Chapter 21: Chapter Twenty

[A/N] This book is meant to be updated every week on Friday, I'm just terrible at keeping schedules, and these past two weeks have been so full of tiring activities.... Alright... Next chapter !  \( ˶‾0 ‾˶)/♡

I skipped the next class. I wasn't sure why, perhaps it was cold feet, the unsteady feeling of being possibly faced with watching Arran step directly into my world, something that shouldn't have been possible, that hadn't seemed possible even when he came directly to the school before. Perhaps it was also the fact that I'd just skipped out on meeting with the Headmaster and a part of me was concerned the teacher would have been informed about that and would be gearing up to send me right back.

Ultimately I spent the next period in the locker room, sitting crouching on the floor playing games on my phone. In the past I played these games every chance I got, I sank the rest of my tired brain into these thoughtless activities begging them for the brief respite they gave me from having to raise the tired emotional limb in my brain that felt so tired of life.

But I didn't find much of anything in the games now, instead I got slowly more and more bored of them, sat there and tried to remember why I found them fun and tried to clamber for any free moment to stick my head an inch from the thing and forget where I was.

Eventually I got out my textbook instead and read thoughtlessly until the lights automatically went off from lack of motion inside the room, and then for the rest of the period sat there, quiet and still, and closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.

When I heard footsteps coming down the hall in the distance I got up and took the second of two doors out of the locker room out and headed back down the hallway.

I walked through the hallways for about ten minutes before finally being welcomed early into my next class.

It took everyone else a moment longer to fill the room and slip into their seats one by one. History wasn't my favourite class not least because the teacher, Mr Dorset, once read my half hearted essay on medicine throughout the ages out loud to the class because he was so incensed with my lack of effort. So there were a few longer glances at me for being there so early.

At this point the man really didn't like me for coming late all the time but I didn't remember why I came late anymore.

Pierson glared darkly at me as he passed me to get to his seat right at the back and in the corner.

"They let the bitch back stay in school huh? Nice. Wait till I tell my parents..."

I nodded slowly. "Tell mommy Pierson, don't forget to cry and tell her about your booboo."

The kid next to me looked startled for a moment and grabbed my sleeve briefly, as if telling me to call the nuclear bomb off. But they'd pressed the button weeks ago, and no I was hurtling toward the sky ready to fall down to the earth again and destroy everything.

He stood over me for a moment, his expression turning darker and darker without actually moving a muscle on his face. "Oh I will." He replied eventually. "You think this is a joke bitch. You're gonna be in a world of hurt. Unless you make it up to me."

I hummed and slowly looked up at him.

I considered several possible replies, taking my time as he hunched over me, looking more and more ready to punch me even though he was in the middle of a class full of people. Ironically it was the only thing these bullies wouldn't do, not since Clyde had technically fallen to that.

Ultimately I just sighed and looked forward. "I wish I cared enough to have this conversation. Instead all I can think is that you still haven't brushed your teeth. Really, talking to you is a greater punishment than getting expelled. Let your mother make that happen." I tapped my fingers rhythmically on the table and hummed. "Oh wait... then I would be out of your reach once and for all..." I turned my head to the side and up to look at him.

Making eye contact felt so strange, as though I was seeing people's eyes for the first time now. I suppose in the past I'd always avoided looking directly at them, it always seemed like a challenge, an invitation to approach me...

"Who do you think they'll move on to next after I'm gone?" I hummed. "It can't be no one. Every day you guys aren't pretending you're better than someone like me you look like you're being strangled by quicksand." I pretended to consider it for a moment. "Oh!" I tapped a finger on my lips and looked at him with wide eyes. "Maybe it'll be you!"

Pierson stared at me, quiet but increasingly red in the face, he was struggling to hold back. Of the lot of them he was actually one of the less violent ones, he just said revolting things to me and scratched out that I should kill myself on my desk. But I saw him close to it... close to snapping.

I wasn't sure what I was doing, every move I made was carried by instinct, and it would probably get me killed soon if I didn't stop.

"I'm not the one that got our friend expelled and made himself out to be some kind of victim when you were just arguing about stupid shit. Can't take a joke... you think the world is going to be nicer to you than us?" He looked around briefly and then leaned in, ignoring Harris who was right next to me and within earshot, he wouldn't do anything if the guy had a gun to my head. "You think I'm falling for this persona you've got going on? Kill yourself. Seriously. No one wants you. You're going to suffer like this forever because it's not us that's the problem, it's you. Piece of shit poser."

I stared at him.

It was weird to hear these words with a completely empty head. My hands weren't shaking. There was no lump in my throat. There were no unwanted tears welling up past the top of the unfillable cup...

And then I smiled slowly, and began to chuckle.

It might have been in my head but I thought a few people looked over at me, as though I might have been crazy, perhaps because it was so unusual to hear me chuckle or laugh at all.

I examined his face with a brief glance and then settled my eyes on his.

"When I think about it, aren't these the words you tell yourself in the mirror? I can't think of anyone else they fit better than you." I tilted my head, I felt like I was looking at him through a long tunnel, the colder my chest felt the further away I seemed to be, maybe that was why he seemed so unnerved when I finished with "Do you want to die?" and stared at him unblinkingly.

Maybe I looked odd, but from my perspective I was just trying to look at him closer, through the tunnel I was peering through, and no matter how wide or unblinking my eyes seemed to be I didn't seem to be able to get there.

He took a shaky breath and put his hand on my desk. "You're not as big as you think you are. You're gonna wish you took the chance to make it up to me. Fuck you."

But his voice wavered in the middle and cracked in the end. I heard it and he heard it and without thinking I smiled.

I saw the tinge of red grow in his face in response before he turned, gave me the middle finger and marched off, dragging the chair loudly across the floor to sit down, letting it scream like he probably was screaming inside.

I chuckled to myself and noticed Harris watching me with wide confused eyes. I looked at him and he looked back down again.

"Worried you'll get touched by association?" I asked him, turning a pencil in between my fingers.

He didn't say anything.

I exhaled and leaned back in my chair.

"Aren't you freaked out that they're gonna gang up on you when they're all back together?"

I frowned and glanced behind me. "They're together now."

He shook his head. "No I mean all of them. Some of them are still suspended aren't they?"

I blinked slowly. Who was missing? I couldn't remember seeing anyone missing that had taken part in beating and pushing me off the bridge.

I shrugged. "If it happens it happens..."

Harris shook his head. "You need therapy or something. It sounds like you have a death wish..."

"You think I'm that weak?" I looked at him.

He stared straight back. "You are."

I blinked and looked back to the front of class, quiet and thoughtful.

And then I realised god must have been laughing at me.

The teacher welcomed the new student into the class, wearing a freshly fitted uniform, a blank shaded expression, magnetic eyes drawing everyone toward his presence, and a certain untouchableness warning them off.

He would have almost looked quiet and unassuming if he hadn't been so ridiculously attractive. I'd never really meant it when I called another person sexy before but he was. Perfect lips and deep dark clear eyes, brilliant whites and a sort of light brown tinge to his skin. His eyes travelled over the class and the room seemed to mostly go quiet.

Even I went quiet, suddenly forgetting how to breath out, my eyes fixed ahead of me, feeling a little hot all of a sudden.

"Alright people, quiet down!" Mr Dorset spoke up, but the moment he did was also the moment the class caught wind of Arran entering, the large presence itself loud enough to present as its own announcement, and it resulted in him shouting into a quiet class. "Alright... Well, good..." He looked over at Arran.

Arran didn't move but stood still.  Their attention was fixed on him, some of the girls leaning in close to one another or across the gaps between their desks to whisper something and giggle. Some of the boys leaned over others to get a better look at him, curious.

"This is Arran Bedford..."

Arran glanced at her, brief annoyance flashing in his eyes before he looked back ahead of him.

"He'll be joining us from now on, hopefully a little more frequently..." He gave Arran a patronising stare but Arran didn't turn to glance at him even given the pointed pause. "He's technically been enrolled since the start of the year but he's been a little sick and hasn't been able to attend as far as I'm told..." He pursed his lips and frowned at him. "But now he's feeling better... which is good. I'm sure he's going to be trying very hard to catch up with the rest of you..."

Still Arran didn't answer or even glance in his direction.

He looked over the room and pointed. "You can sit there, next to Emma."

Emma stood up a little rapidly, and a little too keen, a sparkle in her eyes.

"No," Dorset reconsidered immediately. "Let's not put you next to a girl. Sit there with Allen."

Next to Allen meant he would be sat directly behind me.

My heart thumped loudly in my chest and my skin prickled as his eyes slowly slid across the classroom over to my direction.

I thought for a moment that he hadn't seen me, and waited tensely for him to notice me as he moved down the aisle past my desk, but it wasn't until he was right beside my desk that he stopped and looked down at me and my heart knocked even louder in my chest to the point that I thought I could hear the sound of it in my ears.

I looked up slowly and our eyes met.

Burning, dangerous, dark eyes.

I felt my soul being swept away by those eyes, cast inside the deep dark prison of his pupils.

He glanced down at my table. No, my hands, my arms? I looked down. The scratches left from his cat as I tried to wrestle her off of Irene were still a clear dark angry red.

I was sweating now. I looked up slowly, trying not to look directly at him, but it was an impossible task, without my consent my eyes were dragged back to meet his.

Ice cold and still. How could that warm skin colour appear so utterly glacial and frozen solid?

"Hmm..." He hummed, his voice low and smooth and dangerous. A tingle ran down my spine at the sound of it. "Well isn't that something..."

He moved on and sat down behind me but every part of my brain was hyperaware of the boy now sitting, stretching out his long legs, behind me.

For a moment it flashed in my mind, the sound he made, the tarp being rolled together, the musty smell of the damp dejected carpark in the darkness, the only light a glimmer through the lamplight shining from above through which the smoke from his cigarette curled up like that man's ghost towards the sky.

And yet I wasn't afraid... just terribly aware... So much so that the hair stood up on my arms and I must have imagined his gaze burning holes in the back of my head, the crackle of electricity passing between us like a warning.

I licked my lips, leaned back and rolled up my sleeves.

[A/N] Once again, a warm warm thank you to the Wattpad Creators Program. Today is my last day in it.... which is a shame, I think I'll miss feeling special... just kidding !  ˶ᵔᗜ ᵔ˶   And another big warm hug to my supporters for all their love and encouragement on Patreon.