*Twenty-Eight*

It became an unspoken agreement from that day,- that every day Finn would pick me up from school, and we either hung out, smoked more than was necessary, went to parties to drop of dope, and attended many illicit gatherings.

I was slipping into something entirely new, - I was hardly home, I almost never saw Amanda , I hadn't bothered with Matt, I don't know about mom and I didn't much care for where she was.

Even at Dave's parties Finn and I, seemed to be each other's permanent company. We were inseparable.

I would like to pinpoint exactly where it all started, - but I honestly couldn't.

I was always inhaling something, smoking something, drinking something. - Sometimes I woke up at my place, sometimes at Finn's.

Not forgetting the talk;

At first no one ever spoke to me, looked at me, let alone knew my name. - The moment Finn pulled up the first day after school. People seemed to know more about me than I knew about myself.

They were also more open about their opinions.

Girls with their fake concern, saying how Finn was just using me, and when he decided he was done, I'd be discarded like a used Kleenex.

And even guys, - suddenly seemingly more interested in me than they'd ever been.

You could say I was 'trending' at crescent high school.

When I was younger I remember my mom telling me about how girls were just plain old conniving and troublesome - that they do plenty of bad things, but then justify it - and make themselves out to be 'good/caring people' just to make them feel better about themselves.

And guys were animals who treated girls like meat, regardless of who you are/were. And that they only wanted you when they couldn't have you

Ever since I'd learnt this, I've never looked at guys as anything but that.

I look at Finn like this too.

This whole: 'they only want you if they can't have you' thing is way deeper than it seems

For example: they only wanted me because they thought I was with Finn.

And Finn only – well I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Dave seemed to hate me even more, and Cecily always looked at me with this sad look on her face.

I couldn't have cared less.

Finn and I were at some party where it wasn't just high school kids. - Finn's trunk was filled with so much drugs it must've been illegal.

This concerned me that we were transporting so much.

I was afraid of getting busted, - to the point where my anxiousness was growing inside of me like a foetus.

I didn't want to go to juvie, I didn't want a criminal record based on the dumb shit I had done in high school, I didn't want to get caught- I couldn't.

And when I had informed Finn of my obvious concerns, -

He had pulled me up against him so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek, - and whispered in my ear ; "baby no one's going to catch us''. –

And for those few seconds I seemed to have bought every word.

We were sitting on a love seat across a longer sofa; there were bongs and straight lines of white powder on the table that separated the sofas

Finn's one arm was draped loosely over my shoulder, tracing lazy circles on my arm, I focused on his fingers, and the slightly crooked repetitive circles they were making on me, - focusing so intently that I stopped pinching for a while.

A scrawny kid with moon rimmed glasses perched on his nose, like an old librarian lady, came up to us, - he was nervous, I could tell. - Either it was his first time buying, - or he was intimidated by Finn.

I assumed it was the latter.

I for one never saw Finn as scary, just a little bit intimidating.

A while back Amanda had actually told me that she thought he looked like a mafia recruit, - with the tattoos, and the way he carried himself.

The guy looked up at us; - uncertainty evidently painted across his features.

"Uh - The boy began shakily

"Uhm-"

He ran a hand anxiously through his hair in one swift moment

This was painful to watch

I looked to Finn expectantly; he was pretending he hadn't noticed there was someone standing in front of us

I looked to the guy encouragingly, like a teacher would to its pupil

He cleared his throat

"Rachel told me you had some s -" he said a little more confident this time

"What you looking for specifically?" I asked, cutting him off

Finn gave me a funny look

"Uh, a few joints, I guess" he answered looking nervously from me to Finn

Finn nodded, and retrieved his arm from around me

I knew that both our pockets were emptied out of what we had carried initially into this party, - but there was a lot more where that came from in the car.

We got up in unison, and walked out, the weird librarian-lady-glasses kid trailing behind us.

Once outside, I hung back a bit, letting Finn go on

Just looking at the car, and knowing - made me uneasy.

I watched Finn go around to the passenger side, and yank out the glove department

Pinch

I looked away

''So are you guys like a thing now?'' Librarian-lady-glasses asked

I turned to him frowning

''If that's your way of starting a conversation, it sucks'' I said, crossing my arms over my chest defensively

He looked taken aback

''Sorry..., I guess that was brash'' he amended shuffling awkwardly

I peered at him slowly, feeling slightly guilty for being a dick

''How 'bout your name'' I offered

He met my gaze squarely, probably deciding if he should give it another go

''The name is Collin'' He answered after a moment

What a dweeb

''Okay the- name- is -Collin, I'm Emily'' I replied

The- name- is- Collin smiled, then looked away again, - almost like he had been caught doing something wrong

Sigh

He looked pretty harmless

''If you really want to know – '' I began

He looked at me, not saying anything

''No, we're not 'a thing' as- you called it'' I objected

He looked questioningly at me,- maybe deciding whether to believe me or not. I mean it was my word against every other person who ever saw Finn and me together

''Oh'' is all that he said

''Well I thought –'' he began

''Yeah well you and a lot of other people, thought wrong''

This awarded me anther ''oh''

I looked to the car wondering what was taking Finn so long. He was holding his phone to his ear, his mouth barely moving as he spoke to whoever was on the other end of that line

The-name-is-Collin was looking too, I could see from the corner of my eye

''So what exactly are you guys? ''He asked

Boy, was he persistent

''If I'm not intruding'' The-name-is-Collin added briskly

I stayed silent, contemplating on whether to answer or not

''Friends'' I said, and even I didn't believe me

I suspected he knew this too.

Finn got out of the car, and shut the door with a hard thud

''You should choose better friends then'' The –name-is-Collin stated matter of factly

I reeled, not expecting this response.

I looked to him, but he was looking away now.

Then Finn was by my side, holding up a Ziploc bag with a couple of joints in to The-name-is-Collin

The-name-is-Collin reached for it, Finn snatched it back

''Cash first'' he anointed

The-name-is-Collin sheepishly pulled out a couple of rumpled dollars and handed it over.

Finn didn't take the money, instead he gestured The-name-is Collin to give it to me. I smiled at him weakly as I took it, his cold fingers brushing over mine.

It just about covered the damage

''He's good'' I informed Finn

The bag was thrust in The-name-is-Collin's hand, and with that he was off.

I looked to Finn, knowing how hard that must have been, to not have ripped the money out of my hand and count it himself. - He didn't trust anyone with the simplest of tasks, even counting a few dollars. I guess because he had to rough it out, and fend for himself most of his life, - it made him a bit hesitant where trust was concerned. In fact when we had initially started out doing this together, where people started handing me the cash, - I would catch him occasionally watching over my shoulder, - and I saw by the way his eyes skimmed across the cash that he was counting too.

''What was he talking to you about?'' Finn asked

I shrugged

''Just wanted to know, if we were a thing'' I responded carelessly

''Yeah?-'' he asked amused

I nodded

''And what did you say?'' Finn continued narrowing his eyes at me mockingly

''I told him the truth''

''which is what?'' Finn asked amused

''That we're just friends''

''Just friends huh? '' I heard him say, but couldn't make out his expression in the dark

I took out the money that The-name-is –Collin gave, and slipped the cash into Finn's jean-jacket pocket

Finn's arms snaked around me, to hold me firmly against him, trapping my hand between us, as his lips crashed down on mine

His lips were cold and dry from the chilly weather and cigarettes. He tasted of tobacco and something sweet underlying it, - caramel maybe. I wriggled my hand out from where it had been crammed between the two of us, and wrapped my hands around the back of his neck, as the kiss deepened. - I was shorter than him so I ended up having to stand on my toes and try not to waver from unsteadiness.

And he had to lean down to meet my lips.

Mid-kiss he skimmed his tongue across his lips, picking up on - the dry lips thing. I smiled against his lips '' I could've done that for you'' I said, my mouth only breaths away from his now, - this was his turn to smile, he pulled me hard against him again and ran his tongue over mine in response, then gripped my waist and hefted me onto the back of his car- making it easier for him to kiss me.

He was standing in-between my legs and I was fearful that he might pick up on the heat radiating from in-between my thighs.

We made out until rain drops fell onto my face and Finn's hair.- At first we ignored it as his hands slipped up my shirt his hands sending a shiver up my spine

We ignored it as the rain started to pour more furiously.

And when there was lightning and thunder, we finally broke free from each other, and pooled into the car, like two kids – laughing our asses off

I couldn't remember, if I had been laughing because I'd been having fun, or if it was result of the drinks I've had or the things I'd smoked. - I couldn't seem to tell the difference anymore