Phoebe
"Mummmmmmy," was the chorus that woke me up this morning. I smiled, stretched in my bed and looked at the baby monitor. My little baby was sprawled, spread eagle, in her 'big girl' bed- revealing her very full nappy. Her hand clutched her pink dinosaur which was held close to her face and I could see the glittery paci shining through.
"Mummmmy," she whined again, kicking her legs a little. I giggled, climbed out of my own bed then checked the time- 8:54. She'd slept well. I was proud. I pulled on a t-shirt and walked through the house to get to my little girl's room. I opened the baby gate and she gasped, hearing me, and sat up.
"Mummmy," she cried, reaching her hands out instantly.
"Good morning little one," I smiled and pulled down the bars on the side of her bed so I could sit next to her.
"Mummy," she whimpered again and scrambled away from the covers then reached for me again.
"Hey, it's alright princess," I cooed and pulled her close to me. She still shuffled closer and then buried her head in my chest. "Are you alright my lovely?" I asked, sadly and ran my hand through her ebony hair. She shook her head.
"I had sad dweam mama," she whispered and sniffled.
"About what sweetheart?" I asked.
"Bwout Paige mummy," she whispered, keeping her head down. I sighed. Paige was her toxic ex, she was horrible, manipulative, abusive and just down right not good for my little girl- at all. They were together when I met Jess and I remember her coming into work with a tear stained face one day and then getting a phone call from her saying how much of a failure she is. At my company, all of our calls are tracked and I just happened to be doing a routine check on my employees calls when I came across that one from Paige to Jess. Jess wasn't my little at that point but I had a huge crush on her. Instantly, I ran to Jess' office and took her in my arms, I cradled her and rocked her as she explained everything to me. It hurt my heart hearing the horrible things that she went through on the daily. After that, I insisted that they break up and Jess moved in with me- our relationship bloomed from there.
We had an open relationship. She was the submissive/ my little and I was the dominant/ mummy. As I was a bisexual, I've tried introducing a couple of females to the dynamic too but none of them really clicked with my little girl and due to her 'difficult' behaviour sometimes, they struggled. Therefore, it had just been Jess and I for the last few months. However, I'd met a guy recently. Jess had never had a daddy before, she a lesbian but she's expressed to me that she doesn't mind me being with him and her too but she will stay platonic with him. Which is perfect in my eyes! I get two beautiful people to love me and so does Jess. We were actually meeting him today. Well Jess was meeting him for the first time, I'd been with him a while now.
"You're so much better without her my darling. You're so much happier and my little ray of sunshine. I love you lots and lots, never forget that," I explained and kissed my baby's head, over and over. She giggled a little then leaned her head back to look at me. I smiled at her. She had a red line down her cheek from her pillow- she had obviously been sleeping well. I pulled her paci away from her lips, kissed her softly and then put it back in. Pink creeped up her cheeks and she snuggled straight back into my chest.
"You'll never get used to mummy's kisses will you?" I teased and played with her hair more. She mumbled something I didn't understand- as always- and I just giggled. She often speaks in her own special language.
"Well then misses, we've had cuddles. It's bath then breakfast and then we're off out!" I announced, tapping her swollen nappy. She groaned and slid back down the bed.
"I don't think sooo," I smirked. I quickly pulled her up and sat her on my hip. She was so much shorter than me and I found it adorable. She huffed, crossed her arms across her chest and gave me evil glares. I giggled and tickled her belly. She squealed and coiled over in my arms. I laughed and held her close to me.
"Maybe, you can nap in the car- okay?" I suggested. She nodded and snuggled into my neck again.
"Good girl," I stroked her back then laid her down on her winnie the pooh changing mat. I quickly got her naked and then blew raspberries on her belly. She giggled and pulled her knees up to her chest to protect herself. I smiled, kissed her head quickly and then began running the bath.
"Mummy, I baf bomb?" She asked, pointing to the basket from her place on the floor.
"Not today sweetness, it's a quick bath and then you need some food. I don't want to waste them," I smiled at her and sat besides her. She scowled at me. I giggled.
"Little miss grumpy bum, you are, this morning," I teased and bopped her nose. She growled softly at me. I giggled again and then checked the bath temperature.
"Let's get you in lovebug."
"No, no car seat, no I big girl!" Jess squealed as I opened the car door to get her in. I ignored her and sat her in it anyway.
"No mummmy," she cried and pushed her feet into the seat in front of her. I carried on ignoring her and put her arm in the strap but she threw it about, almost hitting me in the face.
"Mammmma," she cried loudly and kicked her legs once I finally did up the strap. I looked at her sternly with my eyebrows raised. She whimpered at the look and lowered her head.
"thought so," I mumbled. "You're a little girl who throws silly tantrums. Therefore, you use your car seat. You're just too small for the big girl seat. Now, we're going to meet Carter. You're going to be on your best behaviour- understood?" I said to her. She nodded and sniffled, keeping her head down. Her hands fiddled with her blanket. I sighed, put my finger under her chin, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes were glassy but no tears had fallen yet.
"No need to cry. You've just got to be a good girl, I love you," I kissed her gently. She nuzzled into my shoulder as much as she could from the restraints of her straps and I ran my fingers through her hair.
"I wuvs woo too mama," she mumbled back. I smiled and picked up her paci and put it against her lips. She suckled it instantly. I tapped her nappy through her pants and shut the door.
I began driving towards Carter's house. We were visiting him for a an hour and then we were going to go for a walk up over the hills near his house. He was a lawyer for a huge firm and he was really high up. He got payed tons and his house showed it off. I was a little nervous to take Jess, I obviously didn't know how she'd react but I knew I needed to introduce them at some point. I looked at her in the mirror. She wasn't asleep but was looking out of the window at all the trees passing us. Occasionally, she'd mumble something to herself and point- she was too cute.
We pulled up to the gate of Carter's house and I pressed the button to alert him we had arrived.
"Good morning beautiful lady, how may I help you?" His rich voice crackled through the speaker.
"Let us in doofus," I laughed back.
"Okay, okay. Such a charmer you are," the gate made a click and began opening. I heard a little gasp from her back, I drove in to the paved driveway and looked to Jess. Her eyes were open wide in amazement and her mouth fell open too.
"Catching flies, honey?" I giggled as I turned the engine off. She blushed, shut her mouth but then looked between me and the house.
"D-di-dis Carter's house?!" she asked, I could hear the little excitement in her voice.
"Sure is princess, and here is Carter," I smiled and climbed out of the car. Carter was walking towards us. He had black skinny jeans on and a polo shirt. He had recently shaved and he smelt amazing.
"Hey baby," he smiled and pulled me into his arms.
"Hi," I smirked and looked up at him. He was taller than me, meaning he'd be much taller than Jess too. He began kissing me softly. Once we pulled away, I looked to Jess through the window. She was still marvelling at the house- not caring we had kissed. That made me feel better. I didn't want her to start getting jealous.
"Is this the famous little princess then?" Carter smiled amiably when I opened the door. He had one hand on top of it as I walked closer to Jess.
"Mama," she whimpered, clearly nervous and reached her arms out.
"Mama's here lovely, don't worry," I smiled and unclipped her seat. She took her arms out and then clung to me. I smiled, tucked one hand under her nappy and she wrapped her legs tightly around me. I smiled and rubbed her back.
"Hey beautiful," Carter cooed and put his hand out for a handshake. "It's very nice to meet you. I'm Carter." Rather than shaking his hand, she grumbled and hid in my neck. She covered her face with her pink blankie and whimpered. I giggled a little.
"She's shy, sorry," I laughed slightly.
"Don't worry about it, she'll warm up to me. Do you want me to carry her bag inside or anything?" he asked, pointing to the pink, dinosaur patterned nappy bag on the floor of the car.
"Please," I smiled and lifted Jess up on my hip a little more. She stayed hidden in my neck, I could hear her shallow breathing so I rubbed her back.
"You're okay," I reassured her and kissed the top of her head gently. "Deep breaths." she took a deep, but shaky breath and snuggled in more. "Good girl, mama's got you," I whispered to her.
"This way, ladies," Carter smiled, slung the pink backpack onto his back and began walking the paving to his front door.
I heard Jess giggle a little in my neck, "what's funny little one?" I chuckled. She pointed the the bag on Carter's back.
"It pink an an he boy," she giggled more. I laughed too. Carter smiled and turned around.
"Do you think it suits me, Jess?" he began pretending to model it, causing Jess to laugh a little more. She shook her head and hid back in my neck.
"He a silly head, mummy," she giggled. I nodded and agreed. Carter just stuck his tongue out at us and entered his house. Inside was even grander than the outside.
"Wowie-" Jess gasped, looking up and around the house. The entrance hall held a beautiful chandelier and a loft floor which looked over a piano.
"Mama he he he got peeno!" she gasped and pointed to it. She loved playing the piano.
"He does baby! I knew you'd like that," I smiled and moved a strand of hair from her face.
"Do you play?" Carter asked and set the bag down.
Jess nodded enthusiastically but stayed clung to me.
"She's the best little piano player I've ever seen!" I smiled, proudly and kissed her temple. She blushed a little bit and brought her fingers to her mouth, shyly. Carter and I giggled as she took in the rest of the house.
"Do you mind taking your shoes off?" He asked, softly and slid his off.
"Course," I replied. I slipped mine off whilst holding Jess and then went to sit her on the bench.
"Mama, no," she whispered as I went to set her down.
"It's okay princess, I'm not leaving you. We've just get to take your shoes off," I said to her and moved her hands from my top.
"M-my shoezies? Why mama?" She pouted. She loved her shoes. They were pink and had dinos on them. Everything she owned had to have dinos on them.
"Because Carter wants to see your little toes," I giggled and grabbed her toes a little. She giggled and looked up at Carter. He nodded and smirked.
"That's righttt! I'm going to come get them toes!" He smirked and scurried closer to us. Jess squealed and grabbed her toes. I smiled and took her shoes off, left and then right, then put the next to mine on the floor. She had such tiny feet, she was just so tiny in every sense of the word.
"Mummmy," she smiled and reached for me. I smiled and held her and then kissed her cheek. She smiled and snuggled into me- growing shy again.
"Right, I'm going to let the doggos out. Don't be scared little one but they can be a little jumpy," Carter announced, walking away into a separate room.
"Doggos mummy?" She gasped excitedly and bounced on her bottom. I giggled and kissed her head. Quickly, two beautiful dogs came galloping out of the room Carter had just entered. They were both labradors, one golden, the other black.
"Hewwwwwwwo doggos!" Jess giggled and got onto her knees. The dogs climbed all over her but she didn't mind- she loved them! I did too so I stroked them as they jumped up at me.
"This one's Forest," I said to Jess as she looked to me and saw the black one up on my legs.
"You've got Rey," I added. She laughed happily and continued stroking them.
-
A few hours later, after some food and conversations, we were off for a walk.
"We can take my car. It's bigger and better for the dogs," Carter said, picking up his keys.
"Okay, I'll just grab her car seat," I replied and walked over to my car.
"Mama noo, I big girl!" she cried and tried to pull me back. I just ignored her. I wasn't having this argument again. She huffed and stomped her feet but I grabbed her seat and carried it over to Carter's car. I set it in the back and then went to pick up Jess who had rooted herself to the spot in the middle of the driveway.
"Mamaaaaa no," she squealed and sat on the floor as I went to pick her up.
"Stop this baby," I sighed and went to pick her up again.
"I big girllll," she whimpered.
"You are, yes. But big girls need car seats just like you so come on," I lifted her up and carried her to Carter's car. He was already in, selecting some music. The dogs were in the back too.
"Mama," she cried softly and looked at me pleadingly.
"Nuh uh, those puppy eyes don't work on me munchkin," I smiled, kissed her forehead and finished strapping her in. She huffed a little.
"Come on now angel, don't be silly," I kissed her lips quickly, moved some hair from her face and shut the door.
"All good now?" Carter smiled, adjusting the mirror and turning the car on as I did up my own seatbelt.
"All good now," I smiled and looked back at Jess. She was still huffing and puffing. I giggled, shook my head and turned around in my seat.
"Come here angel," I said as I pulled Jess' reigns from her bag. She ran back from the wall and over to me. She stopped dead when she saw the reigns.
"Mama no! I no doggy! Even de doggys no need their leads on! Mama nooo," she whined and whimpered as her eyes went glassy.
"Now, now baby girl, no need for tears," I said softly. I picked her up and set her in the boot of the car so we were a closer height. Carter was sorting the dog stuff out.
"I no need dem," she sniffled and pushed the pink, dino reigns away.
"I want you to wear them. I'm not going to hold them the whole time but if you start to traipse behind I'm going to have to hold you. Would you prefer the wrist ones?" I said softly and pulled out the pink wrist reigns from her bag. She whimpered and shook her head. The wrist ones weren't the most comfortable and it also meant she couldn't get too far away as she was constantly connected to me whereas the body harness I could let go of.
"Do you pomise I no wike de doggys?" she asked me, sadly.
"I promise it's not like the doggys baba. It's so when we go near the water or the path is uneven I can hold you incase you fall," I explained and wiped a fallen tear from her cheek.
"Hm, otay," she whispered sadly and slid her left arm in.
"Good girl," I praised.
"Make sure you do left right mama," she said, quickly. I giggled, as I'd forget to do left right.
"Don't worry bubba, I've got it," I slid her other arm in and then connected her at the back. Left and then right.
My little one suffered from OCD quite badly. I don't mean germs or neatness, well things do have to be very neat in her bedroom or else she can't sleep but she is particular about order and the patterns of things. For example, things like getting changed have to be done in a specific order. When I do her nappy, it has to be left tapes then right tapes. Same with her shoes, left shoe then right shoe. In the morning, I tell her what we are doing during the day and she has to do it in the order I've told her or else she freaks out and will get very very upset. If these things go wrong she gets herself in a huge pickle and hates it. For example, if her nappy is taped up wrong, she gets terrified it'll leak and therefore won't use it until its done up again. If her clothes go on in the wrong order, she gets scared they'll just rip or fall off revealing her nakedness. Our kitchen is superbly organised and she refuses to eat the food if I took it from the wrong place. If the pasta or the sauce is in the wrong place when I take it down, she won't eat it as she'll convince herself she's going to be sick. It's quite a day to day challenge but it's something we've had to adapt to and something I have to do. I can't chose not to do it or else I get a very fussy, upset and picky baby That's not fun for anyone.
"Let's go!" Carter cheered as I jumped Jess down from the boot. She giggled and ran ahead with the dogs. We were walking around a large lake today. It was absolutely beautiful weather and the sun gleamed on the water so magically. Couples and families were paired around the lake in numerous areas. Carter took my hand and swung them as we walked.
"She's so god damn cute," Carter chuckled lightly as we watched Jess skip and dance around the dogs.
"Isn't she just?" I smiled back and leaned a little into Carter.
"She doesn't want a relationship with me, though?" he asked. We'd had this conversation before and I could still sense a little bit of a let down in his voice.
"I'm not sure honestly. I'm sure she would consider a romantic relationship but she isn't into the whole sexual thing anyway. She's a little asexual bean so I suppose it's up to you. You've got to impress her with your gentlemanly ways," I smirked and nudged him slightly. He smiled widely, clearly opening up to the idea of having her as his girlfriend too. I didn't mind of course, Jess and I had shared a girlfriend before, why is it any different to sharing a boyfriend.
As we carried on around the lake, it was a very very big lake, Jess had fallen behind the dogs and was walking between Carter and I. Her hand was clasping mine tightly and her legs were shuffling along the floor. I knew she was getting a little tired but I'm just hoping she can keep up for the rest of the way round- or at least until the little shop half way. It was an ice cream shop which sold drinks too.
"Mama!" She gasped suddenly. She stopped and pointed to a wide tree which was surrounded by toadstools. On the bottom of the tree, was a little door and then a sign stuck out of the grass saying 'Fairy garden'.
"MAMA WET'S GO LOOK AT DE FAIWES!" she cried and pulled at my hand as she ran to the tree. I smiled at Carter as he laughed at it. She crouched down beside the fairies so her bottom was inches from the floor.
"Mama, you see dem"? she marvelled as she pointed in slightly. I giggled and nodded. There was nothing there.
"Yeah baby, I see them," I giggled and played with her hair a little.
"Dey so pwetty mummy," she grinned and looked intently at them.
"Just like my baby," I smirked and kissed her temple. I watched the pink creep up her cheeks but she ignored me.
"Do woo tink awl de fings in dere houses are super smwall?" she asked me and looked to me. Her hazel eyes shone in the afternoon sun and showed an array of oranges and blues and greens. Gosh, she was beautiful.
"Mamaaaa," she whined a little, bringing me from my thoughts.
"Sorry baby, what did you say?" I giggled a little.
"I ask if awll dere tings be supwer smwall," she murmured.
"They could be baby, have you ever seen a fairy's phone? They're tinsy intsy," I giggled and made a tiny gap between my fingers.
"Weally mama?" she gasped, believing me. I nodded and stood up.
"Come on little one, the fairies are heading out now, we need to catch up to Carter," I smiled and held out my hand. She whined a little but walked with me anyway. Carter had stopped by a nearby tree and had been watching us.
"You two are the cutest things ever," he exclaimed and wrapped his arms around Jess' shoulders. She giggled and smiled widely at me.
"Mama I no abwe walk nwo mwore," Jess pouted and rubbed her eyes. Not long ago, we'd stopped for an ice cream and I hoped it gave my baby a new found energy but that doesn't seem apparent. Her little legs had been moving even slower and I'd had to use the reigns to keep her up with us.
"It's okay baby girl, we're almost at the car," I encouraged and kissed her head.
"No mamaaaa," she whimpered and did grabby hands to me.
"Sweetheart, I can't carry you," I whispered sadly and moved some hair from her face.
"Mummmy I tiwed," she cried as tears fell from her eyes.
"Oh baba, no crying," I pouted and pulled her into my chest. She cried in it and Carter turned around.
"Is she okay?" he asked. I shook my head and ran my fingers through her hair.
"She's too tired to keep going but I can't carry her so she's having a cry," I explained, sighing.
"What happened to all the energy from the ice cream, hm?" Carter pouted too and crouched in front of Jess. He took hold of one of her hands loosely and she looked at him, sniffling.
"Can you be a super big girl for me and walk a little bit further?" he cooed and ran his thumb over her knuckles. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes again.
"I tiwed," she mumbled.
"Okay then. How about a aeroplane ride?" he smirked. I furrowed my eyes in confusion, as did Jess. She looked up at me and I shrugged. Carter dropped Jess' hand and turned around so his back was facing us but he was still crouched down.
"All aboard Carter's piggy back plane," he announced, tapping his back. Jess gasped, giggled and climbed on his back. He smiled and stood up effortlessly.
"You sure you can carry her all the way back?" I asked, smiling happily.
"Of course, she's as light as a feather," he laughed and jumped Jess a little bit. She clung to him and put her head on his shoulder as they walked. Her eyes were dropping and her breathing was getting heavier.
"She's gone," I whispered to Carter once Jess fell asleep on his back.
"She did really really well," he praised.
"She did, yeah. I'm impressed," I stated. The dogs were walking with us now and I could see they were getting tired.
"Can she ride a bike?" he asked me. I smiled and nodded.
"She loves her bike rides, why?"
"We should bring that next time, just so it's a little easier for her," he explained.
"That's a good idea, could we bring it with the dogs too?" I asked him.
"Course, I've got a bike rack at home," he smiled warmly.
We finally reached the car and I took Jess off his back and put her in her seat gently. I could feel that her nappy was quite swollen but it wasn't too far back to Carter's house so she'd manage. I was happy I'd put a thicker nappy on her for the walk. I strapped her in, up between the legs and then left and right. Even though she was asleep, I'd been doing it that way for years now. I climbed into my seat at the front once I knew Jess would be okay and we headed back home. The dogs were laid down in the back, tired too, and Carter put on some relaxing music.
"It's been a great day, thank you," I said softly when his hand rested gently on my thigh.
"I'm glad you've enjoyed it. If you ever need me to get her to sleep just ask," he smiled proudly and looked in the rear view mirror. The baby looked so cute when she was sleeping.
"Honestly, I take her out in the car alllll the time if she's misses grouchy bottom," I laughed a little.
"Does that help?" he asked me.
"It does. I get her in her cat seat, nice and snug. Wrap her blanket around her and then put some classical music on and off we go. Longest time it's ever taken her to go to sleep is 45 minutes," I explained.
"Wow! She sounds like an angel," he smiled, genuinely.
"She can be but she can also be devil incarnate. You've seen her get fuzzy about her car seat and things but you've not heard the attitude which comes out of her mouth. Or the swearing. Or even a proper tantrum," I laughed. I wasn't going to sugar coat Jess' behaviour, she could be a brat and the earlier Carter knew that, the less likely he is to leave us due to not being able to handle it.
"Surely there are things which make her act out though, she isn't just a brat for the sake of it," he said.
"No not at all. She'll never be naughty for the sake of it. Because of her mental health, she gets very- what's the word- triggered I suppose. If something upsets her, she doesn't know how to handle it very well and she'll become very high maintenance," I explained. Alongside the OCD, my little baby also suffered from depression. She occasionally self harms but we tend to avoid that as much as possible.
"You've mentioned that before," Carter mused. I nodded. "How often does she have her breakdowns?" he was genuinely curious and concerned.
"Honestly, at the minute it's once a month. It can get to the point of once a day though. It's something we really keep an eye on. If I see them getting more frequent then I talk to her and the doctor and together we sort it out," I explained.
"Makes sense," he nodded. I nodded too and focused on the road.
It was nice to have someone who seemed genuinely concerned about Jess. The fact that he mentioned there's a motive behind the behaviour before I did made me feel a lot better. I had a really good feeling about Carter.