CH 58

for jiang heng, liu mianmian was never his primary concern.

if he hadn’t had confidence in ji yao’s sincerity from the beginning, he wouldn’t have rekindled his connection with ji yao, nor would he have allowed the two of them to start anew.

for jiang heng, as long as ji yao hadn’t been married at the time, they still had a chance to turn back to each other. since the day they decided to attempt reconciliation, jiang heng had stopped caring about what had happened in the past. so, whether there had been a sham marriage or other hidden motives, to jiang heng, it was at best icing on the cake.

his concerns and worries had never been about the unchangeable past but about ji yao himself.

jiang heng could see that over these days, ji yao had indeed been making changes.

facing what he didn’t want to confront, admitting what he didn’t want to admit – he was slowly, steadily moving closer to jiang heng.

so the resistance in jiang heng’s heart began to show signs of crumbling, and his chest felt full. his adam’s apple rolled up and down for a moment as he struggled to squeeze out a sentence.

“but… are you really sure—” jiang heng asked.

his sentence was cut off, and ji yao furrowed his brow in confusion, not understanding what jiang heng was trying to ask.

“what?” ji yao inquired.

jiang heng seemed not to be very good at this. he took a deep breath and said, “i mean, are you—”

before he could finish his sentence, the front door of the house suddenly swung open, and xiaotong peeked her head out, looking at the two of them through the car window with suspicion.

jiang heng and ji yao both simultaneously caught sight of xiaotong’s figure in their peripheral vision. they were like high school students caught in puppy love, hurriedly releasing each other’s hands.

xiaotong looked at them for a moment, puzzled. she hadn’t originally planned to disturb them, but she had been watching jiang heng’s car idling for a long time and was afraid they might get sick in the cold, so she had to come out and check.

“back home for half a day and not getting out of the car, what are you doing?” xiaotong asked.

“ah, we were just discussing something,” jiang heng cleared his throat, changing the subject, “mom, didn’t you mention that you wanted to visit the city god temple?”

“oh, right!” xiaotong said, “after seeing churches every day abroad, i almost got aesthetic fatigue. i’ve decided to immerse myself in a more local religious experience.”

xiaotong slapped her hand in realization and said, “what about ji yao? why don’t you go with us?”

“why would he go, mom?” jiang heng got out of the car and leaned against the door, smiling, “he worked the night shift last night, so let him rest at home.”

jiang heng looked at ji yao, and with a hint of implication, he said, “take good care of the house, and if you want to talk about something, we’ll discuss it when i get back tonight.”

ji yao belatedly caught a hint of something in jiang heng’s words and had a faint sense of self-satisfaction at the corner of his eyes and brows.

he hadn’t wanted to make the final breakthrough in this hasty atmosphere, and the “birthday gift” he had prepared hadn’t arrived yet, so now, anything he said felt lacking in confidence.

“you go ahead,” ji yao smiled, “i’ll wait for you both to come back for dinner tonight.”

“alright then.” xiaotong, though a little disappointed, was also afraid ji yao hadn’t had a good rest, so she came over and hugged him, saying, “ji yao, rest well at home, and if you wake up and want to join us, just call xiao heng.”

“i got it, auntie.” ji yao smiled.

after xiaotong and jiang heng left, ji yao wandered around the living room. he was filled with excitement, not feeling sleepy at all. he didn’t have the heart to take a nap.

with a compulsive urge, he tidied up the entire house and then sat down on the bed, repeatedly checking his phone.

around 1:30 pm, the lawyer he had contacted the previous night sent ji yao a blank document, just as promised.

“this is the finalized template; take a look at it carefully,” the lawyer said. “if there are any additional clauses, you can add, and then we can notarize it together.”

“got it,” ji yao quickly replied. “thank you.”

the people recommended by ge xing were usually reliable, so ji yao carefully reviewed the document and found no issues. he imported it into the computer and printed it out.

the freshly printed pages were still warm and carried a hint of the smell of ink. ji yao couldn’t resist running his hand over the cover page and neatly placing it inside a plastic folder.

holding this document, ji yao began to feel a sense of stability. he hadn’t slept all night, and now he finally realized he was tired. so he slid the folder under his pillow and then curled up in bed to get some rest.

he slept until the evening and was awakened by the sound of light footsteps outside the bedroom door.

in a half-awake state, ji yao rolled over in bed and squinted at the window, only to realize that it was already dark outside.

the faint sound of footsteps in the adjacent room, the friction of slippers against the wooden floor, created a rhythmic rustling sound.

the air was filled with the aroma of food, with a strong scent of black pepper sauce, tinged with a hint of mint, refreshing and invigorating.

ji yao sat up in bed, reached for his phone to check the time, and discovered it was already past 6 pm.

jiang heng’s footsteps finally stopped at his door, and after a moment, he reached out and lightly knocked on ji yao’s door.

“are you awake?” jiang heng asked through the closed door.

“i’m awake!” ji yao replied.

ji yao hadn’t realized that he had slept for so long, and many things were unprepared. so, he hastily straightened out his rumpled sheets and retrieved the prepared document from under the pillow.

his heart was pounding, a mixture of nervousness before a confession and the excitement of imminent realization.

he licked his lips, took a deep breath, and then hid the document behind his back, before abruptly opening his bedroom door.

jiang heng had been back for a while, and he had changed into casual home attire as he leaned against the door. ji yao threw himself at jiang heng, hugging him tightly.

since the last time their public display of affection had failed in the mall, jiang heng had stopped resisting this level of intimacy. he returned the hug and ruffled ji yao’s messy hair, saying, “let’s go downstairs for dinner. my mom asked me to call you.”

he turned to go downstairs but was surprised when ji yao clung to his waist like a piece of sticky toffee, refusing to let go.

“happy birthday,” ji yao said.

jiang heng let out a faint smile, jokingly saying, “thank you, thank you.”

“isn’t it too early for dinner?” ji yao asked with a suggestive tone. “is there any post-dinner celebration planned?”

jiang heng replied, “what celebration? we’re not children. it’s just a birthday. let’s just have a meal together.”

“that won’t do,” ji yao tightened his grip around jiang heng’s waist, withdrew the folder from behind him, and waved it in front of jiang heng, saying, “look, it’s your birthday present.”

jiang heng looked a bit puzzled.

the folder ji yao used was completely transparent, allowing the contents to be visible without flipping it open. the words “guardianship agreement” were printed prominently on a white a4 paper, easy to read at a glance.

jiang heng suddenly fell silent. he seemed to have added an extra layer of weight on himself, something indistinct but heavy. while his expression remained unchanged, ji yao sensed a shift in the atmosphere.

“what’s wrong?” ji yao couldn’t help but ask.

jiang heng didn’t speak; he took the document from ji yao, flipped it open, and glanced at it.

ji yao’s section already had his name and id number signed, while jiang heng’s section was still empty, waiting for him to fill it out.

this document was only a few pages long, and given jiang heng’s speed in reviewing documents, it would take him less than two minutes to go through it from start to finish.

at the end of the document, there was jiang heng’s signature in the confirmation section. once jiang heng added his name to his section, they would have a legally binding connection.

jiang heng’s fingers unconsciously touched that point, gently caressing it.

jiang heng’s emotions were hard to read; it wasn’t a pure sense of touch nor was there overt joy. it was as if a massive wave had surged within him, yet he didn’t express anything outwardly except for the subtle, uncontrollable atmosphere that filled the quiet room.

ji yao couldn’t understand his intentions, he was baffled, and felt that something was slipping beyond his control.

anxious, he finally spoke up, “jiang heng?”

after a long while, jiang heng closed the document and turned to look at ji yao.

jiang heng had a faint, almost imperceptible smile on his face. he removed ji yao’s arms from around his waist, lifted the folder, and waved it in front of ji yao’s eyes.

“let me confirm one last time,” jiang heng said. “are you really ready?”

“what’s wrong? doesn’t this show my sincerity?” ji yao didn’t initially catch his meaning and found it somewhat amusing. he couldn’t help but say, “if you’re not confident, we can go to the notary office together tomorrow, how about that?”

“no, what i mean is, are you really prepared to start a family with me?” jiang heng emphasized the word ‘family.’ “not just a romantic relationship but living together from now on, facing the trivialities of life together, including family matters.”

ji yao’s expression changed slightly.

jiang heng’s words hit a nerve, a vulnerable spot deep within ji yao. jiang heng was undoubtedly the person in this world who understood him the most. he had easily pinpointed the only chink in ji yao’s armor, precisely aiming at ji yao’s greatest fear.

“do you not trust me?” ji yao tried to control his instinctual reaction to the probing words. he took a deep breath, forced himself not to evade the topic, and smiled as casually as possible. “isn’t everything the same as before? i’m giving myself to you, remaining faithful, mutually supporting each other, and then we’ll spend our lives together. isn’t this good enough?”

“it’s not the same,” jiang heng was unusually persistent today, as if he were stubbornly fixated on this issue. he seemed as if he were preparing for war. “i just want a clear statement.”

jiang heng wasn’t looking for a perfect partner, but he was aware that he wasn’t perfect either. what he wanted and cared about was different from ordinary people. it seemed easily attainable, yet it felt distant.

his demand for a “lifetime” had nearly unattainable standards. even after their breakup three years ago, those standards had become even higher.

“why do you have to dwell on the formality of words?” ji yao couldn’t hold back any longer. he took a step back, gazing at jiang heng with an expression that was difficult to comprehend, and he pressed on, “everything now, including legal protection document, isn’t this more meaningful than mere words?”

ji yao didn’t understand. he was afraid of the idea of a formal marriage and the word family, yet he was willing to bypass the one thing he feared the most and give everything to jiang heng. if that was the case, what importance did that mere verbal assurance hold?

they could clearly continue on without speaking of it, and go on like this for the rest of their lives.

but jiang heng remained silent. he rolled up the document into a loose cylinder and lightly tapped it in his hand, appearing unresponsive.

it was as if ji yao had been pushed to the edge. he took a deep breath, transforming the stress-like fear into some unknown anger. ji yao watched jiang heng’s confident stance, and he felt an intense surge of anger, one he couldn’t suppress.

ever since their reunion, it had been like this. it was as if a line had already been drawn, waiting for him to cross.

ji yao knew that he had been the one who made more mistakes during their breakup. it was because he had made the wrong choices first that everything else had followed. thus, he couldn’t bring himself to accuse jiang heng, and jiang heng hadn’t brought up their past either.

ji yao was willing to ignore everything and treat their past as if it didn’t exist, just like jiang heng. but jiang heng had always been so nonchalant, and ji yao couldn’t help but feel other emotions. he knew that jiang heng hadn’t completely let go of his feelings for him, but he didn’t know to what extent.

“i’ve already explained everything about the past to you,” ji yao paced in place, holding his head as if to protect himself. he said with difficulty, “are you still not satisfied?”

“no,” jiang heng said softly. “it’s not about all that. i’m just asking you a simple question.”

“but once emotions turn into family, they lose their meaning and become dull. household chores and squabbles are different from love.” ji yao’s emotions suddenly flared up, “what’s the point of it all? it will eventually turn into resentment, constant bickering, and mutual disdain, like a suffocating shackle. what’s the point?”

“you sound like a scumbag saying that,” jiang heng chuckled. “all these years, hasn’t anyone slapped you yet?”

ji yao became furious and retorted without restraint, “if no one slapped you when you were changing boyfriends every year, why should i be slapped?”

“indeed, i’m not a good person,” jiang heng continued to smile. “but, a yao, if i didn’t understand who you are, i would think you’re going too far with these accusations.”

jiang heng suddenly changed his address, but ji yao, in his anger, didn’t notice.

“who am i?” ji yao bit his lip. “don’t make it sound like i have some sort of ‘get out of jail free’ card.”

jiang heng quietly looked at him, then after a while, he curled the corner of his lips.

that nonchalant, perfunctory smile suddenly changed. it became meaningful, even carrying a touch of tenderness.

“by the way, you’re a bad person,” jiang heng said half-sincerely, half-playfully. “you’re a  person who tramples on others’ feelings.”

“since you knew that, you shouldn’t have helped me back then,” ji yao said. “so you wouldn’t have to worry about me trampling on your feelings again.”

“why would i be afraid?” jiang heng chuckled and said, “i have plenty of genuine and sincere love to give. i’m not afraid of them being wasted.”

ji yao was momentarily stunned, realizing that it was indeed true. jiang heng was like a never-ending spring. as long as he wanted, he could produce fresh, surging, endless love.