four.

(Emily, I'm Sorry)

ACT ONE—CHAPTER FOUR

1996

"It's just a party," Jackie declared, as Shauna dug through her clothes.

Emily hovered behind Jackie, looking into the mirror, smearing a black eyeliner pencil on her water lines.

"Shauna's right— it feels weird," Emily agreed with Shauna's previous statements.

Ash applied a light layer of gloss over her lips, "Come on you guys, it's not like not going to the party is going to—"

"Unfuck Allie's leg?" Jackie suggested, and Ash nodded, "Yeah."

"Plus!" Jackie fixed her hair, "It's tradition."

"How's my makeup?" Emily leaned away from the mirror facing the other girls.

"Looks good, Emy." Ash stuck up her thumb, and then a very short-lived silence filled the air, "Remember that time you tried to rebel against Dad and drank all that cheap beer?"

"Oh my god." Emily groaned hiding her face in her hands.

"And then threw up like all night," Jackie added.

Emily really didn't like to talk about that night, the other girls didn't understand the weight of that night to her.

"Ha. Ha. So funny." Emily mumbled, her lips pursed in annoyance.

Shauna stepped out, showing off her outfit, "How about this?"

Jackie shook her head, determining that the burgundy button-down was not the move.

"Hey, I thought it looked nice!" Emily defended her friend's outfit, and Jackie seemed to scan over the blonde's own outfit.

Judgment slipped into her tone as she replied, "Well, your outfit isn't much better. Where are we going? Church?"

Emily frowned, looking down at her appearance, she didn't think it was that bad.

"Here," Jackie tossed a skirt to Emily, "Try that."

Emily sighed examining the leather skirt, it appeared like it was going to be tighter than she liked. It wasn't that the skirt wasn't cute— it just created a new fear of wearing that around a partying crowd.

"You know," Jackie walked over to Shauna's bed, sitting down, "Randy's gonna be at the party tonight."

"Um," Shauna's eyebrows pulled together, while finished buttoning up the next shirt, "Okay?"

"Better?" Emily showed off the black skirt, tugging at its hem a little; it just felt really short.

"Yes! You look so hot." Jackie exclaimed,  responding to Emily, "Much better."

"He asked Jeff to ask me if you were gonna be there." Jackie continued the conversation she was previously held with Shauna.

"Randy? Really?" Shauna asked.

Once Jackie's eyes were off of them Ash leaned over to her sister, "You know you don't have to wear that right? I know how you get with stuff like that."

For whatever reason the comment caused stifled anger to rise up, "I think I can handle wearing a short skirt to a party, Ash."

"I just thought you'd want to know that someone asked about you." Jackie continued speaking to Shauna, still sitting on the bed.

Emily could tell that Shauna was growing annoyed, with Jackie. She wasn't entirely sure what was going on between the two of them, but for at least the past weeks, Shauna just seemed...angrier.

"Just wear the red dress I gave you, the—"

"Maybe I don't wanna wear the red dress!" Shauna half-shouted, "And I sure as hell don't wanna hook up with Randy fucking Walsh."

"Jesus, what crawled up your ass? Wear whatever you want." Jackie rolled her eyes, and Shauna yanked something off a hanger, "Thanks. I will."

Shauna resumed digging through her clothes, and Emily walked over to sit beside Jackie, "You're probably right about Randy anyway. I once saw him get outsmarted by an escalator."

"Once heard him ask who invented the pope." Shauna pulled a dress off the rack, and the girls laughed.

The party wasn't quite in full swing yet when they arrived, but now its hecticness seemed to be growing. Emily didn't really want to be involved, she was mostly there because it was tradition, and her friends wanted her there.

"Hey," A guy approached Emily, it was only Aidan Clark. She supposed it could have been worse, "Emily right?"

"That's me." She agreed, folding her hands together in front of her, "And you're Aidan, right?"

"You look nice," The teenage boy added, Aidan didn't mean any harm, but Emily simply wanted to be left alone. It wasn't his fault, that she wasn't in the partying mood.

Emily picked nervously at the skin around her thumbs avoiding his eyes, "Thanks."

Luckily before the conversation could get any more awkward a certain girl with bleached blonde hair came to Emily's rescue.

"Emily! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Natalie dramatically interrupted, stepping partially in between where Emily and the boy stood, "Come on."

The girl gave him a small wave, "It was nice officially meeting you, Aidan."

Once they were out of earshot, Emily beamed at the other girl, "You are my savior, Nat. Thank you."

"Anytime, Jensen." Natalie laughed, giving Emily's hand a gently squeeze, "You know, you can stick around. I promise there won't be any dramatic drug deals."

Emily's eyebrows pulled together, "What—"

"I know what people say about me, Em. You don't have to pretend to be clueless." Natalie spoke, her tone sounded almost joking, but Emily could tell there were some more serious undertones.

"Well, who cares about what people say?" Emily shrugged, studying the other girl's expression.

Natalie smiled, but it wasn't a real smile, "You do Em."

Emily couldn't really argue with that, she cared about what people said when it came to her own reputation because of her parents. She really didn't have any room to taint her reputation, without having consequences of sorts.

"You guys! My cousin hooked us up." Some guy Emily didn't know approached them, and Kevyn who she hadn't noticed was there until now.

"You got it?" Natalie asked, "Lucy in the sky. With diamonds." He held up a small plastic baggy.

"That is like the least efficient way to say that." Kevyn deadpanned.

Natalie reached over for the bag, examining it.

"Want anything blondie?" the guy arched an eyebrow at Emily, who was at first caught off guard.

Natalie shook her head speaking up for her friend, "That's not really her thing, dude. Besides—"

"Don't speak for me, Nat." Emily interrupted before turning back to the guy, "What do you suggest?"

"Here." He handed her a bag, "First is free of charge, but come back for more and it's gonna cost you."

"Dude." Natalie crossed her arms, "Tell me you're not trying to be Emily fucking Jensen's drug dealer. Do you not know who her parents are?"

Emily was sick about everything she does correlating back to her parents.

"You know what fuck you, Natalie. Leave my parents out of this. So what for once I don't want to be Emily fucking Jensen?"

"You're gonna feel really fucking shitty when that stuff wears off. But do what you want, Emily." Natalie sighed.

"Yeah well, I feel fucking shitty right now." Emily declared, popping the pill into her mouth.

Emily started to walk away, needing space from everyone,  "Em, maybe you should at least stick by me. You've never used before—and you're at a party with a bunch of drunk teenage guys."

Emily gulped the cheap beer, "Hey, Nat? You know the story about me and this very same cheap-ass beer?"

Natalie studied, Emily's body language praying this wasn't going where she thought.

"Well, it's bullshit. I didn't fucking tell anyone about what really happened that night. I would've rather just forgotten the whole thing, but guess what? I remember every tiny stupid detail."

"What are you saying, Em?" Natalie asked softly.

"I think you fucking know." Emily paused, taking a deep breath, praying that the tears building up wouldn't spill over the surface,  "I'm going to go find Shauna."

"Emily—wait," Natalie reached out for the blonde, "Please, Em."

"No. I—no." Emily shook her head, she didn't want to talk. She didn't even understand why she had brought this up in the first place.

It didn't take long for her high to kick in, everything felt distorted, to the point where she didn't even feel like herself.

Which is exactly what she hoped to get out of this. Emily just wanted to feel normal for one night, and although the drug didn't necessarily make her feel normal.

It was enough.

She felt better.

Everything was hazy, she sat by herself staring at the flickering fire.

"Emily?" Natalie's voice sounded far away, even though she was fairly close, "How are you feeling? You only took one of those right?"

Emily lazily held up two fingers, she had taken two of the pills.

"Jesus, Em." Natalie whispered, sitting down beside her.

Emily knew Natalie wasn't entirely happy with her, but it was okay. At least for now. She wasn't like the others, Natalie wasn't judging her every move.

"It's not"  Emily pipped up out of the blue, "Not what?" The other girl asked.

"My first time using."

Natalie cleared her throat, "Yeah, I figured that out by now...how often?"

Now that was the golden question, how often does Emily fucking Jensen use?

Emily sighed, "Only when it gets really bad."

What was her definition of really bad though? Was it the nightmares, or the constant aching anxiety in her chest, that bloomed into rapid breathing?

"What did you mean earlier? When you said you understand me?" The girl swiftly changed topics.

"I don't think the best time to discuss this is when we're both high off our asses—" Natalie reasoned.

Emily giggled, "Yeah, you might have a point." the blonde stood up from the log, "Come on," she held out her hand, "Let's go find the others."

Natalie took her hand, and she didn't entirely want to let go once the other girl was standing. She didn't wanna let go at all.

Emily could only hope that it was the drugs talking.

"Cool, good talk." Taissa deadpanned, as Natalie and Emily made it into earshot of the conversation.

"Just admit you did it on purpose." Shauna pried, and Emily let go of Natalie's hand, noticing the way Laura Lee's eyes fell onto them.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Shauna continued, crossing her arms.

"You're wasted." Tai stated.

Shauna had been drinking a lot but Emily was in no place to agree given her own state.

"And you're a fucking sociopath." Shauna took a step closer, Van's arm flew out in front of her pushing her back slightly.

"Calm down."

"No!" Shauna held her hands up, "Listen you guys, we don't have to worry about the Allie problem anymore because Taissa fixed it for us."

"What's she talking about?" Laura Lee asked Natalie and Emily.

"She's talking about Taissa's plan," Natalie answered.

"Please," Tai faced Natalie, "Since when do you give a shit anyway? Don't you have a bong to hit or a dick to suck?"

"Don't talk to her that way!" Shauna exclaimed.

"Oh, fuck off Shauna. I don't need you to defend me." Natalie rolled her eyes, "Last time I checked you were fine with the whole freeze-her-out strategy."

"Natalie." Emily spoke up, before Laura Lee interrupted, "Okay seriously, what are you guys talking about?"

"Shut the fuck up Laura Lee!" One of them exclaimed although Emily had a hard time differentiating because everyone seemed to be yelling at once.

They were all fighting when Jackie stepped in, "Enough!"

Emily stole a glance in Nat's direction, double checking her eyes wasn't on her as she slipped another pill between her lips.

"Yellowjackets. With me." Jackie motioned for all of them to follow her sternly.

Jackie scanned the group of girls, as they all stood around her, "I don't know what the fuck that was, but I do know that it's over."

A small wave of dizziness washed over Emily, she leaned partially against Natalie.

"We're going to nationals." Jackie continued, "And based on what I'm looking at right now, we might as well not even bother getting on that plane."

"Alright," Jackie held up her hands, "Everybody line up."

At first no one moved, "No. I'm fucking serious line up!" She clapped.

Begrudgingly they moved to stand in a line, "Here's what we're gonna do. I want each of you to go down the line and say one nice true thing about every girl on this team."

Emily wasn't in enough control over herself to resist the eye roll.

"Who wants to go first?" Jackie asked, and Laura Lee held up her hand, "I'll go, Jackie."

Laura Lee walked up and began moving down the line, repeating the same thing at each girl, "You are beautiful in the eyes of the lord—"

"Oh my god!" Lottie exclaimed, shaking her head.

"Okay! Laura Lee, fall back." Jackie stated, "Okay, I'll go first."

Jackie went through Tai, Van, and Laura Lee, before standing in front of Emily.

"Emily Jensen." Jackie smiled, "Despite what everyone thinks, you are your own person. You might still be finding yourself or whatever. I hope that you embrace who you truly are."

"Ash. You are the most sarcastic person any of us have ever met. You always find a way to make me laugh with your dry humor." Jackie smiled.

"Thanks, Jackie. That's my goal." Ash smiled gently.

"Nat. I love that you don't care what anybody thinks. And you're so completely yourself." Jackie smiled.

"And also deadly at beer pong." Van pipped up.

"So go on, tell her!" Jackie took a step back, "Come on guys!"

Emily turned to Natalie, "You're so pretty...you look—you look like a painting."

"You are so high," Natalie whisper shouted, "So are you," Emily laughed.

"Well, Em you have mastered the perfect girl facade. And I admire that." Natalie stated.

"Thank you? I think."

Natalie turned on her heel to face Lottie, "Lottie. You never talk shit unless someone really deserves it." She paused for a moment, "And—and I really like you pilgrim hat."

Lottie almost busted out laughing, Emily turned to her sister, "You might just be my favorite person ever— thank you for always being there for me."

Ash smiled, "That was really sweet, Em."

"Also. You are really lucky you're not biologically related to our mother. She's a real—a real Witch."

"Are you high?"

Emily laughed, "Just a little—little."

Authors note:

Nice long update todayyyy

-Via <3