It was an understatement to call dancing with the alpha-king a strange experience. Lili was keenly aware of how different he was from her husband, and how his very presence heightened her senses. Her heart jumped each time his hand flexed against her own; her ears heard nothing beyond his quiet, steady breathing while he led her through a slow foxtrot. There was no hint of perfumed pomade in his hair or acrid cigar smoke on his clothesâinstead, he smelled like hot, clean skin with hints of something muskier, something masculine.
When he spoke, she nearly jerked out of his grip, the rumble of his voice bringing a fresh awareness of how her chest pressed against him, of how his mouth was so near to her ear. "Have you visited Crescent City before?"
She tried to keep her tone casual. "This is my first time."
"Then you've never met one of us."
"No. You see, my mother was very protective."
He raised his eyebrows but let a few moments of silence pass. When the music swelled into a crescendo, he said, "Enjoying the dance?"
"Oh, yes," she responded automatically, hoping her smile looked polite instead of strained. At his wry expression, the rest of her words died on her lips, and as soon as their eyes met, she found herself admitting, "No, actually. I'm not enjoying it at all."
Then she hesitated, shocked by her sudden honesty. Shocked that she didn't want to lie to him. Why? It went against her husband's wishes. Yet as she stared at the wedding band on her finger, the facets of the diamonds appearing sharp enough to cut, she realized she was so very tired of trying to please people with the words they wished to hear. In the arms of a wolf, feeling as trained as a dog left her filled with shame.
"My husband wants something from you," she murmured. "I don't know what it is. He only refers to it as a business maneuver. This dance is supposed to show you how much he respects and trusts wolves."
His response was as smooth as his footwork. "It takes a lot of moxie to be that honest about your husband's motives, but I didn't ask that to learn more about him. He's easy to understand."
"Is he? I can't make him out at all." The words left her mouth before she could think better of them.
As her cheeks reddened again, the alpha-king studied her. The gold in his eyes had brightened into something piercing. "But you still try, don't you?"
"More than anything. What else am I supposed to do?"
Just then, the music ended with a final flourish from the piano, and she grew abruptly aware of the other couples around them, laughing and murmuring while they drifted from the dance floor. The alpha-king remained silent while guiding her through currents of people, somehow able to shift his body at the right angle to keep anyone from bumping into her. The air thickened with conversations and cigarette smoke, with the glitter of cufflinks and cocktail glasses. When they reached a sunroom filled with tables and chairs, she sank into the nearest seat, grateful to be away from the confusion.
The alpha-king paced around the room as if to size it up, but his attention always returned to her. He remained a sharp, imposing figure there among the brittle furniture of glass and goldâa dagger placed next to silverware. "Do you have any friends here?"
"No."
"Family?"
"No." Then she had to clap a hand over her mouth to muffle a hysterical giggle. "I'm so sorry. You must think me an absolute idiot. It's just that I suddenly heard an echo of my mother's voice, scolding me for telling a stranger that I'm alone and vulnerable. 'You're offering yourself up as a perfect victim.' Those would be her exact words."
His gaze fell to the plain ring she still faithfully wore. "What would she say if she knew I was also a wolf?"
"Nothing at all. She'd be too busy passed out on the floor." This time, her laugh rang out against the glass walls. Its echo sounded as hollow as she felt. "I've never been so honest before. It's the strangest thing."
He seemed unoffended, circling back around to sit beside her. "Is it?"
"Oh, yes. I'm terrified, but at the same time I feel as though I can trust you more than anyone I actually know. All you can do is kill me. I won't have to live with you for years, waiting for each mistake to be thrown back in my face. After all, how can I disappoint someone who just wants to eat me?" Then she looked up from twisting her ring and found him staring intently at her. Their faces were inches apart.
She swallowed hard and quickly added, "I'm sorry. I've had too much champagne this evening."
To her shock, he smiled. Nothing like Charles' cold, indifferent version, but something genuine, and wry, and perhaps slightly sad. "I think it all goes much deeper than a few drinks. But if your head's starting to spin..."
When she nodded, he rose to his feet. "Water will help. I'll get you some."
She started to jerk up from her seat, her previous anxiety splitting into so many new threads that she didn't even know what to say. "Please, there's no need to trouble yourself. I'm sure I'll be fine. Once I find my husband, he'll..."
Then her voice faded to nothing, once more refusing to utter a lie.
"He'll stop in the middle of his game and take you home because you're not feeling well?"
"I..." She waited for loyalty to fill her heart and propel her to defend Charles. To make excuses for him. Instead, she found herself remembering the glee on his face while he'd explained exactly why she was his wife. It still hurt, thinking about it, and she couldn't keep the traces of pain from her next words. "No, he won't do that."
"Then I'll be right back."
She watched the alpha-king leave before facing forward again, heart pounding in her throat. Beyond the glass panes, the night looked thick and solid, as if the sky wasn't empty at all but instead very full from hiding the unknown. The moon hung in a shallow crescent, bright with the promise of revealing secrets if one knew where to look for them.
She was still staring at it when he returned with a glass of water. Their fingers brushed as she took it. "Thank you. You're being very kind. I don't even know how to properly address you."
"Nicholas."
"But you're a king."
"And you're not part of my pack. So, just Nicholas." When she nodded and sipped at her glass, he added, "Your husband was still in the billiards room, and looked ready to stay there for the rest of the night. I'd guess you're free to do whatever you want."
It was a baffling opportunity. She never considered what she wanted to do, not when it made it harder to do what others wished instead. Taking his comment as a hint that he was about to leave, she pushed her bewilderment aside and said, "Yes, I'll think of something. And I'm sure there are others you wish to spend time with tonight."
But he only smiled at her again, the color of his eyes darkening into something warm and heavy. "Truthfully? I hate ritzy parties like this. I make an appearance when I have to and that's it."
"Really? You don't seem uncomfortable at all."
"Years of practice. Every time I step into a crowded room, I still want to crawl out the nearest window."
A hiccup of sound escaped her. She almost didn't recognize itâa laugh. A soft yet unrepressed giggle.
It drew the alpha-king closer. "Look, I need to make something clear. I'm not interested in your husband's offer, and anything you do or say won't help his ambitions. Maybe he's a big man in his own town, but this is my hunting ground. I'm not interested in sharing it with him."
She swallowed hard, tempted to ask what did interest him enough to linger here with her. But her courage wasn't stiff enough for that, not yet, and instead she deferred to an easier question. "Why are you telling me this?"
His expression had fallen very serious. "So you don't feel pressed to answer with what your husband would want to hear as I offer to take you on a drive."
"A drive? To where?"
"I thought you might like seeing what Crescent City looks like from a distance. There's an outlook area under an hour away."
"Will it be dangerous?" Her fingers fidgeted with the glass, excitement joining her ever-present doubt.
He shook his head, gaze never leaving her face. "No. I'll keep you safe."
How could he stir such strange desires? She felt breathless but in a manner that beguiled her to seek out more, that made her wonder how sweet it would be to strip off her dress and remove all worries as well. If she could only unclasp the pearls from her neck with the same revulsion she would hold toward a collar... Perhaps for one night, she could pretend she had such fire within her.
Her eyes once more found the moon. It now hung high in the sky, luminous and large compared to whenever she saw it from her room in the castle. Her gaze dropped from it to Nicholas, who watched her as if he'd heard every thought crossing her mind.
"I'd love to go on a drive with you," she said, and meant it.
Outside, the air felt cool and crisp, gentler than the salt-heavy winds that always tore at the castle. They had left through a door that opened into the back gardens, and Lili tried not to appear nervous while passing people marveling over the exquisite rose bushes. Nicholas soon led her onto a gravel pathway that cut away from the clipped shrubs and strung lights, curving around the side of the house to where cars waited with their chauffeurs, their gleaming bulk reminiscent of sleeping beasts.
The drivers knew better than to make eye contact, but she still shivered with excitement and guilt. There would be talk over this. Tittering in all the usual circles. But then, they already laughed at her, didn't they?
His car was the swift, sleek roadster parked near a tree. A figure waited nearby, imperceptible except for the cigarette held in one hand. When Lili hesitated, Nicholas said, "It's all right. He's with me."
Another wolf. She tried to breathe calmly while he looked over and then stepped out from the shadows. He was dressed plainly, in a dark hat and suit. When he reached inside his jacket for a fresh cigarette, she glimpsed a gun snug in its side holster.
As they drew close enough, Nicholas asked, "Anything?"
"Quiet as a graveyard." The other wolf seemed surprised to see her, and his gaze jumped back to Nicholas. "Boss? You actually having fun at one of these shindigs?"
"Looks like it. I'm taking her for a drive."
Even as Lili blinked, taken aback by their easy attitude with one another, the other wolf winked at her. "Don't let him gab about the car. You'll die from boredom. He loves this thing like a child, and it's not even his favorite. You should see how he treats the Duesenberg."
"Oh," said Lili, unsure of how else to respond.
Nicholas just laughed while opening the passenger's door for her. "Ignore him. He's sour because I won't let anyone smoke in it."
As she settled into the seat, he looked over at the other wolf. "The husband is in the billiards room. Distract him until we return."
The other wolf grinned around his cigarette. "Bleed him dry or keep him happy?"
"Happy."
As Nicholas slid into the driver's side, Lili whispered, "He's not the chauffeur?"
A surprisingly boyish smile broke out on his face. "I don't let anyone else drive my cars. It takes me years to build them. I just finished this one."
"It's beautiful," she said, real admiration in her voice as she ran a hand over rich, red leather.
Beautiful, and much faster than her husband's Bugatti. The road slipped beneath the wheels as smooth as silk, and for awhile, Lili could only raise her face to the wind and drink in the sensation of hurtling off into the darkness, all worries and expectations and consequences falling far behind.
The stars sparkled overhead as she said, "This is amazing. I can see why you love cars."
"Cooper exaggerated my fixation with them." There was a pause before he admitted, "Although not by much. What free time I have is spent covered in grease while babying an engine."
There was an undertone to his words that drew her attention, and she found herself saying, "What is it like, having all that power? The gossip I've heard makes alpha-kings sound like gods to their packs."
For a few heartbeats, he remained silent, a strange expression crossing his face. "Odd. Odd and complicated. But then, I didn't inherit a pack. I was a nasty little gutter rat who had to build one from scratch, and I threw everything into climbing to the top and then staying there. A good night's sleep for me is about four hours. Has been for fifteen years. But now that I have a stable grip on my crown, I can look around and see how there's little else to my life."
Her fingers brushed his arm, timid until he didn't shake them away. "Don't you have any relatives at all?"
"None that survived my childhood. It's why I wanted a strong kingdom before starting a family. No child of mine will end up living on human streets because his father tried expanding his territory through a pack war and then failed."
"That sounds terribly lonely. You must be very glad you can begin looking. Unless you have to marry for an alliance?"
At that, he quirked an eyebrow. "Sounds like you know a little more about wolves than you let on."
"Oh, no. I just..." Her face turned beet red as she admitted, "Every week, my aunt would walk me to the library and have me read for three hours to expand my knowledge on subjects like natural history, philosophy, and politics."
"I can't imagine the wolf packs of Crescent City showed up in those books very much."
"No. No, you see, I quickly learned how to hide novels within the tomes I was supposed to study. Aunt Hester always fell asleep after the first half hour, and only woke up long enough to look over and make sure I hadn't nodded off, either."
Nicholas kept his eyes on the road, but a grin had appeared on his face. "Very clever. And these novels were about wolves?"
"Yes."
His grin widened. "Doing what?"
Now her cheeks felt like they were on fire. "You sound like you already know."
"Let's put it this way. If we're talking about those Arrowpoint books that you can buy at any newsstand or tobacco shop, then I have a fairly good idea."
"Sometimes, I can't believe I had the nerve. If they had ever found out I was reading such lurid material..."
"To be fair, they're more accurate with their details than any newspaper article about us." When she blinked at him, he added, "I've skimmed a few out of curiosity."
"You're really not bothered that I enjoyed reading them?"
"Why should I be?"
She struggled for an answer. "Well, most people would find it silly."
He just shook his head, still smiling. "Anyway, to circle back to your original question... I won't marry for an alliance. I'll choose my queen out of love."
To Lili, that seemed far more overwhelming. Endless choice for something as life-altering as marriage? She could hardly fathom it. "I don't think I could have done that. I wouldn't know where to start, or who I would want."
"That's never been my problem. I'm always sure of what I want."
"But surely it takes you some time to realize it."
"Just the opposite. I know very quickly." Simple words, but they brushed her ears like velvet, and a hot shiver ran through her as she looked at him, unsure of whether he meant something more by that.
But then a shallow curve in the road took his attention and sharpened his voice. "We're almost here. The overlook point is just around this bend."
It was a shallow sweep of packed earth that jutted out from the road and into the air, unlit but for the moon. The tops of trees waved beneathâclusters of cypresses hiding the shoreline that was further out. Lili heard the hiss of waves, and then sea lions barking somewhere in the distance as they parked.
She stared even while getting out of the car. Lights of every color glittered in the distance, shaping the very darkness around them into jagged hills, pooling together in the center like a glowing lake. Car horns and music were just audible, familiar like a half-remembered dream.
Lili was reminded of a painting she had once seen, one made through a million tiny dabs of color. Up close, they were unimpressive little dots. Yet after a few steps back, they drew together in an intricate play of color that revealed people enjoying themselves in a park, expressive and alive. That was how Crescent City seemed to her, a great beast with roads for veins and lights for markings. Something so much more than any individual pinprick of illumination.
"It's beautiful," she breathed. "Is it truly as dangerous as they say?"
"It can be." Nicholas leaned against the opened door of the car, chin resting on his folded arms as if he had settled in to look as well.
She had the strangest feeling she was the subject, though, not the dazzling city beyond, and turned away in sudden shyness. Even when the ocean wind tugged her hair out of its perfect pin curls and chilled the pearls against her neck, she remained there, vaguely aware of a growing tension in the air. "How is it dangerous?"
His response was calm yet unflinching. "Everyone is savage in some way, whether they're human or wolf. With us, it's our willingness to spill blood. Pack wars are vicious, and so are some alpha-kings with their territories."
Then his tone grew teasing. "But we don't eat babies right from their cribs and we don't steal people for dark, arcane rituals."
She turned back to him with a small smile. "I must have seemed so silly to be that afraid."
He shook his head. "We do kill."
It was an unrepentant statement, the very evenness behind the words drawing her closer until she could see the scar by his eyebrow. A question waited on the tip of her tongue, but some part of her still felt reluctant to ask it.
Perhaps he sensed it anyway, because his voice fell quiet. "It's all right. Ask me."
"Have you killed?"
"Many times."
She nodded, feeling her heart flinch, feeling a strange agony fill her full. "Do you enjoy it?"
"Well, I'm always happy to be the one left standing. But if you're talking about bloodlust..." Then he fell silent, as if the answer remained unclear even to him. "I suppose I felt it in my days as a pit fighter, when it was just me and another angry bastard tearing each other's throats. Now it's something that happens from protecting my pack, and the weight of it keeps me grounded."
There was nothing in his reply to soothe her fear, but she found herself drifting closer anyway, circling around the car door so that nothing remained between them. He turned with her, a spark of surprise in those wild eyes. Beyond them, the distant city glowed.
"But isn't it awful living with what you've done?" Through her voice, a question became a plea. "Knowing you're a monster?"
They stood so close together that she could feel his heat. He tilted his head until their noses nearly brushed, but it was his hand that touched her first, thumb running along the perfect pearls digging into her throat. "Only if you fear yourself."
Then he found the clasp and snapped it open. She gasped at the sudden lightness as he threw the choker aside, never looking away from her.
"Are you scared now?" he murmured, his thumb continuing to stroke the marks left on her skin.
"I'm scared of everything," she whispered, hating how pitiful it sounded. "I always have been."
"Why?"
She had to close her eyes, then, finding it dizzying to think about her family while their worst nightmare touched her with such tenderness. "I lived with my mother and aunts. It was a great tragedy to them that we were poor, because generations ago, our family used to be very wealthy and powerful. But then my great-grandmother fell in love and ran away with a man. The rest of the family cast her out for it, so when he tragically died, she was left on her own with her daughterâmy grandmother. She, my mother, and my aunts were never able to marry back into the money, status, and social presence they felt they still deserved."
"So, they put it all on you instead." Even as his voice harshened, his hand remained gentle, now tracing the curve of her cheek.
She nodded, feeling tears burn behind her closed eyelids. "It was very hard to be everything they wanted. Especially with my mother. But I tried, I really did. I knew it was important for all of us, and IâI wanted to please them. Make them proud of me."
"Did you ever manage it?"
"No. There was always something I did wrong. Because I'm very clumsy, and stupid, and weak, and..." She didn't realize she was twisting the family ring around her finger until his hand caught hers and stilled it.
When his own fingers brushed the plain silver band, she shook her head. "Both rings need to stay on. They're part of me. They remind me of my responsibilities."
He nodded and stroked along her knuckles instead. "Then you intend to remain by his side."
"Charles? Of course. Did you think I wouldn't?"
"No. You seemed like someone who would stick to her vows." Then he gave her a crooked smile. "Although, I'll admit to hoping I was wrong about that."
There was a strange ache within her chest, sharp and hollow and hot. She swallowed hard, aware that in another life, she might have been curious, even thrilled. "Please. I'm already..."
"Married, and scared of wolves anyway," he finished. "I know."
"Then why? Why did you continue to spend time with me?"
There was a heartbeat of silence before he answered. "You're stunning. I can only imagine what you'd be like free instead of caged."
"I wouldn't call myself caged. I've been given every luxury a girl can have."
At that, he scoffed. "Do you want to know why I decided not to do business with your husband? Because as soon as I met him, I could see what he was. A bored sadist."
She looked down at her wedding ring, but not because she disagreed with him.
When she said nothing, he sighed and reached into his pocket. "At least take this."
It looked like a simple square of paper, but it tingled against her fingertips. "What is it?"
"Some simple tracking magic. If you're ever in trouble, rip it in half. I'll show up to help you get somewhere safe."
"I don't think Charles is thatâ" she began to say, but he interrupted her with a shake of his head.
"I know the look. Maybe he's hidden it so far, but it'll come out eventually."
Some instinct directed her to reach out and take the paper, to tuck it into her purse where it would be safe and near. "Thank you."
When he continued to watch her, eyes as bright as the moon, she found herself adding, "Not just for this. This night has been... Well, I'll never forget it."
His smile was small but real. "Are you ready to go back?"
"Yes," she said.
Yet even as the car carried them away from the sight of Crescent City, she realized she had lied. She wasn't ready. Back meant returning to her life as Lilliana Halliday, and now one important facet was missing: she was no longer afraid of wolves.