Esra
I hadn't had breakfast with Zade, instead I requested breakfast to be sent to my room.
Right now, I was outside for some fresh air.
I shifted into my majestic white tundra wolf, feeling the familiar rush of power and freedom. I went for a stroll to clear my mind, trying to shake off the frustration that had been building up inside me. Zade was really getting on my nerves, and I needed some space to think.
As I sat by a river, the breeze brushed against my fur, and I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I wanted to play in the water, but I hesitated when I felt a pair of eyes watching me from the shadows. I growled, sensing that it was Zade.
Zade stepped out from the shadows, his hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to check up on you."
I growled at him, warning him to leave me alone.
"I know you're mad. Shift so we can talk."
I growled louder, baring my teeth. Zade held out my clothes, and I snatched them from his hand. I shifted behind a nearby tree and stormed towards Zade.
"What is your problem, Zade? Can I have at least an hour of alone time?" I demanded, trying to keep my temper in check.
Zade smiled, his eyes glinting with amusement. "Not when I know what you're capable of." His words sent a shiver down my spine.
"If you want to go out, then we can go out. Together. Just ask. I won't say no." He purred, his voice low and husky.
"And what if you're busy?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.
"I'll stop and attend to you." Zade replied, his eyes never leaving mine.
"And what if it's really important, like a meeting or something?" I pressed on.
"Then I'll postpone it." Zade said, his voice firm.
My hands fisted beside me. "I don't believe you. Five years ago, you didn't care. Now, suddenly, you do?" I spat, my anger boiling over.
Zade's smile faltered, and he took a step back. "Ive changed, is that so hard to believe?" he asked, his voice laced with desperation.
I scoffed, walking past him. I went back to the pack house, locking myself in my room. I decided to stay there for the rest of the day, waiting to see if Zade would actually check up on me.
"Esra?" Zade's voice came from the other side of the door.
When I ignored him he kept knocking.
After five minutes, he still knocked gently.
I sighed, opening the door. Zade stepped inside, his eyes locked on mine.
"What do you want from me, Zade?" I asked, trying to keep my emotions in check.
Zade's face was inches from mine. "Esra, I just want you." He whispered, his breath brushing against my skin. "Please, give me another chance."
I stayed silent, my eyes searching his. Behind his flawless face and body, I knew there was something dark, something that had hurt me before.
He cheated on me continuously. He didn't care, and now he suddenly does? I wasn't falling for his tricks twice. What's the point of forgiving when there's no apology?
"Esra..." Zade held my hands in his, his eyes pleading. "I will care for you, I will love you, and I will protect you. Please, I can't lose you again."
I wanted to give in so badly, but I couldn't. Trust issues. I'm scared that I'll end up broken again. Even when I dated Derek, I still loved Zade, and I still do. But this doubt at the back of my mind...
Once you break the trust you have with someone, it's hard to regain it again. The biggest reason I didn't trust him was that after all he'd done, he hadn't said 'sorry'. Despite everything he did for me when I came here, all I wanted was just a simple word.
I even tried to make it obvious, but he's too thick-headed to realize. That part of him hasn't changed.
I hadn't realized I was crying until Zade's hand wiped the tears that rolled down my face. I pushed his hand away and wiped my eyes myself.
"Zade..." I looked him in the eye, my voice firm. "I could've rejected you... But I didn't because I knew deep down you would come for me."
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing, but I kept my voice steady. "It's been five years... and I know you've gone out of your way to do all this," I raised my hand, gesturing around my room.
I walked towards my drawer, my heart heavy with emotion, and opened it. "And all this." I picked up some of the jewelry and showed it to him, my hand trembling with anger. "If you knew me, you would've known that in my world, words speak louder than actions."
I threw the jewelry at him, the sound of it hitting the floor echoing through the room. It was harsh, but right now I didn't care.
I saw hurt in his eyes, and for a moment, I wanted him to feel at least a fraction of the pain he had caused me.
"I don't need all this. I don't need you to do all this for me." I continued, my voice firm but laced with sadness. "All I ever needed was you, and it's so damn hard to trust you right now."
Zade stood still, his eyes fixed on mine, as if searching for any sign of forgiveness. "Esra, I've tried everything to make you forgive me. That night when you ran away..." He turned his face and looked out the window, his voice filled with regret.
"I was with another woman, yes." He sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "But the minute you left this world, I felt something being ripped out of my soul. I felt a part of me disappear." His gaze was now on me, his eyes pleading for understanding.
"I was scared something had happened to you. I went home immediately, only to find that you... were gone. You left. I checked your drawers, cupboards, everything. But there was nothing there. I had my people look for you, and some said that they saw you taking off into the Darkwood forest. And I knew you were gone. Gone from this world."
Zade took slow steps towards me, his eyes never leaving mine. "If you were still in this world, I would've found you easily. But I guess you were smarter than that. I searched for you in the human world. I never gave up. And now I finally found you. It took me five years, Esra, five years to find you." His throat bobbed. "I don't want to have to go through all that again. I don't want to lose you."
He reached out and caressed my cheek with one hand, while the other held my waist. "In those five years, I learned that you never really value something enough until you finally lose it." His voice was low and husky, filled with emotion.
"You haven't tried everything to make me forgive you," I said in a soft voice, closing my eyes.
Zade's face fell, and he took a step back. "You're right, I haven't. You want me to buy you your favorite jewelry? Or expensive clothes? Or a car? Or your own house?"
"Enough, Zade!" I screamed, pushing him away. "I'm tired of this. Money can't buy you everything. I don't care how rich you are. I don't care about expensive jewelry. I never cared about those things. I never asked for you to do all this for me."
Zade looked at me, his eyes searching for answers. "Then what? What would make you forgive me? I know I haven't tried everything, but I did try everything in my power to make you forgive me, and clearly, that's not enough."
"It isn't, Zade. Wow. You've only realized that now." I was more furious, my anger boiling over.
All he cares about is his status and money. "Esra, just listen to me," Zade pleaded.
"No! You listen to me," I pushed him again, my voice firm. "It isn't about you. It's about us. Sure, you messed up, but you clearly don't know how to fix it."
Zade sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "You're right, I don't."
I wiped my tears, my eyes fixed on his. "You are so naive and oblivious."
Zade looked at me, his eyes filled with regret. "I know. I just want to fix this mess."
"I don't know why I didn't reject you that time. It would have saved me from this moment right now." I said, my voice laced with sadness.
Zade shook his head. "It wouldn't. I would still look for you."
"I want to forgive you, but there's this one thing that's holding me back. This one thing that's telling me that I shouldn't. That you're going to mess up again. That you don't mean anything."
Zade's face contorted in pain. "I mean everything. I love you, Esra."
"How do I know that's true?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Zade's eyes locked onto mine. "Let me show you. I'll buy the world for you if I have to. I'll give you every single thing you want. But most importantly, this pack needs their Luna."
This pack needed their Luna, but did he need me?
He must have sensed my thoughts because he said, "I need you."
I remained quiet, my eyes fixed on his, searching for any sign of sincerity.
"I love you. Is that not enough?" Zade asked, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.
"You want me to forgive you?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. The words slipped out of my mouth slowly, as if I was testing his sincerity.
"Yes, Esra. I love you. I want you. I want to hold you and claim you. I want people to know that you're mine." Zade's voice was filled with conviction, but I remained unmoved.
I didn't raise my voice, but my words cut deep. "How am I supposed to forgive you if you haven't said 'sorry'?"
Zade's face fell, and the room was suddenly quiet. Too quiet. As if the walls were listening and felt everything. I could hear Zade's heart beating rapidly, his chest rising and falling with each breath.
He walked slowly towards my bed and sat down, his eyes fixed on the floor. He sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair. "How can I be so stupid?" He whispered to himself, his voice laced with regret.
"All this time," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. He got up from the bed and took slow steps towards me. "Esra, I'mââI'm sorry." The word came out slowly, as if he was testing the weight of his apology. The word I've been wanting to hear for so long.
His eyes were glassy, as if holding the tears that threatened to spill. I didn't reply to him, my emotions locked deep within me. Instead, I walked out of my room and out of the pack house, leaving Zade and his apology behind.