Chapter 17: Chapter 16: Front Men Deal With Baby-Mama's

Song for this chapter: Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse. I feel like this song is good for Leed right now, because in this very tense moment between Tam and Ashlynn, Leed leads with his heart...but unfortunately Ashlynn maybe doesn't realize just how far he's willing to go for her...

Leed

"Right," Riley is saying to me as we watch Tam stalk into the room. "I think I'll bow out gracefully, head down to a quiet spot in the lobby, and destroy a would-be paparazzi's pathetic attempt at a career, unless you want me to mediate your family drama?"

"I got it, you deal with the sleazeball," I call over my shoulder and stride down the hall, keeping a few feet ahead of Ben.

When I reach the door, Ash is holding onto the IV pole, sliding it in front of Tam, who looks like she's about to put some of the defense moves Ben has taught her into offense. Ollie is fussing again, his cries small but increasing.

"What the hell, Ashlynn!?!? Give him to me!" I can tell Tam is clenching her teeth.

To me, it looks like Ash is only trying to call Tam's attention to the fact that Ollie has an IV and that she has to move carefully with him, but I guess in Ben's eyes, the scene looks different—like Ash is trying to put the pole between them and block Tam from Ollie. He brushes past me, steps right between Tam and Ash, and brings the shock and awe down on Ash like he would with an overzealous pap.

"Give.Me.My.Son.Now." His ferocity is barely restrained. She stares up into his face, all the color draining from hers.

"Hey! There's no fucking need for that," I growl, but if I push between them, somebody's getting shoved, because there's no more room. And I'm not shoving a pissed-off dude who has killed people in hand-to-hand combat while he's inches from the three most important people in my life.

Ash's gaze flits to me, but she's already handing Ollie off, and Ben is already turning to give him to his mother. Tam is blinking rapidly, tears pouring, as she hugs him tightly, kissing his head. "I'm so sorry, Ollie. I never should have left you. I'm so sorry...I'm here now, baby..."

Ben still has his hands on Ollie, too, feeling him everywhere, like he can figure out what's wrong with him by touch. "What has the doctor said?" Ben murmurs.

"Nothing yet. Still waiting on the test results," I report.

Ashlynn has backed up against the wall. I move to her, taking her head in my hands. "You okay?" I ask. She nods, but her aqua eyes are full of something very heavy as her gaze focuses beyond me, on Ben's back. She looks...scared.

No...that's not quite right. She looks...wary. Panicky. She looks like somebody that was just confronted with a dangerous man—someone who knows from experience just how dangerous men can be. She looks like...prey.

Suddenly, I'm furious. I put a hand on her shoulder, because I'm afraid she's going to bolt out of the room, and I can't be running Ash down and be here where I need to be at the same time. So first order of business is to set things straight, here. It takes everything in me to keep my voice even.

"Ben."

He turns to me.

"I don't give a shit what kind of personal drama is going down between us, you ever physically intimidate Ash again, you're fucking fired, you get me?"

His eyes are just as hard as my voice, but he nods slowly. I think he's about to apologize, but Tam interjects.

"Are you kidding me, Leed? There's something wrong with our son...and you are worried about Ashlynn's feelings right now?" She's moving to unwrap him from his blankets and check every inch of him. "Oh my god," she says, "What is that!?!?" She unsnaps his onesie, running her hands over his belly. I move to see what she's seeing, but she pulls him to her chest again, cooing softly as he starts to fuss. "What did you do to him?" she demands glaring from me to Ash.

"We took care of him, just like you would," I say calmly. "Obviously the story running is bullshit."

"I know the coke story is bullshit, but what did you do?" she hisses. "He's got a rash all over! Did you give him formula? Did you use some weird hippie oil on him or something?" she glares at Ash.

I'm irritated with her at the same time I'm relieved. At least she's not accusing us of what the paps reported—of an accidental drug ingestion. Thank god Tam hasn't lost all her reason. She does know, I would never ever put Ollie in danger like that.

"Look, whatever is wrong with Ollie is an illness—something he caught, not something we caused," I tell her, but Ash is moving around me.

"He has a rash? That's new..." she steps toward Tam and Ollie, and Tam steps back.

"Just...just leave, okay Ashlynn? You don't need to be here. Ollie needs his parents right now," Tam says bluntly.

"Oh, fuck, no," I laugh bitterly taking a step in front of Ashlynn. "Look, we need to get some shit straight here, Tam. You are not going to act like a bitch to Ashlynn, you understand? I get this is stressful, but I'm not having it. You need to apologize. Now. I mean it."

"You speak to Tam like that again and I'll do more than intimidate you, Lawson, and I don't give a fuck if you fire me," Ben growls.

"Then get your wife in check, Sullivan—"

"Leed, don't you dare talk to Ben or me like that—"

"Then don't talk to Ashlynn like that—"

"Why is she even here—"

"Because she's with me, ok?!?! She's with me!!!" I shout at Tam. "You chose him," I sling a hand at Ben. "I choose her. Deal with it! I choose her!"

I turn around to Ash, to tell her I'm sorry for this bullshit, but also to tell her the truth. I choose her and it's hardly even a fucking choice, because I...I need her. I need by her by my side, need her in ways I haven't even had her yet, need her light in my life. I think in that moment I would put aside all my fears and all my fucking elaborate plans to ease into dating her, and I would have asked her to be with me now. For real, and for as long I can see...

But she's not there.

"Shit," I mutter, headed to the door. "See what you did, Tam?" I hiss resentfully.

She's not in the hallway, but the nice nurse who took care of Ollie last night is walking towards me with a smile. "Your pretty blonde friend says that Ollie has a rash? That might not be a bad thing...it might be one of any mild viruses, and the rash pattern might help us diagnosis it."

"Where'd she go? Ashlynn?" I ask the nurse, as I move past her. She grabs my arm.

"She just stepped down to the cafeteria for coffee. Don't run off, Dad... your pediatrician is at the nurses' station, reviewing the labs and the resident's notes. He'll be in shortly to assess Ollie."

She walks into the room, and brightly greets Tam and Ben, explaining that she's Ollie's nurse and beginning a soothing review of everything going on with him. I pull out my phone, dial Ashlynn's number three times before I remember that she doesn't have it—she left her purse in my car, because she grabbed Ollie's diaper bag instead.

Good. If she doesn't have her phone or her wallet, she can't go anywhere. The nurse is right; she probably just took a walk to make some space for everyone to cool off. She's probably having coffee with Riley or something.

We end up waiting on the damn doc for half an hour, but it's worth it, because he tells us all of Ollie's labs are normal and all the screens for infection are negative. He takes one look at the rash and diagnoses roseola, a very common, highly contagious viral infection that Ollie had to have contracted at least five days ago.

That was around the last time Tam and I took him out and about on errands.

He says the illness is nothing more than a high fever, a little congestion, and a rash. He says by the time a baby gets the rash, they are on the downside of the infection, and since we have a clear diagnosis, Ollie can go home as soon as the discharge is processed. He tells the nurse to take out Ollie's IV and give us fever care instructions and he leaves with smiles.

We are incredibly relieved as Tam settles down to nurse Ollie and wait for the discharge paperwork. Ben perches on the edge of the sofa beside her, looking down at Ollie.

The stillness between us when the doctor leaves grows cooler and cooler with the passing moments. Finally, I pull a straight back chair from the wall and sit backwards in it, directly in front of Tam. The actions forces her to give me her attention.

"Things have to change, Tamara. You, Me, Ben, and Ollie, we're a family, but you expecting me to be nothing more than Ollie's second father and fold into your household? Your problem with Ashlynn? None of that is working for me. We can't go on like this and stay in a good place for Ollie."

Tamara says nothing. She breaks eye contact, bending over Ollie. Christ, is she even fucking hearing me?

I open my mouth to demand she answer me, but then I see her wiping tears, and I remember that she's probably been up all night, worried to death on the red-eye. As frightening as this was for me, it was ten times worse for her, because she couldn't lay hands on her baby and comfort him.

"Tam," I sigh...

She looks up at me, suddenly fierce and angry. "Where you scared, Leed? Last night, when Ollie got sick?"

"Yes, of course. I was so fucking worried about him."

"Well Ashlynn scares me."

"What? Why?"

"I like Ashlynn when she's healthy and sober, I really do, but I was an idiot for thinking she would be a good new bed buddy for you. That was before Ollie was born, and I was thinking like your friend, and not like Ollie's mother. When I saw her holding Ollie just now, I can't stop seeing her how she was. When she's hurting or when she's high...she's not the same person. I've seen her throw things at Trace. I've seen her drive on drugs. I've seen her do...other things...that people who are right in the head don't do..." Tam stops and shakes her head... "she's damaged, Leed. I know right now it seems like she isn't, but she's damaged."

"We're all damaged at some point. She's healed now. She's healthy."

"You can't know that for sure. She went four months and seemed perfectly healthy, and then one day, she wasn't. I was there. Riley and I were there. You and Trace and Mac and Adam were in Portland, recording a new album. I watched her just...crumble in just a few days time. You didn't see that."

"That was different. That was...her and Trace having problems, that sent her spiraling."

"You think you and Ash are never gonna have a problem? You don't even know how relationships work, Leed. I'm not saying that to be mean, but it's true. Neither did I, until Ben showed me. I don't think Ashlynn can afford your learning curve, and I can't risk Ollie for you to find out."

"We've been over this before, Tam. Every person has baggage, and life comes with risk. You don't get to choose for me."

"I get to choose for Ollie," she whispers, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Don't, okay? Don't start down this road," I murmur. "You think you know me, but I don't back down, when it comes to people I love."

She blinks. "I thought you loved your son, Leed. I thought you loved your family."

"I love Ollie. I care about you and Ben, and you know that I do. I want us to be family, always. But I deserve a chance for what you've got, Tam, and you don't get to choose who I chase the dream with, okay? I want us to all be on the same page, but if you aren't willing to work with me when it comes to my personal life, then..."

"Then what, Leed?" Tamara challenges me.

The air swarms with tension between us. Fuck it. It's time we get this shit settled.

"Then maybe we all need to be legally clear on our rights and responsibilities," I say firmly. I meet Ben's eyes. He looks...weary and troubled.

"What are you saying, Leed? Are you saying you want a formal custody agreement?" Tamara presses, her voice shaking.

"I'm saying I'm not going to make a choice between Ollie and Ashlynn, okay? So if that's what you are thinking, then we'll have to have some...mediation or something."

Tamara starts to cry. Ben puts a hand on the back of her head, kissing the top of it. "Don't cry, okay? We can work this out. Look," he rubs his jaw and looks at me. "First of all, you're right, I should not have pushed up on Ashlynn like that. That's was a bad judgment error, and I realized it as soon as I saw her reaction. Last thing I want is to scare a woman that's been..."

"Brutalized," I supply.

He sighs. "Right. I can promise you, it won't happen again—ever—unless Ollie's safety is at stake. I'll apologize to her, okay?"

I nod. "Thanks. But that doesn't change Tam's worries."

"No, but maybe Tam can't change her worries unless Ashlynn has a chance to change them for her. Tam, it's time for Leed to go home, and it's time for Ollie to start spending some time there. If Ashlynn spends time with them, that really should be his choice, as long as Ashlynn remains as stable as she is right now. Anyway, nothing bad is going to happen as long as Leed is there. It's seems like he's pretty aware of Ashlynn's moods. I think he would notice if she's feeling unwell or unstable or using or whatever. Obviously, if something went down with her, he would bring Ollie home, right? Then, depending on what was going on with her, we'd...go from there. Adjust the plan, if we needed to."

She looks up at Ben, and he puts a hand on her back, rubbing it. "This is exactly what I don't want," she says to him. "I don't want Ollie split between two homes. I just want us to be a family. It's what's best for Ollie.

"I know what you want, but you...you just can't have it, Tam. Leed cannot give his life over to stand to the side of ours. It's not fair to him, it's not fair to me, it's not fair to you to have walk a line between your ex...whatever you two were...and your husband."

"I hate this. I just...I don't know what to do..." she's sobbing now.

"Tam, come on," I say. "Ben is right, here. You gotta know that, girl."

Ollie is asleep now. Tam is silent for a long minute, watching him. She looks up at me. "Will you promise that you won't leave Ashlynn alone with him?"

I chew my lip. I trust Ash, and Tam requesting this kind of pisses me off, but I do understand that Ashlynn has a medical condition. Last night was extreme, but it did seem like the stressful situation brought on Ashlynn's headache, so maybe it would be best for her, too...not to feel too pressured by Ollie.

"Okay, I can promise that, for now. But that brings up another point. I'm not always going to be around at your convenience, Tam. Soundcrush being on hiatus doesn't mean I don't have responsibilities. There's some stuff coming up this spring after Mac gets back on her feet...some award show performances, some charity stuff and the press for that..."

"We've already talked about that," Ben says. "We know, it's time to start looking for nannies. A team, just like a security detail, since we might need a lot of flexibility. We should all be a part of that hiring process."

Tam nods. I sigh. Thank god. Tam has been insisting she wasn't going to go the nanny route, but I guess planning for the Rolling Stone shoot has made her realize she does want to continue styling for us, and because we all work together, we are going to have some childcare coverage at some point.

"All that sounds good," I agree. After a few minutes where we all watch Ollie sleeping in Tam's arms, I rise to my feet. "It might be a rough patch for a few days, with Ollie still being feverish and fussy. I'll hang with you guys til he's better, if that's okay, and then when he's better, I'll move out. After that, having Ollie a couple of nights a week at my house would be my idea of a good start. I could take him for longer stretches sometimes, if you guys want a break, a getaway, a honeymoon at some point..." I grin.

Ben grins back. Tam doesn't answer right away. "Tammie," Ben urges her, rubbing her back some more. "What do you think?"

"Okay. We can try." She looks up at me. "I'm sorry, Leed. This is just really hard."

"I know," I shove my hands in my pockets. This is the part where I would normally hug her, tell her it's all okay, but this time, I don't. It's not all okay, not until she lets go of the past and accepts that we can trust Ashlynn to manage her health just like we trust Ben to manage his killer instinct.

As the nurse comes in with the discharge papers, I lean down and kiss Ollie.

"You got a car seat?" I ask Ben. He nods. "Okay, I'll see you guys back at the house a little later."

Tam closes her eyes. "You're going?"

"Yes, Tam, I'm going. Ashlynn is wandering the hospital somewhere without a phone, without her purse, probably wondering what the doctor said about Ollie, because she's crazy about him and she was just as worried as I was," I remind her.

"Okay. Tell her...I'm sorry for the way I reacted. Tell her..." she sighs. "Please tell her I want to call her and apologize, if she'll take my call, okay?"

"I will."

——————

I find Riley downstairs, drinking tea and coolly bludgeoning someone on the phone. I can only hope it's the very last of that blogger-pap's advertising sponsors.

He holds up a finger. "Excellent. I'm so glad we could come to terms. You can expect our contract within 48 hours. I expect you to terminate with Hopper in the next sixty minutes or the deal is off. If you're not with me on this, you're against me, and I'll go to work against you, too."

He smiles darkly at the response and "Right. Goodbye, then." Looking up at me, "How's the Cub?" He gestures to the table, where a coffee awaits me.

I fall into the seat, raking my hair, gulping the coffee.

"He's gonna be fine. Just some virus that will take a few days to clear."

He takes another call, scares the crap out of another minor executive at some C-level diet supplement company and effectively kills the lying douchebag blogger's income base. "You're actually ten times scarier than Dawes, you know that?" I tell him.

"I'm tireless in my pursuit of slanderers who distress you and your lady, is all,"

I snort. "She's not my lady. Not exactly. Not yet."

Riley sips his tea. "You should be careful with that one, Leed."

I groan. "Look, Riley, I know you have your issues with Ashlynn, but I'm not gonna listen to another person telling me she's damaged goods."

Riley smiles sadly into his tea. "Leed, did you know that I was engaged once?"

I look at him. "No shit? When?"

"In England. I was very young, barely out of school. Very much in love, but very very reckless. I was in a punk band. She was the front. So good. She had the spark, you know?"

I smile. I did know Riley messed around in a band in his youth, because he's quick to tune up an instrument or stand-in at sound check if we need it. I didn't know about the girl. "You mean the spark like a certain punk-ass she-devil who also fronts her own band? A certain girl with a certain brother who has no fucking idea that you are into his barely legal sister, but will probably go ballistic when he finds out? A certain girl who has a certain father who is gonna fuck up your world if you mess with her pretty little grey-dyed head?"

He laughs crisply. "Yes, a spark just like that. Without the over-protective male family members, unfortunately."

"So what happened to the girl?"

He takes his glasses off,  wipes them meticulously, sets them down on the table and says far too carefully, "She died. Overdose. My fault. My drugs."

I stare at him. He's looking back at me with a better rock star face than any of the rest of us, because even now, I don't hear the pain in his voice, or see the pain, anywhere except the slight dimness in eyes.

"Jesus, Riley. I'm sorry."

He nods, picks up his glasses, puts them back on,  sniffs like he can clear the pain, and shakes his head. "Yes, well. I had a very hard time after that. Spent a bit of time on a suicide watch ward, then in a program, then a lot longer grieving. I've learned to...go on living. I grew up, because of it. Quit the band, started the care-taking from the other end of the business. But you see, my issues were never with Ashlynn. They were with Trace, enabling her, repeating my mistakes. Hell, the only reason I took the job as his PA—a job I was clearly under-qualified for—was to help him help her. I thought I could manage him and manage her, but I underestimated him. Trace is an excellent bloke, but he's very stubborn, not easily swayed from his course. We nearly lost her, doing it his way. Now I realize I was trying to help the wrong cat, wasn't I?" His smile is grim.

I feel half my mouth lift. "Well, I didn't do much to help her, not for a long time. I left it up to him, too. But all that's done, now. Ashlynn's into helping herself."

"Thanks to you," Riley says softly. "Thank you, Leed, for what you've done for her. What Trace couldn't do. What I couldn't do."

I run a hand over my face. "Fuck, Riley. It's been a helluva night and day. Don't make me lose it, here," I say thickly.

He laughs in that distinctive British twitter. "You're such a bloody pansy, Lawson. Man up and go see about your girlfriend. I ordered her an Uber. I imagine she's home, worried to hear about the cub."

"I told you...she's not exactly my girlfriend. We're...not there, yet. But...she left?" I'm surprised.

"Yes, she said the same as you...Ollie just had a virus, and you and the Sullivan's had some things to sort out."

"Shit," I mutter. "Why didn't you call her a real car? I don't like the idea of her in a random Uber without her phone."

He blinks. "I didn't know she didn't have her phone. I'm sure she's perfectly safe."

"I know...I just..."

"No, no, I get it. This relationship thing is new to you, you are overly protective of your beloved," he smirks.

"Shut-up, Riley, or I'm gonna tell Trace you're banging his sister."

"Your paltry threats are the least of my worries," he drones. "Row is the one most likely to out us."

"A-ha! So you are banging her!" I point a finger at him.

"Worry about your own love-life, Lawson. You've got quite a bit to sort out there, I imagine."

I squeeze his shoulder as I rise, but I hesitate.

"Riley--" I should say something...about his girl, about his loss. I just don't know what.

He gives me a slight shake. "Go on. It's alright. Maybe for the first time for me, it's really alright. I just wanted you to know...I'll always be in the  business of looking out for Ashlynn. Not because it's part of my job. Because it feels like...helping Ashlynn get her life back... is the way to honor Priscilla."

I pat him. "Thank you, man. And thank you for telling me."

"If you can't find her...she was supposed to meet a bloke  around 3 for coffee at the place around the corner from her flat. Not sure if she cancelled."

I turn around, "Hey that's another thing...why the fuck are you setting her up, anyway? You know I've been trying to work things into...sort-of...serious with her."

"Christ, Leed. I wasn't setting her up for romance.  He's...helping her. She didn't tell you?"

"She told me it was a blind date," I say.

He shakes his head. "It's not what you think, but perhaps, leave it? If she didn't tell you, she had her reasons."

I wave an impatient hand at him. Leave it, he says.

I couldn't if I tried. Ashlynn is doing the one thing I asked her not to...running from me when the situation gets tense. And I don't care what the hell this "date" is about, she's not running to another dude for help.

I'm the guy that's supposed to see about her. Whatever she needs.

So...thoughts on the way Leed handled the situation with Tam? Do you think it's resovled or do you suspect more drama?

Wow, what about Riley? Surprised to learn about his past, or did you suspect something like this, considering his strong feelings about Ashlynn and Bodie's addiction problems?

Is Leed right about Ashlynn? Did she flee the situation because it was too tense, or was she right in giving BLT the space without her presence?

And what's up with her "date?"