thirty-eight

ACT ONE — CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

1996

Emily's heart raced. Of all the things she was expecting to see right now, it certainly wasn't a bear. A part of her wondered if it was really even there, or if, for whatever reason the shrooms had carried over and they were all having some kind of group hallucination.

"Okay," Ben breathed, "All right, everyone stay calm."

The girls scrambled backward, and Mari glanced at their coach with wide eyes, "How the fuck are we supposed to do that?"

"Never thought I'd say this," Emily gasped,  her foot nearly getting caught up on a loose board, "But Mari's got a point."

Even in the tense situation, Mari still managed to send a glare in the other girl's direction.

"Who—who has the gun?" Taissa asked, panic seeping into her tone, "Where's the gun?"

Akilah was the one to reply, "Natalie has it, we saw her."

Natalie, the thought crossed Emily's mind, where had she gone?

Slowly, Lottie reached behind her towards the other girls, "Shauna, the knife."

"What the fuck are you gonna do with a knife?" Emily's shoulders tensed.

"Lot, don't."

Coach Ben stepped slightly forward, "Lottie, what are you doing?"

"Maybe you should like think about this for a second, babes," Ash rushed out, her voice as gentle as possible. It was almost like the brunette didn't want to spook Lottie into doing whatever she planned on doing with that knife.

Emily just knew Lottie was about to be mauled by a bear, especially when the girl shushed Ben and Ash, walking closer to the animal.

The bear growled but then lowered itself to the ground, Emily's eyebrows pulled together. She didn't know much anything about bears, but she figured it would be quite unusual for it to act like that.

Without a second thought, Lottie lifted her hand over her head and stabbed the bear. A collective gasp crackled through the group.

No one knew how to react as Lottie backed up, breathlessly and the bear stilled.

"Shouldn't we wait for Natalie and Travis?" Shauna pipped up, as the rest of the group began to dish out servings of their new found food.

A pit formed in Emily's stomach, it had been hours since she last saw Natalie, and now it was dark out. She knew she should've gone with the other girl, but at the time her head had been killing her.

"Uh, no, I'm sure they'll be back soon," Coach noted, "They can eat when they get back."

"Maybe," Emily spoke up, "I should go and look for them... it's been hours."

"I'm sure it's fine. I mean, how is this any different from those nights the three of you didn't get back until late?"

"We were hunting," Emily rationalized, "There's practically nothing out there, these days. Something could be wrong."

Taissa gently touched Emily's shoulder, "I'll help you look after we eat, okay?"

Emily nodded, offering her friend a grateful smile. The blonde took a small bite of the food, as a different conversation filled the air.

"Lottie, last night you said," Van began, "that we wouldn't be hungry for much longer. How did you know?"

The girl shrugged, "I just did."

"Yeah," Jackie scoffed, "It's called getting lucky. The bear probably just smelled us and came looking for food, okay? Probably had something wrong with him."

"It didn't look sick."

"Honestly, at this point, I don't even think I care," Mari noted, "Can we just eat?"

"Wait," Van interrupted, "Should we maybe...say something? Like thanks or grace or...whatever?"

Emily pressed her lips together, she couldn't help but think of Laura Lee. Her chest felt heavy, that poor girl had put everything into her faith. If she was still around, they probably would've already said grace by now.

This felt different though, for some reason that Emily couldn't quite place her finger on.

"Yeah...Just make it quick. Okay?" Taissa spoke, attempting to be supportive.

"Lot," Van looked towards her.

The brunette gently set down her dish, "Let's join hands."

Emily reluctantly accepted Taissa's hand, and then held her other out to Mari. Something shifted in the air when Misty offered her hand to Jackie.

Ash also sat off to the side, unsure of what to do in the situation. Her sister's eyes found her from across the room, a questioning glance lingering on her. The brunette just shrugged, remaining in her spot.

"For this gift from the wilderness," Lottie began, "We give our thanks."

That's the precise moment when the realization washed over Emily. Her lips parted, as though she was about to say something, but Taissa shook her head.

"Thank you," Van echoed.

"To the spirit of the bear," Lottie continued, "who sacrificed so that we could survive, we give our thanks."

"Thank you," most everyone echoed.

Emily's eyes dropped away from anyone else, this felt wrong. Maybe that was just years of her brain being hardwired to only her faith but it did.

"And to the ancient gods of the sky and the dirt, we give our thanks."

"Thank you."

Misty's judgey eyes landed on Jackie, "You didn't say it. Jackie didn't say it."

The blonde looked taken aback, "No, I did not thank the dirt for bringing us a brain-dead bear. What is even happening right now? What the fuck is wrong with you all?"

"It's fine, you guys. She doesn't have to..."

Jackie scoffed, "Oh, shut up, Tai. Don't pretend like you weren't a part of it. What, we're...we're just not gonna talk about it? We just howl at the moon now and have fucking orgies? And somehow I'm the one who did something wrong?"

Emily's eyebrows pulled together, it seemed that she and Nat missed a lot the previous night.

"Whoa, wait what?" Ben's eyes widend.

"Jackie, calm down," Shauna sighed.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Jackie stood up, approaching her best friend, "What were you gonna do to Travis last night, Shauna?"

Jackie crossed her arms, as Shauna sat there seemingly stunned by the question. Emily looked between the two of them, shoulders tense.

"Answer me," Jackie ordered.

"I don't—know. I don't remember." Shauna replied.

A beat of silence went by as the brunette lifted her eyes to Jackie's, "Bullshit. You had a knife to his throat. If we—If Ash and I hadn't come, you would have killed him."

Shauna jumped to her feet, "Just shut up!"

Ash flinched at the sudden movement, unable to take her eyes off the two of them. The brunette crossed the room, "I mean none of this would have happened if it weren't for you—If you hadn't—"

"Hadn't what?" Jackie dared, "Huh? Stolen him? Wow. The irony."

"Jack— maybe we should just—" Ash started, hoping to de-escalate the situation.

"Shauna was fucking Jeff," Jackie interrupted, "Behind my back, you know that? Yeah. That's who's really responsible for her little bundle of joy."

"It was you," Shauna realized, "You read my journal."

Jackie's voice lowered to a whisper, "How could you? You were my best friend. You—you, you don't even like him."

"And how would you know?" Shauna asked, tears in her eyes, "You're so obsessed with yourself, I'm surprised you're aware other people even exist. You know, you never even asked me if I wanted to go to Rutgers? You just assumed I'd go wherever you wanted. You tell me what to wear, what to do, who to hook up with! I don't even like soccer! But you just get everything you want. All the time, like it's nothing. And the rest of us? We're just extras in the movie of your fucking life!"

Emily wanted to tear her eyes away from the scene, she really did. However, much like a train wreck, it was nearly impossible to look away—or at least that's how she thought the saying went.

"Oh my god!" Jackie scoffed, "You're such a cliche. Oh, is the sad little sidekick mad? Did I force you to live in my shadow, Shauna? It must be hard being this jealous all the time."

Shauna laughed dryly, disbelief written all over her face. Ash stood up, gently laying her hand on Jackie's shoulder, with more bravery than anyone else in the room had.

A bear was one thing, but getting in between two teenage girls in the middle of an argument? A whole other animal.

"What? You're so fucking jealous of me,  you can hardly breathe," Jackie just about spat, roughly shrugging away from Ash's touch.

"Are you quoting Beaches at me right now?"

"What? No—" Jackie denied.

"I'm not jealous of you, Jackie," Shauna paused bitterly, "Becuase you're weak. And I think that deep down, you know it. I'm sure everyone back home is so fucking sad to be losing their perfect little princess, but they'll never know how tragic and boring and insecure you really are."

Jackie stared at her, nearly breathlessly as she continued to belittle her, "Or how high school was the best your life was ever gonna get."

The blonde's voice wobbled slightly as she replied, "Fuck you. That's it. You know what? That's it. Get—get out!" she pointed at the door.

When Shauna didn't move, Jackie shoved at her chest, "Go on! Get out!"

"No," the brunette replied bitterly.

"I can't be around you," Jackie stated, "I—I can't even fucking look at you right now."

Shauna rolled her eyes, "Well, that sounds like your problem. So maybe you should leave."

Jackie scoffed, hurt radiating off of her, and just then Mari of all people pipped up, "Maybe you'd be better off, since we're all so crazy."

Ben finally breaking out of the trance that the teenage drama had him under, spoke up, "Okay, everybody just stop. Nobody is going outside."

"Stay out of it, Coach," Lottie cut him off.

"You know what? Fine." Jackie stated, staring at Shauna one last time before walking directly out of the cabin door.

"Jackie, come on— don't go outside—" Taissa started.

"Don't pretend like this isn't what you wanted," Jackie cut her off, "the entire fucking time. I don't even know who you are anymore."

"Or maybe you never did," Shauna spoke, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Jackie wait—" Ash interrupted but Emily stood up, blocking her path to the door, "Just give her a minute to cool off."