CH 57

in the final days before coming out, the atmosphere in ji yao’s home had reached an all-time low.

even after moving back home, ji yao couldn’t dispel the suspicions of his father and mother. they seemed to suffer from paranoid delusions, suspecting ji yao of being gay while simultaneously refusing to accept this fact.

this conflicting emotional turmoil brought about fear and anger, to the point that whenever ji yao spent even half an hour alone in his room with the door closed, his parents would find an opportunity to barge in and check on him.

ji yao’s father didn’t allow him to lock the door. when he was in a good mood, he would find a reason to bring some fruit. when he was in a bad mood, he would simply kick the door open to see what he was up to.

after losing trust in ji yao completely, ji’s father felt the need to tightly control his son’s life to find peace.

during that time, his parents were enthusiastic about arranging blind dates for him. on one particularly extreme day, he met four different girls from morning till evening. ji yao couldn’t understand why his parents had such an extensive network of eligible young women in their social circle. it seemed that no matter how many he met in a day, there were always new ones waiting for him the next day.

for a while, he even felt like a commodity, showcased by his parents and discussed with various people as if haggling over prices.

the memories of that time were unbearable and repetitive, and ji yao couldn’t recall the specific details. what he remembered was the suffocating and oppressive feeling, like being slowly submerged in water, not drowning immediately but succumbing to a numb hopelessness.

ji yao had never left home from childhood to adulthood. to ensure a “stable” life for him, his father had chosen the path of pursuing multiple degrees, pursuing a continuous academic journey from bachelor’s to ph.d.

thus, over the course of his twenty-something years, ji yao had developed a fixed mindset shaped by his environment and life experiences.

for him at that time, there were only two paths ahead. one was to break up with jiang heng and obediently stay at home, comply with his parents, and gradually rebuild trust. the other was to resolve this matter and make them completely believe it was all a misunderstanding.

at that time, ji yao had shaken and panicked about his close relationship with jiang heng, but he never wanted to break up with him. so, he subconsciously chose the second option.

ji yao knew he was a natural-born gay. he never had the slightest attraction to girls, both psychologically and physiologically. he had no intention of hurting any well-intentioned girls from good families.

but for ji’s parents, it seemed that the only extreme path to quickly prove his sexual orientation was to take this route.

so ji yao spent sleepless nights at home for three days, finally coming up with a “brilliant” idea.

he anonymously posted a recruitment message on the campus forum.

the content of his post was ambiguous, but the gist was that he wanted to gather lesbian couples on campus to prepare to “face challenges together.”

ji yao had plenty of gay friends from the gay community, but he had never known any lesbians. so, he had to resort to the campus forum for ideas.

he didn’t have high hopes for his plan, but three days later, liu mianmian turned out to be the blind cat that had stumbled upon a dead mouse. she took the initiative to add ji yao on wechat.

“when she first added me, she thought i was a lesbian too,” ji yao whispered. “but when she found out i was a guy, she even suspected i was trying to set a trap. it took me a while to convince her i was a good person.”

coincidentally, liu mianmian was facing her own dilemma at the time. she wasn’t at risk of her sexual orientation being discovered, but her parents were very conservative folks who believed that “girls are unwanted after twenty-five.” so, they were pushing her to go on blind dates and get married.

liu mianmian’s father had a history of hypertension, and she didn’t dare to come out and risk upseting her family. she also didn’t want to give up her girlfriend of several years, so she coincidentally became a pair of reluctant partners with ji yao.

“so later on, i introduced her to my parents, saying i had a girlfriend.” ji yao said. “i discussed it with liu mianmian, and we planned to get married first. after the marriage, we could smoothly leave home, and when we graduated, we could divorce. but i ended up regretting it and calling off our engagement and she took this opportunity to cry and threaten to hang herself, saying she had lost faith in men and would commit suicide. her parents believed it, so they didn’t dare to pressure her anymore.”

“about the divorce reason…” jiang heng asked casually, “you don’t think it’s that simple, do you?”

ji yao had indeed thought about it. at the time, he and liu mianmian had been so serious in fooling their parents that they put as much effort into it as if they were writing a thesis. they carefully planned for all possible questions and how to respond, creating a fabricated “love memorandum” that covered every aspect of their relationship.

a sham marriage was a necessary step, but the divorce was clearly the more critical one. since liu mianmian had agreed to help ji yao, he would voluntarily shoulder the burden of a bad reputation after they divorced.

“i thought about it,” ji yao said, gritting his teeth. he confessed, “i planned to say that i couldn’t perform.”

“is that so?” jiang heng raised an eyebrow.

he’s quite audacious, jiang heng thought.

according to ji yao’s expectations, his situation could be resolved by getting married. if they were lucky and their parents weren’t too strict, they might not even need to obtain a marriage certificate. just holding a wedding ceremony might be enough to deceive everyone. then he and liu mianmian could go their separate ways. as long as they provided cover for each other regularly, they could divorce when the time was right, and everything would be fine.

“plus, we had a prenuptial agreement,” ji yao whispered. “if we do get married, our divorce agreement will take effect in a maximum of one year.”

“really?” jiang heng coolly hooked the corner of his lips, his tone slightly mocking. “i always said you’re the kind of person who would never willingly wear a collar around your neck. you’re clearly an avoidant personality who won’t take responsibility, yet you had the guts to toy with marriage.”

“jiang heng,” ji yao interrupted him, looking into his eyes with a serious expression. he asked, “are you jealous?”

jiang heng hesitated for a moment, and a hint of annoyance that had been punctured appeared on his face. his gaze flickered for a moment, avoiding the question.

“fake marriage, do you know how many legal pitfalls are involved?” jiang heng said. “if you encounter someone who knows how to play the game, they’ll ruin you just by divorcing you later.”

ji yao looked at jiang heng’s stubbornness and couldn’t help but smile. he didn’t want to argue with him anymore or mention his “carefully planned” scheme.

because he suddenly realized that those weren’t the things jiang heng wanted to hear.

perhaps growing up was a process of constantly overturning oneself, ji yao thought suddenly.

the same thing, in the eyes of 25-year-old ji yao and 29-year-old ji yao, had completely different meanings.

just as he had never conceived the concept of leaving home in his mind, but when he finally took that step, he realized that independence wasn’t as difficult as he had imagined.

during the three years away from his hometown, he had transformed himself from a naive person into someone who understood more about the complexities of human relationships through the abrasion of society.

ji yao hadn’t understood this back then, but only later did he realize how naive he had been.

“i’m sorry,” ji yao said.

he genuinely wanted to apologize because no matter how ugly things had gotten back then, he was the one who had made the first mistake.

jiang heng’s eyelashes trembled ever so slightly, and his gaze instinctively shifted slightly, landing on a withered vine outside the car window.

“…it’s all in the past,” jiang heng sighed after a moment. the frost on his face melted a bit, and he seemed a bit more lively. “when we’re young, none of us were mature. you made a mistake, and my way of dealing with it was also thoughtless, so let’s not bring up old grudges.”

ji yao acknowledged with a nod, but he pursed his lips, unable to help but ask, “if i had told you back then that i and liu mianmian were just in a fake marriage, would you still have broken up with me?”

“if you had actually gotten married, then yes,” jiang heng said quickly.

ji yao wasn’t surprised by this answer. for jiang heng, many things could be forgiven, but once it touched his bottom line, he wouldn’t budge.

ji yao couldn’t quite describe his feelings as either disappointment or something else. he nodded and weakly said, “i won’t do it again in the future, i promise.”

jiang heng finally returned his gaze to ji yao. he looked at ji yao, who was so close, and reached out to touch his face.

“i believe you,” jiang heng said. he seemed to have adjusted his mood, and he curved his lips slightly, with a faint upward tilt at the corners. “if i didn’t have confidence in you this time, we wouldn’t be sitting here talking.”