Finn
As a kid every Sunday Finn and Claire would head down to church
Never missing one gathering
No, the rest of the Windel family weren't excluded; they just never wanted to go.
Greg was never a religious guy as opposed to Claire, who had been raised by the book.
As for Dave and Cecily, they openly refused to go, which had left Finn and his mother to put on their Sunday best, and get the Windel driver to take them to church bright and early every Sunday morning.
Admittedly, Finn didn't really like church; it was the place they went afterwards that exited him the most.
So much so, that Finn would wake up the earliest than he ever had all week, and slip into his parents room to wake up Claire, by tugging at her arm careful not to wake his father up.
Finn had done it so much that sometimes Claire would pretend to be asleep and pull Finn to her and tickle him, causing him to bite his tongue trying his best not to laugh.
Then they'd make blueberry pancakes for everyone and lay the table with Christmas decorations, only to slip out of the house like spies on a mission after
It was one of the very few happy memories Finn had of growing up at home.
After church they would walk down to the most beautiful house in the world according to Claire.
Claire had grown up in this neighborhood, where she'd walk to school with her sister every morning, and she'd often tell Finn tales of how she would purposefully take the longest route to school and back, just so that Claire could pass this one specific house
It was beautiful, with long elegant marble pillars, and windows with different color glass, that when the sun shone through it and the light landed on you, it was like seeing fifteen vibrant rainbows at once
Claire had dreamed of living in that house for most of her childhood
And it was only until the house burned down when she was fourteen, that Claire stopped imagining the house as hers
But even as burnt remains, the house was still beautiful
Only now in a different way
All that was left of the actual house-structure was mostly half walls, chipped pillars with shattered marble coating it, and vines creeping up them so precise and delicate that it looked as if someone took the vines and hand wrapped it around the pillars, instead of Mother Nature just doing her thing.
But other than that, there was nothing of the house that was still intact, apart from what looked like a porch.
Finn loved it because of the long soft grass that you could lie in, and the vibrant yellow flowers that were everywhere, in the little cracks of the wall, and coating the grass like a yellow blanket.
The little yellow flowers were always there, but they thrived during spring time
Everything was alive in spring.
After everything that happened with Aunt Marge and Finn had nowhere else to go, he found himself loitering the streets for a while, eating restaurants scraps, unable to shower for days on end, and neither knowing when his life would get better, or if it ever would
All this weight he was carrying around made him feel so temporary, but at the same time angry
So angry
Angry at his mom for not fighting for him, angry at his dad for being a dick, angry at his aunt, angry at his siblings
Angry at everyone and everything
But mostly angry at himself, because for the first time in a long time, he didn't have the answers
Finn remembered the day he took his friends to the spot he and his mom had gone to every Sunday
He had taken them because he felt like it might've had upset his mom that he was taking other people to their spot
Finn knew that deep down he did it more to make himself feel like he had something to hurt Claire with.
One day Finn and two of his friends went up there for nothing more than to simply chill.
Finn remembered barely any details of that day
But what he did remember had put his life in perspective.
Frank, one of Finn's friends had this insane crippling anxiety, that no one really understood, and when Finn had asked him what it felt like
Frank had looked around, eyes darting from one side to the other, as if the answer was written in the skies or even the horizon
And after a beat he did something that had surprised Finn the most
He answered
''It kind of feels like flying a balloon''
''Bro you high or sum?'' Dom had asked chuckling
''No, no for real though it - '' Frank added hastily, beginning to stutter, - this only happened when he grew anxious
Finn had stayed silent, not really wanting to push, but at the same time, he hadn't known what to say.
Frank carried on, surprising both Dom and Finn this time
''I guess what I'm trying to say is, it feels like you are the person, but at the same time you are the balloon''
''Dude, cut it out'' Dom said, full on laughing now, his whole torso moved up and down from the sound escaping his mouth
It hadn't even been that funny, but Dom was always buzzed. Talking or even being around him was like being around nothing at all.
Despite the whole mood being shattered, Finn found himself wanting to know what this meant even more.
''Is the balloon a metaphor for holding on?'' the words rolled off his tongue, before he could catch them
Frank looked at Finn; his sad eyes that crinkled at the corners seemed to hold the weight of the world in that moment
''Yeah, and no.'' he said curtly
''Oh'' is what Finn managed to mumble out, disguising his disappointment
''The balloon and the person are one, they need to be attached to work'' Frank reiterated
Finn had nodded so vigorously, as if he understood one hundred percent, what Frank meant, in hopes that by nodding like a lunatic he would achieve encouraging Frank to go on
As it did
''It kind of feels like the important parts of me are in the balloon and the rest are in the person. This person is just trying to hold on to the string, but the balloon has a mind of its own, so it's slowly slipping out of his grasp. And no matter what he does, whether it be; stretching, tugging, grabbing -, the Balloon is still slipping, until it's no longer in his hands, or his reach-
So, you are the balloon, but you also the person, and right now you watching yourself float away, and it feels terrible, but there is nothing you can do about it''- Frank finished, and everyone was silent now, taking in Frank's words that made no sense to them
''Bro that's totally what it feels like when I'm stoned'' Dom added mockingly
That was it
Frank lunged for him and in one moment they were fighting/rolling around like little boys who didn't want to share their toys
Finn had thought about it
The whole drifting away thing
In a way he had understood it, the; watching yourself drift and not quite being able to take hold of the string
And you knew it would change a lot, if you could just grab onto the string.
But for some reason, all odds went against it.
Finn had felt like this for the longest time without even knowing it
And Frank's words had given Finn the understanding, which he'd be eternally grateful for.
But somehow this girl named Emily Harrison that he found himself thinking of more than he probably should, of her long dark soft hair, and her eyes, that were so dark but held a different type of light
This specific girl that constantly drove him mad, seemed to have managed to grab the Balloon string and bring him back
Bringing him back to where he was always meant to be