CH 43

On that Friday, Ji Yao wasn’t on duty. He handed over his work as usual and bought a gift for Ge Xing from the lounge. He braved the rush hour and took the subway.

Zhou Qingbo wasn’t short on money. Running a bar was half out of interest and half for fun, so he didn’t care much about customer flow. The location he chose was quite unique. Taxis rarely passed by there, and the subway was more efficient.

Ji Yao ended up being the last one to arrive.

Zhou Qingbo’s boyfriend worked in auditing and was constantly flying around for work, spending more time on business trips than in the office. So, he didn’t attend the gathering this time.

“Ji Yao!” Zhou Qingbo spotted Ji Yao as soon as he walked in and waved at him.

The bar wasn’t crowded. They knew each other well and decided to set up a small corner next to the bar, gathering around a foldable table and peeling salted peanuts.

Jiang Heng seemed to remember the advice to smoke less, drink less, so instead of his usual iced whiskey, there was a clear cocktail in front of him.

Ji Yao sat down next to him and looked at the drink for a while.

“No alcohol,” Jiang Heng said, “it’s mint-infused water as the base.”

Ji Yao was quite pleased with his awareness. He reached into a plastic bag he was holding and pulled out a bottle of milk, handing it to him.

Jiang Heng took it and felt that the milk was still warm. He opened the bottle and placed it next to the cocktail.

“Just got off work?” Jiang Heng handed him the peeled salted peanuts and asked, “Have you eaten?”

“No, I didn’t have time,” Ji Yao said. “Qingbo, can you get me some snacks?”

Just as he finished speaking, a man in a Meituan delivery uniform suddenly rushed into the bar. He was holding a sandwich in a square box and looked around with his phone, asking, “Who’s Mr. Ji Yao?”

Ji Yao instinctively looked at Jiang Heng. Jiang Heng threw a salted peanut into his mouth and said, “Courtesy demands reciprocity, don’t you think?”

Zhou Qingbo stood at the bar, half of his body leaning against it, witnessing everything from beginning to end. He looked surprised and suspicious, his gaze constantly shifting towards Ge Xing.

If it were any other friend, he might have made some teasing remarks, but since the main characters were the two of them, Zhou Qingbo was cautious with his words.

He took a sip of his drink and started frantically texting Ge Xing.

“What’s going on?” Zhou Qingbo typed two exclamation marks on the screen in frustration. “Didn’t they used to fight endlessly and never want to see each other again?”

Ge Xing was nearly choked by Qingbo’s text. He replied with a question mark, asking, “Who said that?”

“Isn’t that what people say?” Zhou Qingbo asked in confusion. “What’s happening between them now?”

“Don’t ask me,” Ge Xing had also not figured out the situation “I don’t know either.”

Originally sitting next to Jiang Heng, Ge Xing stopped replying to Zhou Qingbo after that sentence. He placed his phone face down on the bar counter, leaned against it, and waved at Ji Yao with a smiling expression.

“Long time no see,” Ge Xing said. “It seems like it’s been forever since we met in person.”

Ji Yao knew that Ge Xing was half-complaining about him in front of Jiang Heng. He smiled and didn’t say much, placing the prepared gift on the bar and pushing it towards Ge Xing.

“It’s a Gaotiao cake,” Ji Yao said. “Not expensive, just enjoy it.”

After breaking up with Jiang Heng, Ji Yao had left Beijing after only a few months and moved to Shanghai to seek new opportunities. Due to the shift in his social circle and the aftermath of the breakup, Ji Yao didn’t interact with these old Beijing friends very often. They would only exchange greetings during festivals and holidays.

Ge Xing also didn’t invite them for drinks as often but he always felt nostalgic and wanted to gather with his old friends again.

None of them were young kids anymore. Reuniting with old friends after a long time, even though they weren’t strangers, there were always many things they wanted to say but couldn’t put into words.

Life was difficult, whether they were well-off or not. However, their age had already passed the point where they could complain about things, so after a few rounds of drinks, Jiang Heng, the only one who hadn’t had a sip of alcohol, stood up from this lukewarm atmosphere and asked where the smoking area was.

“Back there, go up the stairs next to the storage room, to the second floor, and there’s a small rooftop,” Zhou Qingbo leaned against the bar and pointed in that direction. “Just be careful not to throw cigarette butts around. This is an old building; watch out for fires.”

After Jiang Heng left, only Ji Yao and Ge Xing were left by the bar. Ge Xing looked at Ji Yao’s expression, squinted his eyes as he sipped his drink, and asked, “What’s going on between you and Jiang Heng… ?”

Ji Yao wasn’t surprised that he brought up this topic. Ge Xing’s lifelong goal was to pair people up, and no conversation with him was complete without discussing major life events.

“Not much going on,” Ji Yao said. “It’s just as you see it.”

“Do you want to reconcile?” Ge Xing asked.

Ji Yao pursed his lips. He held his glass by the rim and turned it under the light, the dark amber liquid reflecting the dim lights of the bar.

“He’s changed,” Ji Yao said. “Back then… he was good. He has a temper, but his heart was soft..”

“So, is it because he’s changed or because you’ve changed?” Ge Xing asked, probing for the truth.

Ji Yao didn’t respond for a long time. He finished his drink and pushed the empty glass aside. He said, “Let’s not talk about this anymore. It’s all in the past.”

Ge Xing’s fingers toyed with his own glass, his wrist hanging down from the bar counter. He sat in the swivel chair and turned around, his back against the bar. Suddenly, he reached out and clinked glasses with Ji Yao.

“Do you know how I met Jiang Heng?” Ge Xing asked.

“Wasn’t it in Beijing?” Ji Yao inquired.

Ge Xing’s family business was based in Beijing, and in Ji Yao’s memory, Ge Xing rarely left the city.

“It was in Shanghai,” Ge Xing tapped the bar counter with his glass and said in a low voice, “In the old city area, to be precise.”

Ji Yao looked at him puzzled, unsure of why he brought up this topic.

Ge Xing fell silent for a moment, took a sip of his drink, and then raised his eyebrows, winking at Ji Yao.

“Let me tell you a secret that even Jiang Heng doesn’t know,” Ge Xing said, “Actually, I came to Shanghai because I was eloping with my lover.”

He didn’t use words like “ex” or “first love or boyfriend,” so Ji Yao straightened up a bit, preparing to address the topic with a more serious attitude.

But the problem was, Ji Yao had known Ge Xing for many years, and he had never heard him mention having a lover.

Ge Xing, frequented nightclubs, bars, and other entertainment venues day and night. His network spanned various corners, and he spent three hundred and sixty-five days a year enjoying the nightlife.

However, he never seemed interested in dating. He didn’t have any companions around him, always coming and going alone. When friends playfully asked him, he would say he was a “lover of all,” not tied to anyone.

Now, hearing the words “lover” from him, Ji Yao couldn’t help but find it incredulous.

“A lover?” Ji Yao asked, “Then what happened between you two—”

Ji Yao wanted to ask if they broke up, but Ge Xing seemed to anticipate his question and took a sip of his drink, cutting off his words.

“He passed away,” Ge Xing said matter-of-factly.

Sometimes life is more melodramatic than a bad TV drama because works of art need logic and reason, while reality doesn’t.

Fate concludes suddenly, unnoticed by anyone, without even needing an explanation.

“His name was Shen An,” Ge Xing said, “Three years older than me, sort of my… childhood sweetheart?”

When he mentioned the name, Ge Xing’s smile seemed to fade a lot. He appeared as if a layer of sadness had enveloped him, radiating a sense of decay that had accumulated over the years.

It was as if he had finally peeled away the protective film covering himself, revealing a tiny bit of his true self.

“In fact, I didn’t like racing. He did.” Ge Xing said, “He won the CRC championship on his 18th birthday. He was so happy that day, he even gave me the trophy.”

Shen An was an extremely outgoing person, strikingly beautiful, living like a phoenix flower, naturally passionate and radiant, always the center of attention wherever he went.

Three years older than Ge Xing, he had always treated the little bean sprout trailing behind him as his possession. He protected Ge Xing wherever they went. When he was young, he even told adults several times that he would marry his ‘little brother’.

Shen An naturally drew attention, while Ge Xing was naturally attracted to men. So, he himself didn’t know when and why he fell for Shen An. But by the time he realized it, his heart and eyes were already filled with Shen An.

The passionate love of youth is intense and unreserved, just like Shen An himself. Their relationship quickly caught the attention of their parents, who unsurprisingly strictly opposed it.

Rebellious and self-absorbed during the passionate teenage phase, Shen An was only nineteen at the time, and he braved a major snowstorm to travel from his home to Ge Xing’s. He held his hand through the window, his eyes slightly red from the falling snowflakes.

“Let’s elope,” Shen An said.

Ge Xing wasn’t yet of legal age, but when he saw Shen An’s eyes slightly reddened by the snow, a string of rationality in his mind suddenly snapped. Fueled by youthful passion, he gathered the courage to take a daring step, as though as long as he held this hand, it didn’t matter where they went.

Looking back now, the “elopement” at that time was naive and impulsive.

“In retrospect, it was quite foolish. We were young, inexperienced in hardships, and lacked life experience,” Ge Xing suddenly chuckled, saying, “When people elope, they usually go to remote places. But we ended up in Shanghai, and after running away, we not only survived, but we also managed to maintain a good quality of life.”

At the time, Shen An still had over four hundred thousand yuan in his bank account, while Ge Xing was as clean as a slate. He left home with nothing but an impulsive determination to be with Shen An.

Both of them were young men from well-off families, but after arriving in Shanghai, they rented an apartment that cost half of their savings for the entire year.

In the initial months, they enjoyed a carefree life. Once they left Beijing, it was as if they had escaped the confines of a cage, and they could openly hold hands, kiss, and be more intimate with each other, experiencing a pure and passionate love.

Their love burned like a raging flame, capable of shattering all the blows of reality.

However, within a few months, they began to realize that things weren’t going well—money in their pockets was dwindling, and their utopian love was giving way to challenges of everyday life.

Ge Xing still remembered the day when their savings were almost depleted. Shen An sat cross-legged on the living room carpet, counting the balance in his messages multiple times.

That day was the first time Ge Xing had felt panic. He realized that things had slipped out of control, and he became restless and anxious.

“It’s fine,” Shen An held his hand and said, “I’ll figure something out. I brought you out here; I won’t let you suffer.”

Shen’s family was wealthier than Ge’s, and Shen An had been pampered and cherished since childhood. However, the next day, Shen An went out looking for a job.

He was nineteen, hadn’t even finished university, and he eloped. With no degree and no connections, no one was willing to hire him. Finally, after searching for half a month, he found a job as an auto mechanic.

He used to spend six-figure sums just on car parts, but now he was covered in grease, earning a monthly salary of four thousand yuan.

“He really tried,” Ge Xing said, “He was willing to give up a comfortable life, just to be with me, even if it meant working as a car mechanic.”

Ge Xing was truly moved back then, but panic was real too.

Every day, Shen An came home exhausted, with bruises and injuries. In a matter of months, he had lost a significant amount of weight.

Ge Xing was heartbroken to see him suffer like this, but that’s precisely why he couldn’t turn a blind eye to Shen An’s hardship. He couldn’t understand what love truly was.

He couldn’t come to a conclusion. The heart of a young teenager can’t balance pros and cons, nor can it bear the burden of such painful self-reproach and helplessness. So, he went out, bought a bunch cocktails from a convenience store, and sat on the curb, drinking recklessly. He then made a decision.

But in the midst of his drinking, he forgot one crucial thing.

—During that time, Shen An had wanted to advance to the position of a high end car technician, so he would often look up information online after work, preparing materials according to the current market demand.

However, Ge Xing had rushed out too quickly, leaving the flight booking page open on the desktop computer and left.

“That day, it rained heavily in Shanghai. Shen An drove a customer’s car from the auto repair shop to find me. Unfortunately, he got into an accident,” Ge Xing said, “He stepped on the gas and the brake pedal at the same time, crashing into a lamp post. He died on the spot.”

Up to this point, Ge Xing still didn’t know whether Shen An had seen the flight booking information left on his computer desktop when he got home.

He didn’t know if Shen An saw it and wanted to confront him about it, or if he simply came out to pick him up because of the heavy rain. Ge Xing would never know the answer in his lifetime.

If Shen An hadn’t died, many years later, perhaps this incident could still be brought up as a topic of conversation.

But precisely because he died, everything changed and he would never get to see Shen An again.

“All that courage, love, and persistence suddenly transformed,” Ge Xing took a sip of his drink and said, “It turned into failure, betrayal, a fall from grace, and a complete defeat.”

Just like how Shen An was a top racing driver, yet he died due to accidentally pressing the gas and brake pedals incorrectly. The unanswered question was destined to ferment into a bitter fruit in Ge Xing’s heart.

That’s just how fate works—On the left was an unfortunate coincidence, on the right was a missed opportunity; both were painful.

“At that time, we didn’t have a penny in savings. I sold the Patek Philippe watch we got as a symbol of our relationship, bought a new car to replace the one wrecked for a client, and used the remaining 200,000 to buy a burial plot for him.” Ge Xing said, “Then, I went to the bar penniless, and that’s where I met Jiang Heng. He paid the bill for me.”

Ji Yao’s heart was twisted like a rag. He took a breath of cold air, not even knowing how to evaluate this situation.

“Family is important,” Ge Xing said softly. “But when you’re in pain, regret, and can’t sleep at night because of it, they can’t share the burden with you. The excitement of ‘having family’ isn’t enough to make up for the pain you go through alone. So, in many situations, you have to think for yourself.”

Ji Yao understood what Ge Xing was saying. He clenched his glass, and his knuckles even turned slightly white.

“It’s good if regrets can be compensated,” Ge Xing said, “But don’t wait until the end to realize that your biggest regret is not speaking up and missing the opportunity.”

Ji Yao suddenly stood up.

Ji Yao felt like his forehead was being tightened, as if something was chasing him and forcing him to take that step.

Ge Xing was intentionally poking at him, and Ji Yao could tell. But if he just slightly put himself into this story, he could not imagine what he would have done in Ge Xing’s position.

Ji Yao’s chest heaved heavily for a moment. The strong liquor he drank burned from his throat to his heart, causing him pain that made his entire body shiver.

So he didn’t say a word and turned to walk towards the second floor.

Ge Xing watched his retreating figure, hooked the bottle of alcohol Zhou Qingbo hadn’t taken back yet with his fingertip, poured himself another half glass of brandy.