat across the wall, and one hand was free.
"Is this okay?"
Not knowing what else to do, I nodded. Our faces were inches apart and then they weren't. There wasn't any space to close.
When she pulled away, I took a sharp breath. She knew what she was doing to me. She knew that I wouldn't be able to say no to whatever she asked next.
"You liked that?"
I nodded.
"I just wanted to do that in case it goes badly tonight. If you want out, I understand."
"I don't want out."
She grinned and gave me a peck on the lips. "Now, time for dinner."
I watched her race down the street in a daze. What had just happened?
I followed her. Walking in I met Castor's eyes. He looked at me quizzically.
I smiled, still in a daze. Ryan grinned at me. I went to sit next to her. Ryan dug into her food with ravenous attention, both of us shoveling in one bite after another. Occasionally she'd hold my hand under the table.
It wasn't until we were done that I snapped out of it. She talked to Leland, but I knew what was coming.
The signal was less subtle than I thought it'd be. She stood on a table and yelled something, throwing her fist in the air. All around her fists went up and then people covered their ears. I hesitated.
She looked at me, her eyes expectant. And that was all it took.
I sang. Most of the humans, including the ones about Castor, slumped over, asleep in an instant.
I met Castor's eyes.
More soldiers poured in, but they too fell asleep. There was an odd stillness as I stopped. Then everything exploded into movement. The centaurs were scooping up guards onto their backs and taking them away. To where I didn't know, but I watched them. Then they moved toward Castor's company.
"You saidâ"
Ryan held my hands to her chest and tucked a curl behind my ear.
"I'll handle it." She pulled away and raced off. I moved toward Castor.
"Were you right?" He looked unconcerned as several animals stocked toward us.
"I wasn't all right or all wrong, I don't think."
The animals kept stocking toward us until Ryan stepped between them. She spoke quickly.
Castor looked on, something in his face hardening. He pushed past me and was talking to Ryan.
I didn't understand them. "Ryan, please."
She looked at me. "I'm trying."
But Castor turned around. I saw in his eyes she wasn't trying as hard as we needed her to.
Ryan huffed. "He's not taking my offer. Talk some sense into him, Arriana."
"What's your offer?"
"You have to trust me."
I took a deep breath. "What's your offer?"
"I offered to let the ones that awake stay free under supervision."
I was about to start signing but took my hands in hers for a moment.
When she pulled away, she was signing again. "You don't understand. They're human. Look what humans have done." She gestured around her.
"I understand, but these men haven't done anything to you."
"Because they haven't had the chance."
"Ryanâ"
"That's all I can do. I'm sorry."
I nodded. "You realize I'm part human, right?"
"That's not your fault." The tuft of hair she'd put behind my ear came undone as I shook my head. Ryan pushed it back again.
"It isn't theirs either."
"I know, but the world isn't fair. Why should I be?"
"Because you could make the world fair."
"Maybe. Maybe not. Now, do you take the offer?"
She wasn't asking Castor anymore. All eyes were on me.
"Yeah."
Ryan smiled. "That's my girl."
And something in me shivered at her response. She seemed like she was going to lean over and touch me again. I backed away.
"I can't do this right now. I'm too tired. I'm confused."
Ryan looked disappointed, but no one moved to stop me as I walked away. I was finally alone. It didn't bring any of the relief I thought it would. I sat with my back against a building. I closed my eyes. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but the exhaustion crept up on me, and I fell into a slumber.