this chapter is unedited, feel free to correct my mistakes <3
December, 2018
From a very young age, I assured myself that'd I'd live my life by one motto. Always be genuine, without ever being vulnerable.
A simple recipe for success. Be the friend that everyone wanted you to be, a shoulder to cry on, the person you go to in need of crucial life advice, someone to laugh with, someone to believe in.
From my perspective, the most valuable aspect of this formula was to accomplish these steps whole-heartedly without ever putting yourself in a position to get hurt. Never show other people that you're hurting.
Looking at this now, I see how some may perceive it as shallow and artificial. Now I see that, now I see the flaws in my logic. I had lived my life in safety, isolation.
But was that really living?
Up until I moved to Runswick, my plan had stayed stable. I didn't know loneliness, but I didn't know what it was like to truly trust either.
Cole and Kendall shifted that for me. They taunt that friendship was far more meaningful than security. They made me feel, like I belonged, which is more than I could ever have asked for. Though completely foreign, believing in them morphed my mental stability and emotional capacity in a positive manner.
Then, there was Kaden. With him, it's a completely different story. He taught me how to trust again. He managed to ruin everything, while repairing it all at the same time. Without even trying, he has managed to show me all my 'master plan' has stolen from me.
Runswick made me feel like myself, which was dangerous. Very dangerous. But frankly, the longer I was there, the less I cared.
"Okay, spill the beans!" Coles over enthusiastic voice spoke through the phone, snapping me out of my previously dazed state.
I rolled my eyes. "Careful there Cole, you're starting to sound like a thirteen year old girl."
"Fine, is this better? Trucks, camo, beer, wanna go hunting? Now tell me how you finally realized that-"
"Shhhh!" I hissed, as if it was possible for Kaden to hear anything we're saying, even though it wasn't.
"Is he near you? I thought you went into the hall?"
"I-did. But you can never be too cautious!"
"More like paranoid." Cole mumbled more to himself than me.
"Anyways! Okay so it's kind of difficult to explain, and honestly I don't really know how too, but first we had an argument-"
"Cute." Cole chimed in sarcastically.
"Let me finish!"
"Okay, okay. Continue."
I took a deep breath and explained everything. From the events of the car, to my unusual 'jealousy' at the gas station, all to him holding my hand earlier. Events which seemed small and meaningless from an outsiders view, but made my head spin just trying to comprehend it all.
Cole paused for a moment. "Vree, this is an awkward question but, have you ever had a boyfriend?"
I scoffed. "What does this have to do with anything I just said?!"
"Answer the question."
"...Totally! Of course I have. I'm seventeen... yeah. Tons of boyfriends under my belt. Let's see, there was Liam from sixth grade, and... others."
"So... that's a no."
"Yeah, not really."
"Okay, so honestly I don't really know how to help you Vree. Since you haven't really been in a relationship, than you likely don't know the signs that indicate whether or not your feelings are real or ideal. I'm too good looking to fall in love, all the girls chase after me. What can I say? I'm irresistible."
Cole's narcissistic banter lit a lightbulb in my head. "How did you know you loved Kendall?"
"I didn't love Kendall."
"Bullshit. Please Cole. I don't think I'm in love with Kaden, that's a complicated word that I cannot really comprehend the meaning off. However, I need to sort my feelings before I go insane. There's no way I'll even tell him about them! I'm doing this for me." My voice sounded unsure, and filled with fake-confidence as I tried to comfort myself.
Cole sighed and mumbled something quietly.
"What?"
Sounding defeated, Cole repeated himself. "I guess I just knew. It is a complex emotion, but also a strong one. Jesus, Vree. You really know how to break through my walls, don't you?"
"What are besties for?" I teased.
"I was promised slumber parties in our jammies, braiding each other's hair and watching John Hughes movies."
"Jammies? Please never say that again, but I'll braid your hair for the cheap cost of five dollars."
"Deal!" We both laughed. It was silent for a moment.
"Hey Cole, I think you managed to break down my walls too. Congrats." I spoke in all honesty, knowing that Cole probably didn't know the seriousness of that statement.
"I'm honored, Vree. Now, go back in that room and spend time with Kaden, we'll talk again soon."
I smiled, although Cole couldn't see it. "Thanks Cole, you're the bestest bestie anyone could ask for."
He hung up.
Quietly preparing myself to enter the room once again, I frantically whispered that Kaden was just a friend and that all these feelings were out of friendship and nothing more.
"What took you so long? Is everything okay?" Kaden asked as I entered the room once again.
"Yeah, just Cole complaining about Kendall even though he's secretly in love with her, the usual."
"It's not that much of a secret anymore, is it?"
Knowing it wasn't my place to tell Kaden anything that Cole has said to me over the months, I shrugged. "Eh, I'm just assuming. Who knows, maybe he has gotten over her."
Kaden had a soft, knowing smile on his face, but didn't continue the conversation. "What do you want to watch? Elf, The Grinch or A Year Without a Santa Claus?" Kaden spread out the DVD's we had bought earlier on the coffee table.
I plopped down next to him. "Definitely Elf, but A Year Without a Santa Claus is a close second."
"Good choice."
I took the DVD off the table and slid it into the player. As the movie started to play, Kaden and I got up and made ourselves hot chocolate.
As I added power to the milk over the stove, and Kaden grabbed some mugs out of a cabinet, I decided to be bold. "Hey Kade, can I ask you a question. You don't have to answer if you don't want too."
"Yeah of course."
"What are you opinions on Christmas, the holidays in general."
Kaden took a deep breath, setting the coffee mugs down next to me. His facial expressions looked as if he was contemplating how to answer. "I really don't like them. I've always wanted too, I would write letters to Santa every year up until I was... ten maybe? My dad would never let me send them though. I wasn't much older when I started spending Christmas alone. My mom hated leaving me, but never had the courage to stand up to him. Ever since then, this time of year is just kind of depressing for me."
I turned to look at Kaden with sorrowful eyes. "I'm so sorry... I wish there was something I could do."
"Avery, you're already making all the difference." He smiled.
I returned it. "What would you ask for? In the letters, I mean."
Kaden met my eyes, looking conflicted. "A new dad." he mumbled, removing his from mine and onto the ground.
I felt my heart sink into the stomach. I couldn't find the words to respond to that. I'm sorry? It didn't seem to fit.
So, instead I reached up and gave him a hug. It took a second for him to respond, but he returned the gesture.
"I wish I could help you Kade." I mumbled into his shoulder. He laughed slightly.
"I think the hot chocolate is done." I pulled away and turned off the burner.
"So what about you Ave? How do you feel about this time of year?" Kaden asked, pouring hot chocolate into our mugs.
My response was hesitant, but honest nonetheless, "I love it. It's the one time of year where my parents act like parents. Well... up until this year at least." I walked towards the couch. Kaden followed.
"I'm sorry, that your parents are gone."
"Don't be, I'm in New York... with you." Kaden looked at me carefully as I spoke.
"There's nothing more I could ask for." I said slightly more quiet. Kaden opened his mouth slightly, as if he was about to say something, but didn't. He only smiled.
"No offense, but your parents suck."
I whipped my head to Kaden, holding back a laugh at his bluntness. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I mean, they just neglect you, for no reason. They didn't even consider how much them not being here would hurt you. They suck." Kaden tripped over his words as he spoke.
I couldn't stop the laughter that came soon after that. I had never seen Kaden so... flustered?
"You're parents are the same, Kade. Are you forgetting that we have eerily similar home lives?"
"But you don't deserve it."
"Neither do you."
Something shifted in Kaden's gaze. I couldn't quite sort out exactly what it was, but there was certainly a change.
"How do you know that?" He asked, sounding genuinely serious.
"How can you even ask that?"
Kaden didn't answer, but instead turned his now shaky gaze towards the T.V.
Taken back, I grabbed both sides of his face and turned him towards me.
"You don't deserve it." My hands slowly dropped down to my lap once I got his attention once again.
"Can we just watch the movie?" Though he wore a smile, his voice was uneasy, almost pleading.
"Yeah, okay."
⦠psychotic â¦
"Ave." Kaden's voice was vague as I slowly awoke from my slumber.
"Ave." Now it was slightly louder, causing my eyes to now flicker slightly. Suddenly, I felt a hand shake me slightly, causing my state of unconsciousness to completely fade.
"Yeah?" I replied, but it sounded more like a mumbled groan than actual words.
"My dad is here."
The four simple words were enough to sit up immediately, my eyes widening. "What?" I asked, louder than I intended too.
"In the room?" I added, looking around. To my relief, it was only Kaden and I, though I could only see my bedroom, not the rest of the space.
"No, he's just in New York for a business convention of some sort. He wants to meet me for coffee down at Manhattans Mochas in thirty."
"Do you want me to go?" I asked, without hesitation. Though Kaden's father was an admittedly unkind man, I didn't have a problem accompanying Kaden to go and see him.
Safety in numbers , right?
Kaden furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure you'd want too? The last time didn't go so well..."
"Of course Kade, now get out so I can try to look at least half decent." I smiled, obviously looking rough with my bedhead and old, baggy vacation t-shirt that originally belonged to my dad.
"What do you mean, Ave? I think you've never looked better." Kaden teased.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, totally. Now go! I'm down to twenty-seven minutes now." With a smile, Kaden left my room.
Quickly standing up, I was immediately dizzy as I had just woken up. I knew well enough that Kaden's father wasn't my biggest fan, but I still felt the need to 'dress to impress'.
Rummaging through my bag, I slipped on black, sheer tights, along with a tan and black plaid skirt with a white, polo shirt that I had tucked in.
I didn't have time to shower, so I simply threw my hair up in a ponytail, applying only mascara and moisturizer to my face. Throwing on a black rain jacket and the Doc Marten's Molly had gotten me, I headed into the main room.
"I have to say, I think I liked the 'Avery's third birthday' shirt better." Kaden laughed as I entered the room. He was dressed in dark jeans along with a grey polo.
"No, 'wow Avery, nice outfit!' You hurt me Kade." I replied in a sarcastic manor, placing a hand over my heart.
"You look great Ave. Now we have to go if we want to get there on time, and trust me, we want to get there on time." Though Kaden's tone was teasing, I couldn't help but feel a pit in my stomach with his last words.
Let's just say, Kaden's father certainly wasn't a doll.
However, instead of voicing my opinion, I simply smiled and followed Kaden out the door as he slipped on his dark pea coat.
Snow drifted gracefully down onto the pavement as Kaden and I shifted our way through the crowds and towards Manhattans Mochas. Butterflies swarmed my stomach as we inched closer and closer to the entrance.
Abruptly, Kaden pulled me aside, a worried look in his clear green eyes. "Are you sure you want to go in there? I just... don't want- he was so rude to you on Thanksgiving. You don't have to face him again if you don't want too... I know I wouldn't voluntarily see him again if I had a choice."
Kaden's stuttering made me smile towards him reassuringly. "It's okay Kaden, I can handle your father. He reminds me of a certain someone I know."
Kaden caught the reference to my mom and laughed. I moved away from him and actually walked towards the entrance. "Hurry up, you're so slow." I called back with a teasing smile and I went to open the door.
However good my mood was when I walked into the coffee house, it was replaced by nerves and intimidation as I locked eyes with Thomas Wells himself.
His cold stare was lifeless and bored, and only grew more displeased when Kaden walked in beside me.
"I suppose I should've expected to see you here as well Miss..." Thomas was one for cutting straight to the point, that much I had caught onto. He never so much as smiled or asked how one was before demanding them to reveal their plans for the future, or insulting them indirectly.
"James." I finished for him, a fake smile plastered over my face.
Thomas nodded. "Miss James. I hope you two have had a pleasant trip, and that you're keeping it appropriate, of course."
Kaden didn't provide any reaction to Thomas's emotionless words and rolled his eyes. "Nice to see you too, Dad."
"Kaden and I's relationship is strictly platonic, sir." I felt weird speaking to Mr. Wells, it was like he knew every little detail about my life in one glance and every word I said he was evaluating me for.
"As I expected. Kaden has fairly high expectations of people and based on his previous choices... you don't meet them." Thomas' words were ice, though he treated them as if they were nothing. My years of shielding my emotions and deflecting blunt negativity had payed off in this moment, as I shrugged off the set of cruel sentences.
However, Kaden wasn't so calm. Though he kept his tone collected and his voice at a reasonable volume, his frustration hinted through his composure. "Is there a reason you asked me to meet you here? Because right now all I've acknowledged is you being unnecessary harsh towards Avery."
I stood up abruptly, probably making more noise than I should have. "I'm gonna go get something to drink. Black coffee, right Kaden?"
"Yeah, thanks Avery." After three months of Kaden calling me 'Ave', hearing him refer to me by my actual name felt foreign. Although it was only due to the presence of his father, it was still unusual.
Luckily for me, the line to order was fairly long, meaning I had an excuse to avoid any more small talk with Thomas for a while.
After about five minutes, the guy I had seen the other day working with Grace called me up to order.
His name tag read Sam.
"Hey, welcome to Manhattans Mochas! How may I help you?" He asked in a polite manor.
"Hi! Can I just have a medium white chocolate mocha and medium black coffee?" I asked, matching his tone.
"Yeah of course... that'll be $7.50."
I pulled my debit card from my purse and payed for our coffee, however, I could've sworn that I felt someone's gaze burning into the back of my skull.
And I'm pretty sure I had a good guess on who's gaze it was.
"Uh, so weird question, but is there an incredibly intimidating man glaring at me right now?"
Sam moved his head so that he could see behind me. "Our age? Or older?"
"Older."
"There definitely is. Good luck with that." He spoke, sounding sincere.
Great.
"Thanks, I'm definitely gonna need it." I laughed nervously, doing everything in my power not to turn around. I walked towards the end of the counter and waited patiently for my order.
Another three or so minutes passed before my name was called and I awkwardly had to inch my way through a group of people who had just ordered.
"Thank you." I smiled, this time at someone different who had handed me my drink.
They smiled back.
Dreadfully, I turned my head towards Kaden and Mr. Wells, both if their expressions were neutral.
I took a closer look at Kaden though, my eyes scanned his expression which held no emotion. He looked older, more like a business man than a seventeen year old guy.
I wanted to say he was a fantastic actor, but I didn't think someone could fake the implanted, lifeless stare that he was wearing.
He turned his head to me, perhaps I had been staring too long and suddenly his eyes lit up again, almost immediately making me forget my thoughts before.
Spending your whole life around Thomas Wells, I guess you develop some acting skills. I mean, I would have too.
Finally, I made my way back to the table. "Here Kade-n. Kaden."
"Thank you." He smiled.
"No problem."
Thomas ignored Kaden and I's interaction and took a sip out of his mug distastefully. "As I was saying... this a great opportunity for you to get the upper hand with those higher in rank with Columbia, Kaden. It'll only take a few hours or so."
Kaden looked extremely frustrated. "Avery and I have plans today. I wasn't made aware that you'd be here until eight A.M and you're expecting me to cancel?"
"Avery's a big girl, I'm sure she can handle being alone for a while." Thomas' words sounded eerily similar to my mothers, ton and everything. I wanted to step in, but I bit my tongue.
"Dad, this isn't up for discussion, we can go another time." Kaden's voice was firm.
Now, Thomas' focus was studied on me. "You think Kaden should go for an exclusive tour of the campus presented by the President of Columbia University, don't you Avery?"
Thomas was putting this on me, knowing that Kaden would likely take my word over his. However, what he didn't realize is that, no matter the intimidation I felt towards Mr. Wells, I'd always choose Kaden.
"Whatever Kaden feels comfortable with. Either or is good with me. May I ask, Mr. Wells, are you sure Columbia is the path Kaden wants to take? Because living vicariously through your child isn't a good look on any parent." My voice was polite with underlined attitude.
I immediately second guessed my word choice. This was my best friends father after all, I needed to watch myself. However, Kaden's poor attempt to cover his smile with the mug he held was enough to reassure me.
"Excuse me?" Thomas asked, still emotionless, but this time with aggressive undertones.
"You about summed it up, Ave. I'll tour Columbia another time, but for now I just want to enjoy my trip. I'll see you later, Dad." Suddenly, Kaden arose from his seat, and headed towards the door.
Immediately, I followed.
"Where do you think you're going?" Now Mr. Wells' voice was raised, causing everyone in the shop to whip their heads towards us.
"I told you, Avery and I have plans."
We didn't.
Authors Note
hi! wow what a surprise i'm updating actually kinda regularly, lets see how long that lasts. i hope you guys liked this chapter, although it's kinda confusing and strictly filler.
but hey, next is christmas!
i hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your day <3
word count: 3442