Athena
Weeks have passed since Elliot and I stumbled upon Owen's weird text, telling me that he's in Rockefeller. And that he's lost his wheelchair. I remembered that day like it was yesterday, even.
We found him inside one of the first floor dorm rooms, his expression blank. Owen looked sullen and deeply aggrieved by what happened and it only intensified once he saw that Elliot was with me. He looked even angrier, even without saying a single word.
I knew I should've called Fitz and asked him to take Owen to our dorm instead of letting Elliot take him back. I remembered how annoyed Owen looked when I told him Elliot will be carrying him back to the dorm while I search the place for his wheelchair. I was surprised when Owen raised his voice at me, telling me he doesn't want Elliot to carry him. He doesn't want anyone carrying him.
In a way, I understood. He doesn't like feeling helpless especially when the thing that makes him him got misplaced or lost. Owen likes being independent. I was sure of it. He doesn't want people helping him around but that time, asking for help seemed unavoidable. He really needed it.
I found his wheelchair on the second floor of the building, hidden amongst the clutter of red plastic cups, all dirty and sticky with the residue of alcohol. I spent my time in that place cleaning all the dirt off his wheelchair. I didn't know how it got there or when it got there but I was sure that I would never ask Owen why he was there.
I could only imagine his frustration as Elliot hesitantly scooped him up and carried Owen back. I don't want to risk escalating his frustration by bombarding him with questions when he obviously was still fuming from what happened. Still, I don't want to ask him about anything yet.
I brought Owen his wheelchair back after cleaning it. It seemed to be in good condition and thankfully, nothing broke. I went into our dorm. Elliot was standing at the farthest corner of our room with his arms crossed over his chest and Owen did the same, this time, on his bed with a frown on his face.
It's been weeks after it happened. Ever since, Owen's anger piped down a bit, I felt good about that but something changed. He was as unsociable as ever, similar to how he acted the day I met him. He rarely smiles now and whenever we talk, we just greet each other and sometimes, ask how each other's day went. These talks were very brief. He rarely even talks to Fitz now and weirdly, he's completely avoiding Maya.
Fitz was a bit worried about Owen and Maya kept telling me to ignore him because Owen was acting like such a child. I didn't say anything back to her. I know Owen has his reasons and I was beginning to speculate that how Owen is acting right now must had something to do with her.
And I think how he saw Elliot and I together made him even more frustrated with the whole situation, causing him to avoid telling me things. God, I never thought things would get this messy.
Fitz and I were slumped in his room eating Cheetos while playing video games. Every single time we began another round, I lost to him terribly. Usually, I would get all worked up over losing but after everything that happened these past few weeks, I didn't feel a thing.
"Wow, you are getting worse every level. Something wrong?" Fitz asked as soon as we cleared out a round of Mario Kart. He ended up getting 2nd place (lost to a bot) and I ended up 8th.
I shrugged.
"You know, the usual." I said plainly.
There was no denying I have gotten quite used to how Owen's been acting lately, and so has Fitz. These days, I think I spend more time in Fitz's room playing video games, eating, or watching a movie than I do with Owen. Ever since he started acting unusual, I didn't know how to move around him. There was no way I could go ask another girl (Maya) for advice and Fitz is the closest person I could go to. We could go be clueless together.
"Owen still hates everyone, yeah?" Fitz said, throwing his controller to the side as he went in and grabbed another slice of Domino's pepperoni pizza from the box in between us as we sat on the corners of his bed.
"He doesn't hate everyone. He's just a little hostile." I answered back, tugging a stray strand of hair behind my ear as I set aside my own controller and took some pizza too.
"I think a 'little' is kind of an understatement. The guy barely talks these days." Fitz said with a mouthful of food with a nod. I sighed and bit into my cold pizza and watched his TV show the leaderboards for the last round we played.
"I know. I don't know what to do." I said, slumping my shoulders down, grabbing my phone from my pocket. I pressed the power button on the side and as my phone roared to life, the blurred, candid photo of Owen and Maxie appeared. I stared at it as I was overwhelmed by nostalgia. The good old days.
Fitz must've seen my lockscreen, leading him to send me a shake of his head as he looked at me pitifully.
"I guess talk it over? I don't know, that's what people in the movies usually do, right?" he asked as he placed his bottle of Sprite beside him, tightening it to an extent where he feels any of its contents would not spill out any time soon.
"Yeah, but it isn't as easy. It's really hard telling others how you feel." I said, hearing my voice go soft.
I never thought relationships could even get this way. I mean, when I was with Elliot during those dark days, things were kinda easy. I liked him back then and he liked me back. It was that easy. Elliot was the type of person who immediately knows what he wants but Owen, is a totally different story. He's more complex. I can't guarantee I can get anything out of him especially with how he's been acting lately.
"Tell me about it. I have had a crush on the same person for the last four years." Fitz said with a sad sigh, referencing Maya.
My ears perked up at the mere mention of Maya and I turned my head toward him sadly. As a result, Fitz looked at me with a perplexed expression.
"What? Did I say something wrong?" he asked with his eyes narrowed a bit behind those thick, black glasses he wears.
I shook my head.
"No. I was just wondering, do you still like her? Maya?" I asked.
Fitz was too good for her. I know girls should stick up for each other but there are boundaries, there are limits. Fitz was one of the good guys. Better guys even. I don't want to ask why in the world does he like her but to be honest, if I were queer or a straight guy, I would even catch myself liking her. At first sight, she was the stereotypical kind of pretty with her gorgeous, long, angled eyes, creamy skin tone, and straight black hair. She was beautiful.
Upon Owen's sudden change of personality, something changed in Maya as well. She acted the same to Fitz and I during lunch hour but when it comes to Owen, she becomes feistier than normal. She's brash around him whenever he chooses to ignore her. And I'm starting to dislike her.
I looked over at Fitz who had his forehead scrunched up in deep thought. He really was thinking this over. Eventually, he leaned back a little and cocked his head toward me, his mouth slack-jawed.
"I don't know if I still like her or not. Is it wrong to be undecided about your own feelings?" he said, looking at me this time with an uncertain expression.
"No. It's completely fine, actually. Sometimes, I don't get myself either." I answered solemnly.
Fitz sighed.
"You know, some part of me wants to hang on a little and the other wants to let go. To think about it, having a crush on the same person for years is kinda weird." he admitted. I snorted a bit and looked over at him, shrugging.
"You could say that." I said with a smile.
Maya really doesn't seem to fit right with Fitz. I was almost sure of it. I apologize if I come off as entitled or something to deem a person unworthy of love but that seems to be the case with the girl. I just can't read her.
Fitz answered me back with a tired look on his face. Eventually, he straightened up a bit and cleared his throat.
"So, enough about me. I'm getting depressed just from imagining myself as a 60 year old virgin in a nursing home. How are you gonna make things with Owen normal again?" he asked, taking another slice of pizza from the box.
I shook my head.
"I honestly don't have a clue." I muttered as I splat myself down on Fitz's hard bed and stared at his plain white ceiling.
"Has he been talking to you? 'Cause he's not spoken more than 10 words to me this week and that's something." Fitz said, still with food inside his mouth causing his words to sound muffled.
"No, he hasn't either. But I think he's spoken more than 10 words to me lately. I think he's just not ready yet and I understand. Well, I'm trying. I won't bug him about it." I said with a shrug.
"What happened to all those deep talks about life and crying and shit? Don't people in relationships do that?" Fitz said as he laid down on his bed as well and stared at his ceiling with me.
I turned my head to him and shot him a confused look.
"Who told you that's what happens?" I asked.
As much as I found it amusing and funny, I didn't want to put down Fitz. Owen and I rarely had those deep talks. I think I had never seen Owen cry. It was always him who saw me do it, not the other way around. He was secretive and hid things because he didn't want to seem more vulnerable than he already is. He holds things in better than I do.
Fitz, in return, looked at me like I accused him of something bad and that made me feel a little better about myself. Without Owen or Maya to have a normal conversation with, Fitz was the only person sane enough to talk to me about the situation we were both involved in.
"I don't know, every single romcom?" he said, with his expression uncertain.
I couldn't help but blurt out a laugh. Fitz looked at me weirdly.
"You watch those?" I asked, hearing my voice go alive once again, all trace of sadness emptying.
I never pegged Fitz for the kind of guy to watch sappy romcoms. Owen didn't really like those but he did enjoy some, given that it was either historical fiction or something sci-fi.
"Hey, I get lonely being so single. Give me a break." Fitz said as he crossed his arms over his chest and huffed defensively.
"Sorry." I replied.
And with that, Fitz stood himself up and brushed his graphic Mario t-shirt straight. He turned his curly head toward me and sighed.
"So here's the thing. Let's forget everything's fucked and eat ice cream. I have some in the mini fridge. Do you want some?" he asked as soon as he went near his small food area and bent down to get ice cream from his fridge.
"Sure. I think I could need some these days. I'm so tired." I said with a sigh as I remained laying in his uncomfortable bed.
"Hey, he's gonna start talking to you soon, okay? Don't sweat it. This is just a single person, who is your friend, giving you relationship advice, not that Elliot dude." Fitz said as he handed me a small tub of Ben & Jerry's and a plastic spoon.
"Shut up, let me eat in peace." I told him with a joking glare, accepting the ice cream as I sat down with my legs crossed.
"Sorry. It's the singleness in me speaking. God, I'm so lonely." Fitz muttered under his breath.
"You're not lonely. You have Owen and I." I reassured him as soon as he logged onto Netflix and chose some anime to watch. Fitz and I hung out so much lately, we watched so much Attack on Titan.
"And I'm so goddamn thankful for that." he said with a smile, letting the sound of the anime opening fill his room, blocking my recurring thoughts of my shaky relationship with Owen these days.
Although I couldn't say it out loud, I'm so goddamn thankful for Fitz as well. I couldn't ask for a more perfect friend than him.
God, I wish things were better.