Two truths and a lie became our thing soon after that. We played it so much that it became something we did regularly, like brushing your teeth every morning.
It was also no surprise that Finn loved to cheat, if I might add: frequently.
''That the biggest lie'' I declared, tying my hair into a topknot
We were on the road again, I wasn't sure exactly where our destination was, but we had begun to play two truths and a lie to pass the time
Finn chuckled
''It's not'' he stated
He was incredulous
''It so is'' I insisted
'' Uh -''
He was about to argue again, I cut him off.
''Okay fine, have it your way'' I said holding my hands up to him
He shook his head, the lightest smile tinkling at his lips, I turned away from him
''Okay, I'll go, uh'' I began slowly ''- when I was thirteen my dad bought me a turtle for my birthday, I dislike Lima beans, and Finn is the biggest liar''
He smiled at this
Finn carried on the game streak
''I haven't finished high school, I have 35 toes, and I wasn't lying, you just refuse to believe it''
''Oh screw you'' I said unable to hide the playfulness out of my tone
''Lucky for you, screwing is in my area of expertise, so that's no problem''
It took me a while to process this, but when I got it, I wacked his arm
Finn laughed at this.
I've never been one for games, any type of games, mind games, party games, drunken games, and social games. - But just the once I didn't mind it. Not for myself, but for Finn
I knew that Finn wasn't one to talk, and I respected that, but I also knew that he has been through things he prefers not to talk about
But everyone needs someone to talk to, no matter how introverted, shy or anti-social you are.
So I'd do this for him
It's crazy, when you care about someone enough, that you start to include them in on your life goals, wishes, dreams and hopes, to the point where you even start dreaming and wanting things for them.
Even if it's no always the best for them
''I've only been friends with one friend all my life, I'm scared of heights, and I have pears for ears'' I began again
''Who is the friend?'' Finn asked abruptly
Even though I obviously knew the answer to this, I thought about it for some reason a little longer than I should've, and I had no idea why
''Amanda, you met her - and hey! That's cheating'' I exclaimed
''What is?'' Finn asked looking at me surprised, removing his eyes from the road ahead
This unnerved me; I'd been in one too many car accidents
I pushed his face back to its original position which was facing the windscreen
''You not allowed to ask questions on what I said'' I stated smartly
''Yes you can, who said you couldn't?''
I thought about this, technically there weren't any rules.
''Well it's unfair, I didn't get to ask you, but you got to ask me''
''I never said you couldn't ask me''
''You didn't have to, if I had to ask you, you'd go all 'I-don't-like-questions-because-I-have-issues'' I said putting on a deeper voice for more effect
He frowned
''I have never said that''
''You implied it''
''How have I implied it?''
I admit this argument was quite stupid, but I wasn't giving up
''In your body language''
He laughed
''My body language?'' he asked humorously
''Don't try and change the subject you know its true''
''Oh my god!'' he exclaimed
''Ask me, ask me what you've been dying to ask me'' Finn said
''No! I don't want to ask you just because you gave me the go-ahead, you wouldn't be answering for the right reasons, therefore I don't want to ask''
I saw him shake his head
''Just ask me the damn question''
I didn't say anything, maybe just to be a little dramatic, but no way was I giving up the opportunity to ask him something
''Why don't you ever speak about your family?'' I asked, the words came rushing out
Maybe I regret asking this question
Nah, I didn't
He tensed up, I saw it
But he replied, if there was one thing I knew about Finn, was that he never backed down from a challenge
This question challenged the façade he put up
''I've never told you anything about my family, so where is this question coming from?'' he asked, speaking so slowly as if he was on the verge of losing it
But me being me, always pushing it when I probably should be backing off
I carried on
''See here we go again, with â the; 'I'm too cool for emotions' and shit''
He blew out an exasperated breath
''I don't talk about them, because I don't want to''
''No because you have trust issues'' I fixed
''So what!'' he said throwing his hands up in the air, letting go of the steering wheel
My pulse sky rocketed
But even though I nearly had a heart attack, it didn't stop me from carrying on
''So what? do you want to go around living your life scared of everything and pretending to be someone that you're not?''
''And who am I pretending to be?'' he answered evading my actual question with wit
''The tough guy''
''Are you saying I'm weak''?
''Stop playing, you know what I mean, it's like you treading on egg shells''
''Well maybe it's because I am'' He shrugged
''No, it's because you too scared -''
''Well I have reasons to be, maybe it isn't that simple'' he answered, his previous smart-ass-ness slightly muted
''Bullshit, you making excuses for your cowardice''
Finn scoffed
''We here'' he announced, brushing off what I had just said, like crumbs
And that was the end of it
The tension of the conversation evaporated like smoke into air when we arrived at our location which was: a party, no surprise there
It wasn't Dave's, it was Rachel from senior year, and the whole school had been invited, Finn was here because he was a businessman
We went inside
''Divide and conquer?'' I asked
Finn nodded, and just like that it was game time
I had been to a few of these parties, I didn't mind them because we weren't 'partying 'we were doing something, it gave me an excuse to not really socialise with people.
People also knew that the same reason I came to these things were similar to Finn's reasons
Word had gotten around, and word travelled fast.
They knew that whatever they wanted from Finn, it was most likely they could get the exact same thing from me.
The party was pretty low-key, nothing major; I grabbed a snack from the table in the dining area
When I saw Amanda, I Considered waving, I considered going up to her, I considered a lot of things, until she gave me this look that sent chills all through my body
It had never happened before
Suddenly Amanda seemed like a stranger
It was one of those times, when you feel like you feel reality slipping away from you, but you have no idea what to do about it
I glanced at Amanda waiting for that familiar feeling to come, the one where I knew Amanda was my best friend and nothing could change that.
Instead that familiar feeling was replaced by emptiness
I walked away from the place I had been standing wondering how the hell I had gotten here
My mind was spiralling as I ate some chips from the bowl on the kitchen counter, only when someone tapped my shoulder was I jerked back into reality
Customer number one
''Just some Mary'' he said once I gave him my full attention
''How much'' I asked
''Give me 10 grams''
That was another thing about being in this 'business' I had to study names for these drugs, like I was studying for a history test
He handed me the money and I counted it in front of him to avoid future conflict.
He nodded as I handed it over, and was off again
Another girl made eye contact with me
Customer Number two
I stayed where I was because she seemed to be making his way over, even if it was drunkenly
I started pulling a packet from my pocket, thinking I knew what she wanted, but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Riley trailing behind her, making it then clear that her intention was not to buy
''So where's your boyfriend?'' She asked
I laughed
''I could say the same for you''
It was Devin Ginger, She had been on and off with her boyfriend Tyler since grade school.
Tyler was the captain of the football team, and was last year labelled the hottest guy at Crescent high.
Beside her was Riley Osborne, another football team player, the only gay football team player as well
He was the gayest of gays in the population of gay
''Looks like he made you his little bitch'' Riley said
I felt bile rise in my throat
''Uh, I got to go to the loo'' I said, already turning around to walk away.
I was cut off by the stern expression he gave me
''So how does it feel to be carrying on your mothers traditions?''
I frowned at this
Devin clasped her mouth like she was holding back laughter, this made me mad
I saw Devin's phone flash red in her pocket through her jeans pocket, she took it out, and put it against her ear, gesturing to Riley that she was heading out
''Excuse me what?'' I asked
''You know the whole-slut-life and all'' Riley said snarkily
I felt my face get red
''What are you talking about?'' I asked, annoyed at how affected I was by his stupid remark
''Oh honey, don't play games''
The room suddenly went quiet, and I felt ten thousand eyes on me
My heart was beating in my throat, all of a sudden I felt sick
''I guess it makes sense now, seeing that you basically fucking the biggest asshole, I'd actually thought you'd be classier, but I guess it runs in your family''
I said nothing, hoping that he was just insulting me, and the things he was saying he actually knew nothing of
But I heard snickers all around, it felt like everyone was in on some joke
''Stop talking shit'' I said, playing the tough card
''Oh so it wasn't your mother that fucked the coach''
A round of gasps and mutters erupted around me
My world came crashing down at once
I couldn't explain what was going in my head, but it felt like there was hot lava being poured in, searing my insides
Riley went on '' or Mr Tobin the life science teacher -''
Another round of sounds
How the hell
I heard oh my gods from a group of girls that were standing nearby.
I wanted to fight back, cuss at him, anything
But I was frozen, not just because of disbelief, but because every word of it was true
These memories brought back so much trauma
I remember those days, my mom had had so many affairs in the past, sometimes unfortunately for me, it was with teachers, and like all reckless actions, they had consequences
One day it came out by the principal, when one of the students found mom and Mr Tobin screwing in the janitor's closet, the kid didn't know who the woman was, she just recognized Mr Tobin which was why she told the principal
It was Mr Tobin who told on mom
I don't know what mom told the principal but I got to stay, and mom never came to another parent teacher conference again, & neither did dad
Mom tried to keep it from me, she thought I Didn't know, but I knew mom had come in that morning claiming she needed to speak to Mr Riddell (the principal)
And even when everyone had gathered around Zara, (the kid who told on Mr Tobin) asking her questions about mom and Mr Tobin, the description she gave of the woman matched mom perfectly
I remember how people used to speak about what a slut mom was
And it hurt because they were talking smack about my mom. And I couldn't defend her because I was protecting my own reputation
Mom might've been a lot of things, but she was my mom, and I loved her even though at that time I had never been angrier at her for doing something so stupid.
So hearing people say these things hurt me in a different way
And when everyone had laughed and made fun, I said nothing; I just retreated like a turtle into its shell
It had been one of the worst times of my life, and I had cried and confided in the one person I knew would never judge or betray me
In one person and one person only
Amanda
I saw her; she turned away from me, and walked out the door
I saw Riley opening his mouth to say something, but it was as if everything was moving slow motion
I mustered up all the courage I had in my body and began walking away from him, I needed air.
This was the worst thing that could ever have happened to me
Talk shit about me, but not my mom
My throat started to burn, my eyes felt more moist than usual
I bit down on it
Girls started giving me ugly looks, and all of a sudden it felt like every pair of eyes in the room were staring right through me, I felt vulnerable and exposed, hurt and betrayed
I only ever told one person this in my entire life
The fact that she betrayed me hurt me more than every word that had come out of Riley's mouth
I stepped outside; my plan had been to confront Amanda, due to a unexpected wave of courage
But one glance at her, caused all thought of it to disappear into thin air
She was standing near Avery, snickering about lord knows what, when she looked in my direction, and all traces of laughter left her face
Avery saw this happening and turned to look back at me
The look Amanda gave me, was a look I'd never have imagined her looking at me like that
A look I knew exactly what it meant
Our friendship was over
That was it
The burn in my throat was painful
Don't cry Emily
And with that I took off
I ran past the people that were nearby
The room was stuffy, I saw Finn walking in my direction
For some reason this was the trigger
The tear slipped out, followed by many other tears
And for the first time in months, I had no idea how to stop them