Too Hard: Chapter 17

THE CHESS LESSONS NEVER HAPPENED. I stood outside Cody’s apartment for ten minutes last Monday, my hand falling to my side every time I tried to knock.

Afraid of facing him, I tucked my tail between my legs and fled. It was too easy to forget how much he hates me after he saved me from Alan, held me when I cried, and made me come so many times I lost count.

Amazing sex, closeness, fleeting conversations, and possessive touches… but the thing I loved most was spending time with his nephews.

River is a cute baby. Loud but adorable. And Noah… Noah might just be the cutest kid in California. I love how curious and gregarious he is. Not a shy bone in his body.

I guess he takes after his dad. Logan’s the most ostentatious of all the Hayes.

I grew up surrounded by them. I was five when I saw the triplets at school. Six when Dad started doing business with Grandad Hayes after inheriting a large piece of land that’s now an office block. Twelve when Nico took over the role of my father’s stockbroker, and fifteen when Dad took me to my first Monica Hayes charity gala.

Cody didn’t bring up the chess lessons again when I passed him. He hasn’t said anything other than hey this past week, and I’m too chicken to start a conversation even though he infests my mind daily.

It’s for the best.

Those few encounters we’ve had so far didn’t do me good. I’ve replayed our conversation for days, scrutinizing my every word, hoping he didn’t think I was trying to make excuses for who I’ve been my whole life.

I let my guard down around him without thinking, and not just with the words. No one except Brandon ever saw me like Cody did when I baked madeleines. No makeup, no pretty dress or jewelry.

Nothing to hide the ugly.

I don’t leave my condo unless I look the part I play, but my mind didn’t go to get yourself sorted out when I ran out, hearing him talking in the hallway. Lack of sugar was a lousy excuse, but it worked.

It feels so natural not to pretend around Cody. So natural to be me. The real me, not the Blair I created to deflect the past.

It also felt fucking amazing to lay all night tucked against Cody’s side with his long fingers tangled in my hair, the bulk of his warm body holding me close.

It’s the safest I’ve ever felt—in the arms of a man who despises me for what I’ve done to Mia.

Him and me both.

Ana sits outside Cody’s apartment when I come home from a shopping spree with Kelly-Ann. Holding a few bags of lingerie, I stop dead in my tracks, unsure which way to turn.

I bet she remembers Cody pinning me against the wall, devouring my mouth last week.

This is bound to be awkward.

Moving the bags into one hand, I fish my key out, my feet aching from six hours in heels. It’s funny how quickly your feet get used to comfortable shoes.

I used to spend hours in heels every day, shopping with the girls or meeting up after school to gossip in our favorite restaurants and cocktail bars, but I’ve not been out much lately, so spending a few hours in Louboutins warrants a soak.

“Hey,” Ana chirps as I reach my door, not an ounce of hostility in her voice. “Do you know where Cody is?”

I look her over, wondering how Cody would expect me to act. Play dumb? Pretend there’s something between us to get rid of her? Looks like the kiss did nothing to scare her away, so I guess that strategy wouldn’t work.

“I’m not sure,” I say.

“Oh, that’s okay. I didn’t think you would.”

It’s bizarre how calm she is, but I shake the moment off, reminding myself she’s been stalking him for weeks. This eerie friendliness isn’t that odd. I push my door open, but her soft, apologetic voice glues me to the spot.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”

I should’ve asked Cody what my role is here. It’d be helpful to know what he expects of me where Ana’s concerned. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You know… you and Cody. When he kissed you, I assumed it was serious.”

It’s not serious for obvious reasons, but my curiosity piques. How would she know it’s not serious? She’s not been around. I would’ve noticed her lingering outside his condo or the building.

“You spoke to him?” I ask. “When?”

“Oh…” Her face falls, cheeks heating a touch. “He didn’t tell you you’re over? I’m so sorry, I figured when he called me that things didn’t work out and he needed a distraction.”

“He called you?”

I’m aware I’m stating the obvious, but I’m so taken aback my mind can’t do anything smarter.

Why would he call her? She’s obviously unhinged. He used me to get rid of her and now… what? He changed his mind?

“Yeah, he told me to come over tonight. He didn’t say what time, though. I’ve been waiting for an hour.”

My chest tightens, an unpleasant feeling sinking its claws into my bones—jealousy.

I have zero right to feel that. Cody and I are nothing more than friendly neighbors. Though we’ve not said anything other than polite heys I despise since the night Noah stayed with him, so friendly is probably no longer true.

“Why don’t you call him and check when he’ll be back?” I ask. A small voice in my head whispers that she might be lying.

“No, it’s okay. I think he’s out with his brothers, and he doesn’t like being disturbed. I don’t mind waiting.”

Still unsure what to think, I decide it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t be nosy. Closing the door behind me, I drop my bags next to it, slip my heels off and sigh in relief.

I need to grab a shower just in case I get a last-minute invitation. I won’t, but what’s the harm in being prepared?

Mikaela’s organizing one of her famous pool parties. I haven’t been invited this time, but a small part of me blindly hopes she’ll change her mind after a few drinks.

She’s been throwing those parties since her sweet sixteenth. No boys, just girls gossiping, dancing, and drinking. The party used to take place at her parents’ house, but once their son—Toby—eloped a few months ago and had a baby, they moved to Europe, leaving Mikaela under Toby’s care.

And that’s where the party is —at his and his wife’s house… the wife who so happens to be Mia’s older sister, Aisha.

Sometimes it really sucks that the Newport ecosystem is so small, and everyone knows each other. Aisha would drown me in the pool if I showed up, and I’m sick and tired of the silence my condo offers.

Showered and dressed, I sit at the breakfast bar with a glass of wine, drinking it like water to unlock my tense muscles.

After another moment of considering Ana, I decide a looney stalker warrants a heads-up. If she’s here because he told her to come, no harm done, but if she’s here to ambush him, Cody would probably want to know.

Me: Ana’s waiting for you and wondering where you are because you told her to come over and you’re not at home.

Nope… I sound jealous, so I try again.

Me: It’s not nice setting up a fuck session and

I don’t finish typing that one. It’s worse than the first. Taking a deep breath to calm down and suffocate the jealous monster inside me, I send something simpler.

Me: Ana’s here.

A few moments pass before delivered changes to read under my message, and the three dots start dancing. They don’t dance for long because next thing I know, he’s calling.

My chest erupts in tingles, then a hot flush sweeps me from head to toe, my heart picking up pace.

If Ana’s right, Cody’s with his brothers. Why is he calling instead of texting? I swipe my shaking thumb across the screen.

“Did she do anything to you?” he asks, his anger tainted with a twinge of worry that has my heart singing.

“No, she just said you told her to come over.”

He releases a deep breath and butterflies take off in my stomach because that breath sounds a lot like relief. “I didn’t,” he says forcefully, like he’s making sure I believe him. “Fuck, she’s really asking for that restraining order.”

“What’s going on?” I hear one of his brothers in the background, Theo, if I’m not mistaken. “Who’s that?”

“My neighbor,” Cody grinds out. “Letting me know my psycho stalker is at my door again.”

And just as he says it, there’s a loud bang on my door.

“I have to go,” I say, my finger hovering over the end call button as I reach for the handle.

“Wait. Don’t talk to her, okay? She might be all smiles and kindness, but Shawn says those are the ones who suddenly snap and go batshit crazy.”

“I got a notification you spent eight hundred dollars at Victoria’s Secret!” my father booms, shoving the door wide open in one hard kick. “Who the fuck are you dressing up for?”

Words stick to my throat as Gideon Fitzpatrick towers above me, nostrils flared, hand raised like he’s about to smack me.

I’ve seen this so many times. The memories of him in this exact stance, wearing the same malicious sneer, as he took his anger out on Mom whenever she hallucinated, threaten to bring me to my knees.

My breath falters in my lungs, my body stiff, unmoving as I wait for him to strike… Not until he pushes a gush of angry air down his nose and his hand falls to his side do I inhale deeply, feeling like I dodged a bullet.

But my mind riots almost instantly when I realize I’m clutching my phone and Cody’s still on the line.

Shit, shit, shit.

I kill the connection before my dad notices, but he’s too busy gathering my shopping bags and storming into my walk-in closet. I hear the wardrobe doors and drawers clattering until he returns, the bags filled with every piece of my lingerie.

“Who are you sleeping with?” he snaps, little torches swimming in his eyes. “Who?!”

“No one, I swear… I went shopping because Kelly-Ann—”

“Spare me the bullshit Kelly-Ann story. I don’t care, but you better not be dating some fucker behind my back because I will find out, and if you’re whoring around while you’re working for me, there’ll be hell to pay.”

He wasn’t always like this. Until last year, he didn’t give a damn who I date or sleep with, but then Grant Bailey happened. A twenty-seven-year-old, smart, caring man I met at a coffee house. We hit it off and started casually dating. Nothing too serious, but I enjoyed spending time with him.

It was right about when Dad was looking for an accountant he could manipulate into doing the books the way he commanded. He staged dinner with him and his associate to talk a bit of business, and, doing my job, I flashed the accountant my pussy at the table. His hand went to my knee, and that’s when his associate joined us.

My fling, Grant.

It was a nasty evening. My father was—rightly so—accused of using me as bait, so I had to lie through my teeth, making up a story that I was the one who wanted to meet him because I’d heard so much about him from Grant, and had seen him somewhere or other and developed intense feelings.

Thankfully, he was very handsome, so the lie got swallowed, and my dad was off the hook. But from then on, I wasn’t allowed to date or have a sexual relationship with anyone because we are not risking the same situation ever again.

“I’m not seeing anyone, I promise,” I add again, quickly diverting his attention away from my personal life. “Are we going somewhere? Should I get ready?”

He clamps his jaw tight, teeth gnashing as he pacifies himself. “You have two fucking minutes to get dressed.”

With a tight nod, I scurry toward my bedroom. I’ve pissed Dad off enough lately, and I’m not willing to face the inevitable consequences.

Once I fit into one of the many red dresses and slide my feet into heels, I glance in the mirror, staring into my dark blue irises surrounded by a smokey eye. Red lips, tight dress, layered necklaces, diamonds… Blair for the world.

I wish I didn’t have to do this. It felt great to wear sweats or jeans with Cody, not an ounce of judgment in his eyes…

With one last touch of mascara, I join my father in the living room, hyperaware that I’m currently not wearing panties since all of mine are in the bags he’s holding. I checked, but he even went to the extreme of picking out my lingerie from the bathroom hamper.

“You want a dick, Blair?” Dad snaps, his lips curling into a mocking smile. “I’ve got one you can have.”

With that, he yanks the door open, where wide-eyed Ana sits with her back to Cody’s.

“Are you okay here, sweetheart? Are you waiting for someone? A boyfriend, perhaps?” my father coos at Ana. “Cody Hayes, correct?” he adds, eyeing the door she’s resting against.

Behind his back, I softly bob my head, praying that she confirms. Her lips part, but she says nothing for a second, until she swallows like she’s making room for words.

“Yes, sir. Cody Hayes.”

“You got yourself a keeper there, sweetheart. I’m sure you heard nothing, but I apologize for all the screaming.”

The implied threat in nothing is not lost on Ana. He stares her down, acting concerned and apologetic, but I know his eyes speak volumes as he waits for her to nod in confirmation that she’ll keep her mouth shut.

Satisfied with her cooperation, he grips my upper arm in a gesture that could easily be mistaken for affection if he weren’t gouging his fingers into my flesh so hard it hurts.

“You’ll leave bruises,” I whisper when we round the corner.

“Be glad I’m not leaving a black eye. Maybe if you got a beating like your crazy mother, you’d stay in your place.”

Once again, the memories his words summon almost turn my knees to jelly. I’m not half as scared of his threats as I was when Mom was alive. He never hit me, but he took Mom’s meds whenever I misbehaved, then beat her up when she started hallucinating.

He won’t hurt me, though. Not while he needs me to play my part. Bruises on my arm can be easily attributed to wild sex. A black eye or split lip, not so much.

“Where are we going tonight?”

“Strip club. Simons pulled out. I’ve got a new guy, probably an even better fit for what I have in mind…”