CH 35

He received a delivery while he was getting ready for work. Ha Joyoon’s gaze that bored through the box was filled with questions.

“What’s this?”

“I don’t know. The delivery arrived on Friday under your name. You’ve been out all weekend that’s why I’m giving you now. Where in the world have you been?”

Ha Joyoon smiled softly at his sister’s criticism as the box was handed over to him. The sturdy tapping indirectly showed the importance of the mailed item.

“Just here and there.”

“Are you going to keep on making up half hearted answers?”

He turned his gaze to the box after his short reply. He had even more questions after taking a look at the sender and their address. After thinking for a while, he began to carefully peel at the tape on the box.

Inside, there was a small black box that was wrapped with bubble wrap. The hands tearing off the packaging became busier.

The moment the bubble wrap opened and the last bit of tape sealing the box came off, his fingertips came to a sudden halt.

“Yoon-ah?”

Ha Joyoon was completely immersed in the small box in front of him, unable to hear the voice of his sister next to him calling his name.

Goodness.

The exclamation he swallowed down touched his heart. Still blood quickly revived and spread rapidly throughout his blood vessels. His previously faint heartbeat, now fluttered to announce the existence of life. Ha Joyoon opened the tightly closed box with trembling hands. Click. The lid opened with a small sound and the contents were finally revealed.

At that moment, the numerous emotions, memories and scenes engraved in his heart, began to permeate into his brown irises. Ambiguous emotions became deeply ingrained in a certain form.

It came back. After such a long time, it finally came back to me.

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“Tbbc-jt!”

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“What’s that? Why were you so deep in thought?”

“It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Repeating his words like a parrot, both of her cheeks slowly began to turn red. Knowing what she was worried about, Ha Joyoon smiled again, patting his sister’s plentiful hair.

Even during the conversation, all his attention was focused on the gift he had just received. However, Ha Junghye seemed determined to not let the conversation die down this time. She grabbed her brother’s shirt and struggled to bring up what she had held in for a long time.

“You’ve been so odd lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just can’t understand you. You stay out too frequently. Where do you even go?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll be careful.”

“Is it because of Taejung? Are you acting like this because of him?”

“No…”

The obvious concern and worry for her family was reflected in her voice. Why couldn’t he tell that her concern stemmed from affection? Trying to hide his distressed eyes, he took off his sister’s hand holding his arm.

“Noona.”

His lips spoke in a whisper, hidden eyes darkened under his bright chestnut hair. His sister’s hand was smaller and softer than he remembered. It was the same for feelings. Emotions like memories and longing were gift wrapped in a different form from reality, and once they were opened, the memories might be even more beautiful.

Holding Ha Junghye’s hands tightly, Ha Joyoon quietly reiterated.

“I’m trying my best too.”

“Yoon-ah.”

“I just need time. You know that.”

It had not just been a year or two. They had been together for as long as he could remember. The magnitude of loss he felt could not be compared to a break up after a short relationship. And above all, negative emotions such as shame and regret tormented Ha Joyoon every night for holding onto someone who he had shown his worst self. In addition, his role as a reporter and the direction he had to choose in the future had become like a maze, confusing him as each day went by.

No matter what he chose, he was bound to hurt someone. He felt scared and suffocated. Everything he tried to do and every emotion he had seemed to hurt everyone but him. It felt like everyone was accusing him of being selfish.

“I know, but…”

“…”

“I’m just so worried… It doesn’t seem like you’re going to get a hold of things anytime soon, you don’t come home often either… Mom and dad don’t ask but they’re also worried sick…”

Alternating between looking at her brother’s face and the delivered box, Ha Junghye left the end of her words vague. Her eyes slowly blinked back tears before she could realize it.

It had already been a few months since he came back to South Korea but her brother’s half-floaty and unstable mood made her anxious. At first, she thought it was because of his break up with Kang Taejung but as time went by, she began to think that that wasn’t the only reason.

Even when they were happily talking or eating together, there were times where he would fall into a silent void as if he was in a different world. During those times, he wouldn’t say a word or react to anything, simply lost in his own thoughts. And Ha Junghye, who had already experienced this in the past, knew very well what that kind of mood meant.

“You’re not going back there, are you?”

“…”

Almost scared of her brother’s silence, Ha Junghye shook her head roughly.

“You need to continue rehabilitation. Have you heard anything from the hospital? You need to stay here to get checkups and treatment.”

Her feeble body visibly trembled from anxiety. The still eyes watching Ha Joyoon deeply gnawed at him. It was a time where no one could speak carelessly. Lips that had been opened and closed several times, were soon finally closed tightly. And only after a long silence did Ha Joyoon manage to let out a word filled with grief.

“I know.”

“…”

“I understand now. Don’t cry.”

He knew that his short answer wouldn’t be able to ease his sister’s anxiousness. Wearing a melancholy smile and patting on her hand, he knew he couldn’t do anything but smile.