It's Baby Time! I feel like it's interesting to see it from Ashlynn's perspective.
The song is Gravity by Sarah Bareilles. I think you'll understand why at the very end of the chapter...
Ashlynn
I hand Adam a chamomile tea.
Mac is pacing. Her face looks red and sweaty. Adam is tapping his fingers nervously, watching her stride.
He sips the tea automatically, makes a face, and gives me a sheepish grin.
"Sneaking that in on me? Mac's the one that needs it."
"I don't need tea! I need Leed to answer his damn phone! He hasn't updated us in hours! If he doesn't text in the next thirty minutes, I'm going to the hospital. I don't care what Tam says about Soundcrush causing a mob," Mac growls. "This is my nephew being born! Goddammit!!!" she yells as her call goes to voicemail again.
Trace breaks the balls on his pool table and sighs at the bad break. "Jesus Mac, can you stop ranting? Babies are born every day. You made me slip."
Mac flips him off as she leaves another voicemail.
"Awwwwwwww, you got no balls?" Kat teases him, pulling on his lip. Then she turns devilish. "My turn!" She swipes his pool stick and bends over, making sure to bump up hard against him. Trace bites his lip and puts his hand on her hips, leaning over her, like he's helping her line up her shot, but really just rubbing against her.
"Get off," she says. She doesn't need his help. She's gotten as good at pool as Guitar Hero.
"Later," he says and smacks her jean-covered ass lightly. "Me first," she laughs and proceeds to sink four balls in a row.
I shake my head. It's inspiring, how much confidence my sister has and how much balance she's got in their relationship. I was a little worried at first when they started dating, I guess because Trace always made me worry, when it came to Kat. He was always dragging her into dangerâclimbing trees, neighborhood pranks, skateboard mayhemâbut if anyone is in danger in their relationship, it's Trace. In danger of losing his edge.
It's kind of beautiful and kind of sad, watching them fall deeper in love every day. I'm happy for them, but it shows me that our childhood is really, truly over. As much as they tease and compete and bicker, they will never return to the kids they were. They are growing into a real, adult relationship. I knew my childhood was over a long time ago, I guess that's why I wanted Kat to keep as much innocence as she could for as long as she could.
My little sister is far from innocent now. She's dating a rock star, an Instagram star in her own right, and loving the life that comes with it, and doing just fine keeping it all in perspective. And Trace is doing a great job reigning in his old lifestyle. He's completely faithful, he doesn't party too hard, he watches out for her without being overbearing. He lets her make her own choices. He's a good boyfriend.
I guess being a good boyfriend to a healthy happy girl seems like a cake walk compared to being the husband of a drug addict.
"Hello!??!?!" Mac is yelling into her phone. "Finally! What the hell is going on? Hold up, I'm going to put you on speakerphone."
"He's here. Fuck. He's amazing," Leed says through the phone. "He's got these big blue eyes, but Tam says they'll probably darken a little, like mine. He's just...looking around everywhere at the brand new world. He's so small. So fucking small. He weighs like...nothing, but Tam says he's normal sized. He's kinda...pale, though. Really pale, actually. Wasn't expecting that," Leed laughs. "Tam says that's normal for biracial babies and he'll probably warm up some."
"Leed..." Mac bursts into tears.
"Don't cry, Baby Girl. It's all good. He's perfect. Tam did great. She's over the moon, laughing and happy, and her momma and her sisters are lovin' on the baby, showing me and Ben what do to, and Ben is being totally cool, and he seems crazy about the kid already and real happy Tam is okay. Tam says you guys can come in the morning, a couple at a time. I'll have the security guy come get you and bring you in the service entrance."
"Leed," I say urgently. "What's his name?"
"Oh," Leed laughs. "Funny story. So it turns out, that Ben and I have the same middle name. Tam's been keeping that on the down-low from both of us. She's been talking about all kinds of names, but now that he's here, she's won't hear about any other name."
"Awwwwww, that's perfect!!!! I...can't..." Mac cries harder. Adam puts his arms around her, grinning as he supports her back and rubs her baby belly, kissing her cheek and temple to comfort her.
Trace is grinning too, obviously in on the knowledge of Leed's middle name, but Kat and I staring at each other. "But...what is the name?"
"Oliver," Leed says a little grimly. "I've tried to talk her out of it, and so has Ben...but she won't budge."
"Awwwwww, it's a great name," Kat says, beaming. "Little Ollie Lawson!!!!"
I giggle, and put my hand over my mouth, hoping Leed didn't hear. He did. "Laughing at my son's name, Sunshine?"
"No, not at all. I think it's a handsome name," I say. "I'm laughing at you. Because your initials are LOL!"
"Oh my god, they totally are!!!!" Kat beats my arm, bursting out laughing, jumping up and down. "You are such a joke, LOL!!!!"
"Yeah, yeah. I came first, you know. Texting didn't even exist when I was born."
Riley has been quiet tonight, working on his laptop and nursing a pitcher of martinis, but he looks up at that with a grin. "If you lot like LOL, you'll really love this. Ben, Tam, Leed as parents? BLT."
"Oh my god, I ship that!" Kat screams in glee.
"Me too," Adam says rubbing his stomach. "Speaking of, I could use a good bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. I'm calling that deli on River St for takeout. I'll get a sandwich tray..."
"Yeeeeeeah," Trace nods. "Make sure they put some roast beef sandwiches on there. With provolone. And horseradish mayo. And they make homemade potato chips..."
Mac beats on Adam's arm. "Leed just had a baby, and you guys are worried about sandwiches!?!?"
"Every birthday party needs food, Shortcake," Adam says.
Leed laughs. "He's right, Mac. It's a birthday celebration. Eat some cake for me. Oooooooh, I gotta go. The pediatrician is here for his assessment."
"Send pics!" I yell.
"Okay," he says, then hurriedly, "Can't wait for y'all to meet him. It's fucking crazy. We have an SCIC kid, now."
Kat and I hug each other. "First of many," she whispers in my ear. "We'll see," I chide her. Even though she and I are very different, one thing we've always had in common was wanting to have families. When Cam and I started dating, Kat was in middle school and she would beg me for details about making out with him and eventually we would speculate about what sex would be like and marriage and babies and all that. She would want to talk about what her and Trace's babies would look like and I would get mad at her and not talk to her about making out with Cam anymore, because she was twelve.
Mac cries more when Leed sends a group text with pictures. She and Adam cuddle on the couch and look at them, Adam smoothing her hair as they whisper excitedly over every little feature of the baby. Trace and Kat claim the other couch, and their perusal of the pics turns into a mild make-out session. I plop down at the small table beside Riley and roll my eyes at the lovers.
"Wankers," he grins. "Let's see those pics, love."
âââââââââââââââ
We go in pairs in the morning. Madam first, TrayKat next because Kat has to get to late morning classes. Riley meets me at my place around lunchtime and we head over.
Tam is sleeping when we enter, and Ben is napping too, laid back in a chair.
Leed on the sofa, holding the baby.
He looks up from his son to me, his eyes nearly pure green, his whole expression open, his smile peaceful.
Oh, wow. Leed Lawson in love is a breathtaking sight.
I completely get it now. A love like that...it's singular. Dedicated. At least for now.
Riley looks between us, peaks over at the baby, and murmurs, "Congratulations, Leed. He's a wonder. I'll just go grab some coffee for you. Be back in a bit for better look at young Oliver." Riley squeezed my arm and winks at me as he does what he always does...makes everything so easy.
I move silently to the bathroom, washing my hands like I know you are supposed to do around newborns, then I slide onto the couch beside Leed. Oliver is sleeping, his perfect little mouth drawn up in a pucker, his unseen eyes moving behind his slightly puffy eyelids. But even in sleep, he is his daddy made over.
"Leed, he looks just like you," I whisper hoarsely through welling tears.
"Yeah he does, poor kid," Leed jokes softly. "I...it's crazy. I can't put him down. I didn't expect to...I didn't think I'd feel much at first, you know? I thought it would take time...maybe a long time. But it was automatic. Like I have a craving to make sure he's warm, and comforted, and safe."
"Of course," I say. "He's your son."
"You want to hold him?" he grins.
More than I should want to, probably. God, I can't afford baby lust. No way. That's a part of life that's on hold indefinitely for me. Maybe forever, I don't know. I would rather never be a mother, than be a bad one, or one that can't take care of her child. Still, I find myself reaching eagerly for Oliver.
"God, he smells so good," I moan, and Leed chuckles, handing him off gently. Oliver stirs at the transfer, and his eyes blink open.
When he looks up at me, something so weird happens inside me. I love babies, but this baby? He's special. He's Leed. He moves me. I'm instantly attached.
"Hey there," I say, automatically starting to pat his bottom as his face works in confusion. Oh my lord, he's so new. So precious. "You are so wonderful, Oliver," I tell him. "And so loved."
His eyes close so very slowly. It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen, how he drifts back to sleep. I ache inside, from the way this baby is making me love him.
Leed puts his arm around me, to draw us both closer. "So tired. Haven't been able to rest at all," he murmurs, and leans his head back against the sofa. Apparently he can relax now, because he falls asleep in seconds. I sit in the quiet dark room, drinking in the baby, and all the loving energy in this room. Riley peaks in the door, smiles, sits down the coffee and says, "I've got some calls to make. I'll be back when BLT is awake."
After a while, Oliver wakes and starts to fuss a little. He probably wants to feed, but Tamara is sleeping so soundly, I just wait, knowing that his sounds will eventually wake her. I don't know what makes me do it, instinct I guess, but I give him my knuckle to suck on, and he calms instantly. "It's okay, Ollie," I babble at him. "Your mommy will be awake soon. I bet she loves you so much. Your daddies, too. You are the sweetest thing. I never want to put you down."
"Hey, what are you doing?" Tamara's voice sounds a little thick and weird as she stares at me from the bed. She looks from me, to Leed and back to me. "Did you wash your hands?" she frowns. "The nurses said visitors shouldn't be touching him too much...it's flu season..."
"Oh, right," I say withdrawing my knuckle. He immediately starts to fuss. "Sorry, he was fussing, you were asleep...I did wash my hands though, really well." I rise. He's making mewling sounds now, and everyone in the room is stirring as I put him in Tam's arms. "He's beautiful, Tam. Congratulations."
She relaxes a little as she automatically puts him to her breast. "Thank you," she says, looking at the baby. "I love him so much already."
"We all do," Ben stretches lazily on his feet, yawning. He pats Tam's leg, staring at both of them. "I'm going to get you some juice from the nurses station. They said you need to stay hydrated..."
She smiles at him. "You're so good to me."
"You know it, babe, he winks and shuffles past Leed, who is also rising.
I move away from the bed to give Tam some space but Leed catches me and puts his arms around me, walking me back toward the bed.
"Aren't they beautiful?" he says, grinning at mother and child.
"Yes," I agree decidedly, but I'm slightly embarrassed at the way Leed is being so handsy. It's...weird. I guess he's just feeling a lot right now, and needing to share it, and can't really lavish his affection on Tam, of course.
I think Tam thinks he's being weird, too. She rolls her eyes at him and says. "Lee-Lee, we're aren't on exhibition. I like the backstage these days, remember? We've had a lot of SCIC visitors today." She looks at me, her smile sympathetic but her eyes...communicating irritation.
"You're so right, Tam. Thanks for letting us all drop by. He's gorgeous and I'm so happy for you guys," I say, trying to disentangle myself from the Lion's arms wrapped around my ribs, gazing over my shoulder at his son.
"She can't breathe, Leed," Tam says with an edge to her voice. "God, let her go."
He lets go. I gesture at the gift I left on the console across the room. "I got a little something for you and Oliver," I tell her. "So...I'll see you soon. Call me if you need anything. I'm more than happy to come over and help out."
"I think we'll be fine," she says. "My mom and my sister are going to stay a couple of weeks. And Leed, too. He's gonna stay with us awhile...however long he wants, really..."
Oh wow. Leed is going to stay at Tam and Ben's? I didn't think that was the plan. I guess I must look surprised, because he grins at me, sheepishly. "Tam thinks it's a good idea, and so do I, and Ben is cool with it. Besides, my house needs a massive cleaning, and maybe even painting, after that party last week."
"I bet." It made all the gossip sites as being one of the wildest parties of the year. Probably because the property owner wasnt there to reign it in. " I hope you had fun," I tease him.
"Yeah, it was...fun," he says lamely, lowering his eyes with a lying grin.
I snort. We both know he wasn't there. A hot, red-headed guy in a vintage Porsche with the top down? Real subtle way to stalk.
I say goodbyes with Tam, wanting to touch Ollie again, but reading her clear signals and refraining.
Riley is waiting outside the door. "Paparazzi out front, Leed. The story has leaked. You should discuss with Tam and Ben, what the official press release will say, and give Marcy a call."
"Yeah. Knew privacy wouldn't last long." He reaches for my hand. "I would walk you out, but..."
"That would just add fuel to the fire," Riley finishes for him with warning.
"Right," I say.
Leed gives Riley an irritated look and Riley bounces on his toes. "Right then. I'll see you by the elevators," he heads down the hall. Leed looks around and drags me into an empty room. Once he closes the door, he grabs me so forcefully and hugs me so hard I gasp out surprised laughter.
"Leed, what the hell?"
"I'm sorry," he says. "Tam...she's got a weird, resentful feel for you right now. It's totally not you, it's...I don't know...mama bear stuff, I guess."
"I can tell." I say simply. It surprises me, though. We've always been friends. A week ago I was her bridesmaid. I sort of thought...maybe she was putting in me proximity to Leed. Now she can't wait to get rid of me.
"It might be better if you lay low for a little while. Her house is going to be really full of her family."
"I get it." I do. It still stings.
He hugs me tighter, pulling me off my feet and up onto the tops of his. "I'll call you. We'll go get lunch or coffee or something, okay?"
"Okay. Send me pics."
"Sure. Lots."
He touches my face. "Stick around, okay?"
I nod. "Bye, Leed."
"Bye, Sunshine."
He does send pics. And we have daily text exchanges. And we talk on the phone a couple of times a week. But two months later, he's still staying at Tam and Ben's, and we've yet to go get that coffee.
I can't forget the way he makes me feel when he calls me Sunshine, or the way I felt when I held Oliver, or the sound of Leed's peaceful sleep breathing, his arm around me as I slowly fell into orbit with him, around his son.
So I do what he asks.
I stick around, hoping I'll get to see the baby soon. His daddy, too.
Okay, so Ash is completely in love with the Cub. Do you think she can possible love the Lion as much?
What do you think about Ashlynn's reaction to Ollie? Is it maybe a little overboard, or does it make sense, given what we know about her personality. Do you think there is a place for Ashlynn in Leed and/or Ollie's life, or is Ashlynn always going to be down low on Leed's priority list?
Please vote/list/comment/follow if you are enjoying Tantric! Thanks so much!