A/n:
Just a fair warning this one's kind of heavy, but I hope you still like it
-Via <3
(Emily, I'm Sorry)
ACT ONEâCHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
2021
"I wasn't gonna kill him."
Emily's eyes flickered to the rearview mirror, quickly stealing a glance at Natalie, "Oh really? So what was your plan? Shoot him in the leg through the back windshield?" Shauna questioned from the passenger seat.
"Cause it sure felt for a moment there, like we were all going away for murder."
"Like we all haven't done a lot worse," Natalie mumbled, Emily pressed her lips together, she knew that Natalie was right.
No matter how much Emily had tried to make things better, to in a way undo what they did, by helping other people...by saving lives. It didn't last, and nothing could ever make up for it anyway.
"You know what," Shauna started, turning over her shoulder, "Speak for yourself, Natalie. Don't drag us into your endless fucking pit of guilt."
Emily would agree with Shauna if she wasn't always drowning in her own guilt.
"At least we know that fuck face is a man." Taissa pointed out from the back seat.
"No," Shauna shook her head, "No we don't he could be working with someone."
"Like who Shauna? I'm so fucking tired of this guessing game." Emily quipped, tapping her fingertips on the steering wheel.
"I don't know, maybe that...annoying reporter." Shauna suggested, "Well, whoever they are they now have 50 grand." Taissa sighed.
"And they know we're on to them. What if they spill our secrets?"
Emily sighed, they were pretty much all fucked if someone spilled their secrets, it would genuinely be the end of any normalcy in any of their lives. They could lose their jobs, lose their families...
"I'm not gonna let that happen," Natalie stated, and Shauna shook her head, "Oh you're not gonna let that happen...so um are you gonna grab a flame thrower and just go up and down route 9 knocking on doors?"
"Pull over," Natalie stated, and Emily shook her head, "What? No."
"Pull over or I'm gonna jump out." she threatened and Emily sighed, knowing very well that Natalie wasn't bluffing.
Emily pulled the car to a stop, "You don't get it, do you? This isn't for us, this is for Travis."
"Oh, yeah it's always about fucking Travis." Emily muttered, "What about us Natalie? He's already fucking gone. We're all still here, and our lives are the ones that could be seriously screwed here. We don't even know that his death has anything to do with this."
"The fuck it doesn't!" Natalie shouted, "And I know you all think I'm crazy! But I think you're all just as fucked up as I am! You're just better at fucking hiding it. Better at lying to yourselves!"
Natalie got out of the car slamming the door behind her, and Emily sighed, putting the car into park, "I can't leave her out here."
"Jesus, I know," Shauna said, "I'll drive. Be careful, okay?"
Emily sighed, and nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine."
The blonde jogged up behind Natalie, "Please wait! Nat!"
The brunette turned to face her, clearly in a state of distress, "Leave me the fuck alone, Jensen."
"You know I'm not gonna leave you out here." Emily sighed, "It's the middle of the night, Nat."
The only thing lighting the road they walked on was the yellow glow of the street lights, and the headlights of Shauna's car behind them. Emily wasn't sure why she hadn't left yet, maybe the woman thought she could talk Natalie into getting back into the car.
The truth was that no one quite had that power over Natalie but herself. She was sort of like a loose canon, anything could set her off at pretty much anytime.
Emily was like that too, for a long time, it wasn't until the incident, that she finally took some time to try and be better.
Deep down she knew that she wasn't though, maybe she seemed to be on the surface, but she was still a loose canon, just like Natalie. Whether she admitted it to herself or not.
Emily Jensen appeared to have her life pretty much put together, a former surgeon, who was now the owner of a small bookshop cafe. She has a teenage daughter and an ex-husband who she can be civil with...most of the time at least.
"Fine, can I ask you a question, Emily?" Natalie turned to face her, standing pretty much entirely in the middle of the road.
Shauna seemed to have caught the hint, finally driving away from the two of them. Emily tilted her head, debating whether or not to agree.
"Sure," Emily dropped her arms to her sides, "Ask away."
"When we were kids, just after the crash," Natalie started, and Emily's heart almost immediately dropped, that wasn't really a time that she liked to talk about...at all.
"You told me that if it came down to it, you would want a quick painless death...of your own, doing."
"You remember that?" Emily asked, nervously fiddling with her bracelets, Natalie nodded, "Okay but that's not a question. Sure, I said that, so what?"
"Did you ever...think about doing that?"
Emily's breath caught in her chest, and she looked away from Natalie, "Do you really want to have this conversation right now?"
They both knew the answer to Natalie's question.
Natalie wasn't even entirely sure why she asked it, did she really expect Emily to say the things that she had felt that night?
When Natalie didn't respond, Emily exhaled quietly, "Come on, I need to get back home, tomorrow my sister's gonna be there."
"No," Natalie shook her head, "I want to talk about it."
Emily bit her lip, "Is this about Travis?" she asked softly, and Natalie shook her head, "Is this about...you?"
Natalie denied it again, finally giving Emily a clear answer, "It's about you Emy...I'm worried."
The blonde shook her head, "What? I'm fine Natalie." her voice was strained, and she turned away from the other woman.
"You've been acting erratic, Emâ"
"I've been acting erratic? What about you?" Emily snapped, "You're the one who could have killed a man tonight!"
Emily spun on her heel walking away from the other woman, and Natalie sighed, walking behind her, "Emily!"
"I'm not having this fucking conversation, Natalie!" she shook her head, "Just go home!"
"Emily, I need to know that you're going to be okay, all you ever do is take care of everyone else." Natalie pointed out, and Emily shook her head in disbelief, "That doesn't mean I'm gonna jump off a fucking bridge or something!"
Natalie's words were completely truthful, Emily would bleed herself dry for the people she loved.
She cared too much for everyone else, and too little for herself.
"I didn't say thatâ Emy please, come on, let's just," Natalie paused, "I'll call Tai, she'll come get us, and I'll make coffee or tea or some shit."
"No, I just need to go see my kid, and justâ" she let out a sharp breath, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I need to be able to breathe. Why'd you have to bring this up?"
Emily's eyes watered, "Why'd you have toâ" her own sentence was cut off with a sob, and tears spilled down her cheeks. Natalie approached her slowly, sort of awkwardly holding out her arms, and the blonde woman basically collapsed into them.
Natalie didn't know what to say or do to comfort her, so she just held her, softly rubbing her back. If anyone was going to be the one to notice Emily's pain, to see through her sarcastic remarks or gorgeous smiles, it was going to be Natalie.
It would always be Natalie.